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Uh. Hi?

It's been too long, I know. Far too long. I hate it. I have not written more than two...

ensou

Magical G̶i̶r̶l̶ Servant Mordred-chan
Location
NEW YORK CITY!??
Pronouns
She/Her
Uh. Hi?

It's been too long, I know. Far too long. I hate it. I have not written more than two sentences in over a month and a half, and I hate it. All I can say is: depression sucks. I've been in a bit of denial about how bad it affects me, and I've finally started recognizing that I need to acknowledge it's not going away anytime soon and this is going to be something I'll be fighting the rest of my life.

I can apologize, but that won't change things. I can say I'm taking steps forward, but it's a slow road.

But I also realize that this is one of the healthiest outlets I have, and that ignoring that and discarding it would be stupid.

I only have a short new thing today, but I'll hopefully keep expanding on it. Paradoxical's horrible, no good, very-bad Crucible match is finally effectively complete. Just need to finish, polish, post it. Transposition has a chapter halfway done I need to work on, as does (oh dear god) AFHB.

It may take a while. I may have large gaps between updates. I may have my inspiration be completely gone 95% of days. I may have nothing more than drabbles at times (like today). But I'm here, I'm writing. I'm still alive.

As always, please review, feel free to offer suggestions of stuff you'd like to see me try (while keeping in mind it'd probably only ever be a one-shot), and discuss things.

Now, let's go.

Circles Within Circles
a story fragment collection
presented by ensou

 
Wish Me Well 1
It starts, as these things always do, with a vial.

It starts with a vial and a girl and half of a remaining concoction that's colored a fluorescent pale green that slips down her throat like cough syrup that's sentient and trying to crawl back up the whole way down.

It sits, uneasily, in her stomach like a solid glob of rubber, and she has just enough time to regret it before there's an ice pick in her forehead, her skin on fire and bubbling and twisting, limbs fusing to her body as she curls into a whimpering ball of flesh.

She opens her mouth to scream, but no sounds come out and her skin peels back like it's turning inside out, unfolding and sloughing away, rolling down and off until there's nothing left but a pale white-and-black ovoid the size of what once was a girl, glowing with an internal light.

If she could see herself now, she'd undoubtedly think herself hideous. Still, she got her wish.

The girl with body image problems no longer has a body to worry about.

Noelle Meinhardt no longer has much to worry about at all.

But an egg is only ever a beginning, o reader mine.

Wish Me Well
(Worm/Destiny)


A/N: You can blame this one on @VereorNox and @Suipe, who I half-expect to contribute to this as it goes, considering it was their idea.
 
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Such lovely potential, and I saw The Mist, by Steven King earlier today, so. . .
Embrace change, and accept that you will never be truly in control.
Because that is the game of life;)
 
Wish Me Well 2: Hatch
The first wish carves reality like lines into scrimshaw.

It is an easy wish.

The six wish for her back.

She-that-is-unborn is lucky. It is not often that one is able to feed even before they become. And six all united for a singular happening with such fervor? It is a feast.

Her growth is measured not in weeks or months but in days and hours.

Still, she is not left unaffected. They wish for the-girl-that-was and the heaviness of their desire is all but guaranteed to leave an imprint on one so impressionable as an unborn child. And their minds hold such wonderful expectations of what could possibly be inside such an object as what she-who-was became.

When her shell cracks, the six are there almost instantly. They witness her rebirth in all its uncoordinated messy glory as she flops to the floor gracelessly, four legs and scales and skin and claws and wings and impossible feathers all.

She is there when the boy that desired the most speaks a name that is no longer true but is also true enough.

She answers with the voice of what she once was before, and it is enough.

This is how the first wish is granted.
 
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Beautiful... Life is beautiful.
But what does she look like, presumably, a beautiful bird lizard thing.
 
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SyNaPSe 1
She stood at the top of the hill, looking forward.

The black inorganic surfaces and spines that wrapped around her body as armor gleamed in the sunlight, nothing like what she'd started out with fifteen years earlier.

At this point, she doubted she could even be considered human anymore. She'd given that up years ago. Before she was Safeguard. Before the well-dressed lady with the fedora. Before the Guild.

"Are you sure about this? You don't have to do this alone."

A woman's voice, perpetually young. Once wholly artificial, now only when more convenient.

"I'm sure, Dragon. It's my mistake. Not anyone else's."

"Well, we'll be waiting on standby if you change your mind. You know how Narwhal is."

She nodded, knowing that Dragon could see her, but kept her own eyes on her target.

PRT Quarantine Zone #7.

Her first mistake. Her worst one.

Not that anybody called it that, at least not to her face. Behind closed doors, though, it was only a step away from Nilbog.

Arguably much, much worse, considering the scale.

An entire city that had once hosted over thirty thousand souls, now surrounded with a hundred foot high wall, complete with automated turrets at the top. Establishing the quarantine had supposedly been hell.

She didn't doubt it. Not with what she knew about the cause.

Fists tightening, she started forward. There was no entrance, no gate or door or anything. Just the wall. Just the city.

Dragon had been kind enough to disable the turrets for her today, though.

Soon enough she was at the base of the wall, fully in its shadow as it loomed over her, looking all the taller and more impressive despite its hurried construction and appearing just a mishmash collection of steel plates and concrete on the outside.

