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FINITO.

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FINITO.
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So, before we go further, I'm sure those of you who have made it to this point are wondering about some things. Like the dragon egg, for example. Canonically this should have been Saphira. I'll say up front that this isn't the canon Inheritance Cycle. I've made a few changes here and there. This story is very much an in media res for this dimension hopping Harry, too.

I do have two more chapters currently written, but much as with this one, I've got some editing to do before I post them probably tomorrow at some point. I hope you folks enjoy what is there for now, and thank you for reading.
 
Zerra said:
So, before we go further, I'm sure those of you who have made it to this point are wondering about some things. Like the dragon egg, for example. Canonically this should have been Saphira. I'll say up front that this isn't the canon Inheritance Cycle. I've made a few changes here and there. This story is very much an in media res for this dimension hopping Harry, too.

I do have two more chapters currently written, but much as with this one, I've got some editing to do before I post them probably tomorrow at some point. I hope you folks enjoy what is there for now, and thank you for reading.
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Zerra said:
where magic did not respond as it should when chanted aloud
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Good, because while this statement is kind of true, the spirit of it is very false. Inheritance Cycle magic is as much will as Dresden-verse magic is (which is where I'm assuming you got Ferrovax from), in that as long as you believe in what you want to happen hard enough, the results follow suit. Like the whole "mage's battle" thing that Brom brings up, where a battle between magic users is just a test of will because that's where magical power comes from. Thus, even if the words you are saying mean nothing to everyone else, if you expect a reaction as hard as I'm assuming a Harry Potter who's just been in the Dresden-verse would, then you will get it. The Elven language just made everything infinitely easier because the words themselves were linked to their magical effects, but you didn't need the words to do magic, just as you didn't need magic to speak the words.

Inheritance Cycle magic is actually one of the more elegant styles, without all the edges and contrivances of so many other systems. At the end of the day, magic in Alagaesia boils down to the results of your spell being equivalent to how much effort you're putting into it... willingly or unwillingly.
 
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I... don't know how to feel about this?

On the one hand, we aren't re-hashing Hogwarts for the billionth time. Not that Hogwarts is bad, some of the best stories take place there, but... well, for the billionth time.

But, on the other hand: yet another Harry Potter being more awesome/knowledgeable/competent than he ever was originally. I swear to god, this guy is the second most frequently Mary Sued character of all time, right after Naruto. Not that there's enough here to declare him a Sue yet, and any author deserves some slack for the first few chapters, but there's no evidence against it yet either.

We'll see how this turns out, I guess.
 
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AXCN said:
Hmm, we'll have to see more of this...
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Not a great deal more unfortunately, but as I'm working on the next two chapters, I might revise a few more things to make the path going forward easier. I've been stalled for quite awhile now with the present ending to chapter three.

Phant0m5 said:
I... don't know how to feel about this?

On the one hand, we aren't re-hashing Hogwarts for the billionth time. Not that Hogwarts is bad, some of the best stories take place there, but... well, for the billionth time.

But, on the other hand: yet another Harry Potter being more awesome/knowledgeable/competent than he ever was originally. I swear to god, this guy is the second most frequently Mary Sued character of all time, right after Naruto. Not that there's enough here to declare him a Sue yet, and any author deserves some slack for the first few chapters, but there's no evidence against it yet either.

We'll see how this turns out, I guess.
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Fair enough. I'd never set out to make this Harry a Mary Sue, and if you feel that by the end of the third chapter he has developed in that direction, by all means, please let me know and I'll see what I can do to fix it. I'm already open to rewriting aspects of this story that I first put down originally.

Alpha Zerg said:
Good, because while this statement is kind of true, the spirit of it is very false. Inheritance Cycle magic is as much will as Dresden-verse magic is (which is where I'm assuming you got Ferrovax from), in that as long as you believe in what you want to happen hard enough, the results follow suit. Like the whole "mage's battle" thing that Brom brings up, where a battle between magic users is just a test of will because that's where magical power comes from. Thus, even if the words you are saying mean nothing to everyone else, if you expect a reaction as hard as I'm assuming a Harry Potter who's just been in the Dresden-verse would, then you will get it. The Elven language just made everything infinitely easier because the words themselves were linked to their magical effects, but you didn't need the words to do magic, just as you didn't need magic to speak the words.

