Well, I think the FS and LC will have to go the other way from the Combine and go for things like heavy ppcs and primitive mechs.
Davion Heir (BattleTech AU)
- Thread starter Oshha
- Start date
- Sci-Fi
- Pronouns
- God
Thanks for sharing your story with us, I liked the new twist of a new first prince.
- Location
- Southampton, Great Britain
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Honestly, the end of the story was pretty rushed as it was done at the end of November and in hindsight, I was getting burnt out from doing all of that writing in such a short space of time. I'm not sure how much it shows up in the writing itself, but after reaching the 50,000 mark and not still not having finished the story yet, I feel that my mindset switched from getting more words done to just wanting to get the story done and wrapped up.
- Location
- Southampton, Great Britain
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I have the broadstrokes and some of the details planned out, but those tended to the earlier and middle parts. For the end, I have I had a vague idea of what I wanted, but was mostly improvising within that framework.
- Location
- The deathworld-in-miniature that is Australia
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Well, I certainly enjoyed it, and if you ever decide to give it an editing pass/minor rewrite to address the weaknesses you identified, like not foreshadowing Hikari before the reveal, or if you gain more confidence in writing Combine characters, not featuring her more after the reveal, I would definitely be interested in reading the edited version!
Personally, I like that Hanse was taken captive, because I like what you did with it once the Combine revealed it, as much as I would have perhaps preferred to see more done with it, but I completely understand the writing fatigue and desire to just get it done that lead to rising through the ending portion.
If you do end up doing a rewrite, I'd actually be really interested to see the suggestion someone made, of having the reason Hikari aided the Combine not being because the person from our reality was a Kurita stan, but rather because the 31st century personality ended up being dominant, even if she thinks otherwise, with perhaps some disparaging remarks in Hikari's internal narrative about how 'weak' she was before being inserted, done in a way that shows that the insert ended up being little more than memories to mine for advantage and perhaps a few lingering, easily-ignored moral hangups about little things like 'warcrimes', or 'empowering a brutal authoritarian regime that believes their destiny is to rule over all mankind', trivialities like that. Could even mention that she occasionally thinks she hears faint screaming in her 'old voice' when alone, or something. Of course, that's just my preference because I like fucked-up mental/existential shit like that, not anything I'm trying to force you to do if you don't want to.
Looking forward to the epilogues, and if at some point down the line you decide to revisit this story and touch it up, know that I will be ready and waiting to read it again!
Personally, I like that Hanse was taken captive, because I like what you did with it once the Combine revealed it, as much as I would have perhaps preferred to see more done with it, but I completely understand the writing fatigue and desire to just get it done that lead to rising through the ending portion.
If you do end up doing a rewrite, I'd actually be really interested to see the suggestion someone made, of having the reason Hikari aided the Combine not being because the person from our reality was a Kurita stan, but rather because the 31st century personality ended up being dominant, even if she thinks otherwise, with perhaps some disparaging remarks in Hikari's internal narrative about how 'weak' she was before being inserted, done in a way that shows that the insert ended up being little more than memories to mine for advantage and perhaps a few lingering, easily-ignored moral hangups about little things like 'warcrimes', or 'empowering a brutal authoritarian regime that believes their destiny is to rule over all mankind', trivialities like that. Could even mention that she occasionally thinks she hears faint screaming in her 'old voice' when alone, or something. Of course, that's just my preference because I like fucked-up mental/existential shit like that, not anything I'm trying to force you to do if you don't want to.
Looking forward to the epilogues, and if at some point down the line you decide to revisit this story and touch it up, know that I will be ready and waiting to read it again!
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