"It's like the Pride never heard of the Dewey Decimal System." Chase muttered, leaning back against the massive leather–and–brass armchair. In front of him, heavy wooden bookcases stretched up toward the stalagmite–studded ceiling, stacked with dusty books and junk that looked like it'd come off the set of an Arkon movie. "Which is weird, considering two–thirds of them were some variety of evil nerd."
Old Lace poked her head over the back of the armchair and let out a huff. He got the feeling she'd rather be anywhere but here, under the judging eyes of a wall of family portraits with only the flickering light of a fluorescent lamp to see by.
"That makes two of us." he said quietly, stepping toward the shelves. "Let's see, we got a sword with a demony–looking skull on the hilt; they don't want any magic tchotchkes and I don't want a probably–evil sword, so nope. Got a weird little mirror, put that in the 'maybe' pile, and then there's—" he dragged a massive book with a suspicious–looking leather cover off the shelf and flipped through it. "—De Vermis Mysteriis, whatever that means, which is about..." he squinted at a grainy drawing of a guy in a hooded robe doing something horrible to a goat. "Demon summoning, I think. So that's going in the 'forbidden knowledge' pile."
"—some kind of crusty hand–candle, ****ed–up baby in a jar, another wiggly dagger; pass, pass, pass! There's gotta be something good here—"
"Chase?"
He looked down from his awkward perch halfway up a shelf. "Hey, K. What's up?"
"You, apparently." Karolina said, staring up at him curiously as she scratched Old Lace under the chin. "What're you doing down here? It's, like, 3 AM."
"Uh." Chase said dumbly, his mind racing for something halfway believable. "Nico was talking about, like, learning normal magic so she doesn't have to rely on the staff so much and I figured the 'rents might've had a stash of... I dunno, Magic for Dummies or something like that."
"Which is why there's a stack of creepy old books down here on the floor." Karolina said skeptically, nodding toward the stack of creepy old books he'd built.
"Yep." Chase lied, starting to climb down. "I couldn't sleep, so—"
Something he'd thought was solid wooden shelf crumpled under his foot and he lurched sideways. He grabbed blindly for a handhold and found himself staring stupidly at a snake–handled dagger, tugged free from its sheath.
"Go limp!" Karolina yelled, suddenly casting shifting patterns across the room. "I'll—"
He slammed into her bony body, arms flailing. Something cold and sharp slid across his cheek and the world began to fall away from him or maybe he started falling away from the world—
"Wake up, beloved." Xavin gently brushed Karolina's soft golden hair away from her face. "Please." He checked her pulse and found it as strong as it had been the last time he'd checked, after he'd found her limp form sprawled on the cold stone floor of the library with a long, shallow cut marring the skin of her right arm.
Old Lace gently butted her triangular head against Karolina's side.
He stretched out an arm to push the reptile away. "I told you to begone, beast. Your master lies unconscious, yet you..." Xavin shook his head, exasperated. "You'd not have lasted a week in my family's service."
She stared at him, refusing to budge.
Karolina stirred, murmuring something, too quietly even for Xavin's ears.
"What—"
"M'okay..." she mumbled, smiling up at him. She reached up and stroked the stubborn reptile's snout affectionately for a moment before her eyes went wide. She stared at her hand as though she'd never seen it before.
"Karolina, are you..." Xavin hesitated, trying to phrase his question diplomatically. "Okay?"
Karolina frowned. "No." she said, wrapping her arms around Old Laces neck and letting herself be pulled upright. Leaning on the beast for support, she limped over to where Chase lay. He had begun to stir, wriggling like a beached fish, but stilled when he saw Karolina; his mouth gaped open, further reminding Xavin of a fish.
"That you in there, K?" Karolina asked.
For a moment Xavin thought he must have misheard her, that she couldn't possibly have said that to him; then, with all the clarity of a nightmare, he heard the quiet reply that came out of Chase's mouth.
"Y–yeah."
"I can't believe you people!" Xavin yelled, feeling his face green with fury. "How can you just sit here while—"
"Xavin—" Karolina whispered, her discomfort written plainly across Chase's pale face and hunched shoulders for all to see.
"—while my beloved is trapped in the body of–of a foul–smelling shuttle pilot!"