With less than a thought, her armor thickened, spines becoming more prominent, fingers and toes becoming claws sharp enough to shear through steel like butter.

She crouched, artificial leg muscles coiling, and jumped less than a second later, clearing more than half of the distance up the wall before she dug her hands and feet in, rapidly climbing up to the top.

Her ascent was measured in seconds, rather than the minutes it looked like it would have taken, appearing like a spider scurrying on a wall.

She flipped over the edge, landing on her feet in a crouch before standing.

Then she was there. At the top.

She'd seen satellite images of it, of course. But there was a difference between simply seeing images and experiencing something.

It was simply… empty.

Largely just as it had been left, without any change at all: roads and buildings all still standing, alone. The only major difference was the vegetation, which had been allowed to grow unchecked, vines crawling across surfaces and sidewalks bursting from the expansion of trees' roots beneath them.

Looking around from her vantage point, she couldn't immediately see anything moving.

"Dragon, may I have access to the satellite feeds you've got?"

"Of course, Safeguard."

Her vision expanded, no longer just what she could see from her own perspective, but aided by the number of high-resolution satellites Dragon had trained on the location, both permanent for monitoring and the temporary ones specifically for this operation.

The various images shifted minutely, zooming and panning at what seemed like random, but all under her control.

"Safeguard, you're going to give me a headache doing that." And there was Repertoire. She was honestly surprised the woman had managed to be as quiet as she had for so long.

Normally she might have made a bit of fun of Andrea, but today, now, she was simply silent, continuing her search.

Suddenly, she caught a bit of movement, all of the feeds shifting to focus on the area, her own head snapping left to match.

The thing she saw wasn't even close to human.

It was like someone had taken a panther, merged it with a man, covered it in skeletal white bone-armor plates and chitinous spines that looked as lethal as they likely were, and then made it ten feet tall standing upright.

They've gotten worse.

They'd evolved.

Shit.

She reached over her shoulder, pulling a large black rectangular object in front of her. It quickly shifted in her hands, barrel extending and pieces sliding into place to match the configuration she wanted. Her feet dug into the concrete and steel she stood on to anchor her with a simple flex.

Five seconds to crouch and aim, a rising charge building, and then a sharp snap-crack as the slug went hypersonic. Less than half a second later the thing's head was conspicuously missing.

"I haven't seen that one before," Andrea commented.

"It's new."

The rifle folded back up to its natural configuration as she put it back over her shoulder. "I'm going in for a closer look."

Without further warning, she jumped off the edge of the wall, gripping the side, fingers and claws dragging through material to slow her descent and make for a quieter landing. No reason to draw more attention to herself than she had to. She had more than enough time for that later.

Moving through the suburban areas, she finally reached the white creature. It was slowly cooling, the amount of mass it had on it making the process slower.

"Some sort of hunter-killer variant, it seems. It appears to be based off of the class-D we've got documented," Dragon commented. "There'll likely be more the closer you get to the hive."

She hummed in agreement.

Without warning, the creature exploded, vine-like tendrils and organs reaching out, as though searching for something, but not finding any hold on her before abruptly freezing and then dropping, leaving nothing more than a mess of white viscera and flesh sprawled in every direction.

It was one of the things that made the Revenant so hard to deal with, because termination just meant exploding and trying to infect as many as possible in the final moments.

It was something she'd never even intended.

Untangling herself from the remains of the creature, she turned towards the center of the city, and then pushed off, only a crater in the road and a wisp of air left behind to show that she'd ever been then.



The overgrown suburban areas gradually turned more urban as she moved closer to the center. The green overgrowth gave way to even more obvious signs of the infection: structures and lampposts draped in the thick white cord of the dead virus, buildings collapsed and torn apart from the outgrowths. And of course, the most obvious sign: the increasing number of creatures, in all shapes and sizes.

She killed every one she came across.

"It looks like our assumption of classes may have been incorrect." Dragon said.

The woman may have been stating the obvious, but it was true. Almost no two were the same, though they all bore some superficial resemblance to each other. Some of the creatures were massive, larger than one of the abandoned minivans that littered the street, while others were smaller than a bicycle.

"The virus mutated." She paused before amending, "Again."

"Yes, it would appear so," Dragon agreed.

"Dragon, why wasn't this documented?"

The woman sighed. "Nobody's really been paying attention to the zone other than the one monitor satellite. Motion sensors on the wall and beyond have never gone off, so I'd assume that the personnel allocated to watch the site were gradually whittled down and then removed entirely to allocate manpower better."

"You can't exactly blame them, Safeguard. Twenty one years without a single change? I'd think keeping someone monitoring it 24/7 would be a waste of resources, too," Repertoire added.

She frowned, but reluctantly agreed in silence.

So things had changed without them noticing. Not good. She couldn't exactly just go in there and start fighting… "Dragon, what was the estimated population of the city post-evacuation?"

The woman's avatar looked to the side, as though looking something up, even though the action was completely unnecessary. Habit, apparently. "Well, there's no chance of an exact count of the infected, but… including the Revenant, it's over eight thousand."

"You've been keeping track of the ones we've dealt with, right?" she asks Dragon, ignoring Repertoire.

