Mother's Mourning
First Day of the Fourth Month 294 AC
Catelyn Stark's eyes took in the slowly fading back of Viserys Targaryen, there and gone again, almost in a flash... though it had been hours in the passing, and much like a black cloud covering the face of the sun he was gone again. The grief had returned swifter still in place of anger and indignation.
The worst was yet to pass, in truth for all the aid the King had promised, she could still somewhat
resent how easily that title came to mind without much internal argument from her. Less still than Ned experienced even now, though the man sat in cold silence she knew the tensing of his shoulders and the trembling of his hands showed he was a small figure rocking in a storm. An inner turmoil leaving him just as shaken as she was. Years had passed but she knew a glassy eyed stare from sheer stoic frigidity.
Yet the resentment did not linger long, and glad would she be to stew further upon it, but she could
not. They had left her with nothing but the promise of pain and dread in their wake and could not undo reality, what she knew in the world that was; The curtain being drawn over life, not through all their mighty powers at their beck and call, and she knew that was a message to her.
From what? Even now, she did not know.
But Catelyn did feel a flash of something else, and felt all the worse for it. Even learning that Ned, honorable Ned Stark, had been faithful to her all along, all these years... that the truth had come out at last, and it had thrown her through a storm of so many varied emotions, nearly overrunning the grief and leaving her numb with shock. Anger and fear for her children trailing closely, for her still living children. That he had shielded Lyanna's son all these years and said
nothing.
For good cause, she knew, part of the reason she had carefully prodded him toward neutrality and ultimately fealty to the Dragon was for the sake of her family, that Baratheon would take his grudge to the grave with him and would have dragged along Ned anyone else foolish enough to follow him to war. Instead, she prioritized that she had always placed first above all.
Family. Duty. Honor.
It all seemed so laughable now, terrible and fell, like a phantom that lingered and occupied the space in her heart. The space that belonged to poor, sweet Robb, taken away from her by
thieves and horrors in the night. But the monsters were
real and he was not at peace, might never be at peace again. She did not even have that cold comfort, instead he was
somewhere alone and scared.
Yes. Catelyn Stark, somehow, still felt gratitude that Viserys Targaryen had offered to take Jon Snow away from Winterfell at last, as though the last shock was all it took to accomplish a task she had set for herself all those years ago. Perhaps she might for all the world had better set her mind upon climbing to the summit of the Mountains of the Moon, with but her bare hands alone.
Ned had offered the King no argument.
Somehow, she thought,
that made it worse.
"Cat," he spoke up softly, catching her gaze which had sunken to the ground had dared not lift up to take in the world around her. To return to the horror that had become her life, but she knew she must, because she had a duty and she still had family, however much it had dwindled.
"When I spoke..." he paused at each word, falling from his lips like leaden stones, "Spoke to Jon, he said he did not blame you... years he knew, knew the truth of his parentage, knew he was not a..." he trailed off, before gaining strength just as she was about to reply, "He said that he knew you loved Robb, and that was enough. That it would
always be enough for him." His hand gripped hers as he leaned closer. "And I agree. You are not to blame for Robb's death, anymore than he is. This... this crime," the anger in his voice dwarfed mute shock she felt, that Jon Snow had even thought to mention her at the last. "It is on Them, and upon Them alone should the punishment fall."
Alas, his anger was a brittle thing, however, his sad eyes closing, head shaking.
"How can it be so easy?" Her voice shook, barely above a whisper. "How can I blame a thing I did not even know truly
existed before now? Not in anything more than rumors in dusty halls and old wives' tales, to scare children into behaving, I once thought?"
Never had she felt more stupid in all her life, but she had to give voice to the thought, could not allow herself not to face them. "I could have told them those stories more, a hundred times over to Robb and Sansa and Arya. Maybe it would have saved them, for all the things I've spoken to them it would have been of more use than
embroidery or courtesies." Tears fell from her eyes, but she held her head up still. "I did not do enough, as a mother and as a Lady of Winterfell, and I shall have to live with that knowledge until the day I die."
Ned had no more words of comfort or her. She saw him search for them, desperately so, but she knew he could not even comfort himself.
***
She stood upon the threshold of the Sept. She had almost had Ser Roderick order the men to cart out the statue of the Stranger, she had struggled with the notion four times before she even deigned to step over the threshold.
