Future pop history myths about today

What are some erroneous ideas about what the present day is like that you could see becoming common pop history ideas in the future?

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Thread inspired by this post on SB, where I got into the minds of people looking at present day people with the same kind of horrified pity we tend to look at past eras with. It inspired an idea for a common pop history myth about the present I could see in that kind of future:

Modern junk food was a response to the pressures placed on food supply by the population explosion, formulated to serve as cheap calories for the impoverished working and middle classes. It was long-term unhealthy, but it kept you alive, which by the standards of that harsh time was the most important thing. Only the affluent could afford to eat real, healthy food on a regular basis; it was considered a luxury. Thinness became a status symbol because the poor would often overeat in an effort to partially compensate for the low nutrient content of the junk food. The organic/slow food movement was simply technology advancing enough that more nourishing food started to become more available to the middle class.
 
The important question. How accurate data of future people? Because it is a big difference between your analysis and say ...


The five great Encyclopedists of Earth are: Pliny, Diderot, Brown, Britannica, and Contributor.
Ganesh Edmin, "Lists of Prehistory" (accompanies "Civilopedia Home Page")

The five oceans of Earth are: the Pacific, the Atlantic, the Titanic, the Arctic, and the Indian.
Ganesh Edmin, "Lists of Prehistory" (accompanies "Geoscaping" tech)

The five mystical creatures of Earth are: The dragon, the unicorn, the griffin, the llama, and the chimera.
Ganesh Edmin, "Lists of Prehistory" (accompanies "Gene Vault" wonder)
 
"Discoveries of horse like figures, sometimes with horns, wings, and occasionally both in large numbers of ancient households from before The Great Damnation dictates that humans from that time followed a religion of love and toleration with multiple deities. Celestia, The Goddess of the Sun. Luna, The Goddess of the Moon. Cadence, The Goddess of Love. Lauren Faust, the Creator. And Discord, God of Chaos."
Professor Edgar Radz, Ex Raider and archeologist.
 
"It was a strange and terrible time, when the world was infested by a plague of abominations. Dry and pulpy on the outside and filled with brittle sticks, they balanced unnaturally upon two limbs as they skittered within their ancient cities, performing unnameable acts of eldritch horror. We do not know what star they came from before they invaded our world, only that their artifacts have been found on the moon and the fourth world from our sun."
 
My idea was that when the pantheon was created by the priests/worshippers/whatever centuries in the future, they used information from now. However, they didn't have a whole lot, and tried to piece things together from what they had. It's pretty much All Hail The Great God Mickey, but because of the power of Belief (plus post-apocolyptic magical stuff), the Gods actually came into existence as the worshippers imagined. They never put two and two together.

So here, Info on the Purple Man (from Marvel), mixed in with the Purple Man (Five Night's At Freddy's 2, maybe some of Rebornica's work), and when they saw Barney, they assumed that it was one of his Avatars in the world. And no, purple is not the best color to be rocking in my world...

As I said, my mindscape is weird.
I was leaning in this direction, and it seems like there is something for everyone. And yes, the "hells" (yes, multiple) are not nice places to be. And I probably use the Afterlife Express idea, but themed for each god (Yes, Frizzles is the Magic School Bus.)

Well, I've got a partial write up for Mike Schmidt. It's a rough draft, but at the very least, it's something.

Mike Schmidt - The All Seeing, The Unmovable Bastion, The Eternal Guardian, The Shelter Against The World
Level: Major Deity
Portfolios: Defense, Protection
Worshippers: Guards, Watchmen, Police, Travelers, Anyone looking for protection
Symbol: A pair of blue eyes.


Background: In the Before Times, before the Pantheon, there was two men tasked by the Chief Herself with protecting their town from metallic horrors that came from the Fazz Be-Ar, a realm of gibbering screeches and grinding metal. Those two were Mike Schmidt and Zebediah Killgrave.

The two had different ideas on how to defend the town. Mike decided to fight metal with metal, and created multiple creatures called "animatronics", robots that looked like animals, to help him in defending the town to be where he could not be. With names like Freddy, Foxy, Chica, Bonnie, and Mangle, with different colors to signify what they were good at (Golden ones were very powerful and could take massive amounts of damage before falling, while Shadow versions were very stealthy, able to take out horrors without being noticed.) He also created ways to see where he was not, by looking at a white glass tablet, which would like to white boxes that would show him anything going on in it's presence. However, he himself had to stay in one spot to command these creations, which made the reach they provided all the more important.

Meanwhile, Zebediah had a hypnotic quality around him, an ability that he had since childhood. A simple smile from him could charm anyone into doing what he wanted if he kept it up. And when the horrors came for the town, he found that they too could be influenced to his ability. He would simply relax and grin, forcing the metallic beasts who tried getting close to him to fight one another, or walk into one of Mike's animatronic's line of fire.