Dragon nodded, before opening her mouth. "Six—"

"Sixty-seven, yes. We've covered multiple square miles of area, and only seen that many."

"Yes? I don't see the problem?"

"We've haven't seen even a hundred, and from adjusting the satellites to focus on downtown, I can only see a few hundred there at most," she said, and a look of dawning comprehension slowly appeared on Dragon's face, simultaneously paling. "So Dragon, if there were over eight thousand infected, and they don't die naturally, where are all the others?"

Andrea summed the situation up quite nicely.

"Oh, shit."



The virus had never been meant to evolve. It had never been meant to survive. But in the situation she'd been in —life, or death— she hadn't exactly had the luxury of worrying about that.

The initial vector had been air. Simple, easy, and with a built-in mechanism that would make it break down in an environment of oxygen and nitrogen within thirty minutes.

That would have been great, were it not for the fact that the virus was made to invade human cells, starting with the entire nervous system, destroy their DNA, and co-opt them for their own purpose. Essentially, the virus became immune to the air-vulnerability through the simple fact that human cells were not vulnerable to air, and the late stage of the infected cell simply was the virus.

In the end, there was nothing left of the original organism, just the virus and the monstrous changes it wrought once the target was fully infected. The resulting organism still produced the virus, not as quickly, but it did. And when the outer cells of the organism were replicating the virus just as fast as it degraded —even if the virus was restricted to the surface that it was already on and not airborne— that meant that anycontact with an infected, and you were a lost cause.

It was terrible, the only consolation being that without a central nervous system, which acted as a control for the rest of the virus in the body, the virus could do nothing except obey the directive encoded in its DNA: infect. Which namely involved exploding and trying to touch as much of anything in the immediate area as possible.

Bad, and more than a few had been caught by that, but not impossible to avoid.

And then it had started evolving. Bootstrapping itself.

The infected had begun changing, the virus using the cells it infected in specific ways, becoming creatures that were stronger and faster; predators that searched for and ate anything they could find —despite not needing it— including people. Masses of the virus conglomerated, becoming giant clusters that took over whole buildings, infecting everyone they could before they were dealt with.

She'd only figured out later that it was simply becoming what it was meant to be, instead of the bastardized, compressed version she'd initially created.

She didn't tell anyone that.

The creatures had never exhibited any real intelligence, simply attacking everything around them. No social dynamics, nothing.

So where were they?

Her feeds shifted, scouring the area downtown with the highest concentrations as she walked down the bare, abandoned interstate.

"Dragon, I'm not seeing any signs of where the missing ones could be. Do you?"

The brunette shook her head, but then suddenly froze. "Wait. The large industrial center, a few miles east of where you are… I'm seeing some go in, and others come out, but… they're not the same."

She was shifting her views to that area even as Dragon spoke, and saw what she was describing.

"I've got it."

Vaulting over the edge of the overpass she was on, she dropped to the ground and started moving in the direction of what they were looking at.



She dealt with most of the Revenant brutally, using her strength and speed to snap their necks and then destroy their brains before they could fight back, moving away as they exploded.

No need to waste ammunition—that was saved for the particularly large examples.

The closer she got to the treatment center, the less they looked anything like their previous human selves, appearing more and more monstrous, segmented, skeletal white armor covering them completely. The number of limbs was no longer limited to four, and some were so fast and strong that she would have had trouble if she'd done this five years before.

But this was what she was here for. To fix her mistake, even if nothing came of the result, if the city remained abandoned.

It was the least she could do for the people who had died to give birth to these things.

She worked silently, though Andrea had left at some point and returned with food and a drink, eating while watching and letting Dragon have some of her fries.

Watching this would be something she enjoyed.

"I could've helped you out with this, Safeguard. It would've made it go a lot faster."

She shook her head. "It's not worth the risk. I don't know if I could have made a vaccine for this or not. It's the product of desperation, and it's as indiscriminate and unforgiving as I was when I made it, if not worse"

The pale-haired woman frowned and leaned back. "At least lighten up a little. That sounded like something she would say and you're not her anymore."

"…" Safeguard sighed, standing up from where she'd just taken out another creature with the rifle. "Fine. Do you want to discuss my 'thoughtless lack of personal self-concern in an ultimately unnecessary and pointless crusade' then?" she asked dryly.

"Not particularly," Andrea said. "Why, do you want to?"

She just gave the video feed she was sending the pair a flat look.

"Also did Yamada really say that? I'd have thought she would be all for this. Catharsis and closure."

"No. It was Lena."

"Are you sleeping on the couch, now?"

"There's no couch."

Andrea's mouth curled into a smirk. "Oh, really?" she purred.

"Dragon, please get Repertoire's mind out of the gutter. I don't need her writing any more bad fanfiction shipping me with anyone else." There was a yelp as Dragon pinched Andrea's arm. "Thank you."

She shifted her avatar to look right at Repertoire. "You know why that's not possible, too."

"Safeguard, there are people out there who would be more than okay with being with a 98% robot girl."

"…You'd know," she responded, deadpan.

Andrea looked shocked. "W-was that just a snappy comeback and an innuendo? How will I ever recover?"

"You left yourself open to it."

"Touché."

Safeguard rolled her eyes, but allowed her mouth to ease into a slight smile.