In the end, the idea of sacrilege was just barely enough to stop her, worse still she thought the omen of it alone would have been enough to cause some new tragedy to come to pass. She could not bear the thought anymore than she could the idea of never stepping foot within the only Hall where she might find some cold comfort.
She did have it covered with a woolen sheet, however, as she could not stand to look up at that hooded figure, the one who was supposed to take men who fell to the scythe of time into gentle repose. To the swing of a blade in battle, or any other manner of unkindly passing that could sweep a person away almost in an instant.
She had heard stories of children passing in their sleep, with no sign of anything wrong with them. Yet, somehow, the suddenness of it had not prepared her any more for the idea that such a pivotal piece of the puzzle that was
Catelyn was now missing. Possibly forever and more, unto death itself.
The Father could not offer judgement onto the crimes of the Things that had come into her home, had
taken her child from her. That had tried to take
all of her children away from her, and her husband, household,
everything. The closest she had come to justice was Viserys Targaryen promising them utter madness in a single breath. Speaking of casting down the halls of the dead like one vows to lay siege to a single castle, if not in so many words, and not explicitly for Robb.
Even the Dragon had seemed resigned to his fate.
She looked at his stern face above and then she looked away.
The Warrior had stood as a guard who had lapsed at his post, and though his virtue had been in evidence in a boy, young as poor Robb as the day he left this world of form. Jon Snow's bravery had only saved Winterfell and the Starks who drew breath. Valor had been there in his heart, it had been in Ned's heart as he ended the threat to the Keep with an ancestral sword thrice hewn. Yet in its name lay a mockery, Fire had clashed with Ice yet ice had still won in the end.
She gazed upon the visor-covered visage above and then she looked away.
The Smith had not had his hand in the wards that had apparently been protecting her family unaware, even if he were, what had failed before the material and immaterial harm done unto her and hers. Could no more be called divine as she had known it than the frightening presence in the Godswood that to this day she hesitated to go near. If the gift of protection, of stone and mortar,
of shelter, had not been withheld from those in need as the Faith decreed, it had at least been found wanting.
She stared at the inquisitive, contemplative visage of the inventor of ironworks and walls stouter still, and then she looked away.
The Maiden, beautiful and innocent, speaking to the youthful grace of ignorance, the peace of a child unknowing of the pain that awaited them as they aged. Nor how easily such horrors could be invested upon them, with no preconceptions or expectations of the world, how unfair it all was. Robb was a sweet boy, who could love a quiet bastard where she could not and name him brother even though he wasn't. And now he was gone and his youth had done nothing to shield him.
She looked upon the face that reminded in a flash almost of Sansa, for all that the likeness seemed to almost take after that of a young woman, just barely nine and ten of age, a stranger in a strange land with innocence torn and had a slice of home place there just for her.
Again, she looked away.
She skipped past the Crone, she had not availed herself to wisdom when it would have counted and it would change nothing to dwell on it now, she decided all in a flash, wheeling to stand before the shrouded Stranger, its silhouette almost more pronounced in the dim candle-light, taunting her, perhaps. She sobbed, long and loud, but eventually she turned away.
Finally she prostrated herself before the Mother. What else could she do? She had found no mercy here and could not find it in herself to seek forgiveness. She looked at the figure who charged her to keep her loved ones safe, to stand in the reflection of her failure and the knowing of it to be true at last.
Queen Rhaella was kind to her, commiserative, but what could she have done to halt Rhaegar's madness? She thought.
Nor the Mad King's, and she hadn't herself to blame for the terror her daughter had become. Her kindness was like hot wax, melting down your back, reminding you that others have had it so much the worse and climbed back up from it, but she could not even begin to
imagine, to work backwards from a woman set adrift and losing everything, a mother who stood before the fruits of all her prior efforts, avenged and vindicated and proud at last.
I could not foresee this, and indistinct voice seemed to say, so quiet it was not even a whisper, so faint Catelyn could not determine if she had spoken aloud at all,
no one could, not us, not the Old Men on their wooden thrones weeping blood, and not the Dragon.
I am sorry.
That, too, made it worse.
OOC: Another great character piece from @Crake. I just added a few words.