Victor sighed heavily. "Chase isn't—"
"Nah, Marvin's got a point." Chase said, eyeing Xavin from atop the Leapfrog. He rested Karolina's chin in her hands dolefully. "I fly the 'Frog, that's pretty much all I bring to the table—"
"If you say so." Victor said with a shrug.
"—but 'foul–smelling? C'mon, I shower every Friday and I wear Axe; what more do you want from me?"
Xavin didn't bother concealing his disgust as he glared at Chase. "This is absurd; Karolina has been—"
"'Trapped in the form of a knuckle–dragging ape'." Victor echoed. "Yeah, you keep saying that. I get that you're new, princess, but you've got to understand that this kind of thing happens to us all the time—"
"Honestly, it barely moves the needle on the freak–o–meter," Nico said, not looking up from the yellowed tome balanced in her lap, "especially compared to, like, an old guy turning into a Starbucks–crushing Godzilla ripoff."
"—so this'll be fixed in no time, right?"
"Day after tomorrow, tops." Nico said. She gave Karolina a small, reassuring smile.
Karolina smiled weakly back at her and turned to Xavin, reaching out a broad hand. "They're right, love." she said softly. "This won't last long."
He struggled to keep a neutral expression on his face.
"This is intolerable." Xavin muttered, descending into the Hostel's hangar. "Victor!"
The android half–turned from the Leapfrog's exposed mechanisms with a look of ill–concealed irritation on his oil–spattered face. "What?"
"Nico's being opaque as to her progress toward restoring Karolina." She tried to sound casual, as though Karolina weren't hideously transfigured and she was simply talking about atmospheric disturbance. "She claims it 'will be done when it's done'."
"That's magic for you. Why're you telling me this?"
"Because I—" Xavin grimaced, then tried to turn it into a companionable smile. "You and Nico are in a relationship, so I came here to ask you to—"
"To what?" Victor asked sharply. "'Talk some sense into her'? Look, He–Man, maybe you're the master of the universe back home—"
"Watch your tongue, automaton." Xavin growled, flames playing across her balled fists.
"—but here in the 21st century," Victor continued, unfazed, "we've got this thing called 'gender equality' which means men don't get to make women's decisions for them—"
"Knock it off, Mancha." Karolina's voice echoed sharply across the hangar. "I don't wanna have to tell Nico you committed suicide by Super–Skrull." Chase continued dryly, leaning against a stone balustrade.
"Whatever." Victor muttered, turning back to his work.
"Hey, Xav'." Chase said, his tone barely cordial, as he sauntered down the steps toward her. He'd pulled one of his shapeless jackets over Karolina's sleeping–clothes with an effect not unlike wrapping an exquisite sculpture in an old tarpaulin. "Karolina wants to know why you've been avoiding her."
"I am not avoiding Karolina—"
He rolled Karolina's eyes. "Sure you haven't, invisible girl. She's in the kitchen if you wanna stop 'not avoiding' her."
Xavin hesitated, her hand resting lightly on the door–handle. The cowardly urge to continue avoiding Karolina welled up inside her. "I have defeated Accusers in hand–to–hand combat," she muttered to herself, "surely I can talk to my–my girlfriend." she fixed a pleasant smile on her face and opened the door. "Karolina—"
Karolina and Molly halted their construction of a many–tiered sandwich to stare silently at her.
Xavin felt a certain nostalgia for the battlefield as she stiffly approached the laquered–wood kitchen table and pulled out a square–backed chair.
Beneath the table, Old Lace chewed noisily on a strip of dried meat.
It was clear from the sour expression on Chase's face that Karolina was in a poor mood.
Xavin cleared her throat. "Karolina, I—"
There was a squeal of wood–on–tile as Karolina stood and strode around the table. Xavin pushed down a reflexive return to her natural form as Chase's body loomed over her.
Chase's face twisted with misery. "God," Karolina rasped, "you can't even look at me like this, huh?"
She turned and rushed from the room before Xavin could speak.
"Smooth." Molly said softly.
Xavin glared wordlessly at her and followed Karolina out the door.
If Karolina stared at the ceiling hard enough, she could almost pretend there wasn't something horribly wrong with her body. Except it wasn't her body, and every time she spoke, every time she looked down at herself, every time Xavin looked at her, she remembered that it was—
"Back off, Stein. I don't need your help comforting my betrothed!" Xavin's strident voice carried easily through the thin wooden door.