She reached the crest of the hill she'd been climbing and looked down, at the warehouses and abandoned large brick industrial factories in this area of the city.

It was absolutely crawling with Revenant, reminding her of an ant hive, but one before it was kicked.

"Alright I'm here. I think I could handle them all myself. But there's …a lot more than I expected and this is only outside," she admitted sourly. "Whatever's in there has to be really important somehow. …I'm going to need someway to get in, and fighting is just going to let them know I'm here."

"You ever tried not killing them?"

She froze, focusing on Repertoire. "What?"

"Well, I mean, they're yours, right? Have you ever tried like, not killing one?" the woman asked. "'Cause that's basic minions 101."

"These aren't minions," Safeguard growled. "They're people-eating monsters."

Andrea shrugged. "Well, yeah. But you still made them. They can't even affect you, right? You said their whole thing is infection. So why would they bother you at all if they can't get you?"

Her toes dug into the cement beneath her as she tensed in frustration. "That's not…"

That's not how it works, she wanted to say.

But she didn't know if it was.

She ran over the genetic sequence in her head, pulling apart and decompressing the original nucleotide encoding that she could remember like it was yesterday. Her own DNA was spliced in wholesale, an extremely inelegant solution to blacklist her from the infection, but the best she'd been able to do at the time. And at that point she'd truly only been concerned for her survival, not how prettily it was done.

According to what she knew, that blacklist made the virus become non-aggressive and inert when it tried to invade the nucleus and found her own DNA there. When the cell died and was cleaned up, so would the virus.

"That's how it works on a cellular scale. But that would make no sense to scale up to an entire organism. The virus can't magically tell who I am from a distance. It's stopped right at the last step of infection," she explained.

"Your DNA's what's being used as the template for comparison. Would it be possible to use that to simulate your appearance and have the non-aggression be imprinted?" Dragon asked.

"No," she answered immediately.

Dragon looked at her intently, and she relented after ten seconds. "…Alright, fine, maybe. The changes that the virus makes to the central nervous system are extremely complex. I still don't entirely understand the components of the virus that enable it to do that. Yes, in theory there could be some sort of… innate knowledge based on the contents of the virus which includes knowing what I look like. But the chance of that is so unlikely as to be effectively impossible, much less that the non-aggression would retain association with that on such a large scale."

"But it's not zero~" Andrea sang, twisting around in her chair.

This was bloody idiotic.

"It doesn't work like that," Safeguard growled.

"Prove it," Andrea returned, suddenly staring at the camera with a serious expression. "Prove that it doesn't work like that. You of all people should know better than to discount the near-impossible."

Fucking…

"Fine," she said tersely. It wasn't like she'd be in any danger. "I'll prove it. And then you'll say I'm right. And buy me lunch at that new place on Adelaide."

"And if I'm right you have to go on a date with someone. A real one," Andrea returned easily.

Her hands clenched and unclenched. Fine. It wasn't like she was going to lose anyways.

The nearest lone Revenant was… five blocks west and two north.

Without waiting, she spun on her heal and started off towards it, threading through the abandoned buildings and streets.

When it was just around the corner, she stopped.

"Helmet off."

"What?" she asked Andrea.

"How do you expect them to recognize you if you're completely covered? Helmet. Off," Repertoire told her.

Ugh.

She let go of the armor around her head, the various hardened layers separating into dozens of sharp yet flexible tendrils and then retreating back down her to her neck and body, like liquid vines growing in a reverse time-lapse.

"Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Andrea responded blithely.

She rolled her eyes and took a breath.

This was stupid.



"I want to note for the record that I think this is a completely stupid idea."

"So noted!" Andrea returned happily.

She abandoned her stealth and stepped out from behind the corner.

The Revenant stopped, and then swung around to look at her, looking like some sort of dinosaur-lion with a disturbingly human facial structure. It stared at her for a moment, and she tensed, ready to move at any sign.

But it just stared at her, and then turned back around and began walking away, continuing its previous path.

What.

No, what.

"HAHAHAHA I TOLD YOU! SAFEGUARD'S GOING ON A DATE~"

"Th-that doesn't make any sense. Wh-wha… How…" she stuttered.

"You're the most qualified person to say. If you don't understand it, I don't see us doing much better," Dragon said calmly.

Was it because she wasn't human? Could they discriminate like that?

But that didn't make any sense, because this body was designed to imitate humanity so closely as to be practically undetectable that she was different, everything from body heat to pulse replicated. That could be stopped, of course, which was part of her stealth mode, but in disabling her stealth they'd been restored.

Any other animals treated her like a completely normal human like this.

So it couldn't be that, it had to be some instinct, like Dragon had proposed.

She collapsed, leaning upright with the weapons on her back against the side of the building and running black-armored fingers through short-cropped hair.

"I don't…"

What did this mean? Was she more like Nilbog than she'd thought? Was she just him but a Tinker?

"You're not Nilbog, Safeguard," Dragon said.

…Oh. She'd been broadcasting over the commline without realizing it.

"Which can be definitively proven by what you're trying to do now. Nilbog would never kill his own creations, no matter what was required to make them."

Right. Okay.

Step 1, find out what was in those factory complexes.
Step 2, deal with what ever it is.
Step 3, kill everything else.

