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Guns into Butter (BROB disarms the Third Reich in September 1939)

Guns into Butter

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Scenario: A ROB disarms the Third Reich (and its Slovakian puppet state), in the first hours of the invasion of Poland, by turning its guns (and other armaments) into butter.
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Initial Scenario: BROB disarms the Reich
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    • grommile

    grommile

    nasty-minded old cynic
    Location
    NERV-Mercia
    Pronouns
    Traditional/Animate
    Guns into Butter: the initial scenario

    At 09:30 Berlin time on the 1st of September 1939, shortly after the armed forces of the Third Reich crossed the Polish border under arms without a declaration of war, all modern weapons(1)​ under the control, direction, and/or possession of the armed forces, law enforcement agencies, and citizens of the Third Reich, anywhere in the world, were spontaneously and immediately replaced in situ by an equal mass of butter in the form of four-ounce (113g) bars individually wrapped in plain greaseproof paper. The butter thus produced initially had the speed, altitude, temperature, and direction of travel of the original equipment, and was immediately subject to the conventionally-understood laws of physics.

    The police force of the Free City of Danzig, and the armed forces of the puppet Slovakian Republic, being more or less integral parts of the Reich's planning and engaging in hostilities against Poland on that basis, experienced the same disarmament effect at the same time.
    (1) For purposes of describing this incident, "modern weapons" is taken to include, in both completed and part-completed form, all of the following:
    1. Guns meeting any of the following criteria:
      • Capable of holding more than one round of ammunition per barrel.
      • Loaded via an opening breech.
      • Designed or rated for use with smokeless propellants.
      • Having than two barrels.
    2. Ammunition compatible with any such gun.
    3. Any explosive and/or incendiary device designed or adopted as a weapon of war.
    4. Any mechanism designed or adopted for launching such an explosive or incendiary device.
    5. Any noxious or combustible substance prepared or adopted for direct use as a means of causing property damage or human suffering or death (examples: thickened petrol for use as flamethrower fuel; chlorine trifluoride; tabun; phosgene; sulfur mustard; xylyl bromide).
    6. Any device or mechanism designed or adopted for dispensing noxious or combustible substances for purposes of causing property damage or human suffering or death.
    7. Any vehicle fitted, or designed to be fitted, with any of the above equipment.
    8. Spare parts for any equipment listed above.
    I don't believe I'm seriously trying to turn this nonsense my brain came up with into a proper piece of work.
     
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    • I think the important question is. Will members of the Kriegsmarine drown, or will they be crushed by their collapsing butter ships before that happens?
     
    Did the butter and wrappers just come into existence or was it 'procured' from all around the world. As in did all the cows in the world simultaneously lose all their milk?
     
    Pheonix2k said:
    Did the butter and wrappers just come into existence or was it 'procured' from all around the world. As in did all the cows in the world simultaneously lose all their milk?
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    *blink* This is honestly not a question I was expecting :)

    There were no exceptional anomalies in dairy production. As far as anyone in this timeline is able to determine, it was a simple matter of the German arsenal being transmuted into butter and greaseproof paper.
     
    The germans become the premier exporter of dairy products for the next few decades and proceed to conquer the world via the power of butter.
     
    The Nazis have a real bad time. Stalin has a real good time. The Japanese get greedy, piss off America, and have a real bad time. Churchill misses out on his place in the history books.
     
    I think you'll have a number of deaths via, for instance, aircraft pilots suddenly dying in a pile of falling butter.
     
    Depends if you interpret vehicles as "weapons". I've heard that WW2 warplanes participate in stunt flying without their machine guns. This of course leads to the question of if a warship without it's armament could really be considered a warship anymore.

    Edit: after further study, I realize that those vehicles DO fall under the "butterizeation". Dispointing, as then we would be unable to have butter boats roaming the Atlantic, lubing innocent shipping vessels.
     