"I'm not 'comforting your betrothed'." Chase snapped. Karolina's stomach lurched at the familiar sound of her own voice. "I've known Karolina my whole life, she's my friend. Just let me talk to her."
Karolina watched the door creak open from deep in her cocoon of blankets. Xavin, uncertainty written across her face, lingered awkwardly on the walkway as Chase stepped inside.
"How're you doin', K?" he half–whispered, pushing the door closed.
"Not great." she croaked. "Your body's kinda gross and I keep wanting to cry, or punch a wall, or both at once."
Chase shrugged off his jacket and carefully settled onto the floor beside the bed, resting his head against the wall. "Yeah, that's the testosterone talking."
"Of course it is." she muttered. "You feel like this all the time?"
He shrugged. "You get used to it."
"I'd rather not." Karolina said with a shudder. "Uh, sorry I called your body gross. I didn't mean—"
"'s'alright. If I were you right now – I mean, if I was a hot space princess who'd got stuck in the body of a 'barely–washed grease–monkey' – I'd probably be curled up in a ball crying too."
"So, you wanna talk about it?"
"About what?" Karolina asked, glancing away from the ceiling.
"'bout what set you off; you seemed like you were on top of this," Chase gestured vaguely at her, "right until you weren't."
"It's..." she sighed. "It's like when I was 13 and mom wouldn't stop making jabs at my weight, y'know?" she turned to look at Chase, who looked back at her like an escaped reflection. "There's all these little things that add up to way too much."
He nodded. "I get that. I keep seeing my dad." he said quietly, hunching his shoulders. "In the mirror, y'know? Makes me wanna crawl outta my skin sometimes."
"Oh." Karolina said, awkwardly. "How do you deal with that?"
Chase smiled wryly and pulled a slim tin case from his jacket. "Oh, you know: 'herbal remedies'."
"—so the Phantom of the Operating Theater starts bragging about how he's untouchable so long as he's got MGH in his body, then Nico hits him with a detox spell and he ends up passed out in a pool of his own puke."
Karolina gaped at Chase. "You're kidding."
He shook his head, her faintly glowing hair casting shifting patterns across the walls through the haze. "I'm serious, she totally took out this supercreep with, like, magic ipecac."
"God," she muttered, leaning against the headboard, "we're such super–losers."
Chase grinned widely. "Yeah, Vic called us the 'West Coast Defenders.'"
"Who the hell are the Defenders?"
"I have no idea." Chase said, his eyes wide. "He said they fought a–a clown cult back in the seventies?"
"A clown cult."
"Yeah, apparently this, like, giant fish from outer space tried to end the cold war by, uh, starting a clown cult."
Karolina stared at him. "****, I hope we're not the West Coast Defenders."
"I don't think we're that goofy." Chase said with a wry smile. "Hey, are you hungry? 'cause I think there's, like, half a jar of pickles in the fridge."
"Wow, a whole half jar."
Molly bounced to her feet, a smile spreading across her face. "'lina! You're up" she spun on her heel and yelled "Nico, Karolina's up!"
Nico nodded at them from a nest of books while Old Lace cracked open a deep red eye and tightened her jaws around a twitching tome.
"So're you'n Xavin breaking up?" Molly asked innocently as Karolina gingerly sat down next to them."
Karolina sighed. "No, she's just—"
"Being a real d— uh, jerk." Nico said bluntly.
"That's—" Karolina folded her arms defensively. "—that's not true!"
"He's treating you like the proverbial chopped liver, 'lina."
"That's not her fault! Skrulls just have extremely sensitive noses, so—"
"So it's 'cause Chase stinks?" Molly asked, still the picture of innocence.
"Hey, I don't smell that bad." Chase said, handing Karolina a pickle–and–chip sandwich and sitting crosslegged beside her. A worried look crossed his face. "I don't, right?"
"Not always?" Nico said slowly, looking pleadingly at Karolina.
"It's mostly a Skrull thing." Karolina added quickly, shooting a warning look at Molly.
Molly pulled a disgusted face.
"You don't smell any worse than some of the more socially–conscious jocks I've known—" Victor said, clambering down from the Leapfrog's cockpit.
"See?" Chase said triumphantly.
"—but I never had to live with those guys, so..." he shrugged.