This was workable.

She levered herself off the wall. No point in re-enabling stealth if it wasn't going to do anything.

She wasn't sure what to think about this development.

Don't think about it.

Her journey towards the warehouses and industrial complex was hurried, rushed. She didn't pay the Revenant any mind, and they didn't note her other than a few looks when she passed them.

It made her metal skeleton itch.

The buildings and structures were steel. Large. Rusted.

Crawling with Revenant.

She turned her head, eyesight flicking over features rapidly, finding a pattern to the movement and then following it deeper in.

They didn't attack her, but they also didn't acknowledge her.

After seeing exactly how aggressive they were to others, it was disturbing.

She wound her way through pipes and storage tanks, moving inward, until she reached a large building with a hole in the side of it that the Revenant were crawling in and out of like ants.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends," she said under her breath.

"Henry V, Act 3, Scene 1," Dragon responded, and Safeguard just gave her a look over the video feed before refocusing on the hole.

And then she stepped forward



It was dark. Dark and damp and breathing.

Almost immediately inside the building had been a hole in the ground, white viral growth spreading out from it, and she was left with no choice but to go into it.

The walls themselves were white, cord draping and hanging from the surfaces, and the tunnels held pustules and clusters of fungal-like growth that pulsed and waved in a non-existent wind.

With every step she took she sent out an ultrasonic pulse, building a sonar map, and revealing just how massive and complex this place was.

She kept to the the main stream of Revenant, letting them sweep her along, following the path of least resistance.

She had to be down there for twenty five minutes before they finally emerged into a giant room that glowed with blue and white crystals. The Revenant spread out, moving over to large sacs at the side of the room, tending to them somehow before moving around again.

Still, that wasn't what drew her attention.

No, that privilege was awarded to the giant blue crystal at the center of the room—directly beneath a large chandelier-like white crystal growth—cut into the likeness of a throne on a three-tiered dais, and the nude feminine figure that sat upon it

Because she knew that face.

And even as she looked at it, even as she checked her optical systems multiple times for errors and found none, she watched the slight smile on the face spread into a wide grin, the lips parting to form words even as the figure stood and stepped forward, descending a step with each sentence.

"Welcome home, Mother."

"Welcome home, Sister."

The bleached-white girl in front of her reached out to cup her cheek, and the last thing she remembered was Dragon shouting her name over the scratchy comm link as the girl smiled warmly.

"Welcome home… Riley."

SyNaPSe
Worm/Tsutomu Nihei



Prompt said:
Riley triggers with a Nihei-inspired biotinker ability. Unable to save her family, she instead creates a virus while continuing to play Jack's game that quickly infects and kills the Nine... and doesn't stop.

This is actually pretty old, I've had it around for like… a year? At least? And it's not doing any good sitting around collecting dust, so I figured I might as well post it and see if you guys want to see more. It's also un-edited (as in, my editor has not looked at it and torn it to shreds) and unbeta-read, so it might not be up to the usual quality you guys expect? I don't know. Is it?

In conclusion, I'd like to ask:
  • Would you like to see more?
  • What would you like to see explored?
  • What did you think of the chapter?
  • Considering I was (at least in part) trying to replicate Nihei's storytelling style and overall atmosphere in written form, do you think I succeeded?
  • Was the twist at the end compelling?
  • Do you think there should have been more dialogue?
  • Anything else?
 
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Would you like to see more?
Yes.
What would you like to see explored?
How this all started, how Riley's new power works, and what happened during those 21 years.
What did you think of the chapter?
Pretty good, all things considered. That's pretty high praise considering that I've been hyping this up for myself ever since I heard of it.
Considering I was (at least in part) trying to replicate Nihei's storytelling style and overall atmosphere in written form, do you think I succeeded?
I can't give you an accurate answer for this, since, despite my best efforts, I've been unable to get my hands on any of Nihei's work.
Was the twist at the end compelling?
Pretty compelling, since the unfortunate fact of Worm fanfiction means that an unnamed protagonist with a connection to Brockton Bay is usually assumed to be Taylor. That aside, this has some fairly interesting implications for the timeline.
Do you think there should have been more dialogue?
The amount of banter you had was good, more would have felt intrusive.
Not really? Even unbetad this seemed pretty good, at least to my untrained eye.
 
SO.
MUCH.
YES.

This has so much storyline a character potential. I hope to see more.
 
In all honesty, I have little to no knowledge of the manga/artist this snippet was based off of, but I kept thinking that it was a continuation of the previous snippet, with Riley having made a organic SIVA.
 
Would you like to see more?
Certainly!
What would you like to see explored?
Definitely start from the beginning, of how this all came to pass. Maybe some flashes of the time between, while our hero discovers how the virus has survived and lived up till now? Or was this meant to show how Safeguard dies?
What did you think of the chapter?
Nicely done! You had me hook, line, and sinker through the whole thing. The tone fit, the banter was nice, and the overall feel of the city made me believe it dead and alive(If that makes sense...).
Considering I was (at least in part) trying to replicate Nihei's storytelling style and overall atmosphere in written form, do you think I succeeded?
Like Firebird Zoom, I've not read any of Nihei's work or watched the TV adaption of Knights of Cydonia. Otherwise, read my previous answer.
Was the twist at the end compelling?
I did enjoy the twist. Hadn't imagined whom was under the helmet. In all honesty, I was picturing this as some kind of RWBY fusion initially, though that idea lost credence the further I read. And the Hive Queen(?) was interesting as well.
Do you think there should have been more dialogue?
I think you nailed the dialogue well enough.
Please, can I have some more? More seriously, good job! But really, you nailed this one.
 
