....Et Justitia Omnibus: A (Magical) Girl's Story

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Elijah Matthews is a self described outcast. If you'd asked at the start of freshman year, instead of now as a junior in highschool, then the answer would've been different.

But then he lost one friend to habitual overwork and overachievement, one to her losing what mattered most, and now he's the only friend of a girl who seems content to have only one friend herself.

Oh, and he'll finally have to confront feelings he's been ignoring since middle school, his completely failing relationship with his puritanical father, and the world seemingly deciding to become supernatural around him.
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01 - The Ecstasy of Gold
Pronouns
She/Her
Thule was nowhere in particular. Not a city, but bigger than a town-big for the Midwest, though. Big enough that everybody kept to their business but small enough that you still felt like you had no privacy.

And in the snow, nobody noticed as ten shining stars fell to earth, and the seeds of a future conflict were down.

-

Damn, it was cold. And somehow, despite that, they still wouldn't cancel school. But as I huddled into the jacket and hoodie I wore to keep myself warm, I watched as Abigail fidgeted with a necklace that she had been wearing today.

"Where'd you get that thing?" I asked with a grumble. I knew that she'd be playing with something else, if it wasn't the necklace, so at least it was consistent today.

"On my desk this morning," The girl said absentmindedly, but it made her look at me. "Probably some old jewelry of Mama's she wanted to get use out of but didn't like anymore." She shrugged.

"Makes sense," I offered halfheartedly. Lord, but we were an awkward pair. It had been different, once. I'd been more outgoing before middle school…happened. She'd never been a chatterbox, but people had learned that she wasn't the type who spent time doing girl things.

The two outcasts, having been outgrown by their social circle.

"Ah, Elijah, Abigail!" Oh, right. I turned, cupping my hands and breathing into them for momentary warmth.

Mary Elizabeth Idrinton. The immaculate student council president, all around image of somebody who had everything together. Miss Perfect herself…and I saw the bags beneath her eyes. I could see the way she forced herself to stay upright.

Overworked. "Mary." I greeted with a nod. Abigail gave a wordless little wave.

"Um, you two live near Becca, right?" Rebecca Marsh. I winced.

"We moved," Abigail offered tonelessly. "to live closer to the shop." I sighed.

"She's just down the block from me, yeah." I sighed. "She didn't come to school again?" Mary gave me a smile most would say was radiant, but I would call it strained.

"No. This is her homework." She gave me an envelope, and I frowned at it. She had been our friend, but sports began consuming her time, and then…

"Ah." It came out without thinking. A quick check on my phone confirmed it. "Today's her mom's birthday." I watched the smile dim on Mary's face. "I'll do my best to get her to do it, but I gotta take Abby home first." I fished the keys out, and unlocked the slightly less than ancient truck that Dad had gotten when he was my age from Grandpa.

Mary nodded, but didn't leave. I blinked, and glanced at her. "Um, Eli…" Oh, that wasn't good.

"Yeah?" I couldn't hide the edge of apprehension.

She looked down, and shook her head. "Nevermind. It's…none of my business." I frowned, and sighed.

"Abby, I'll be driving in a sec, start it up," She nodded, climbing into the passenger seat and catching the keys. The rumble of the engine would cover the conversation. "What is it, Mary?"

Her eyes bored into me, as if searching for something. "I…know that we've not talked much," She started.

"Because you're always busy," I agreed, and felt a little shitty when she winced and looked away again.

"but…are you okay?" I stared at her. She'd denied invitation after invitation…and now, after they had drifted away for years…

"I'm fine." I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but when she flinched, that angry part of me felt vindicated. "Go back to being little Miss Perfect and leave this failure behind." I whirled and yanked the door open.

"Eli, wa-" the door slammed shut behind me, and-making sure nobody was in the way-I roared out of the parking lot. Once a stoplight finally stopped us, I sunk and rested my head on the wheel.

Despite being fifty-six years old, the old Chevy had been kept well. The inside was comfy, and thanks to refurbishment, toasty in the cold. For the most part, it looked like the original cab-except for the radio, which was glaringly modern in the 60s aesthetic.

The opening licks of a song began to thrum from the speakers. "From the depths of hell in silence," I mumbled, "cast their spells, explosive violence…" Abigail was playing dirty. The light turned green and I started driving. "Fuck you," I sighed gratefully at her.

She smiled. It fell shortly after, though. "You were angry…?" She prompted, sounding confused and concerned.

"...Nothing. She just…accidentally jabbed at a sore spot. She couldn'tve known, it's been years…" Years since they'd seen each other outside church at least. But even that had been…several months. I'd stopped going. It was a sore spot with Mom and Dad.

"Mm." Abigail's eyes lingered on me. "If you could become a magical girl, would you do it?" It wasn't the weirdest thing she'd ever asked me.

I thought for a moment. "If I could be cool like Homura, sure." It was easy. If I could be a cool, competent Magical Girl? Who wouldn't?

"Mm." She rubbed the necklace again. On closer look, it seemed like solid gold. "I think I'd want to be like Madoka," She admitted.

I chuckled. "Gonna dye your hair pink?" I asked.

"Only if you'll grow yours out, Elly." She sounded surprisingly resolute. I glanced at her.

"You know Dad will kill me for that," I countered. A smile came to lips at her nickname, though.

"Jesus had long hair." I winced at her bluntly saying His name.

"I think that argument will make it worse, Abby." I chuckled, despite myself. "He doesn't like when people compare themselves to Our Lord and Savior."

She frowned. "That's stupid." She said, pouting. "What's the point of it if you aren't supposed to strive to be like him?"

I shook my head. "Faith is weird. Especially weird when your dad is a priest." Father Matthews, the local pillar of unshakable faith.

And a worse priest than Mary's dad. Maybe that man wasn't as zealous, but he was comforting and accepting. And not a homophobe.

"You looked better with long hair." A halfhearted thrust.

"That was when I was a boy. And I could get away with coming home in your clothes when mine got ruined." Never her dresses, of course, but…

"Mm." A noise of concession.

We pulled up to her house and she looked at it. "Will you be on later?" Presumably she meant Stellar Soldiers Online.

"Maybe. Depends on how sharp Becca is tonight." She nodded, and got out, book bag slung over her shoulder.

I sighed, heaved the old Chevy into first, and prepared to be possibly ripped apart by a girl who used to be the best of us three musketeers.
 
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02 - The Memory Remains
My boots crunched through the snow towards a campfire. This little nook under the bridge was something Becca had shown them, once, and he knew it was where she went when she was upset.

Her mother took her fishing here. I had come along once or twice. The woman had been warm, inviting, and tough as nails. Formerly military, though the woman had never disclosed which of the ground branches she was in.

She'd been closer to me than my own mother. Hilda had let me stay at her home more than once when things were in a boiling state at mine.

She'd also died protecting Becca when a bridge failed while they were driving over it. The woman had survived, her body protecting her daughter's, until help unearthed them.

Unfortunately, the event had shattered Rebecca's knee and lower leg. She had a chance of regaining full functionality…at the age of twenty. It had taken Thule's resident Olympic aspirant and confined her to a wheelchair for the final month of last school year. She could walk fine, now, but it had changed her.

Blonde hair sectioned off into braids-think 'viking warrior woman' and you had the right hairstyle-were particularly wild today. She was here, at the not yet frozen river…fishing.

"What the fuck do you want, Elijah?" Her voice was sullen.

I set down the cooler and maneuvered the folding chair I'd brought into position. "To talk." I said evenly. "And, I guess, to bring you some homework from Mary to toss into the river or burn or whatever you do with it." We sighed at the same time, and her mouth quirked up slightly.

"Well, talk." I hummed noncommittally, and fished cherry Pepsi from the ice filled cooler. I wordlessly thrust it in her direction, and was rewarded with a hiss when she snatched it.

Doctor Pepper for me, twisting the cap. I winced as it dug into my hand. "To be honest, I didn't expect to get this far," I thought aloud. "I'm worried about how you're doing, but asking after that is likely to end with a beating-"

"If I could even catch you." And I realized that I'd fucked up already, because her response was absolutely sullen. Once upon a time, there was nobody in town she couldn't outrun. Now, the best she could manage was awkward, limping lopes.

"-but I think I'm just gonna ask why you've been skipping school on other days." I finished as if she hadn't interrupted me to self deprecate.

She grunted with nigh masculine skill, conveying distaste but a willingness to explain. Staring at the cold water, listening to the crackling fire, I was happy to wait for her to get her thoughts in order.

"Do you...know what it feels like for a piece of your body to not feel the way it should?" She asked, and the instinctive answer boiled to the tip of my tongue with a uncomfortable swiftness.

"Yes," I responded tightly, feeling at once like I was watching from behind my own eyes. Everything was very distant, despite being right where I could touch it.

