Prologue
A giant throne sat dominating the view of the room, a centerpiece fit for a mad king. The skeleton that sat upon the throne was dominating the room, regardless of the fact that the person had been dead for many years now. Around two decades.
A flanged mace sat upon its lap, its bone white skeletal head bare of its adornment. That resided within the hands of a rather peculiar mage.
A rather peculiar mage who was arguing with his companions, "No, I'm telling you guys for the last time, we need to put the crown on his head."
His companion, a broad-chested and large barbarian responded, his voice rumbling within the confined tomb, "And we'll do exactly that, we'll put it on his ACTUAL HEAD! NOT HIS DICK GOD DAMNIT!"
The two motley companions had argued this point back and forth many, many times now. The wizard arguing that they needed to stick it on Leoric's skeletal head and the arguing that they actually needed to put it on his head. A point of much contention for the two companions.
"Fine, Fine, FINE!" The wizard shot back, punctuating his statements with a wave of his arm, "We'll do it your way but when it turns out that I'm right you'll give me fifty gold and agree that I'm the greatest wizard that ever lived."
"How about no, I won't. Now go crawl up the tall ass skeleton and stick the crown where it belongs!" The barbarian shot back, his wit proving to be just as sharp as the wizard's.
The wizard sighed as he grabbed the crown from the bag they had kept it in before trudging his way over to the skeleton, unkind mutterings heard to all in the still eerily silent crypt.
Leather creaked and cloth rustled as the mage reached the bottom of the skeleton king's throne and started climbing. Using the ribs as hand holds and the pelvic bone as footholds he reached up and placed the crown upon the head.
…………….
"Well, I did say it wouldn't work."
The barbarian slapped himself in the face hard enough that the slap echoing through the silent room. A single thought crossing his mind 'Fuck you ROB! Just, just FUCK! YOU!'
The wizard seemed to brighten considerably at that before he tried to shimmy himself down and got in a better position. He then started ripping the armor of Leoric's body and tossing his spoils to his friend on the ground. It was the only female of the group that responded to his actions.
"OH COME ON, NOT AGAIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?" Her voice had taken a desperate and begging quality as though her entire world view had been turned on its head.
The third male, who until now had been silent as the grave and twice as serious turned his head slightly to respond, "I do believe they're looting his corpse."
The male returned to his silent vigil, the only noise letting his companions know he still lived was the creaking of his chest piece when he took a breath.
A strong gale rose up in the room and it circles the room thrice, coming closer and closer to the skeletal pile that sat upon the throne before on the cusp of its third rotation rushed into the pile of bones that was left of Leoric's body.
Suddenly what was once a loose pile of bones gathered together, rose up and turned into a giant skeleton. Some people would be terrified but not our heroes. They are currently trying to hold back the laughter that was building up in the gut. The young woman beside them was shaking her head and their other companion had a silent resignation on his face.
"Pfft!" a small laugh escaped from the wizard's mouth and it seemed to have set off the barbarian "Hahahahaha! Oh god, the head! THE HEAD! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
The skeleton was confused for a moment but soon realized why the heroes were laughing when he looked down at his crotch. That wasn't the only thing the skeleton realized, it was effectively naked too, its mace having been left alone as the two couldn't move it.
The pure sense of disbelief that was rolling off from the skeleton filled the room to the brim. It looked upon the duo that was rolling on the ground, holding their bellies as if they were gutted like a fish.
And the disbelief was now replaced with fury, indignation and dare he think… shame. Leoric never thought that he could feel so much anymore nothing but madness this fiercely but the duo before him proved that thought wrong. He shall strive to repay such kindness by smashing their skulls beneath his boot. That they had apparently looted from his body.
"You dare?! You all shall suffer!" screamed the walking pile of bones as it pointed with its mace at the unlikely quartet.
The duo at the front looked at each other and the wizard asked his companion, "Do you think he's compensating for something with that mace?"
"I don't know why you don't just ask him?" responded the barbarian.
The wizard scratches his chin lightly, "You're right!" He turned to Leoric.
"So, tell me if I'm wrong here, but the reason you use that mace is because you're compensating for something right?"
"You nailed it." barbarian deadpanned and shook his head.
"Hey, is that mace getting clo~~~ARGH" The wizard began before he was rudely interrupted by a mace slamming into the side of his body.
"Oh come o…"