"Traitor."
"Actually, where is Xavin?" Karolina asked.
"She stomped off after Chase went to talk to you." Molly said.
"Yeah, he said something about 'keeping the peace'." Victor said, rolling his eyes.
Karolina shot to her feet. "I've got to go after her!"
"How?" Chase asked, floating to his feet. "K, I get you're worried but the 'Frog's grounded—"
"Plus Xavin's, y'know, a Super–Skrull," Nico said flippantly, "so I'm pretty sure he can take care of, uh, herself."
"Xavin's not who I'm worried about."
Nico gave her a skeptical look.
"Okay, we're trying to prove that we're not the new Pride, right? And Xavin's trying to not be a space warlord, and both of those'll be a lot easier if she's not on every channel as 'Super–Skrull Slays Shocker' because some dork in a stupid outfit called her short!"
Chase nodded. "Gotcha. One teenage Super–Skrull, coming up."
A scattered crowd stood around a boxy white vehicle, chattering and pointing camera–phones at the corroded wreck of its engine housing. Their voices rose as a lone, purple–clad figure emerged from the cargo–space with a bulging kit–bag over his shoulder. The hoses trailing from his hand to a small yellow tank on his back swung freely as he mockingly saluted the crowd with a rubbery yellow gauntlet. "I hate to leave a guy hanging," he said theatrically to a clearly unconscious blue–uniformed driver, plastered to the transport's side by a mass of yellow sealant, "but I'd rather not stick around—"
"Desist!" Xavin barked, wreathing herself in flame as she descended. "Or prepare to face—"
"YOU!" the man yelled, his face twisting in terrified rage. "How the ****—" he squinted at her. "Wait, you're that sawed–off Power–Skrull—"
"Super–Skrull."
"Whatever. You hang around with those supervillain kids whose folks used to run things 'round here, right? This a shakedown?" he said with an overconfident sneer. His hand dropped to his hip, fingers flexing. "You here to give me the 'this is our city' speech? 'cause I don't do that spandex Goodfellas crap. The Trapster is a solo operator." he announced loudly, glancing at the crowd.
Xavin glared at him. "If you're quite finished—"
"Oh, sure, ball's in your court." he drawled.
"You will surrender, now, or face summary justice." she said, letting her flames flare threateningly and privately hoping the arrogant little man would make a fight of it.
A thoughtful look slid across his face, leaving as quickly as it appeared. "Nah." He clenched his fist and a sound like a thousand damp fingertips sliding against glass filled the air.
Her flame guttered and she lurched out of the air as the contents of her stomach mounted an escape attempt. She slammed into the ground with a painful thud—
"So have you found anything about..." Karolina gestured at Chase's face.
"Well," Nico said cautiously, "that piece of evil wizard cutlery we found next to you guys is probably Old Atlantean—"
"Which actually narrows things down a lot." Victor added.
Karolina flopped backward onto the warm stone floor and sighed. "Great. Wake me up when you've got a clue."
"—not so tough, huh?"
Xavin's head swam as she looked up to see the man who – without a hint of irony – called himself the Trapster standing over her. She tried to bring up a hand to burn the smug expression off his face but found herself trapped by the same substance that encased the unfortunate driver.
"That's the thing about you super types: you're all stupid! You act like just 'cause you can fly and throw fireballs and **** you can walk all over guys like—"
A kaleidoscopic tendril slapped him into the pavement.
Xavin's heart leapt, then sank again when the angelic vision alighted softly onto the pavement and opened her mouth.
"Yo, Xav'. You need a hand?"
She greened and tore free of the mass of epoxy with a brute flex of her force–shield. "I still don't need your help, Stein."
"Right," Chase said snidely, resting a hand on Karolina's hip, "you totally had things under control before I showed up—"
Grating laughter filled the air. "I'm sorry, do you kids need a moment?" the Trapster said, looking spectacularly smug as he brushed grit from his epaulettes. "It's just that I was robbing this van before you two showed up and I'd appreciate you taking your lovers' spat—"
Xavin stretched out an arm and punched him in the face.
He squawked with pain and brought his arms to bear as Xavin let out a yell and charged at him. A spray of razor-pointed plastic darts shattered on her force–shield a moment before she tackled him to the pavement. He snarled up at her, blood streaming from his nose, and shattered a glass vial against her shield with a blast of yellow smoke that left her near–blind and coughing. She felt a fist slam into her gut before a glowing tendril dragged her back into untainted air.