I tightened my fist around the cold can of soda. It helped alleviate it, but it still felt the same, just…more subtly.

Becca finally looked over, scowling but seeming to search for sincerity. Then, she sighed, and nodded. "I had to learn how to walk again," She sighed. "I remembered how, but it didn't work anymore, my leg won't move like that anymore. They had to…" Her voice cracked for a moment, but she took a deep breath and continued evenly.

"I had to learn how to move again. It…it's like constantly having somebody yell at me that I can't do what I love, not anymore, maybe never again." She finished and looked absolutely miserable.

I grimaced. How the hell do you comfort someone going through that?

"Wanna have a movie night?" I prompted easily. She glared at me. "Lord of the Rings. Like your mother used to." I added. She softened, and collapsed wearily into her chair.

After a long minute of silence, she allowed herself a single, shaky nod. I carefully did not pay attention to the slight shudder, the wetness of her cheeks.

She was…definitely not crying.

"Whelp. I'll get the truck ready." I said, slapping my knees as I stood, collecting the cooler. A few seconds after I started, the awkwardly spaced crunching of snow caught up, and we left the campfire to burn on the rocks.

—-----

Clouds were rolling in as I tumbled back onto the proper roads, and I frowned as more snow started to fall. By the time we reached Thule proper, it was falling heavily, unnaturally spaced in massive sheets that hit every second. Thump….thump….thump.

For once, I was glad for the massively overpowered high beams. I could still see out to six feet ahead. I drove slow, irrationally certain that people got caught out in this.

I was proven right as we drove past…I think it was where the few clubs Thule had were. I cursed, and stopped the truck. "Becca, thermal blankets are under the back seat. Be careful, the shotgun your mother left me is just behind it." I wrenched my gloves on, and leapt out the door.

This girl was my age. She wore a heavy coat, over…well, her hair was dyed in a spattering of white streaks in hair that was otherwise jet black, and she wore contacts that made her eyes the unsettling golden color of a cat's. She had been wearing thick eyeliner and some other cosmetics, but the stinging cold had caused her eyes to water and made a mess of it all.

I couldn't recognize her, but that might just be because of the messed up makeup and contacts. I attempted to call out to her, but the blizzard wind snatched my voice and muffled it in snow. Instead, I reached out and lightly grasped her shoulder.

She started to recoil, but when I pointed to my truck, she blinked, and nodded. Keeping physical contact, we rushed back, and I helped her into the cab, between Becca and my driver's seat. I reached over and slammed the door shut while the girl was bundled in blankets.

By the time I looked back, wet wipes had been produced from somewhere and the makeup had been wiped off-and now I recognized her. Margaret Magdalene Bowlenn. The local rich heiress, and unlike the stereotype, she seemed to be mostly pretty cool.

She was in my class. And, apparently, the bombshell rich redhead in class was also, outside of class, a goth girl. The Internet would go wild for her.

"Thanks, Elijah, Rebecca," I envied how smooth and lyrical her voice was. I shook my head with a murmured "no problem," but Becca seemed unwilling to take it at just that.

"Were you going clubbing?" The blonde asked, incredulously.

"Yep." Maggie popped the p, seeming slightly annoyed at the storm. "Better than spending all night at home. I finished my homework and bounced after getting myself all prettied up." I snorted, and she chuckled.

Becca shook her head, but looked thoughtful. "Well, if you don't want to spend the night alone, wanna marathon Lord of the Rings?" I didn't expect that, but I was fine with it, so I let them talk.

"Sure. Extended editions or theatrical?"

"Extended. It's what Mom always did for her birthday." A note of hesitant pain.

"Nice. Sounds like a great use of a snowy night. Whose place?"

"Mine. Eli's dad is a drag and you don't wanna show up at home like that, presumably."

"Nobody's there except Cerissa, and she knows."

"Ah. That happen oft-"

I slammed on the brakes as the snow abruptly cleared ahead of us…

"Ein Sof Malkuth…!"

And I watched light slip over the form of a girl I didn't have enough time to see the face of.

I also watched an honest to God wyvern, like the fantasy monster, roar at her, and launch itself into the air.
 
03 - Enter Sandman
The light resolved into a seraphic robe that seemed to be made of the shimmering light, stiffer in places where it seemed to almost take on the rigidity of armor plates. Above the girl's head floated an exquisite crown, almost like a halo; six points adorned it with a larger central in the front.

Ten prismatic gems glimmered across it, five situated on the central prong and five distributed across the rest.

From her clenched hands sprang a flaming longsword, brilliantly gleaming against the light of her robes.

Her response to the lunging attack of the wyvern was to swipe it ungracefully, flinching backwards from the beast.

It was this, that finally broke the mystique of the moment. "What the fuck," I suddenly swore, adrenaline ripping at me and causing me to half stand, reaching into the back for the shotgun. "glove compartment, shells, now!" I roared, and it was Maggie that scrambled to respond, a few shells tumbling to the floor of the cab.

I glanced at the fight intermittently as I shakily loaded the firearm, panic warring with the need to have some defence.

The girl was sending off the wyvern, but she couldn't fly, merely leaping from rooftops of varying height with clumsy grace. She seemed…terribly inexperienced, for all that she scored a few gleaming wounds that seemed to continue to burn with terrible heavenly flame.

Loading the last shell, my elbow slammed the truck horn-and the wyvern's head snapped to the truck, nostrils flaring in inhalation.

"Shit shit fuck shit FUCK!" Becca screamed, and as one we all tumbled out of the truck. I staggered to the front as I picked myself up, raising the gun to shoulder it.

The wyvern's dive still froze my heart in terror-but my body responded as my brain began to flatline, and the roar of the shotgun was deafening.

The shell did absolutely nothing to the best. They slammed into it and fell away like I'd thrown gravel at it, not 12 gauge buckshot from thirty yards.

"No!"

The voice was thunderous, slicing through the roar of the draconic beast, and like the divine retribution the girl dropped from the air and plunged the longsword into the crown of it's head, slamming it downwards so that it crashed into the road…

…and dissipated in heavenly, ethereal fire, dropping a tiny seed that cracked and exploded before drifting upwards. The blizzard cleared almost instantly, and I slumped to my knees.

"W-who are you?" Becca sounded afraid. Afraid of the girl.

I was too.

The girl blinked. "Ell-" Her mouth snapped shut, and she leapt away, disappearing into the clearing skyline.

"What." I said, flatly.

"What," Maggie agreed eloquently.

"Why was there a magical girl?" Becca asked an actually relevant question.

—--------

As we piled back into the truck with a take out bag of a second round of food from Mac's, a local burger and fries joint, there was a silent consensus to leave the question of the magical girl for another time.

Margaret and Becca had a chatting conversation as I drove to Becca's house. The ringtone of my phone sounded-Megalith Agnus Dei, though my father thought it was a strange rendition of Rex Tremendae, which I suppose it was-and I frowned. I handed my phone to Margaret, and she answered and put it on speakerphone.

"Hi." Abigail, huh. "I finished my homework. Are you doing anything?"

I glanced to Becca, tilting my head towards the phone. She nodded. "Yeah. Got Becca to agree to a Lord of the Rings marathon. You in?"

A slight pause. "Sure. Her house?"

"Yeah. Need a ride?" Mentally I started mapping a route.

"Nuh uh. I'm already close." She just assumed he was doing something, and was heading to his house, then.

"See you there."

"Mm." She hung up.

—--

Abigail looked to the weird faceless cloaked guy with light wings who had given her the necklace, and one other object. "...is it bad to use my powers to get places fast?"

Cloak Guy chuckled. "Consider it a perk of the job, Malkuth. Though I do wish you'd tell me your name." His voice was weird. It sounded like a church choir in perfect harmony.

"Magical girl mascots can be bad now." She answered simply, as if it explained everything.

Cloak Guy inclined his head. "Touche. Have fun, Malkuth."

She nodded, and set off.

Once she left, he sighed. "I should not have to rely on children. And yet, this is the extent of my power. To give them shards of the divine light, and hope it will be enough."

He lingered for a few moments longer. Then, like a stutter in a movie, he was gone.

—-----

The Marsh house was a quaint little thing. The image of suburban happiness, with a white picket fence. Or, at least, it was

As the others piled out of the car, my phone rang. Again. Amazing Grace.

This time it was Dad.

I sighed, and put the phone to my ear. "Hi, dad." I droned.

"Where are you, boy?" Oh, he was angry. Fun fun fun.

"With Rebecca. It's her mother's birthday, you know. We're doing what she would've wanted, if she was here." I knew being blithe like this was stupid, but here I was.

"She ain't your family, boy. You shouldn't be traipsing with Godless harlots like her and that Abigail." I wanted to punch the man, right now.

"Oh really? Weird, that's not what Father Hillcrest says about them…" I knew that Mary's father was a sore spot.

