CURSE YOU - A Doof/Goofy Moment
For the first time that month, Doofenschmirtz could be heard bellowing.
"CURSE YOU ANTI-FLUBBER SENTIMENTS!"
Goofy sighed and rolled his eyes. The good- sorry, EVIL Doctor was prone to this sort of outburst and declaration. He had to hand it to the man - had he not worked with him for so long, he might just have believed that Doofenschmirtz was genuinely Evil. Sure, he didn't exactly like following the law or anything, but there were plenty of people who had that problem and still turned out to be swell. Still, this old Goof wasn't going to be going about saying that around anyone but friends - even HE knew the importance of branding, after all.
Goofy turned a corner and picked up a piping hot Doofenschmirtz Quality Bratwurst and a cup of coffee from the breakroom. Might not be the best thing, but it was far from the wurst. Goofy chuckled to himself at the joke as he made his way to his employer's Big Room. You know, the one where they get to feel all important and make the big plans. When he entered, though, Dr. D was nowhere to be found. Goofy shrugged and went to Heinz's real office instead, since that's where his research paperwork was mostly likely kept.
However, the sight that greeted Goofy perplexed him a bit. There was the doctor, sitting at his desk and looking at that fancy ring he got from his Ancestral Castle, with the most thoughtful expression on his face. Remembering to knock, Goofy actually startled Dr. Doofenschmirtz, tipping off how deep in thought he was.
"WHOA! Knock
before you enter next time Head Janitor Goofy."
"Sorry Doctor D.- I mean Head and Soveriegn-"
"Ah save it. We're not in any important meetings or anything. What brings you here?"
"Well uh, I couldn't help but overhear you cursin' the living daylights out of that there Anti-Flubber sentimentally type thing, and thought you could use a pick-me-up!" Goofy presents the Bratwurst and cup of coffee to his boss. "I can also fetch ya anything else if ya need it."
Heinz smiled at Goofy's offerings and took them. "Thanks Goof. It's been a long night, and now I've got a new problem to think about-"
Goofy frowned deeply for a moment. Was it a new Megacorp? A problem with Vanessa? Did Doof learn of Goofy's dark and terrible secret?
"-specifically how curses function!" Goofy let out a breath he had been holding when the mad scientist continued. "You should know by now that for all of these years, I've been venting a lot of pent up rage via cursing. I'd curse my failures. I'd curse my inventions. I'd even curse my enemies whenever they foiled a scheme! But up until now I never once considered if my hostile declarations for the very fabric of spacetime to thwart them as they have thwarted me
actually had an effect."
Goofy rubbed his chin in thought. "Huh. That IS kinda strange, especially since you've always believed in magic and whatnot."
"Exactly!"
Doofenschmirtz stood up and rubbed his forehead, relieving tension as he stared out his window. It didn't have a great view of the city, since his perpetual smog kicked in right about at the top floor of Doofenschmirtz's new Megacorp/Doofanian Capitol Building, but it was the thought that counted! However, when Doofenschmirtz spoke, something was... off.
"I've been handing out curses to everyone and everything I meet like the Kinderwurst hands out Doonkleberries on 'Not Awful' day in Drusselstien. Do those count as actual curses? Did I need to add a little dance and wave a magic wand? Or was my pure, unbridled rage sufficient a medium to transmit the curse through. If sheer ire is a sufficient Curse Conductor, then how powerful were my Curses? Did they fail to find their toothbrushes every day I cursed them, or was the Curses slowly and steadily building up massive karmaic comeuppance that, once it reached critical mass would result in something disastrous on an unimaginable scale! Could-"
Doof's voice hitched here. He grew silent, and then his arms drooped.
"...could my curses have been what did in Perry the Platypus?"
And it suddenly made sense to Goofy. Heinz wasn't exactly keen on breaking tradition, and he wouldn't have considered calling up that however many Greats Uncle he had unless the question was of vital importance. It also explained why Doofenschmitz was so quickly derailed - even if he had a bit of a scatterbrain noggin like old Goofy did, the sovereign of Doofania would have simply made a note before going back to his latest evil scheme, like the Flubber.
But Perry the Platypus... Goofy didn't know much about the egg-laying mammal, but he knew enough that they had a history. He hadn't asked around since it was a sensitive subject, but this alone painted a pretty thorough picture combined with the Doctor's habits.
Goofy placed a hand gently on Doofenschmirtz's shoulder. The human looked up and found something in Goofy's eyes that had never seen directed at him before: Fatherly love and support.
"You know Heinz... I kinda messed up badly too, once. Real bad, back when I tried going to college," Goofy looked out the window, and the two saw their reflections and, maybe thanks to their imaginations playing off the Toonforce, their thoughts. "It wasn't easy back then, but I had thought I was getting the hang of things. My son was really interested in sports-like stuff on the campus, and I was more the studious type, but the idea of being able to connect my son was rather tempting. So I took a risk to impress him and this woman I had been fallin' for..."
Goofy sighed, curling his hand against the glass. Doof wasn't sure where he was going, but he would be the worst kind of hypocrite if he interrupted something so personal - especially if they were his valued employees.
"It turned out to be the worst day of my life since Max's mom passed away." Goofy looked down at his own gloves. "Sometimes I wonder if that's why he doesn't really like actin' like a toon. Because of...
The Incident."
The dramatic thunder opts for a more appropriate touch and gently rumbles at the mention. Doof couldn't help but whistle, and he placed a hand on the dad's shoulder.
"Are you okay? Do we need to take a five minute break, or to invent you an inator?"
Goofy chuckled, looking back to Heinz with genuine gratitude in his eyes and smile. "No. I think. I think I've come to terms with it a bit. As much as I want to... I can't take it back. Not sure if I should, since I wouldn't be the Goof I am today without it. I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I... I just gotta keep on goin', and know that as bad as things were... well. At least I can still smile now. I still have plenty of things and people to smile about and for, after all."
Heinz looked out at the smog once more, then back to Goofy. This time, the man had a smile on his face.
"Thanks Goofy."
"No problem, Doctor Doof," Goofy gave a thumbs up. "I think I better get goin' now, but uh, if you ever need to chat, I'll be nearby. Heck, I think I've still got it if you need a little bit of Toon Improv to lighten up your day!"
"I'll have to remember that. Keep up the great work. And if you ever decide to get your degree, let me know! Especially if you need a tutor, or some heavy bribes."
"I'll keep that in mind- WAAAHOOOAAHOOO!"
Goofy, having slipped on an unseen spot of coffee, went tumbling out of the the room, leaving Heinz alone to ruminate on the conversation. The man didn't say another word, but he pulled out something he found in the wreckage of the last fight.
A locket with a picture of the Platypus and two boys. He didn't pay the kids any mind, but...
Doof closed the locket again and checked the time. There was still enough time left to eat the Bratwurst and jot down some less than official notes on magic. At the paper, he wrote:
Note to self: Investigate Curses. Especially for the rivals and nemesis that matter in life.
Other Note to Self: Give Goofy a Bonus. Reason - Great advice, Comforting dude, impeccable coffee.
P.S.: And by impeccable I mean actually impeccable - it's really good coffee!
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A/N: So. This was meant to be a humorous take on all the curses that Doofenschmirtz threw out and how, since Magic is real, the two might have inter-played. Then my brain reminded me of how many of them were thrown Perry's way and then hijacked this into a Hurt/Comfort fest between Goofy and our lovable Mad Science Dictator.