And although Mike was one of the very few immune to his wiles, he became good friends with Zebediah, bonding over the defense of the town they had been entrusted with. Stories of the two were told by the town and the surrounding areas, their victories over the hoard of Fazz Be-Ar ringing in bars and taverns across the town.

However, the demons of Fazz Be-Ar would not stand for this, and came up with an insidious plan... (Unfinished)


Relationships with the other Gods:

The Chief: (The utmost respect and deference. Need to write this)

Twilight Sparkle: Ever since Mike Schmidt showed the alicorn the values of Friendship and turned her from the will of the Purple Man, he has been a mentor (Unfinished)

The Purple Man: Any hope Mike Schmidt had of redeeming The Childbane died long ago, replaced with utter contempt and anger. One of his personal missions it to oppose the Purple Man wherever he goes, in anything he does. Those who worship Mike Schmidt take that crusade as their own, stamping out the Violet Influence wherever they can.

Worshippers: (Stern, but fair. Expects only the best.) Rewards Courage against bad odds, defense of the weak)

Priesthood: To join the ranks of the Priesthood, one must have served in a position of defense and protection for an amount of time. Military, security guards, and police are three of the easiest ways to satisfy the requirement. The applicant must have a good record of service provided by a person of higher rank, if there is one available. (Add powers, other stuff)

Religious Buildings/Shrines: All military outposts have a small shrine to him, although they may be nothing more then a small room shared with other gods.

Any religious buildings that are dedicated to him are simple buildings, holding little in the way of fancy decoration or trappings on the outside or inside. However, in times of trouble, the building is designed to act as shelters against disasters artificial, magical, or natural.if need be. Mutliple doors can be dropped down in almost any part of the building to keep trouble out. The animatronic guards can also be activated for emergency purposes as needed.

Be aware that in his buildings, your true nature is more likely to be revealed to any and all. Many people with ill intent find it hard to keep it hidden, either by word or deed. This is due to the nature of the building



Afterlife: (Unfinished)

Artifacts:

Amulet of Mike Schmidt (Minor Artifact): A magical necklace that makes the wearer slightly harder to hit. Glancing blows may miss completely, and strikes that could be fatal might strike non-vital parts instead.

The Bright Light (Minor Artifact): On first inspection, it may look like an Old World flashlight one foot in length. However, one will note that it does not have a place to put batteries or replace the lightbulb. When turned on, it will flash a light that can stretch out for about 500 feet in a circle. Anyone or thing caught in the light will cease all physical movement, as if it had stopped. However, it does not deal any damage to it. The moment the light stops shining on the item, it continues on as if it had never stopped. However, if it shines on an item blessed by The Purple Man, it will lose it's effectiveness for a few minutes. If it shines on an Avatar of the Purple Man, it will start to hurt the Avatar, although a powerful one might still be able to move regardless. It will last a total of one hour on continuous use, and requires 6 hours to recharge from empty to full

Animatronic Armor (Minor Artifact):

The Blue Eyes (Major Artifact): A pair of contact lenses that, when worn, turn the color of the wearer's eyes to a bright blue. The wearer cannot be blinded while wearing the Eyes. While the wearer is wearing the Eyes, he may see any location he can think of that is within a twenty mile radius from the wearer as if he was there himself. Only another god-blessed Major Artifact can detect being watched by it, and the Major Artifact must be blessed my a Major Deity or higher to attempt to hide it's user from it's gaze.

While using the Eyes, the wearer cannot move from his location more than a foot a minute, although any other movement can be done at normal speed. The wearer cannot wear the Eyes for more than six hours at one time, at which point they will remove themselves as safely as possible from the wearer. The wearer must wait 18 hours to wear them again.

(Door Artifact - Major Artifact)


Well, that's what I've got so far. And I decided to roll 2d10 for how many gods would be in the Pantheon (Not including evil gods). I came up with 19. That's a bit more then I planned, but I can manage it, I think...
 
The important question. How accurate data of future people?
I was thinking of things like "people in the Middle Ages all thought the Earth was flat" and "the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids by forcing huge numbers of slaves to toil on them." Things that people informed about the period would know better about, but that have found their way into pop history one way or another.

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Some other ideas:

- In a similar discussion on AH.com, somebody suggested that people may conflate the Arab Spring and the fall of the Soviet Union, and think social media played a similar role in the latter.

- A lot of future people who don't know much about the history of space exploration and so don't know about the long lull between the Apollo missions and whatever the next major human-crewed exploration milestone will be may have a rather skewed intuitive idea of the timeline of the space program. "Let's see, the first human walked on Mars in the 2030s so I guess the first human walked on Luna ... uh, maybe 2010s or 2020s? And the first human in space ... uh, there was a space station that existed by the 1990s or early 2000s so it had to be before that ... uh, early 1990s?"