"That serpent does nothing but seek to lead the faithful astray, and you'd best not be listening to him. I won't have a Catholic under my roof, boy." I snorted, audibly.

"Well, it will please you to know that I will be spending the night with both of those 'Godless harlots', alongside the Bowlenn's daughter, Father Matthews. Maybe between The Two Towers and Return of the King, I'll read some passages from the Latin Vulgate that are absent from your beloved King James bible." I hung up exactly as he began to roar in protest.

I slumped against the wheel, and sighed. Probably time to cadge a room off of the Marsh patriarch, even if him and Becca were on edgy territory since…well, since.

"You coming, Elly?" Abby's voice came from right beside me, and I jumped. She had been standing right outside the driver's side door.

"Yeah. Yeah." I sighed, and stepped out of the truck.

As we all entered, I got glances from Becca and Margaret.

Nobody talked about it.

And yet, I knew, nobody could really focus on the movies, not after the drive here had been interrupted.



Author's note, here. Not my best fight writing, but it's serviceable.
 
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04 - Trapped Under Ice
The movie night was enjoyable…

…and I couldn't really focus on it at all. My mind kept drifting to the magical girl, a nagging familiarity in it. But it wasn't just that, I felt…

…discontent? I wasn't sure what it was. It was a clawing, insistent feeling. It wouldn't go away, intensifying when I tried to ignore it. But as I focused on it, that disconnection from my body returned.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," I muttered suddenly, and performed the awkward movement to dismount without interrupting the movie marathon. To be fair, I did have to go.

It just wasn't the real reason. The living room felt claustrophobic. Or, maybe it was more like 'I' felt claustrophobic. The feeling followed me, like a dark cloud. From the living room, to the bathroom, and then to the back deck.

It dissipated, bit by bit, as logic enforced that I was in open space, so I couldn't be enclosed like I felt.
It took a long time of just breathing, and forcing my body to relax. But eventually, I had gotten that…feeling….to the background, boxed it up, and set it to be ignored.

The screen door squealed and clapped back into place. Abigail leaned on the railing next to me. She didn't say anything, just standing close enough to be present without being too close. "What could I even say about this? 'Oh, a feeling I couldn't identify overwhelmed me and I had to take a breather?'"

"You said that out loud," Abigail supplied helpfully, "and yes. I understand that. It was direct, and explained the problem." She sounded approving. I pressed my forehead to the railing, and sighed. Quiet reigned for long moments, allowing me to bask in my incompetence.

"Define what it isn't, before you try to figure out what it is." Abigail said, quietly. "That's what I have to do. It's…how I figured out what 'happy' feels like. How I figured out what 'excited' feels like. How I understood 'being afraid.' The only thing I understood easily was 'anger'." She turned something in her hands-a pin of some variety?-while looking at the sky.

It had cleared, and was a bright blue that faded into the sky that I loved-a deep, dark blue. I wondered if other people particularly cared about the color of the sky. If other people…saw it like I did. The sky was freedom. A place we were never meant to be, but we constructed wings of our own to fly.

"Emotions are hard. People are hard. But that's why we're here to help each other." That was…uncharacteristically eloquent of her. In general, she seemed like she had…momentum, all of a sudden.
It should've made me happy. It was a good thing.
Instead, I just felt alone. The last outcast that didn't understand themselves. That didn't have any idea who they wanted to be.

"You seem like you've figured something out," I prompted. She hummed, and nodded.

"You helped me find it." She held my gaze for a long while, something she never did. "I'm trying to help you, I guess." I gave something between a chuckle and a snort.

"Hard to help someone who hasn't got a clue." Despite my inflection, it was really more of a question.

"You do seem to understand a lot of things, as long as they don't relate to you." She agreed. I lightly punched her arm, and she gave a small smile.

"Guess we should get back." I reluctantly levered back to totally upright, and pulled the door open. "Ladies first."

She gave me a Look, and crossed her arms. "Then I think you should be going second, miss." She said it with a perfectly straight face-but there was a twinkle in her eyes.

I laughed, and pulled myself inside.

I managed to enjoy the rest of the night.



When I rose in the morning, it was with a determined heart I set out to make something resembling breakfast for the house. After a perilous adventure to search for all things I could, I came up with an egg for everyone, and a pile of breakfast sausage of both patty and log varieties. My search for bacon proved a failure, but the rest began to cook as I bustled throughout the kitchen.

Abby seemed to be the first to make it down. "Ah, Elly, lemme help," She said blearily, before an arm snagged the back of her shirt.

"Absolutely not. Last time I let you help in my house, you melted my favorite cup. And I still don't understand how." Becca sounded a lot more bright and awake-and then I realized she was probably the actual first one to be awake.

Her mother had woke very early, and so did she. They were…morning people. I didn't get it-I got into the habit because it meant being out the door before Dad managed to get down showering. "What's going on with Margaret?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Awake against my will," the girl in question responded, her…hair still black and white.

"Is your school hair a wig?" I asked, blinking.

"Yep. And a house wig. And a 'doing things with my parents' wig." I blinked. "Oh, trust me, it's exactly as stuffy as it sounds. I had to fight to go to public school, rather than some prim and proper private one." She sighed, and slumped at the counter.
I glanced at the window as an engine rumbled into the driveway. Becca's dad got out, his face weary. His EMT uniform and bag were rumpled.

Rebecca sighed, and 'maybe halfway okay' dropped to 'very grumpy'. When the door opened, she looked over and said "Hi, Dad." The man blinked, as if surprised she spoke.

"Sweetie," He began, then faltered. "I'm…sorry I've been so busy."

Her face softened and soured all at once. "Yeah. Your bed is made. Get some sleep, you've been out far a day straight." It was…the words alone were not caustic. But her tone made it akin to dragging the man through a rose bush. It was pretty, and the thorns hurt.

He sighed, nodded, and disappeared upstairs. He looked a little crushed.

Everybody went silent for a while.

"...so, who's sitting in back in the truck on the way to school?"

I laughed as the girls began to bicker about seating, and despite the brief souring of the mood, it was a good breakfast. For the others, at least. That feeling came clawing back, and it followed me to school.

Apparently, my life was a bitch.
 
05 - The Thing That Should Not Be (Part 1)
The longsword's weight was still unfamiliar in her hands. To her eyes, she saw it this time-like a shimmering field around several blocks of Thule.

"There's definitely something going on," She had to agree with her…mentor, she supposed. He had spent a night teach her, roughly, how to use a sword. The week had gone by easily, after the movie night.

"It will be easier to spot when more of the Fragments are gathered. Right now, you're…a single spotlight. You can't cast light on all of it. So it's only a vague outline. But there's definitely a Root there." Cloaky seemed certain.

"What's a Root?" She asked, with a frown.

"I've managed to identify what type of enemy we're fighting," He began, in a lecturer's tone. "As a group, I suppose you could call them Sitra Acrah. That there is a Root, think of it as feeding off of humans. I'm not sure I could explain it, but think of it as feeding on your souls. That's the best way to put it." He seemed frustrated at being unable to properly explain.

I nodded. I understood how it felt to not have your words come out right. "So I've just gotta blow it up?" She felt, more than saw, Cloaky frown.

"We don't want civilians to get hurt. It would be best to infiltrate in human guise, and locate and destroy it." That made sense.

But she couldn't fit in at Asmodeus. She didn't do clubs, as a general rule-and there were some rumors that Asmodeus was also the nexus of the local 'red light district', such as it was. But…there was somebody she knew who could.
"...I think I need to get help." She said. Cloaky's feeling of frowning intensified.

"Who?"

"Margaret Bowlenn."

He thought, then hummed and nodded. "Very well. Tomorrow, we'll tear this root out."


This week had sucked. Abigail had been hustling about, all busy. Becca had been catching up on everything she'd been missing at school. Mary was somehow busier than the suddenly intensely busy Abby. Dad was in a mood, and also had been sleeping at the church. Mom was…well, I didn't know what Mom was doing. She was probably at work, or staying home with coworkers or friends. She used to be home more, when I was home more, but there was something of a reason neither of us made a habit of staying at home much these days.

All in all, it meant I was very, blatantly, painfully alone. Abigail had hustled off immediately after school with Margaret, of all people. So here I was, sitting in my truck, wondering what the hell I was going to do today. I'd sort of run out of stuff for me to do alone after five days of it. It was Saturday, now…

I was surprised by a rapping on my window. I blinked, and rolled it down. "Yes, Miss Hamilton?" The principal of our school stood there, and…

…she'd been a severe looking woman, but it was like she'd taken some magic pills and become a twenty something again. It didn't look right, really, but I figured she must've gotten plastic surgery, or something. "Ah, yes, Mister Matthews-"

"That's my dad. Call me Elijah." I scowled.
"-Elijah, then. I was wondering if you'd be willing to do an errand for me. Nothing for school." I frowned, but sighed and nodded. Weird or not, I was bored and unsure of what to do.