I'm liking this project a lot so far and I hope that it goes well for you. The Nihei snippet was great, and since I've actually seen KoS, a bit of Blame!, and his work in The Halo Graphic Novel, I think I can say that you've captured his visual style with your writing (if that makes any sense...).

I'm liking the Destiny snippets the most so far, as the game has so much awesome lore and so many strange, interesting concepts that I have yet to see anyone really take a crack at incorporating into stories. I think these two snippets are the first time I've seen an Ahamkara as a major part of a fic's plot, which is a damn shame because telepathic nigh-unkillable shape-shifting jerkass-genie space dragons are such an interesting and unique concept. I hope you continue them, because Noelle-as-Ahamkara (or is it Ahamkara-as-Noelle?) has lots of potential.
 
  • Would you like to see more?
  • What would you like to see explored?
  • What did you think of the chapter?
  • Considering I was (at least in part) trying to replicate Nihei's storytelling style and overall atmosphere in written form, do you think I succeeded?
  • Was the twist at the end compelling?
  • Do you think there should have been more dialogue?
  • Anything else?
  • Certainly! I'm not familiar with the source material, but it's an interesting concept.
  • Riley seems to have a lot of good relationships with people, so that I'd say.
  • I enjoyed it mostly, though I'd say it lacks emotion in the dialogue if that makes sense. I'm not getting any real imagery to go with reading it, basically.
  • Not familiar with the source material to be able to say.
  • It took me by surprise, and I'm curious to learn more.
  • I do, paired with my above comment about emotion.
  • The in-media-res was good, slowly ratcheting up the tension with the various mentions of things that happened, Contessa, the guilt felt by Riley. :)
 
So glad to see you writing again because you are one of my absolute favorite authors across any site. I'll happily gorge myself on whatever you put out, and this snip definitely has my interest. Long waits are hard but your stories are more than worth it. Take your time and I'll look forward to future chapters on stories, particularly AFHB. I love that one.
 
  • Would you like to see more? sure
  • What would you like to see explored? what sort of positive things she was able to do with viruses
  • What did you think of the chapter? it was really cool but at the beginning I did not understand that this was a new snippet
  • Was the twist at the end compelling? yup
  • Do you think there should have been more dialogue? perhaps just more chapter.
  • Anything else? I am really excited about the ahamkara story you started please work on that one
 
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Glad to have you back in any capacity, just glad yo that while things are tough you can make them better. All my well wishes ensou, Fight-O!!
 
SyNaPSe 2
Body Horror
2005

She wasn't a good girl.

She knew she wasn't, because if she was, Mommy wouldn't be in pieces, held together with stitches of floss and metal sewing pins that had been cut open and glued and cut open and taped and cut open and stitched again.

She wouldn't have measured out and mixed all those chemicals in that dirty glass cup with her own blood until it turned into a milky white fluid.

She wouldn't be drawing it into the blunt syringe she'd filed to a point.

She wouldn't be preparing to use Mommy's abdominal cavity to flash-incubate a pathogen.

She wasn't a good girl, because her mommy had already died, even if the body was still breathing and Mister Jack didn't know it.

Her mommy had died, just like Drew and Daddy and Muffles, and with no Mommy she didn't have to be a good girl any more.

She hesitated for a moment, the sharpened syringe above her mommy's belly.

"Come on," Mister Jack whispered. "You can do it. Don't you love your mommy?"

She stared down at what was her mommy, at the still-breathing body that had the same shape but wasn't her. At the body that was just as much stitches and adhesive as skin, even though for the first time she'd been able to cut perfectly straight lines.

She looked at her not-mommy, almost expecting it to say something, but it didn't, because she was already dead.

Mommy was dead and she'd let it happen, so she must not be a good girl, and her mommy hadn't said anything so that had to be right, she wasn't a good girl and if she wasn't a good girl she didn't need to be a good girl anymore.

"Yes," she lied, and wiped a small arm across her forehead, blood smearing over her face and clothes.

"Good," Mister Jack said, and she nodded.

It took both hands to push the needle into Mommy's body and press the handle down.

"And what will that do?" Mister Jack asked.

She turned around and looked at him.

Behind her, her not-mommy's belly squirmed and writhed like it was full of worms.

She gave him a grin. "It's going to save everyone!"

"Oh?" he smiled, and the knife in his hand flipped around and around and went snick-snick. "How's it going to do that?"

"It's a surprise!"

"Hm. You know, I'm a little impatient. I've never quite liked surprises," Mister Jack told her. "Why don't you give me a hint, and I won't tell the others?"

"It fixes everything!"

Her mommy's belly began growing.

Growing and growing and growing.

"And what does that mean, dear?" Mister Jack asked. "Will it heal Mommy?"

"Noooo," she answered.