Inheritance Cycle magic is actually one of the more elegant styles, without all the edges and contrivances of so many other systems. At the end of the day, magic in Alagaesia boils down to the results of your spell being equivalent to how much effort you're putting into it... willingly or unwillingly.
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You are correct about Ferrovax, and that certainly is a fair assessment regarding magic usage.

As will be mentioned in the next chapter, when Harry arrives in a non-Potterverse world, the system of magic that is natural to that world usually supersedes his own until he understands the nuances. Think of it this way, most magic users within the Inheritance Cycle operate off of what we could call the magical core theory, they have finite resources to draw upon even if they use energy taken from the world around them and when they're out, that's it until they recover, right? Every time they cast a spell, it draws upon them and weakens them.

Potterverse magic does not canonically have that drawback. Yes, it may come across that some wizards and witches stumble with certain magic, or lack the specific talent for one area or another(see, Gilderoy). Even squibs represent something of a quandary in that regard. But for your average Potterverse magical, most spells, once you know the words and motions, can be cast with little to no fatigue, with only a select few requiring any real investment of emotion or control(the Unforgivables, the Patronus Charm, Fiendfyre).

In order to keep Harry from twisting any opponent into a pretzel early on just by way of transfiguration, let alone actual charms or the like, I imposed a limit in this setting that until he understands the energy investment aspect of Alagaesian magic, he wouldn't be able to cast any of his own spells, even by accident, that were not inherently part of himself(ie blood, soul, based magics), and that raises the question of just where he's getting the energy to invest from? We'll find that out over time.

I hope that works for a solution. I want Harry to be competent, but not curbstomping his way through everyone and everything in his way despite his history with other worlds and magicks. Once he understands the nature of this system, and particularly having just come from a Dresden Files world, he'll learn how to work with the requirements.

I'm going to get started on cleaning up the second chapter and implementing any rewriting that is necessary. It should be up in the next few hours.

EDIT: Unfortunately I've been at this off and on since this morning and I'm essentially looking at rewriting most of the chapter right now. I'm reconsidering much of the original text and trying to cut out what isn't necessary, and with three hours of sleep this morning my head just isn't wrapping around the process as smoothly as I had hoped. Most likely it'll be Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday(?) before the revised second chapter is posted, my apologies for the extended delay.
 
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I'm going to be honest, folks, this second chapter had(and still has) a lot of shit in it. At about four years old, I can't exactly complain that my older writing is bad, but hot damn. I'm looking at essentially rewriting the whole 6k words and scrapping most of the Urgal camp as it stands, since I don't see a purpose in it with the changes I've already implemented in the first chapter and over the past few days. I'm not exactly happy about this process but I feel it will make a better story by the time I'm finished, and I can't offer a specific date with surety for when that will happen.

I apologize for the extended delay. Had I realized I'd be rewriting so much, I would not have posted the revised first chapter on Monday. Thank you all for your patience and interest.

EDIT: While still no major update on the second and third chapters, a bit of musing on this last night lead me to look over and further rewrite the first chapter. I've put more info behind Harry's difficulty with magic here, and how he is gradually working out the way through his own guesswork. We'll get more in-depth into it in the second chapter if that part stays from the original, otherwise I'll work it in.

I've also replaced portions of Harry's dialogue leading into, and after, the physical skirmish with the Kull. I've rewritten how he goes about that too, so that it is more of an effort from him than the easy victory it had been. It might still need more, but for now I feel better about it.

The only nagging matter for me is his sword. I may just make it Gryffindor's Sword in the end, because it reeks of Sue-ness to me. Originally I just wanted him to have something more unique than that blade, but now that I'm several years older, I'm having some real doubts. He's already got the magical armory and whatever other little things I want him to pull out from his past travels without inventing a new sword.
 
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Huh. I never read the first draft (didn't even click on the spoiler tag) but this is incredibly well-written. The action is great and you truly feel Arya's emotions, the desperate need to defend the egg. Grammar is almost perfect (other than some minor thing and one mistake "that the thunder had gone" -->the thunder was gone). Honestly, this is in the top 1% of what I read on this site, at least from this chapter alone.

I'm looking forward to more.
(Only thing you could improve is that you could spend a bit more time describing the environment around Arya, but only a bit.)
 
It's a good start so far. I'm looking forward to more. There's a severe lack of decent Inheritance fics, so I'm hoping this one doesn't die off prematurely. Good luck!
 
Until I see my doctor about this depression, further attempts at writing are pointless. I cannot break the constant cycle that I am trapped in.
 
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