So I followed my principal to her office. It was…compulsively organized. At five points in the room, incense burned and made the room smoky and flagrantly sweet. Which was weird, but okay.

I was used to smelling incense, as my father was a priest. I sat in the chair in front of her while she rummaged through her desk. I waited patiently, but my focus began to slip, my eyes wandering around. The candles…were at five points in the office. Five…points. In a rough circle…

My focus was…

Wait.

My hand came up and I touched one shoulder and then the next as I sprang from my chair. "Our father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…!" I choked out.

The principal's face twisted, and then it just fell off, revealing a figure for whom the incense surrounded and became blackened, forming a cloak of brimstone and smoke.

It rose, its fake skin boiling to rendered fat in places, rotting away in others, flash freezing and shattering into diamond dust. The smell of it sent my stomach rolling, and as I stumbled out of the office I struggled not to vomit.

It spoke in words that felt like chittering insects biting into my eardrum, my nose trickling blood suddenly. I could not understand them, but I finished the cross over my chest as I booked it through empty halls.

"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth, as it is in heaven…!"

"Quit pawing at your makeup." Margaret said sternly. "I don't really get it, but if you want to fit in at Asmodeus, you have to look the part." And yet, the other girl couldn't help but sound giddy.

She'd cackled in the fifteen minutes it took to apply makeup to Abigail. Still, as they reached the front of the line, the bouncer smiled. "Ma'am, welcome back. Malcolm said somebody left something for ya, go on and talk to him so he stops being twitchy, will ya?" Margaret laughed and nodded.

Abigail stayed silent, simply following Margaret, anxiety tightening her throat. This was a terrible, horrible, idea. She couldn't handle these crowds and strangers like this. At least Cloaky had been there…

…Before. He was gone, now, having vanished from the rooftop. She had a foreboding feeling, and it intensified her anxiety. This line was long, actually, there was so many people-it was hard to count all of them, but she still tried-

-her musing was interrupted when the bouncer put his arm in front of her. "Now, you don't look like you're old enough to be here…" He started. His gaze pinned her in place. She was holding up the line. All those people that she couldn't count were now going to be upset at her.

"She's with me. She won't be drinking anything in this club. Period." The piercing yellow eyes made Abigail eep and nod rapidly. At least she was a alone. Somebody she knew. Abigail focused on her, trying to ignore all those people she was holding up. The bouncer gave a 'tch', but let her through-he didn't like it though.

Abigail forced her legs to move, to hurry up and get close enough that she couldn't lose Margaret. The drum beat began to pound the moment the second interior door properly opened, and the singer's voice was upbeat-and once again there was so many people. She got to 13 and then 47 and then she was pretty sure something close to 70 but she couldn't tell because their silhouettes were blurred together on the dance floor-

"Knew this was a bad idea…" Margaret growled under her breath, but snatched Abigail's wrist. She led her through, through that overwhelming mass of movement and shapes and sound that was hammering itself into a single overwhelming something. None of it made sense, and she struggled to comprehend it. She couldn't just…ignore it.

It was easier, when she was transformed. She'd noticed instantly that it was easy to pick clarity from chaos like that. As if everything was cast in dawn light.

Still, she could trust Margaret.

She could trust Margaret.

I sprinted as hard as I could. Me chest heaved up and down in rhythm with my thundering steps. The school seemed totally, completely empty. I couldn't understand; it had only been twenty, twenty five minutes…
"Give us this day our daily bread," I panted. But the figure had wholly and totally become smoke and brimstone, ash trailing in it's wake. It kept trying to say something.
I turned a corner, "and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors," and slipped, scrabbling with my hands to remain halfway upright.

The thing gained on me, smoothly cornering like half it's body didn't exist. An arm formed from ash into something like solid shadow, endlessly and totally devouring of black. Like Vantablack, but worse.

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever! Am-" The breath fled my lungs as it's arm touched me…

…and it just stopped mattering. Why flee it? I was so fragile. So mortal. Death would come, one way or another…

So why fight it?

Light flooded the room as a sound like thunder cracked through the halls. A breeze flooded through, and it filled my lungs, and I wondered why I had given up.

A cloaked figure stood twenty feet away, where before there was nobody. He had no face, but his skin was bronzed as if he worked under the sun. He stood tall, at an inhuman seven foot.

"Begone!"
"Begone!"
"BEGONE!"

Each word was a gospel choir in perfect harmony. Each word was the wind, whispering pleasantly through the grass. Each word was a thunderstorm, powerful and unquestionable.

The creature hissed, the smoke that made it's form seeming to become unstable, falling apart more and more with each word.

"You will not protect the Fragments forever, Keeper of the Emanation…!"

The cloaked figure stepped forward with a calm, self assured stride. "I cannot protect them from threats corporeal. But I can protect them from you, old ghost. Begone." The final word seemed to banish the brimstone with a final earrending scream.
He stopped and kneeled before me. My lips wouldn't form words. "Sleep, child of the Lord. Keep your faith, and you will find yourself."
My eyes tried to stay open.

But they fell, and I slept.

The private room allowed Abigail to squeeze her eyes shut and just…reorient. The distant thumping of the drums resolved into one extremely frenetic and hectic drumline. The world became more than shapes, that were hard to make out properly.

And now, inside, she could feel it. A pulsing drain, pulling at her and sliding off. But she watched as Margaret frowned. "Feels heavier in here tonight…" Still, she sat next to Abigail. "Why'd you need to come to Asmodeus, Abby?"

Abigail stared at her. "Youwon'tbelieveme." She blurted. "ButI'mamagicalgirl, and, somethingishurting, thepeoplehere." she watched carefully.

Margaret considered her, then frowned. A man came in, dropped a package on the table, and nodded. The rich girl sat back, searching Abigail. "Okay. Where?"

"You believe me?" Abigail asked, blinking.

"I'm willing to take some things on credit, for now. If something's hurting people, then it needs stopped. If you're not just crazy, then the authorities can't handle it. And…" She blew out a sigh. "...I want to be able to trust you. So I have to extend some trust, first."

Abigail blinked. She opened her mouth…and failed to speak. Margaret chuckled, and unwrapped the package. It was a simple platinum band, with a gem setting made of gold.

To Margaret, it was a piece of pretty jewelry.

To Abigail, she could see the core of Light in the gold.

And then someone on the dancefloor screamed.
 
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06 - The Thing That Should Not Be(Part 2)
The scream came from a woman trapped in the grip of a giant, it's features like a blind child's attempt to draw a human. It's form rippled with uneven muscle, one arm reaching mid torso on the fifteen foot tall monstrosity. The other would have dragged the ground, hung limp.
Her mortal terror ended as the gigantic arm flicked her into it's wide, terrible maw. Margaret gasped, her eyes unwillingly locked up on the gruesome chewing, the tearing of flesh. Something had cut out the music. For that long moment, there was nothing but total silence. Nothing but the crunch of bone…

…and the drip,


drip,​


drip,​


Of blood on the ground.

Margaret's legs shook. Everything in her mind told her to run, run, run. But first, she staggered to the wall, and the contents of her stomach emptied. It redoubled as the thing burped.

It was burned into her mind.

She was furious. She was terrified. She wanted to cry and scream for an innocent life lost. And as the crowd stampeded towards the exit, she wondered how many more would die. How many would simply be trampled. How many more the giant would claim. If God existed, he must be impotent to act-

"Ein Sof Malkuth…" the voice beside her burned with anger, and a second sun blazed inside the nightclub.

It was the magical girl from that night in the truck. It was Abigail, somehow maintaining a level head.

The bellow of the giant began to rip at everyone's ears, pained by the sudden light that had felt so gentle. "Be. Silent." The voice of the magical girl sliced through the thunderous cacophony. It was quiet, but louder than anything else. It was a Command.
The giant's mouth snapped shut. And then it growled, breaking it's silence the moment the command was fulfilled. And it grabbed a chunk of the stage's metal structure, hurling it at Malkuth. The magical girl determinedly strode forwards, bare feet alighting just before touching the ground, as if her purpose was too pure to tread upon base earth. Heavenly fire raced from her blade, wreathing her form in vengeful fires.

She does not have the strength.

The thought came unbidden to Margaret. But she understood it, despite it being vague-she was expending herself as hotly as her anger burned; and she was burning just as fast. It would be quick, one way or the other.

The stage scaffold was sliced cleanly. A sheath of glimmering gold manifested in her off hand, and she whipped the blade like it was mere instinct to use it. As it graced the sheath…it was as if her cut had cleanly made contact from across the club. The giant bellowed confusedly. It touched the shallow gash across her torso. Then it growled, and reached into the wall, pulling something, and a massive stone club came from it. With a sweep that threatened to catch a score of innocents, it aimed to swat the foe. Malkuth thrust the sheath in front of her, and it dissolved into golden light that drifted like pixie dust across the civilians. The club passed through them as if they briefly were not there, but it made Malkuth stumble and sag, and the club still caught her, sending her smashing into the far wall.