"Don't die on me, dude." Chase said, almost sounding concerned. "Karolina'd kill me."
"Of—" she coughed painfully. "—of course. Your survival is a fine motivation."
"Cute. Can you take this loser out if I distract him?"
"Is the Beast of Traal stupid?"
He looked at her uncomprehendingly.
"That means 'yes'."
The Trapster burst from the sickly yellow cloud brandishing a bulky weapon and let out a yelp as Chase swung a tendril at his head. He ducked and sprayed a gout of bluish paste in Chase's direction before Xavin shattered his weapon with a single blow of her rocky fist. A second punch knocked the breath from his body, and she knocked him off his feet with a third.
She looked down at the Trapster's unconscious form, then to Chase who looked none the worse for wear. "Chase."
"Yeah?"
"You see to the driver. I'll take care of this idiot."
"Fine, but after that we've gotta talk." he said gravely.
The afternoon sun cast long shadows across a dirty rooftop. Gulls scattered as Xavin dropped lightly onto the roof. She turned to watch Chase land gracelessly, stumbling as Karolina's feet hit the roof. "You said we need to talk," she said, letting her impatience show, "so—"
"What the hell is your problem?" Chase growled. "Karolina's feeling like **** and you just run out on her—"
"Someone like you wouldn't understand—"
"So make me understand!" he yelled, throwing Karolina's arms wide. "Tell me why you're treating your 'beloved' like a warm dog–turd just 'cause she suddenly looks like yours truly! Like, you're a shapeshifter—"
"Which is why I reacted so..." she exhaled heavily. "so poorly. My people cannot change our body chemistry as simply as we change our appearances, so we rely heavily on scent to distinguish one another; since you have exchanged bodies, Karolina has your scent—"
"What, is the big bad Super–Skrull scared of a little funk?"
Xavin folded her arms defensively. "It unsettles me; it's as though I had woken up to find Karolina transformed into a hideous—"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm ugly and disgusting," Chase snapped, "which would be a real blow to my self–esteem if I had any. Y'know, for a guy who can't shut up about all the battles he's fought you're acting like a total pussy right now."
"If you weren't inhabiting Karolina's body I'd maim you for that insult." she growled.
"No ****." he sneered. "Why'd'ya think I said it? This is probably the only chance I'll ever get to say what I really think of you..." he hesitated for a split–second before dramatically jabbing a finger at her. "You coward!"
Xavin frowned. "Are you trying to goad me?"
"I might be."
"It's working."
"'Working' like you're realising what an asshole you've been or 'working' as in you're gonna kick my ass now and apologise to Karolina later?" Chase asked, worry creeping onto Karolina's face.
"'Working' as in I didn't need you to tell me I've behaved abominably, but I appreciate your loyalty to my betrothed."
"I'm not 'loyal to your betrothed', I just—"
"Care about your friend. So you've said." It still felt strange to think of friendship as anything but a vulnerability. "Honestly, I'd rather face the entire Shi'ar Imperial Guard alone than go back to the Hostel right now; at least I'd know what to do."
"You could, like, try apologising for being a total ****. Earth girls like that kind of thing."
"Karolina isn't an 'Earth girl'."
"She grew up here. She's, like, culturally an Earthling." Chase idly ran a hand through Karolina's hair and stared in horror when it came away spattered with glue. "Oh, she's gonna murder me."
"So let me get this straight." Karolina said, jabbing a finger at the ornate snake–hilted dagger with its blade wrapped in a towel. "This wiggly dagger is, like, twenty thousand years old—"
"If this guy's telling the truth, yeah." Nico said, dangling a lighter above the book's trembling pages.
"—and was made by snake people from Atlantis—"
"Who may or may not have been literal snake people." Victor added, leaning over Nico's shoulder.
"—to steal people's souls so they could live longer."
"That's pretty much it." Nico said, resting her chin in her free hand. "Anything you're having trouble with?"
"Uh, what about how does this help?" Karolina yelled, then flinched as Chase's voice echoed through the Hostel. "Sorry, I'm just—"
Nico gently brushed her hand against Karolina's shoulder. "It's fine, 'lina. If I was in your shoes – or, like, Chase's shoes, I guess – I'd be pretty pissed too."
