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Funniest Ancient Aliens Episodes

Abhorsen

Abhorsen

Location
Before the Ninth Gate
Only recently found out that the History channel did comedy, and I got to say it's pretty good.

It's hard to find a favorite moment. Is when they discover that the pyramids obviously shoot lasers into the sky to charge UFO's, or is it the Mars episode, where we find out that martians, realizing that Mars was dying, terraformed Earth and planted life there so that, a few million years later, we would go back and terraform Mars?

So what's your favorite episode?
 
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I cannot remember any specific episodes. But some my siblings and I played bingo with the show several times. We would make 3 by 3 cards with statements or things that we thought would appear in the episode. Whoever got three in a row won. It was a blast since the show would bounce around so often it was hard to tell what would happen next.
 
WAS SATAN ACTUALLY AN ALIEN, AND WAS SATAN ACTUALLY A GOOD GUY!?
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Like, it's basically just them going for one second saying, "Yes, Satan was an alien because of course he was, every god is actually an Ayy Lmao", and them prattling on for an hour about how Satan is totally just misjudged like Prometheus, and having not having anything to back it up. Not even, "Well, in this Bible verse, it says,", no, they're just blatantly pullng stuff out of their ass and making Satan into the biggest and nicest guy with a smear campaign on him (So. i guess the Church js actually a group of aliens), who was actually an alien.

Like, it's almost like it's a concentrated effory by the History chanly the regular "Oh what the f" viewers, but also the Christians in that audience, and also any fucking Satanists who may be watching, by saying their God was actually a fucking alien who gene-fucked monkeys. It's a fucking Bingo sheet, just add in, "Hitler believed in it" and you're golden.

Really, any time those fucks talk about Gods, it's laughable. The one that sticks out in my mind the most is when they did an episode on Japanese an Chinese gods. In that, one spectualr fucknut speculates that, obviously, since this one Sky God lived in the sky, that obviously mean he was an alien in a spaceship, because why would a God who controls all things wind and sky related live in the sky?
 
I mean, IIRC 'Satan was actually a Prometheus-like figure, stealing Knowledge from God and giving it to man to better their lot,' isn't that uncommon a position among Satanists who actually worship Satan instead of just being provocative atheists who like the word because it's dramatic and shocking.

Though I'd imagine most of them would be rolling on the ground laughing at 'Satan was an alien'.
 
I kinda like the idea that the technological advances of the 20th century were all just us introducing alien tech, because it makes me imagine Greys traveling between the stars with their CRT monitors and their windows 95 Machines.

Basically mysterious alien technology is completely identical to 90's earth tech, and super advanced aliens gave us flip phones and the tamagochi.
 
Axiomatic said:
I kinda like the idea that the technological advances of the 20th century were all just us introducing alien tech, because it makes me imagine Greys traveling between the stars with their CRT monitors and their windows 95 Machines.

Basically mysterious alien technology is completely identical to 90's earth tech, and super advanced aliens gave us flip phones and the tamagochi.
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So what, we're the R&D department for their tech tree's miniaturization branch?
 
Just rewatched the Pyramids episode, and wow, I realized they managed to hit everything. Pyramids (obviously created by aliens) would shoot giant lasers into the sky to serve as charging ports for spaceships. There are pyramids in Antartica, so clearly Antarctica was actually Atlantis, oh, and the nazi's somehow might have found an underice city there.
 
I actually find the show deeply offensive. Not just to anyone's sense of the world, but due to the outright revisionism involved in it, as well as the outright falsehoods.

It may have been a different show, but it was the same production crew, that talked about Nazi scientists in Eastern Poland who went missing in late 1944, and they were looking to explain it.

The History Channel and these gasbags went on to say that they went missing because they'd opened a portal in time and space, stepped through it onto an alien world, and were now living in a utopia. I'm not kidding. Now, anyone with a peripheral understanding of what happened there, may use Occam's razor to determine what is a more plausible solution.

They thing:

The Nazis had the ability to make dimensional gateways, which lead to scientists leaving and starting a new world on an alien utopia (the last part they gave NO evidence for to speak of), and this explains where said Nazi scientists left.

Or

The Red Army rolled in, shot everyone, and buried these Nazis in a 3 foot grave.

... I wonder... I wonder which of these explanations... is... is correct. It's really hard to determine which one is more realistic. So weird.
 