A laugh shook the venue, and titanic clapping of the delighted giant made Margaret's ears hurt.
A king with no court is no king at all.
The bracelet she'd been given burned Margaret's wrist. She looked at it, and it shone with golden light, surface shimmering like a heat haze.
Do you feel their fear?
She did.
Do you feel furious at their being in pain?
Of course. It made her want to scream and cry about the injustice of it.
Will you fight, and wipe away their tears?
….she would. She could never, ever, live with herself if she didn't.

Worthy.

She felt that heat stop burning, felt the warmth suffuse her. Felt the Light take root in her, running through veins. It felt good. Right.

"I will be the light in the darkness!
I will shoulder pain in their place!
I will be their retribution!
Ein Sof Chesed!"

The shadows that dominated the interior of the club were obliterated in the blinding nova. Plates of armor formed around Margaret's limbs, feeling stalwart and thick and yet seeming weightless and completely unobstructive, as if she wasn't even wearing it.

A mace, similarly, formed from the light, and she grabbed it and began advancing steadily, her other hand grasping the handle of a shield still forging itself. Margaret's steps were at once light and heavy, the movements easy to make but seeming to bear the weight of a genuinely armored warrior. The giant had begun to advance towards Malkuth, who had come to her feet unsteadily, eyes glassy and slightly unfocused. It thrust the club forwards, seeking to crush her against the wall. Margaret interposed herself, shield intercepting the weapon that was slightly larger than it. It pushed her back several inches, but she stopped it dead, weight set against the floor.

"Margaret?" The sound of stone grinding against metal seemed to snap Malkuth out of it.

"Chesed." She answered, and she shoved forwards, surprising herself by knocking the giant slightly off balance, and she surged forwards, slamming her mace into the club. It cracked into the ground, but then it lifted again and cracked into her from the side, though it only sent her stumbling, thanks to the lack of windup and momentum. But it was an opening for Malkuth to leap forwards, and Margaret reacquired her footing to stay ahead of her, or at least try; she couldn't seem to move as fast as the leader.

She was, however, close enough to keep another strike from impacting Malkuth, and she took the opportunity to slash a deep, long cut into its wrist. It's fingers slackened, and then went limp, and Chesed gasped. The cut had gone halfway into the flesh. She didn't pause to focus on her incredulity, moving in and slamming her mace into a shin, causing it to fall to a knee, which she whipped around and slammed again. She was answered with another scream.

Malkuth rose into the air on a pillar of light-and her sword blazed brightly, the flames forging themselves into a titan sized version of the sword.
In a flash, roots extended from the giant's body, into the walls, and a beating, pulsing heart sat in the scaffolding above the stage.
Margaret didn't know what it was, but Malkuth's voice split the cacophony and panic, and the giant's scream, rising over every other sound.

"HARMONIC…!
DIVINE…!
SEVERANCE…!"

The sword swept through the entire space, carving a furrow into the wall-every piece of the roots lighting aflame like web doused in gasoline. The giant was bisected, and far behind it, the heart was cleaved open, spilling black goop…which was incinerated with the sounds of a divine choir, the flames leaving nothing behind. Malkuth alighted lightly upon the ground…and then collapsed to it, losing consciousness at the same moment exhaustion settled instantly into Chesed's bones.

Both of them detransformed, and Margaret wearily gathered Abigail's form into her arms. She dug her phone from where she'd had hidden pockets stashed. With a speed dial, she put the phone to her ear. "Cerisse?" Margaret couldn't keep the dull tone of being tired from her voice.

"Yes, madam?"

"I need a ride from Asmodeus. Discreetly."

"I'll arrange it. Do you want me to rouse…Mister Matthews to come with it? He was delivered to the estate by means unknown, and I took the initiative to house him in a guest room as both your and Miss Davis' contact information was in his phone." The aristocratic tone told Margaret that one of her parents was home, and so Cerisse had to be formal.

Margaret blinked. "Ah, no. But have him moved to my suite, so my parents do not find out."

"Very well. The Mistress is in residence, but she is occupied with a video conference in the study currently." Cerisse cut the line abruptly, and Margaret sighed.

Today…was now complicated for her, specifically.
 
07 - Sanitarium (Welcome Home)
I awoke in a hallway filled with mirrors. My back was against a wall, and I felt utterly detached from my body, as in Becca's house. The mirrors stretched out into infinity, each showing…me. Walking towards the wall, towards the dead end. A hundred different casual outfits, and at so many different ages. It would be impossible to describe every single visage I saw.

One wore a priest's vestments.
One wore a lab coat.​
Another wore a suit, and carried a book that said "LAW".​

All of them bore extreme exhaustion, and looked miserable.

I hated each and every one. A gut reaction of intense dissatisfaction with it. In every single one, I thought that I looked ugly, ill-fitting. The outcast I was now would be who I always was, now matter how successful, or like my father I was.
Always walking towards a dead end. "Great," I muttered bitterly. "Even my nightmares have caught on how much I suck," Snark just made me feel worse. Always useless, always a disappointment, to none more than myself. I hated my father, and yet I hadn't really changed from his image of a 'proper son'.

Just started doing things he didn't like.

The mirrors showed those images of me doing all sorts of things like that. Several were doing drugs, from harmless to extremely hard and harmful. A lot were…in the act. With an endless cavalcade of men and women. In most, those pictures of me were things he'd find shameful and unmanly. I sighed, and began to trudge forwards. In the periphery of my vision, I swore that the mirrors turned to look at me, but I could never confirm-they were back to normal, facing away from me. Walking towards that black dead end. I don't know how long I walked, seeing endless images of things that I would do to spite Dad, or images of the misery I would become. An endless stream of plausible, maybe even likely endings for me.

And then one of the mirrors was different. Structured more like a church window, the stained glass was somehow endlessly clear. It showed a girl who could pass as my twin. She was walking forwards. In this one, she was walking alongside Mary, holding her hand. As I looked, the girl leaned over and caught Mary's lips, and the two shared a quick kiss. She winked at me…and continued walking forwards, happy. With someone she loved. It felt like every row, that girl began to keep showing up. It wasn't always that same image, but she was always happy, doing something cute with Mary. I…

I missed the days that Mary and I could hang out. Abigail and Becca had always snarked about how inseparable we were. I remembered Becca-and Abigail, after being harassed into it-singing 'Elijah and Mary sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G'. Mary had always gotten shy, and I'd…denied it out of hand. The idea had never been feasible. Dad had always forced me to be 'mature' and 'dependable'. Even then, as a child barely starting school, I could never see myself as somebody who could be loved. Dad only disciplined me, after all, and Mom never stopped him-to no fault of her own, as she was equally as caught in his iron chains.

But now, I envied that girl. That phantom that showed me the life I wish I had.

And suddenly, more of the mirrors appeared as those strange windows, that girl appearing and replacing those futures of dreary misery with idyllic images of someone I couldn't be. "God, I'm sick in the head," I laughed with a hollow note. My fists clenched so hard they were drawing blood from my palms. "I'm violently jealous of an imagined female twin. I am pathetic."

I stopped, as it seemed sudden that I was at some middle point. Forwards, there was nothing but that girl.

Behind me, towards the dead end, were all of the images of me.

I couldn't take another step forwards. I couldn't bear to keep watching the girl be everything I wanted to be. Happy. Confident. In control of herself. Not wallowing in self hatred. Not feeling detached from herself and the people around her, viewing life from a third person camera in her own skull.

I turned around.

If I couldn't go that way…then there was no choice.

I took a single step backwards.

Bronze skinned arms grasped my shoulders, and pulled. I moved slowly, at first, and watched as…I moved backwards, following that endless stream of mes moving towards a dead end. And then I accelerated. And I kept getting faster. Images of that girl flew by, and I could hardly recognize her. Everything began to blur together, until suddenly—

—I sputtered, and fell back from a basin of holy water. Coughing, hacking, I vomited up and expelled water from my body. My hair fell to the ground, pooling around the dirt that I was drenching in expelled blessed liquid. "Heavenly Father, In your love you have called us to know you, led us to trust you, and bound our life with yours!" Father Hillcrest's friendly and soothing voice boomed. Tension left my body, and I peered out from behind my long locks of light brown hair to see a circle of figures dancing the nutcracker, around the baptism pool, and where the Father had been baptizing me.

Becca. Mary. Abigail. And so many others, people I didn't know. "Surround this child with your love, protect it from evil!" His arms, gentle but stern, hauled me to my feet, and I felt an unfamiliar weight at my chest, my balance completely off from what I was used to.
I didn't have time to check. "Fill it with the Holy Spirit and receive it into the family of your church, that it may walk with us in the way of Christ, and grow in the knowledge of your love. Amen."