"And it's actually helpful to know that it does soul stuff," Victor said, "'cause that's got to be what happened with you and Chase—"
"Karolina!" Xavin yelled, gracefully dropping onto the floor as a force–bubble popped out of existence behind her. She strode purposefully toward them, her hair falling to her shoulders as she shifted back from her broad–shouldered warrior body and dropped to one knee in front of Karolina, holding out a hand. "Karolina, I fear that I've been a—" she glanced at Chase, who lingered awkwardly by the platform's edge. "—a total ****."
Karolina took her hand and let Xavin pull her up from the floor. "You kinda have." she said, smiling faintly as she looked into Xavin's dark red eyes.
"I can only ask for your forgiveness and tell you that even if you are trapped in this..." she hesitated. "this form, I swear that I'll love you all the same."
Karolina stared over Xavin's shoulder. "Does Chase have, like, gunk in his hair?"
"Glue, actually." she said bluntly. "And if you ever feel uncomfortable—"
"Chase!" Karolina barked as she stomped past Xavin. "Why the hell is there glue in my hair?"
Chase stepped back, letting out a panicked laugh. "Would you believe Paste–Pot Pete? Like, from America's Dumbest—"
"Oh, sure." she growled as she dragged him to the bathroom. "It's not like he's any weirder than our usual guys." she shoved the door open and pulled Chase inside, then stopped cold, his hand slipping from hers as she stared at the mirror.
She looked terrible; her glue–flecked hair looked like it'd been through a hurricane, her bare face was weirdly unbalanced, and Chase's jacket was even less flattering on her than it was on him. She grimaced—
And remembered that she wasn't in her body.
"Hey, Xav'?" Chase said quietly.
"What?"
"You wanna get in here and chaperone me so 'lina doesn't have to touch her hair with my man–hands or worry about me being a creep?"
Karolina flopped into a seat and stared up at the Leapfrog's ceiling. "So have you guys gotten anywhere?
"Well—"
"Because Xavin's in the bathroom washing Chase's hair – by which I mean my hair – and that's just wrong; like, normally I'd be so, so okay with Xavin gently running her fingers through my hair in the shower..." she bit her lip and trailed off.
"O–kay." Nico said quietly. "We think we've worked out how this situation happened to begin with: those ancient evil wizards used the dagger to extend their lives by stealing the life–force from human sacrifices—"
"And the most common description of that is 'consumed'," Victor cut in, "but the literal translation of the oldest stories is more like 'drank'."
"Yeah, so based on that and what happened to you guys we think that the dagger must've cut both of you at the same time so it, like, sucked your souls out into each other—"
"So if we do that again we'll be back to normal and this deeply freaky nightmare'll be over, great!" Karolina said, sitting up. "What're we waiting for, other than for Chase to finish drying my hair?"
Victor shifted uncomfortably. "We're just not 100 percent sure—"
She slammed a fist into the seat. "I'll take 'less than 100 percent' over one more day with Chase's sweat and stubble and–and hormones!"
"You're lucky, y'know that?"
Xavin looked at Chase, confused. "In what way?"
He glanced up at her from the shower's lip, where he knelt to rinse Karolina's hair beneath the gently flowing water. "Like, you're lucky you don't have to deal with all this gender bull****. Humans've gotta do all this girl–woman–boy–man crap just 'cause of biology," he said scornfully, "but Skrulls can just be whatever they want."
"That's..." she hesitated, feeling like a man on the edge of a cliff. "not entirely true."
"What do you mean, 'not entirely true'? 'cause I definitely remember you saying that changing gender's like dyeing hair for—"
"I lied." she struggled to keep her treacherous voice even as she spoke. "I lied to Karolina. The truth is that I am a freak and a failure; a so–called 'Super–Skrull' who cannot keep a firm grip on his identity." she stared at the clinical white tiles of the wall rather than see Chase's expression of shock and disgust on Karolina's face.
"Does she know?"
"Of course! I could hardly hide the truth from her once we were amid Skrull high society, and I would not found a relationship – even an arranged marriage – on false pretense." she laughed mirthlessly. "Another reason I'm a poor excuse for a Skrull."