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    Hmm... I'm of the opinion that such a rule is unnecessary and, as stated above, will lead to the unfortunate demise of Luftwaffe and Kriegsmarine personal.

    Besides, I like the image of the German warships with butter modeled guns.


    ... I also have a raging boner for tanks, and would be disappointed if all the tanks were buttered....
     
    Now that Britain doesn't need to keep an eye on Germany (Too much), would they be willing to help Poland and Finland against the Soviets?
    Would Mussolini try to Invade Greece or North Africa without Germans backing or would they also lend weight against the Red Menace?
    Keep in mind this is a Russia whose last war saw them lose most of their navy against the tiny Japanese navy, not the Juggernaut of ww2.
     
    Germany surrenders in a couple of months top Poland probably nabs southern East Prussia, the rest of Silesia, and Danzig, Czechoslovakia is back in existence, as is Austria France is probably back in the Saar and the Rhineland DMZ is once again a thing.

    Stalin is very annoyed by this turn of events and decides that Poland and Eastern Europe is a step too far without an aggressive Germany and probably tosses some more volunteers against the Japanese who are now stuck in an endless forever war in China and facing a USSR turning its attention eastwards.
     
    There is still a possibility that the parachute can fail, possibly more as the chute is covered in butter.... not to mention the poor krigsmarine, unless the lifeboats arn't butterized...
     
    Now that I think about it. If the Nazis were disarmed would other nations attack germany now? Will we be having a Polska that somehow by the grace of BROB managing to conquer the Nazis?
     
    Theravis said:
    The canopies would also be butter though. If the butter doesn't break up fairly quickly they would still be dead
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    Depends of the thickness of the butter, still if you are a german pilot and you were flying at a couple thousand meters in the air. Now you are in a dark box and have a falling sensation, I don't think you are going to need much help punching your way out of warm butter (unless ROB feels like putting you in a container of frozen butter) even if the butter is as thick as a stick of butter.

    On the flip side, the aircraft may be made out of those sticks of butter individually wrapped. In which case that pilot is going to find their aircraft coming apart during the fall from shear wind pressure.

    Sgtsoldier123 said:
    There is still a possibility that the parachute can fail, possibly more as the chute is covered in butter.... not to mention the poor krigsmarine, unless the lifeboats arn't butterized...
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    Well, the chute isn't a gun and isn't part of the aircraft (otherwise the pilot counts as well, so you would either have a block of butter in the shape of a pilot or a piece of sentient butter). Now the people to feel sorry for are the U-Boat crews underwater.
     
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    Hell on Strikers said:
    Now that Britain doesn't need to keep an eye on Germany (Too much), would they be willing to help Poland and Finland against the Soviets?
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    GDIS Pathe said:
    Germany surrenders in a couple of months top Poland probably nabs southern East Prussia, the rest of Silesia, and Danzig, Czechoslovakia is back in existence, as is Austria France is probably back in the Saar and the Rhineland DMZ is once again a thing.

    Stalin is very annoyed by this turn of events and decides that Poland and Eastern Europe is a step too far without an aggressive Germany and probably tosses some more volunteers against the Japanese who are now stuck in an endless forever war in China and facing a USSR turning its attention eastwards.
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    This basically, I can't see Stalin deciding to invade Poland without Germany to draw western attention. The soviet foreign policy probably turn to the east where there's room to be gained against a Japan no one likes. They're never going to win at sea, but soviet Manchuria should be easy and soviet Korea probably doable.
     
    Nyvis said:
    This basically, I can't see Stalin deciding to invade Poland without Germany to draw western attention. The soviet foreign policy probably turn to the east where there's room to be gained against a Japan no one likes. They're never going to win at sea, but soviet Manchuria should be easy and soviet Korea probably doable.
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    Hmmmmm I think Japan might be able to hold China (at least a part of it), but not Korea, And as long as they dont go after the Philipinnes or Hong Kong, the west probably wont do much against Japan.
     
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