Father Hillcrest turned me around, facing me away from the pool with holy water.

I stared at a final mirror. Before I even processed what I saw, I realized that the detached feeling was gone. I felt…right. For once, I didn't feel awkward or ugly or detached. The absence of those feelings felt euphoric.

I beheld a beautiful girl, the image of that twin from the mirrors. I beheld myself, but it simply couldn't be right. I couldn't ever look like this. I couldn't be pretty. I couldn't feel right, and fine, and like there wasn't a problem with me.

My father condensed from black smoke and brimstone, smelling of sulfur, and wrapped his arms around my neck. He thrust me back into the baptism pool, and it seemed unfathomably vast, gigantic arms thrusting me deeper into the endless ocean. I couldn't hear anything but his tone through the water. But it was his preaching voice, something hateful and sonorous. Directed towards me. Towards this…me that felt fine, and right.

I watched as bubbles obscured my vision of above. I couldn't breathe, and trying filled my lungs with water. I wanted to scream, but it just causes more air to escape.

Another set of hands joined my father's. My…my own? They wrenched my jaw open. Water flooded in, and I felt tears running down my cheeks.
I struggled to think, but I knew it was pointless.

This was right. The way of things. I wasn't a beautiful girl. I didn't feel okay.

I was…a boy. A man.

I was what my father made me.

I wished that I didn't exist, and that beautiful girl did.

The world would be a better place that way.

I closed my eyes, and exhaled the last of my breath-

"—ly! Wake up!"

I jolted awake, and nearly broke Abigail's jaw. She flinched back, I flinched back…

…And Margaret laughed. "Remind me not to wake Elijah up from nightmares," She snarked. She had her 'rich readhead' look on, so I figured we had company. "I took the liberty of getting your truck moved here. Had them fill it to full tank, too." The keys were placed on a bedside table.

"I don't normally dream," I answered, closing my eyes and slumping back down. "and usually when I do it's more mundane. Regular one is Dad nailing me to a cross and…" I trailed off, as the synapses fired and told me to shut the hell up.

Margaret's amusement faded. Abigail's concern was practically palpable.

I slumped upright and off the bed. I was still fully clothed, so I grabbed the keys. "I gotta get home, and take a shower." I wasn't lying, but nobody was fooled about my timing.

"Elly, wa-" I held up a hand.

"Don't interrupt girl's night because I had a nightmare, Abby. Just enjoy yourself. I'll be fine." I lied as naturally as I breathed. Which is to say, with mediocre proficiency, and as a waste of air. But nobody stopped me as I tromped over to the door, where my boots awaited. "Take a right, then a left, head straight for two intersections, then right again. Mother shouldn't notice you leave." Margaret's tone was soft, careful. "And…Elijah. Can I ask something that might sound insulting?"

"Sure. Why not? Day can't get worse." They didn't need to know I nearly got myself killed, had to be rescued by an angel or something, and then would've wasted it again had the nightmare been real life.

"I think that you need to talk to somebody. Doesn't have to be me. Doesn't have to be Abby. But…nightmares don't come out of nowhere."
I…sighed. "I'll see what I can do, Margaret." Another shitty lie. The only difference was, this time I exited stage left before anybody could respond to it at all.

As I navigated the pristine halls of the Bowlenn's mansion, I looked at my phone. Dad had called once, then sent a passive aggressive text about how I shouldn't come home for dinner. About when School ended, several hours before, Mom had texted me, saying she was staying the night with her boss from work.

Fuck. That was her way of telling me to stay away from home. It had started innocuously-Dad got the same messages, I knew, because she made it a point or inform us when she wouldn't be home, which was...actually, a lot. She didn't always tell me why she wasn't coming home, though.

The last one…was from Mary.

Hey. Can you call?

I stared. And then I pressed the button, and she picked it up before it even rang the second trill of the first grouping. "Hey. You…got the message." Her voice sounded…exhausted.

"You were pretty vague." I said, leadingly. "What, there something you need to know?" I was somewhat sarcastic. I was too stupid for her to need to know anything from me.

"Umm…yes. A, that is, for a study session. To, to help you with our AP Physics class." My eyes narrowed. We didn't share that class…which meant she was being listened to. And she was lying to that person.

"Sure. We can go to Chagall, order something sweet to reward ourselves when we're getting done. My treat." I fought the urge to rub my temple.

Margaret had just said to talk to someone. And here I was, sticking my neck out to help Mary. Who I had no business being involved with. She was too good for me. "Yeah! That sounds great! Amazing!" She sounded like a person who had just been rescued from a lifeboat in the Atlantic Ocean. "Meet you there!"

She hung up.

I sighed, climbed into the Chevy, and rumbled to go be a shoulder to cry on.
 
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08 - Nothing Else Matters
I arrived second. Mary was…plain. Still pretty, but, well, she looked like she hadn't managed to sleep yesterday. And that lack of sleep was habitual.

I sat at the table, and pulled out a notebook and what looked like physics worksheets outside of close glance to reveal mere geometry questions.

"Hi." She sounded more nervous than me. "Um, I already ordered you a soda. Hope you don't mind." I stared. It was like all of her usual prim and proper composure was gone.

"Mary, what the hell is going on?" I asked, bluntly. "You're acting like a spooked prey animal."

She cringed. Then, looking down at the tablecloth, she shook slightly. "I…have a B+ in AP Physics, or maybe an A- if I don't screw up the upcoming test. Mom is…" She trailed off, staring at the table.

I grimaced. Grades may have been only of marginal importance to me-though I am, largely, also toting A's -but to Mary, it had been a point of pride to always be academically successful. Or, rather, it was a point of her mother's pride. "Not taking it well?" I suggested.

Mary's breath hitched. "She…was so, so angry…." She visibly forced herself to breathe, and blinked rapidly. "I, I had to get out of the house. You were the only person I could think to contact."

…God in Heaven, she was serious. "Ah." I said, having understood the full picture. "I'll call Becca, see if she's not having parental unit issues today as well. You look like you haven't slept in a day."

"I haven't. You…haven't seen her. Not like this. I hadn't ever…" Tears budded at the edges of her eyes. I stared.

Mary didn't cry. Ever. "Hey. Hey, it'll be fine. We'll get you some sleep, and then I'll do my best to help. Probably after doing some study crunch while you sleep." Hopefully. Assuming some new crisis didn't pop up in the mean time.

The waiter finally brought the drinks over. And…three slices of Black Forest cake. And one strawberry cheesecake. Which…was mine.

Mary devoured her portion with the fervour of somebody who didn't trust their mouth to be unoccupied. I eat more sedately, and kept my mouth shut, but this was something her mother would find even more infuriating.

She'd never seemed the type to have a reaction like this. But, then again, it seemed all she ever talked about was how much of a genius her daughter was, and how successful her daughter was, and…

I put my face in my palms. "God, how did I miss that she would be like this…" The groan was a phrase, but I'd be surprised if anyone else could actually decipher it.

"Easy to mistake someone when they always act pleasant," Mary responded with nervous energy. "and she was never upset before. Because…I never failed." The tears threatened to burst out again, but she took a swift and deep inhale, and blinked her eyes.

"A B isn't failure. Statistically, it's still amazing, actually. Especially in a college level course, for a 16 year old." The argument was rational…and we both knew this situation wasn't.

"But it's not…perfect. It's not the shining absolutely flawless record I've had since…well, since." I frowned at her, and sighed.

"I can't believe I'm the one asking, when you're the one taking a psychology course…but why do you care?" This was dangerously blunt. "Don't give me your first answer. Actually think about it. This B is incredibly unlikely to hurt your chances. You've an otherwise completely spotless record." I watched as she blinked at me, frowned, and started to speak several times before stopping.

"Um." Treading conversational water. "I…I mean, it's always been a point of pride that I'm smart, but…" She'd been frayed the whole conversation, but now, very suddenly, it was like she just…came apart.

The tears started. Scowling, I flagged down a waiter. "Keep the change, do you have to go cups and boxes?" The fifty made her eyes widen, then she glanced at Mary and sympathetically grimaced and she nodded, hustling off.

The boxes returned with the haste of concern, and I quickly scooped the remnants of the cake into respective boxes, blinked as the waiter handled the drinks, and with a half hug ushered the utterly silent Mary out of the cafe.

My phone was in my hands before I knew it. Becca was first on the list. "Becca. You guys have comfort foods?" I asked without waiting for a hello. I must have sounded urgent.

"Of course. Abigail or Maggie?" Lord, she sounded a lot like her mother when her no nonsense mode was on.

"Mary. I'll explain later." I opened Mary's door for her, and circled around the front.

"Got it. I'll call the girls. Dad's home, I'll have him go stock up, too." The line cut right as I turned the key in the ignition. Next on the caller's list, was a name I was sure would be furious.