Chase said nothing. The water's arrythmic drumbeat seemed to fill the room, louder and louder until—
"I killed a guy." he said abruptly, and reached up to close the tap.
"What?" she said dumbly, unsure where this had come from or where it was bound.
"I was sixteen and scared, he was stupid and high on something, and it turns out the human skull's pretty fragile when it hits asphalt at twenty miles per." he shrugged. "I figure if we're sharing awful secrets—"
Comprehension dawned. "You're employing the Human diplomatic technique of mutually–assured destruction."
"Sure," Chase said dryly, "that's what I'm doing. That **** about being a failure sounded like the kind of thing my old man'd say right before picking up a phonebook."
"A phonebook?"
Chase smirked at some private joke. "It's a big book full of phone numbers, but—"
"I know what a phonebook is, Stein." Xavin snapped. "I just don't understand why—"
"'s flat and wide so it doesn't leave a lot of bruises, which was the only reason I didn't look like I'd gone a round with Tyson whenever I brought home a C."
"Ah." she said quietly. "My instructor would light a single fingertip on fire and press it to my face when I disappointed him. He said that a better student would know how to absorb the heat."
"Sounds like a real winner. Gert says—" his voice caught in his throat. "—Gert said **** like that's how the Patriarchy keeps people from thinking for themselves."
"And 'the Patriarchy' is?"
"I think it's like 'the Man'."
Xavin briefly considered asking who 'the Man' was before Chase plunged on.
"I think people like–like you are probably normal, just not the kind of 'normal' they're 'supposed' to be, so they get called freaks and failures, get forced into society's idea of 'normal'." he looked up at her, his face wet. "But sometimes they're brave enough to keep saying 'this is who I am' no matter what gets thrown at them."
He opened the tap up.
Xavin's voice stuck in her throat. "I'm not brave." she said, barely audible over the rushing water.
Chase snorted bitterly.
"Took you long enough!" Karolina yelled across the hangar, Chase's voice tinged with irritation.
"Yeah, my bad!" Chase yelled back, his tone flippant. "I was too busy getting all the glue out of your hair to watch the clock."
"Whatever. Nico's worked out how to fix this! We just take that creepy knife and cut ourselves at the same time—"
"Not, uh, cut yourself cut yourself," Victor said quickly, "We're pretty sure it'll only take as much blood as Nico uses to summon the Staff."
"—and then it'll, like, unswap us!"
Xavin frowned. "I'm no expert on magic, but that dagger looks..." she tilted her head. "Evil, actually."
"Xavin's got a point." Nico said, folding her arms. "I'm not, like, totally comfortable—"
"Well, I'm totally uncomfortable right now!" Karolina snapped. "Sorry, Nico, but I really want out of Chase's body and I really, really don't want to have to wake up in it tomorrow."
"I'll do it." Chase said, then smiled reassuringly at Nico. "You got this, boss."
Nico cleared her throat quietly and gingerly offered the towel–swaddled dagger to Karolina.
Karolina gripped the hilt and carefully unwrapped the blade. Chase reached out and slowly wrapped her narrow fingers around his own broad digits.
"On three?"
"Yeah."
Karolina's voice quavered slightly. "One."
Chase's finger hovered just shy of the blade. "Two."
"Three—"
Chase opened his eyes to see Old Lace's familiar triangular head hanging over him, concern written across her scaly face. He smiled crookedly and reached up to pet her snout with a broad, familiar hand.
"That you in there, Chase?" Molly asked, leaning into view.
He nodded.
"Hey, Nico! Chase's up!"
He sat up slowly with Old Lace watching him like a giant, sharp–toothed mother hen the whole way. Catching Karolina's eye over Xavin's shoulder, he asked "How's the hair?"
She rolled her eyes while his stomach lurched at the familiar sound of his own voice.
He'd almost got used to not sounding like him.
"Are you feeling lightheaded?" Nico asked, her face uncomfortably close to his. "Or suddenly remembering ancient Lemuria?"
"No and no."
"So your vitals are fine and you're, like, probably not possessed by the ghost of a twenty–thousand–year–old snake wizard." she turned and grinned at Victor. "They're both back to normal!"
Vic smiled back at her, looking like he stepped off the set of Degrassi.
Chase pushed the ache in his chest down and pasted a smile onto his face. "Yeah. Normal."
