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Dark Souls: Low Budget Quest [DROPPED]

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DARK SOULS: LOW BUDGET QUEST

Experience the GIT GUD SCRUB joys of Dark Souls through this...
Shintouyu

Shintouyu

A Wandering Soul
DARK SOULS: LOW BUDGET QUEST​

Experience the GIT GUD SCRUB joys of Dark Souls through this low-budget and wholly inaccurate quest!​



INDEX HERE
(1) Ain't No Deprives In This Quest.
(2) Muted Agency.
(3) Asylum Stray.
(4) Slam Dunk By The Rump.
(5) Jump & Key.
(6) To The Land Of Ancient Lords.
(7) There Are Two Bells Of Awakening!
(8) Explore Firelink Shrine's Cliff.
(9) That Morose-Lass.
(10) Explore Firelink Shrine's Chapel.
(11) That Rotund Mushroom-Head?
(12) Dick-Punch Petrus.
(13) The Undead Burg.
(!) Crestfallen Warrior vs Petrus.
(14) The Undead Merchant.
(15) A Bad Neighborhood.
(16) A Goat Demon Comes.
(17) Kill The Goat Demon & A Locked Room.
(18) No Mage & A Butcher.
(19) Ember Barrel Sack.
(20) Laurentius Of The Great Swamp.
(21) Dirty Depths.
(22) Keys To Blighttown?
(!) The Sunny Fellow & The Bridge Dragon.
(23) Gaping Dragon.
(24) Down To Blighttown.
(25) Tendril Mound With Weaving Webs.
(26) A Thorn By Thy Side.
(27) Killing Kirk & Quelaag.
 
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​

?????: "Hey, it's me. Who? It's me, A Wandering Soul."

A Wandering Soul: "So, listen, there's no starting Deprived class in this quest, so I'm going to need you to wear some clothes. It's also because we're not going to give a shit about your gender here, so let's just keep it ambigiously hidden beneath everything. Anyways, See this list? Mix-and-match however you like. Pick a [Head], [Chest], [Hands], and [Legs] piece."


A Wandering Soul: "You know how to make a request, right? It'll look something like this:"

[X] Head
[X] Chest
[X] Hands
[X] Legs


A Wandering Soul: "Weapons? Sorry, all you've got are your fists. Don't worry, you'll pick-up something useful soon enough, I'm sure."

A Wandering Soul: "Well then, are you prepared to die? ...That was rhetorical; I know you are!"
 
[X] Head: Pharis' Hat
[X] Chest: Wanderer Coat
[X] Hands: Tattered Cloth Manchette
[X] Legs: Brigand Trousers

Have to try to have us look like a time-displaced pimp.

Also pretty good magic, poison, and bleed resistance. And decent physical defenses.
 
[X] Head: Thief Mask
[X] Chest: Wanderer Coat
[X] Hands: Wanderer Manchette
[X] Legs: Holy Trousers
 
[x] Thief Mask
[x] Black Leather Armor
[x] Black Leather Gloves
[x] Black Leather Boots

What can I say, I'm really fond of the the Thief's starting armor, especially dat poison resist, and low weight
 
[X] Standard helm
[X] Hard Leather Armour
[X] Hard Leather Gloves
[X] hard Leather Boots

Some of the best and most versatile of the starting armour, to my understanding.
 
[X] Standard helm
[X] Hard Leather Armour
[X] Hard Leather Gloves
[X] hard Leather Boots
 
Votes Locked:
##### 3.19
[X] Head: Pharis' Hat
[X] Chest: Wanderer Coat
[X] Hands: Tattered Cloth Manchette
[X] Legs: Brigand Trousers
No. of votes: 1
Cornix Argentus

[X] Head: Thief Mask
[X] Chest: Wanderer Coat
[X] Hands: Wanderer Manchette
[X] Legs: Holy Trousers
No. of votes: 1
ILurk

[x] Thief Mask
[x] Black Leather Armor
[x] Black Leather Gloves
[x] Black Leather Boots
No. of votes: 1
Shura12305

[X] Standard helm
[X] Hard Leather Armour
[X] Hard Leather Gloves
[X] hard Leather Boots
No. of votes: 2
Skewfiend, Bondo

Omegastar said:
Good God man, how many quests are you doing right now? o_O
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
None.
 