There's a channel on Youtube called Hidden Human story that's even dumber than Ancient Aliens. The Hidden Human Story suggests that Jehova is zeus, Prometheus is Satan and Yahweh is a separate god from Jehova. It even states right out that Yahweh is Saturn from Roman myth.
 
Drakthul said:
I actually find the show deeply offensive. Not just to anyone's sense of the world, but due to the outright revisionism involved in it, as well as the outright falsehoods.

It may have been a different show, but it was the same production crew, that talked about Nazi scientists in Eastern Poland who went missing in late 1944, and they were looking to explain it.

The History Channel and these gasbags went on to say that they went missing because they'd opened a portal in time and space, stepped through it onto an alien world, and were now living in a utopia. I'm not kidding. Now, anyone with a peripheral understanding of what happened there, may use Occam's razor to determine what is a more plausible solution.

They thing:

The Nazis had the ability to make dimensional gateways, which lead to scientists leaving and starting a new world on an alien utopia (the last part they gave NO evidence for to speak of), and this explains where said Nazi scientists left.

Or

The Red Army rolled in, shot everyone, and buried these Nazis in a 3 foot grave.

... I wonder... I wonder which of these explanations... is... is correct. It's really hard to determine which one is more realistic. So weird.
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Seems like a twist on The Nazi Bell thing (I think it's also the Die Glocken, or something like that, but I really don't know much in the way of german).

It also seems like the plot for the Himmel stuff from the Stargate SG-1 Unexplored Worlds rpg book
 
SotF said:
Seems like a twist on The Nazi Bell thing (I think it's also the Die Glocken, or something like that, but I really don't know much in the way of german).

It also seems like the plot for the Himmel stuff from the Stargate SG-1 Unexplored Worlds rpg book
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I think that's what they called it.

But they ran an entire episode / special on this damn thing. The timeline of their "Disappearance" also coincides with the Russians you know, invading Poland. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's like someone coming outside and going "there are sharks in this lake. We know that because when old Dave Roger's drowned in it, we found him with a gunshot in his head. Only thing that could do that to a man? Sharks."
 
Drakthul said:
I think that's what they called it.

But they ran an entire episode / special on this damn thing. The timeline of their "Disappearance" also coincides with the Russians you know, invading Poland. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's like someone coming outside and going "there are sharks in this lake. We know that because when old Dave Roger's drowned in it, we found him with a gunshot in his head. Only thing that could do that to a man? Sharks."
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With the bell, what kind of created the entire mess is some strange stories that came off from the locals as more of the "Those Crazy Nazis" thing and then there's what seems to have been a crash somewhere in the US where some uniforms are claimed to have looked like WW2 German stuff...and supposedly the crashed vehicle looked like a bell and thus the thing developed by the Nazis.

The story tends to come off schizophrenic at best.

But the two reasons I've enjoyed Ancient Aliens is first that they do bring up strange artifacts and locations that are interesting to look up, and, secondly, because it's fun to laugh at the idiots (especially the Centari cosplayer...Giorgio, you tend to seem more sane the more normal your hair is done...which doesn't help the show anyway).

At least they didn't do what Monster Quest and Finding Bigfoot do with "There's something here that's supposed to want to kill us, so lets get in there in zero visibility because what's the worst that can happen"...sure, if the thing was there, they'd be famous, but likely post mortem as the first person killed by Monster X on camera...or the idiot eaten by a shark/bear/mountain lion while looking for Monster X
 
SotF said:
At least they didn't do what Monster Quest and Finding Bigfoot do with "There's something here that's supposed to want to kill us, so lets get in there in zero visibility because what's the worst that can happen"...sure, if the thing was there, they'd be famous, but likely post mortem as the first person killed by Monster X on camera...or the idiot eaten by a shark/bear/mountain lion while looking for Monster X
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Nope, they do that too. On the underwater portals episode, which, btw, has the best little cgi (which shows that underwater portals are really trap doors in the sea floor), they determine that they found an underwater portal, and scuba dive to it. It's actually a type of pool/lake that has freshwater on top, and saltwater below, which allows detritus to get stuck between (sinking in freshwater, but floating in salt), which I think they actually mentioned, but hardly explained. Anyway, they swim down to it, say yup that's a portal, then leave, without, you know, even using a stick to poke through to the other side. Nope, no experimentation here.
 
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