- People in a future where some kind of radical life extension is common may picture their mortal ancestors as far more preoccupied with death and the afterlife than we actually are, figuring we had to be since our short lifespans would have been so terrifying and depressing we'd naturally fixate on the promise of postmortem survival, rather like we tend to picture people in the Middle Ages and ancient Egypt as preoccupied with the afterlife because we figure it makes sense cause their mortal lives were so awful they'd naturally fixate on the promise of something better. This may color how they see us in all sorts of ways.

- People may see our willingness to do things like drive cars and smoke tobacco as indicating an indifference to death brought on by the prevailing poverty, misery, and insecurity of our era.
 
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Ladies and gentlemen of Sufficient Velocity, we're going at this all wrong. We've been trying to figure out how people in the future could misinterpret the present, while we should be trying to give them a little :turian:help:turian: with doing so.

....

With that in mind, I propose the formation of the official Sufficient Velocity Abusive Precursor Society.

Our goal, troll future archeologists and historians while providing plenty of raw material for the future version of this guy and the "the world's going to end because the mayan calendar's running out" crowd of idiots.

Our methods, we will create fake documents, made-up mythology, deliberate false evidence carefully planned to draw readers to the wrong conclusions on aspects of the modern world, warnings of terrible threats that will end the world, etc. We will then share said documents with each other via this forum, translate them into multiple languages, print copies of them on acid-free paper to avoid long-term decay and hide them in homemade time capsules where we live.

Hopefully, at least one of our archives will survive long enough be found by our gullible descendants.
 
- People in a future where some kind of radical life extension is common may picture their mortal ancestors as far more preoccupied with death and the afterlife than we actually are, figuring we had to be since our short lifespans would have been so terrifying and depressing we'd naturally fixate on the promise of postmortem survival, rather like we tend to picture people in the Middle Ages and ancient Egypt as preoccupied with the afterlife because we figure it makes sense cause their mortal lives were so awful they'd naturally fixate on the promise of something better. This may color how they see us in all sorts of ways.
This brings up two main problems with this sort of game; in order to figure out what the future pop history of the 20th and 21st Centuries will be is kinda dependent on figuring out A: what the society of the 30th Century or whatever is like, and B: what survived of us.

Like, I'm pretty sure people view the Ancient Egyptians being obsessed with the afterlife because their lives are horrible so much as the fact that a big chunk of what we've got from the Egyptians is from tombs; certainly Pyramids and Mummies is what your Average Joe thinks of when Ancient Egypt is brought up.
 
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"Discoveries of horse like figures, sometimes with horns, wings, and occasionally both in large numbers of ancient households from before The Great Damnation dictates that humans from that time followed a religion of love and toleration with multiple deities. Celestia, The Goddess of the Sun. Luna, The Goddess of the Moon. Cadence, The Goddess of Love. Lauren Faust, the Creator. And Discord, God of Chaos."
Professor Edgar Radz, Ex Raider and archeologist.


i swear to whatever deities may or may not exist (leaning towards not) that if humans of today were thought to have MLP as a fucking religion by future humans, i will fucking re-kill every freaking brony i can find in the empty void that we will vanish into when we die.

and then i'll haunt their descendants.

oh wait... bronies, nvm on the haunting descendants things their won't be any.
 
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I kinda think that the various Vietnam and Afghanistan wars will merge into one conflict. Like, the US used agent orange to turn Vietnam into a desert and then the soviets invaded it. Then when Afghanistan attacked Pearl Harbor the us reinvaded.
 
i swear to whatever deities may or may not exist (leaning towards not) that if humans of today were thought to have MLP as a fucking religion by future humans, i will fucking re-kill every freaking brony i can find in the empty void that we will vanish into when we die.

and then i'll haunt their descendants.

oh wait... bronies, nvm on the haunting descendants things their won't be any.
Now that was uncalled for.
 
50 points, because joining a thread purely to flame is disruptive and not kosher.
Now that was uncalled for.


well so was you being born, but you don't see me moaning about your existence now do you?

/jerkass im just being an asshole today for no apparent reason, its not personal and I'm sorry. [/color
 
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- The 2010s were a time when everybody played Call of Battlefield and the only music was the Frozen theme. Everyone wore fedoras and drank coffee in Starbucks.
- "Memes" were endlessly repeated phrases and pictures on the internet. We suspect they had some kind of religious function.
- "gate" was an early-21st century suffix people used to express dislike. As in the phrase "I have to do the cleaninggate".
- We believe that "Obama" was an important 21st century deity. We have uncovered "memes" of people giving thanks to him.
 
In the 21st century, many people were entranced by the female posterior. To the common folk, having a large posterior was a sign of high breeding and being blessed by the gods. And One posterior stoodf out from all the others and thus was chosen from amongst the common folk, to rise up and be worshipped as unto a god for bearing one of such bountiful mirth. Her image splendored many of the writings we have dug up from the time, yet nothing has been uncovered as to where she came from or how she was discovered originally.

All we know for sure of this woman is the title she was given for this grand accomplishment, for all time she will simply be known as...

The Kardashian.
 
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