​

A Wandering Soul: "If your helmet and gloves seem to be too big, then it's probably because they are, since I just grabbed a few random pieces that were laying around. We can't afford form-fitting equipment yet, so you just have to deal with it. Anyways, how do you feel?"

Chosen Undead: "....." (Like shit.)

A Wandering Soul: "Oh, of course you're mute! Haven't exercised those vocals in a long while, eh? Don't worry, you're inability to speak can be solved with judicious use of the Gestures features! You know what they say, actions speak louder than words, and all that."

Chosen Undead: "....." (Fuck, are you serious?)

A Wandering Soul: "No, of course not, that would be annoying. Just rest at a bonfire or down a flask and your throat will be as good as new. Until then, you're going to have to communicate like every silent-protagonist before you: grunts and growls."

A Wandering Soul: "Anyways, let's get this quest started!"


DARK SOULS LOW BUDGET QUEST​


An unspecified amount of time ago but probably quite long ago, you had been locked inside the Northern Undead Asylum within a tiny jail-cell for being Undead. Today, a mysterious-stranger dropped a key into your cell, which you used to escape from your room.


Chosen Undead: "....." (What kind of story-telling is that?)

A Wandering Soul: "And what part of 'low-budget' don't you understand? Look, just fill in the details with your imagination, it's what all the cool kids theorize with."


There is a long hallway before you.

Hollows, men that were deader than dead yet still cursed to walk the earths, wallowed near the left wall. To the right were broken bars, showing a vast room being patrolled by a big, green, ugly, and mean demon on the other side.


A Wandering Soul: "Normally, I would stop here and let you decide on your basic personality, which would be determined by how you would deal with these pathetic chumps. But for the sake of the plot, I'm going to continue to take away your agency and start the first boss encounter."

Chosen Undead: "....." (You dirty piece of shit.)


You exit your hell-hole by climbing-up a very long ladder and then lighting the nearby Bonfire at the courtyard.

You pushed open a double-door and entered a cathedral-looking building. Inside were numerous vases lining all sides of the wall, pillars keeping the already-collapsed ceiling from falling any further, and a small entrance to the left. You advanced toward the middle of the room and examined the message on the floor because stupidity was the only option.


Here to make an 'Ass' out of 'U' and 'Me'​

Suddenly, the Asylum Demon drops from above and menacingly lands before you.


[ ] Run Away - The double-door has closed shut but you can still safely escape this battle via the left passageway.
[ ] Fight - You have no weapons but this shouldn't be difficult. You have a success rate of 70%, every vote increases your competence by 1%.
[ ] The Floor Collapses - You fatass demon!
[ ] Write-In - What do?
 
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[X] The Floor Collapses - You fatass demon!
​


But, as the Asylum Demon landed upon the brittle bricked floor, a portion of the floor started rumbling. It was breaking apart and collapsed too fast for you to react. You fell. Your hands grasped for anything and found purchase about twisted barks.

A tree?


This isn't even a recolor!​

No, they were antlers. The antlers of the Stray Demon. You had landed atop and on the back of the Stray Demon, which looked suspiciously similar to the Asylum Demon. It doesn't seem to have noticed you, the falling brinks that plinked its noggin had likely disguised your descent.

And, across the room, was the Asylum Demon flapping its meager wings as it returned to an upright position. It spots you, red beady-eyes narrowing further, as it charged forward and lifted up its great-hammer. You slid down the back of the the Stray Demon as the weapon came down on the head of your carrier with a resounding smack. The reverberation shook you loose as massive fats jiggled and forced you to fall onto the wet floor with a roll.

The Stray Demon let out a moan of pain before recomposing itself with angered eyes, it swung its own great-hammer and hit the Asylum Demon on the side.

The two Demons did battle.


[ ] Escape? - There may or may not be a way to get out of this room.
[ ] Fight - Not butts about it.
[ ] Watch - DAT ASS x2.
[ ] Write-In - What do?
 
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