What if all of the Kennedy Assassination Conspiracies are true at the same time?
AHC/WI: All of the Kennedy Assassination Conspiracies are true at the same time?
- Thread starter Alex the Average
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What if all of the Kennedy Assassination Conspiracies are true at the same time?
- Location
- London
I've had this idea for a crazy scenario where all of the theories of Kennedy's Assassination are at least partially true. They don't necessarily have to be in cahoots with each other but everyone accused of doing it was planning to carry it out on the day. I'm just trying to imagine the political consequences and fallout from such a cavalcade of WTF.
Bonus points if Lee Harvey Oswald kills him but is unconnected to any of the plots or if they all end up stepping on each other's toes and Kennedy survives.
Bonus points if Lee Harvey Oswald kills him but is unconnected to any of the plots or if they all end up stepping on each other's toes and Kennedy survives.
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
I joked about this exact subject matter back on Spacebattles years ago, here's a copy of the original post's text:
A favorite personal theory of mine relating to the JFK assassination (one that I made up and know is BS, but is just too funny to imagine):
Following the clusterfuck that was the Cuban Missile Crisis, Castro was pissed off that the plan to place Soviet missiles into Cuba failed, and still held a grudge against the CIA for their numerous attempts to kill him. Wanting revenge, he had his intelligence service contact the American Mafia to plan an assassination of Kennedy. The Mafia, feeling betrayed by Kennedy despite their support in getting him elected, only to be hunted down by Robert Kennedy, agrees to the Cuban conspiracy to assassinate JFK. They contract out to some ex-Nazi mercenary from South America to cover their tracks, and plan to kill Kennedy when he visits Dallas, placing their sniper at the Grassy Knoll. On the day of Kennedy's trip to Dallas, they had their sniper ready in position, ready to fire... only for lone nutcase Lee Harvey Oswald to cockblock them and kill Kennedy first.
- Location
- Arlington, Virginia
Relevant Onion piece:
Arthur Frayn
Fake God by Occupation, Magician by Inclination
- Location
- Land of Do As You Please
- Pronouns
- They/Him
Presumably JFK's head exploded from sheer confusion.
- Location
- London
I'm thinking of synthesising the different theories into several separate plots.
The Leftwing plot: Instigated by the Cuban Government, the North Vietnamese Government, the Illuminati (who are a rogue KGB splinter) and local Communists. Lee Harvey Oswald, who is a KGB asset, is their assassin.
The Rightwing plot: Instigated by anti-Civil Rights activists, ex-Nazi South Africans and the John Birch Society. The Badge Man is their assassin.
Mafia-Cuban plot: Instigated by various organised crime families, Cuban exiles and Jimmy Hoffa in retaliation for crackdowns on organised crime. The Dark Complected Man is their assassin.
The Government plot: Instigated by the Majestic 12, a clique comprising leading figures in the government and Military-Industrial Complex. Members include LBJ, George H. W. Bush, the heads of the Federal Reserve, CIA and FBI, a few Freemasons and various wealth businessmen in the arms and oil industries. None of their members are Jewish. The Umbrella Man, armed with a poisonous dart hidden in the umbrella, is their assassin.
Israeli-South African plot: Instigated by the Israeli and South African governments in response to Kennedy's opposition to Israel's nuclear weapons program and his arms embargo on South Africa. Their assassin is the man on the grassy knoll.
On the day of the assassination they all end up tripping each other up. Kennedy is wounded and initially fakes his death, in accordance with the decoy hearse theory, in order to flush out the conspirators. In the aftermath the Kennedy Administration ends up launching a massive clamp down on domestic conspirators, attempting to clean out a lot of the Military-Industrial Complex, and leads to some very strained international relations.
The Leftwing plot: Instigated by the Cuban Government, the North Vietnamese Government, the Illuminati (who are a rogue KGB splinter) and local Communists. Lee Harvey Oswald, who is a KGB asset, is their assassin.
The Rightwing plot: Instigated by anti-Civil Rights activists, ex-Nazi South Africans and the John Birch Society. The Badge Man is their assassin.
Mafia-Cuban plot: Instigated by various organised crime families, Cuban exiles and Jimmy Hoffa in retaliation for crackdowns on organised crime. The Dark Complected Man is their assassin.
The Government plot: Instigated by the Majestic 12, a clique comprising leading figures in the government and Military-Industrial Complex. Members include LBJ, George H. W. Bush, the heads of the Federal Reserve, CIA and FBI, a few Freemasons and various wealth businessmen in the arms and oil industries. None of their members are Jewish. The Umbrella Man, armed with a poisonous dart hidden in the umbrella, is their assassin.
Israeli-South African plot: Instigated by the Israeli and South African governments in response to Kennedy's opposition to Israel's nuclear weapons program and his arms embargo on South Africa. Their assassin is the man on the grassy knoll.
On the day of the assassination they all end up tripping each other up. Kennedy is wounded and initially fakes his death, in accordance with the decoy hearse theory, in order to flush out the conspirators. In the aftermath the Kennedy Administration ends up launching a massive clamp down on domestic conspirators, attempting to clean out a lot of the Military-Industrial Complex, and leads to some very strained international relations.
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
I seem to recall they declassified the reports recently (some time im the last decade or less) and the Secret Service determined that it was basically Pulp Fiction when Vincent accidentally kills Martin: the guy in the front seat jerked as the driver accelerated and that was the head shot that killed JFK. Granted, that wouldn't have happened had Lee Harvey Oswald not shot JFK thereby startling the driver, causing him to stomp on the gas.
Pretty sure that's the short version of the report. Could be mistaking it for something else though.
Pretty sure that's the short version of the report. Could be mistaking it for something else though.