And then Mister Jack's eyes went wide. He lifted his shirt-sleeve to cover his mouth and nose as her mommy's belly burst open, spores flooding the air while white tendrils exploded in every direction.

Mister Jack tried to avoid them, but there were too many and one went through his stomach, and then another through his leg and his shoulder and his knife arm and his chest. But they avoided her, shooting away the instant they touched her skin.

The air was so thick with white spores that she could barely see Mister Jack lift his head and smile at her as worm-shapes writhed under his skin. "Well done."

And then he exploded, with more spores and tendrils and it was almost like there was snow in the air.

She hadn't seen snow in so long.
 
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Paint Your Demons
Fangs

When most people hear that I'm afraid of death, they probably think that I'm afraid of the unknown, of the uncertainty of what happens after.

They'd be wrong.

I knew exactly what was going to happen to me when I died.

As a living vampire—someone born with the vampire virus, molded by it in their mother's womb—it was guaranteed that when I died I would become a full-fledged undead vampire, powerful and strong beyond belief.

And all it would cost me was my soul.

I'd be unable to go out into sunlight. Unable to bear the presence of a cross or stand on sanctified ground. Unable to feel anything but the barest whispers of emotion drug up from memory. Unable to laugh or cry or hate.

Unable to love anything anymore.

That was what I was afraid of: becoming nothing but a cruel unfeeling monster going through the motions because that was all it could remember.

Without love…

Without love I wouldn't be able to be there for my younger sister. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the sense of family I had at the church.

I wouldn't be able to remember why I cared so much about Rachel.

I wouldn't be able to remember why I'd been willing to forgo sharing blood with her in hopes that one day there might be something else, something more. And that maybe (oh god, maybe) she might even be willing to someday share that part of my life too.

I wouldn't be able to remember why even after five years and Rachel's denial of feelings for me (I could smell them you silly witch) I still had hope that someday something might change.

Love made us fools but it had saved me at my very darkest.

And losing that…

That what I was afraid of.



Death comes to us all, the saying goes.

I just hadn't expected it to be so… sudden. One moment, walking ahead of Rachel into the abandoned car park. The next, lying on the ground coughing up blood, unable to move, my sensitive ears ringing.

My vision darkened and I felt something large drop next to me, someone's hand falling on my chest.

I could feel myself slipping, cold tendrils seeming to burrow under my skin as my body slowly lost its grip on my soul.

"Ivy," Rachel whispered hoarsely, even as everything faded.

Oh, dear heart…

I could feel her reaching out to my aura, the two slipping together like we'd never stopped sharing blood. "Ivy…"

And then I fell away.

But instead of the coldness I expected, there was warmth around me, holding onto me.

Rachel…?

I didn't know where I was, but all around me was Rachel, in a way I'd only been able to see once before when our auras had merged and chimed. Her soul was open to me and all I could do was marvel at how beautiful she was, even like this.

And then something enclosed us both. I couldn't feel it through Rachel, but I knew it was there.

Ripples cascaded through us, like rain hitting the surface of a pond, and I knew they were doing something to me, to us, but I was helpless like this and could do nothing more than sink further into Rachel's hold on my soul.

Without warning we were gone. Not flashing through a ley line, feeling like electricity that would tear you apart, but through something else. Something very, very cold.

I curled into myself, unable to do anything but believe in Rachel's ability to hold onto me, to protect me from this.

And then it was warm again, and we were somewhere else but her hold on me was slipping, oh god she was slipping, I was going to slip away nononono I needed her please don't



I shot up, chest heaving.

This was not my room.
This was my room.

My name was Ivy Tamwood.
My name was Emma Barnes.

I was a living vampire.
I was huma

I blinked as my tongue touched a canine that was sharper and slightly longer than it had been the night before, which both felt right and wrong.

Note to self: I am apparently now a vampire.

Reaching over, I turned on my bedside lamp, wincing at the sudden change in brightness.

I was able to see just fine in the dark, why had I done that?

I stared blankly for a moment at the painted walls with darker patches outlining where I'd torn my posters from, a memory of paneled wood overlaying it momentarily before disappearing.

What was happening to me?

I felt right but wrong, a sense of unease settling in my gut.

This wasn't good. I needed to get my bearings and go find Rachel.

She had to be around here, she'd barely released me before, before…

Before I'd found myself in the body and mind of a fifteen year-old girl. Before I was a fifteen year-old girl.

I loved Rachel, I really did, but the things that happened around her were always like this: absolute insanity. God. And this run had started out so well, too.

Ugh.

I pulled the end of my hair around and looked at it. Apparently we were a redhead, too.

Which made more sense than not, since I'd only ever been a redhead. So still a redhead, then.

I had doubts of it ever coming close to comparing to Rachel's own curly flame-color hair, though. Hers was in a whole different league. A whole different league where she had to cook her own industrial-strength charm to get it to 'play nice' as she put it.

Getting off track, Ivy.

Right.

I needed information. Like where… I… was…

Wait why was I wondering that? I was in Brockton Bay, of course. I'd lived here my whole life.

Except I could remember growing up in Cincinnati.

Two sets of memories. Two lives.

No. That's not the point. Assess the situation, react accordingly.

Brockton Bay, North America. East-coast city. I couldn't remember a city being here, but apparently there was… in this world? It had to be a different world.