"Father Hillcrest," I greeted warmly. "I'm glad you were available." I heard a chuckle on the other end of the line.

"I'm always available for you, or Abigail. Well, I do have sermons to give and other duties of life, but those are less important than lending an ear." Sometimes I wondered how my dad and Father Hillcrest could be so different. But Dad was all fired and brimstone and the Second Death, and Hillcrest cared a lot more about love thy neighbor and turning the other cheek.

"It's not about either of us, this time. It's about Mary." The silence could not be louder. Mary's sniffles stopped, and I saw her watching me with enormous grey eyes from my peripheral vision.

"...oh, Orianna…" Hillcrest sounded sorrowful as her sighed out his ex wife's first name. "So it's finally coming to a head, then. I've done my best, but she only gets a few hours with me, after school on Tuesdays." Regret laced his tone.

"It's coming to head over a goddamn B minus." I snarled, surprised at the sheer heat of my anger. "It's a miracle that woman doesn't float away, the size of her ego is so large…!" Halfway to Becca's. I was driving faster than I should.

"Peace, my child. I will do what is within my power, and I trust you will do the same." Always reasonable. Always peaceable.

"What if it's not enough? She doesn't deserve this! She works harder than-" For the first time I had ever heard him do so, Father Hillcrest interrupted me.

"Have faith, as all daughters and sons of the Lord must, that the wicked will have their due." I felt sudden, cold certainty wash over me. This was a page from my Dad's prayer book. "Take no part in unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them." I had a suspicion that Father Hillcrest wouldn't be idle, on the subject of this.

"...alright." I still didn't want to relent. But with a curt goodbye, the call was over. I drove in silence, for a bit.

"I'm not worth all this," Mary's voice abruptly shattered the long moment of silence.

"You're worth everything." I growled. She looked at me with surprise. "If it was anyone else, you'd do the same. You'd do more than this. Even for…someone truly worthless. Even for me." She shook her head.

"You're not worthless, E-Elly. You're…amazing. You dropped everything because I asked." I chuckled darkly.

"What else was I going to do? Continue being murderously jealous of a fake girl who should have my life instead?" Mary went silent. For a long, long moment, she chewed her lower lip.

"Elly…do you…are you…" She struggled to figure out her words. I fixed her with a stare at a red light. "...do you wish that you were a girl?" She finally settled on it.

I snorted. "No. Might as well wish that a pig was a bird, for all it would be worth. I am what I am. I can't change that. No matter how garbage that thing is." I put my eyes on the road.

That way, I couldn't see the way she was looking at me.

We arrived at Becca's not long after. Mary climbed out of the truck, met by all of the friends I had. I hesitated.

"...Elijah?" Becca asked, sounding concerned. "You coming?"

I shook my head. "Nah. It can be a girl's night for you all." Without waiting for the protests, I threw it into reverse, and left.

I pretended not to notice all of them watching me leave.
 
09 - The Unforgiven
It was a miracle this little brook hadn't frozen over. A miracle this little place from my childhood was still here. Barely out of town, but far enough out that a young child saw it as exotic wilderness to camp in.

My reflection in the clear water didn't look like me.

It was factually accurate. A weathered light brown skin tone, coal black hair that was slightly long but well kept and smooth, and the always commented on amethyst eyes, looking like unpolished and dirty versions right now. I could probably pass for being from the Middle East if I knew Arabic. Instead, I just knew Latin, largely to spite my father.

…I was getting off track. I'd never liked my reflection, but this was the first time the detachment had extended to it. It was also the first time I'd seen it after that nightmare. I collapsed into the folding chair, staring at it as if my reflection could give me answers. As if I would look into it, and be told answers.

Instead, it just looked…wrong. Not in any grand way, really. Just like looking at a CG character in the movies meant to look realistic, but it's missing all the tiny details and your brain keeps sounding off about it. Uncanny valley, a sense of intense distrust and falsehood.

I sat staring at it for a long time. Until the brook…stopped moving. Then, a second later, it continued just fine.

Standing next to me was the possibly benevolent figure from the school. I had dismissed it as a dream, but…well, here it was. "Why are you here? There any demons to banish?" I asked, bitterly. "Maybe I'm the demon that needs to be banished, and I forgot. At least it would explain why I feel like this." I flicked a pebble at the brook. It made my reflection waver, and I swore while the water was disturbed, that that female twin of mine stared back at me.

"I am taking action, within my limits." The figure responded.

"Neat non answer. Who are you?" I asked, scowling as the uncanny valley returned to nest with dissociation again.

"...who do you want me to be?" The figure asked. "An angel? A mysterious stranger? Another piece of the supernatural, disrupting your apathy?"

I cringed. "Don't think I can sidestep the supernatural part, but none of those. If you were an angel, I would have to think about why God does nothing overt. If you were a mysterious stranger, then I would have to get the shotgun and shoot you." Instead of the other available target…which was a thought I could do without. Thanks, brain, very helpful. "Who do you want to be?"

"Hm. A good question." The figure said. "I think…that I would like to be someone you can trust. Do you think that a trustworthy confidant would balance the scales?" I blinked.

"What?" That…

"Think of it like damages, paid in response to the old evil that tried to smother you." The figure elaborated.

"Uh…" I thought for a moment. "Sure, if you throw a few honestly answered questions in. A trustworthy confidant can tell white lies, but there are some things I want to know for sure." I watched him consider, from my peripheral vision.

"Very well. There are some questions I cannot answer, however. They will not count against you. We shall set the accounting…at five." With that, he proceeded to sit on a chair that just…appeared in front of me. Pulling back his hood, he had a face that was…handsome, and rugged. His hair was long, and he looked….Andalusian, I thought.

I let myself ponder for a long few moments, making sure my first question was good. "Why is the supernatural appearing now?" I asked.

"It is reappearing." The man answered. "The rise of scholars began to drive the supernatural world into hiding. The Enlightenment sent most deep, deep into it. Now, after careful watching, the most wicked cannot help themselves any longer." Straightforward enough.

"Why are you here?" I expected him to deny the question.

"To find those that have attuned themselves to Ein Sof, and harbor it's Fragments." The figure answered, and held up a hand to forestall the incoming question with a serious expression. "Not the literal existence of God before His manifestation, as viewed through Kabbalic teachings. A good metaphor might be that it is like the castoff essence of Creation, in the universal sense. Not attuned to divinity, but adjacent." He shrugged.

"It is not something that can be explained, truly. The facts are that nine individuals in this town possess the power, when they come into contact with a piece of that cast off, to manifest power." He paused. "My purpose is to find those individuals, and teach them. Guide them. And…to use them as weapons, to fight evil I cannot. It is a detestable purpose, but someone must perform it. I strive to do so as honestly as possible."

I narrowed my eyes. "That was lot more than I asked for." I said, pointedly.

"Nonsense. Necessary context to properly answer the question." His eyes twinkled mischievously. "Three more questions."

I sat back, and I sighed. There were several other calm, and logical questions. I had others in mind. Which was stupid. But I didn't really care right now. "Why is it that some people are…born wrong? No, that's not what I mean…I…." I struggled, but he held up a hand again.

"It is a human assumption that leads you to those words. Beings such as myself, we are…less malleable, so to speak. But a human is an infinity of infinities. A human not immortal, a human is not inherently supernatural. A human is not shackled indelibly to the universal design, so to speak." He paused to consider phrasing.

"This it is not a 'bug' in the system that you have been subjected to. It is a feature, that can work in ways that are problematic. But who is to say that it is not in God's design that you can fix such things? That it is not an intentional way by which you can participate in the sublime act of creation?" An enigmatic smile graced his lips.

"So you're saying that a girl who wishes that they were a boy is perfectly intended by God." I said, as if musing on a statement.

"I posited that we cannot know for certain," He riposted calmly. "And said definitively that it is not a flaw in the nature of the world." Damn.

"I was hoping for a more definitive answer." I deflated as I said it.

"What you are is for you to decide. That is why humans have free will. It is equally free for humans to decide what they believe is an aberration. And for them to be incorrect." He shrugged. "I am of the stance that hate and fear is never the correct answer."

I sighed. I couldn't see my reflection anymore-he was blocking the brook. "How do I know? How do I…figure out who I am?" I asked, softly.

"Do you mean how do you figure out what you are?" He countered, and I scowled.

"No. I am what I am. I can't change that. I have to live with it. Who." I snarled it, and felt guilty almost instantly. "Sorry. You didn't deserve that."

His eyes looked intensely sorrowful, as if he felt pained at something I hated it. It was the same look Mary had given me. Like everyone knew something I didn't. "I…cannot answer that question. It is something that only you can answer. But," He reached into his cloak, and he pulled out a headband, presenting it.