There'd been no Turn here, and no Inderlanders it seemed, but we had parahumans instead.

I was not interested in tangling with the PRT or Protectorate, though. All I wanted was to find Rachel and then figure out the next step.

There were too many variables to plan as thoroughly as I would have liked. It would have eased the constant sense of worry and paranoia I had about those I cared about that came with being a living vampire, but at least I could still plan the search.

Okay. Searching for a person without any clue where they were other than a sense that they were relatively nearby.

Which could mean the entire state.

God, this would be so much easier if Rachel was my scio—

I clamped down on that thought hard and buried it as deep as I could.

Not going there.

Back in Cincinnati I could have asked Glenn to put out an APB. Here, I had no way of doing that, and no idea if Rachel even looked the same any more.

I certainly didn't.

So if I didn't know what she looked like, and I had no idea where she was, the next option was using something that reached a lot of people.

PHO had a local connections section, right?

My best option would likely be that, and then maybe classifieds if that didn't work, but it would be hard to explain to my parents why I wanted to take an ad out in the newspaper.

Knowing Rachel, she'd probably be looking for me, too, so making it as easy to find by search engines as possible would be best. Especially considering her avoidance of computers. Hopefully if she was in a similar situation to me she'd gotten lucky and suddenly understood them.

Sliding out of bed and moving to the laptop on my desk, I woke it up and opened the browser.

It was… interesting how little was different between here and there. Even the software seemed the same.

Chewing on my lip, I made a throwaway account and created a post in the statewide section, which looked like it filtered down to the city-local subsections as well.

Subject: Looking to reconnect

Ivy Alisha Tamwood looking for Rachel Mariana Morgan.

Please send a message.


I let out a breath. Short, succinct, full names as keywords for indexing by search engines, no actual personal information revealed. It was the best I could do.

I posted it and sat back with a sigh. I could really use a cup of coffee. Actually no, that would just make me more tense. I spun in the swivel chair and stopped at the sight of myself in the mirror over the vanity against the wall behind me.

Red hair, hazel eyes, near-perfect complexion, and a figure I knew most teens would kill for.

It was simultaneously exactly and nothing like I remembered.

Opening my mouth, I poked one of my now-sharp canines until I felt a prick and pulled my finger away, looking at the small drop of blood that welled up. I licked the blood away and any sign I'd broken skin was already gone.

I was… me. But not me.

I really wanted to text Sophia about this, but it also felt like a… really bad idea, for some reason. I had no idea how she'd react, and it wasn't like she could do much to help me find Rachel, either. For now I'd just play along and act like everyone expected.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

God, Rachel, where could you be?

Paint Your Demons
Worm/Hollows


A/N: Another thing I've had sitting on my computer a while. I'm a little frustrated with this, actually, because it doesn't get too much into Ivy-Emma's characterization and feels a bit bland, but it does give a sense of the identity issues she's got/going to have.

Three guesses where Rachel ended up and the first two don't count.

Oh yes. The drama is going to be amazing. I already have one other chapter written and a third planned, at least, but nothing beyond that, soooo

I might go back and add a bit about how Ivy had Asian features and as Emma that causes problems when she thinks about herself like that, but idk.

As always, comments and critique, please.
 
This seems interesting but the Emma part did not consider briefly the master effect side of possibilities.

Who knows if the vampire and memories are some cape's doing? :V
 
As a living vampire—someone born with the vampire virus, molded by it in their mother's womb—it was guaranteed that when I died I would become a full-fledged undead vampire, powerful and strong beyond belief.

Hollows series? Pretty nice deep cut there!

Gods the Hollows series was so promising only to be so disappointing.
 
Wish Me Well 3: The Lie
Ahamkara: the illusion that one's ego depends on an object, or an idea, or a body.
Ahamkara: the self-image realized.
Ahamkara: the lie that makes itself true.

Ahamkara: the fact that twines itself between That Which Is and That Which Is Wanted.

Beware that gap, for it contains such sweet, succulent possibility. Beware the space between Subjective Desire and Objective Reality, for the difference holds the way to realization.

Beware that which makes what is not real, for what happens to that which is already?

Beware the Anthem Anatheme, the shibboleth, the curse that declares the separation between owner and owned, between object and subject.

Beware the whispers of worms and wyrms both, for you may find they give more than you expected.

Unless, of course, you don't mind that.

O student mine.
 
Ahamkara: the illusion that one's ego depends on an object, or an idea, or a body.
Ahamkara: the self-image realized.
Ahamkara: the lie that makes itself true.

Ahamkara: the fact that twines itself between That Which Is and That Which Is Wanted.

Beware that gap, for it contains such sweet, succulent possibility. Beware the space between Subjective Desire and Objective Reality, for the difference holds the way to realization.

Beware that which makes what is not real, for what happens to that which is already?

Beware the Anthem Anatheme, the shibboleth, the curse that declares the separation between owner and owned, between object and subject.

Beware the whispers of worms and wyrms both, for you may find they give more than you expected.

Unless, of course, you don't mind that.

O student mine.
Between this and Paradoxical, you're having fun with the obfuscatory language Bungie uses for its Destiny lore, aren't you, Ensou.

Side note, Paradoxical convinced me to finally get Destiny 2. Well done.
 
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