"This, I believe, can help guide you there." It was…silver, with rounded edges so as not to cut at the skin. It was stuffed with pure gems, and all across it were etched grooves filled with gold. Gingerly, with care reserved for objects of intense fondness, he placed it into my hair.

I couldn't help my cheeks heating up. It felt like an intensely intimate gesture. And despite the fact it was such a feminine object, I…liked having it on. "My dad won't like it," I said, worried.

"Hm," The man tapped it, and it felt like…something just happened, that I couldn't see. "There. He won't notice." Then he hissed, his hand going limp.

"Are you okay?" I asked, wary. He nodded.

"I overstepped my bounds. It will recover, but for now, it is a worthy sacrifice." I narrowed my eyes. Then I got it-it was interfering with free will, so he had to pay a price. My father could not exercise his ability to decide if he could not perceive what was required to make a decision.

"I…see. Then, my final question." I wasn't sure it was relevant, in any way. If it mattered. "Does God exist?" That caused the man to give an enigmatic smile.

"I don't know." He said, and laughed. "But does it matter? Does it truly change the situation, if it is a human construct to which you pray? If it gives you comfort, if it gives you guidance, if that faith serves a purpose, then it is valuable, and justified. Just as if something is causing you pain, it shouldn't truly matter if it is 'wrong' or 'right' to solve that pain."

He paused. "With exceptions for the solution being causing pain to others. That is far more complicated." He sighed, and looked up

"My apologies. I have to go. It was good to talk to you." The man said. I stood up, reaching out my hand.

"Wait! What's your name?" I couldn't believe I'd forgotten to ask.

He paused. "...call me Avicebron. It's close enough to true." Then, he was just gone.

I sighed, and turned back to the brook. The girl from the nightmare stared back, wearing the headband. If only it was so simple. To be her, so I didn't have to be me. With a wink that must have been imagined, she was abruptly gone, replaced with reality.

I looked silly. But I didn't really care. It felt less wrong, with the headband. But it was getting dark, so I heaved a sigh, and broke down my little camp, and began lugging the chair back to my truck, at the rough sort of dirt road that lead here.
 
10 - King Nothing

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~ Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

I let the engine open up far down the street from the house, then cut the engine, letting the truck glide down the street quietly. With a skill born of practice, I slipped into the driveway of the Matthews house, stopping quietly. I slipped out of the truck, without letting it shut normally. Didn't want to announce my presence. But as I moved up the driveway…
…The door opened, and he stood there. In his vestments, simply… staring at me. His face was set as if into stone, perfectly neutral. No hint of rage, or disappointment, or worry. Nothing. The absence of emotion.

I stopped, feeling fear sink into me. That gaze pierced through me, and I wondered who he was staring at. Me, or his son? Me, or the 'ideal man' he tried to make me? I couldn't tell, but it didn't look like he saw me. He just…saw Elijah. Not a person who was their own, but the individual that was supposed to be his son. Supposed to look up to him. It stretched, into eternity. He was cast in shadow, largely, the light of the house not illuminating him but making the shadows darker. I couldn't see his eyes, despite knowing he was staring. "Well?" I asked, anger dropping into my chest, heating it up. "What words of disappointment do you have for me today?" I cast my arms outwards.

He stared for a while longer. "I take it that you did not read your messages." He said it softly. He said it..without judgment, without reproach, without condemnation. "...better to say it in person, regardless." His voice…broke. I blinked. My anger dissipated, and cold dread settled into my gut. Fear jittered around in my chest, my breathing going erratic. My father stepped forwards onto the deck, and leaned wearily onto the railing. Horror rose in my throat. Father Matthews had presented an image of implacable energy and stoicism. Father Matthews did not get tired.

"I…have ignored my fading energy for months." He croaked, voice quivering. "I have ignored the pain for months. I have denied the signs. But shortly after my call to you, I collapsed. One of my flock took me to the hospital." Father Matthews began to tremble, tears falling down his cheeks. "I…have two weeks left to live." I wanted to throw up. The world spun. He was lying. He had to be. Trying to get me to act correctly, by dangling freedom two weeks out. "Lung cancer. End stage." The man gazed out at the setting sun. I could see his eyes now, sunken, and tired.

He looked pale. Pallid. I had not paid attention in those same months, but it felt like if I had bothered to look, I would have noticed. He looked sick. He…looked like he was dying. And I hadn't noticed. And, as if it was new, he looked as old as he was. God, I hated him, but he didn't deserve…this. I hated him, but he was still my father. I couldn't tell what I should feel. I wanted scream to the heavens about how unfair it was. I wanted to feel vindictively satisfied. I wanted to feel something other than this dread, weighing me down, dragging everything into a vortex of colorless sorrow.

"I…have not been good to you." He said, heavily. "In trying to force you down a path, I have only failed as a father. As a man. As a priest. As a person." He seemed to struggle, for a long breath, with what further to say.

"I-It's alright…" I mumbled. I managed to force myself to move, to lean next to him. It was a lie. I knew it. He knew it. But instead of any moral preaching, he simply gave me a knowing, tired, but grateful smile.

"Will you pray with me?" He asked. "One…last time?" I forced a chuckle.

"You aren't dead yet, old man." But even still, I gathered my hands together in front of my face. Clasped together. He gathered his rosary into his hands, which shook slightly.

"Hail Mary, full of grace," He spoke with that iron conviction, but his voice which normally boomed so loud, was a rattling whisper. I followed after him. "Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." His hands shook, more this time. It hurt. To see him like this. To see him so defeated. "Holy Mary," His voice broke, once again, the sorrow redoubling, "Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death." A shudder ran through his entire body. "Amen."

I waited, for a long moment. Then, he stood slowly. "I…am going to rest. Do not feel that you must be here for me. You should be with those who have been good to you." He paused, looking at me."... you're a good man, Elijah. Better than me. It's more than this sinner could ask for." With that, he hobbled inside. I couldn't find it in me to follow.

Once he closed the door, I sagged. It felt like my limbs couldn't carry me from that spot.

I let myself cry, now. It was an ugly one. But I kept it quiet. He didn't deserve this. Not really.

But for all I hated him…I still loved him, too.

————

Andrew,

I've spent much of my life preaching doctrine that put us at odds. But I write to you to ask you to take up a torch I have let gutter and die. I'm not sure if you'll agree. I'm not sure if you'll even read it. But I hope that our friendship, before I took the fork in the path with such good intentions, still remains. I have neglected my family. Nothing can repair the damage I have done to my dearest Elizabeth, nor to the people I lead down my road. But I can still hope to make some amends to others, in these last days I have. So I come to my first request, old friend, one that I loathe placing upon you. I ask that you be the executor of my will; I know that you do work for the community. You always were the one who prioritized helping others in truth. I only wish my pride had let me see that sooner. Perhaps I could have learned.

The other one is one I suspect you will find much simpler, as you already do it. Take care of Elijah. I'm afraid that I can't even claim to know the person that I raised. That I live in the same house as. That I leave everything to-Elizabeth denied a share. She wants no piece of my empire of hate. She'll likely be gone before I'm dead; she's decided to move to live with her sister…somewhere in Europe. I didn't pry. I only hope she speaks to Elijah. My child deserves better than to be burdened by my mistakes. That is all I have to ask. You are the only one who still speaks to me, despite my errors. I wish that we could go back to those days, where everyone met at that little brook and we drank beer without being old enough, and I had yet to fall from grace. They were better days, and I was a better man.

And I hope that you, and nobody you love, will ever be subject to this awful pandaemonium. I write to you as I stare down the angel of death, and though I am not scared of him, I am not ready to go. It is only in my twilight that my eyes are opened, my ears unblocked, and I can see all my wrongs. It is impossible to hold on to hate when Death waits kindly at my bedside for me to do my best to get my last affairs in order. I'm scared of myself, Andrew. And I feel a terrible weight on my shoulders, because I allowed myself to become the very evil we swore to combat when we sought to become priests. I did not soothe souls, I touched a match to a bonfire and stoked it, relentlessly. I threw kindness and understanding on that bonfire, and decried that which I saw without even trying to reach out to it.
I hope that Hell has a place for me. Because I know I deserve it.

Best Regards, John Matthews.

The old man looked down at the sheet of paper. It was an old way of communication. But even though he was reexamining all of his life up until now, and finding himself wanting at every possible turn, he felt he had to hold on to some things. The things that didn't push his family away. The things that didn't push his friends away. The things that harmed no others. Those...those were worth keeping. He sighed, and he picked up his phone. No messages from Elizabeth. No response to his pleading for her to talk to Elijah. He knew the woman had packed her bags earlier, when everyone was out of the house. She'd sent the customary notification that she was staying with someone else-and in that short period, while he was receiving the definitive news, all of her things disappeared.

It felt like things were all falling apart, all at once. He only hoped that Elijah could handle it, because...

...he wouldn't be around long enough to make up for his mistakes.
 
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