Hello there.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. In a position like mine, you've got to take the laughs where you can get them.
Said position being aboard a kilometre-long dreadnought, about to do something precipitous, if you didn't know. I guess that's probably pretty obvious under the circumstances, huh? Sorry, that's the stress talking. What's ahead is not going to be easy.
I mean, I have a plan. If you're reading this, then presumably I've succeeded. Lucky me. It's also clear that you're literate in English, so either somebody in this messed-up galaxy is a lot better at reconstructive linguistics than I ever realised, or you too come from a long time in the future in a galaxy pretty darn distant from Coruscant and the Republic.
If it's the former, congratulations! That is legitimately incredibly impressive, and I can't even be mad that you're probably going to expose a whole lot of stuff I don't really want exposed. I knew the risks when I wrote this. Sorry you're probably going to be really confused, but feel free to attribute everything I write next to some combination of The Force, mental illness, and Spice. I'm not force-sensitive and I don't use Spice, but there's no reason to just take my word for it.
Trust me, you'll feel better if you don't take this too seriously. I'd advise you not to read the rest of this at all, but if you've put in as much effort as reconstructing a dead language takes you're going to keep reading no matter what I say. You're stubborn like that, or at least committed. I can respect that.
In the more likely event that it's the latter, my condolences and apologies. This place is deeply messed up, and my efforts towards reducing that mess have probably sent "canon", either canon, so far off the rails you can't even see the tracks anymore. Again, sorry. There's nothing I can do to fix it besides just not going through with my little scheme, and way too many innocent people and at least one too many mostly innocent planets will die if I don't. As much as I feel there's a connection between us, you're not worth as much to me as Alderaan.
I've never actually been to Alderaan, mind you, but it looks like a nice place in the holos and it does have a ten-digit population to consider. Plus all the other people who'll die if I don't do something to stop the rise of Darth Sidious' Galactic Empire.
And what better place and time to do something than here and now: aboard the Invisible Hand in the early stages of what may or may not become known as the Battle of Coruscant in this timeline. I mean, I'm actually writing this beforehand, but that's when I'm gonna finally take action.
That's what this record is for. Explaining to any fellow earthborn what it is that I will have done by the time a single soul other than myself lays eyes on any of the dozen slabs of durasteel I will have had it carved into and then shoved aboard the escape pods.
I know that sounds like a lot of work, but it's actually not much harder than using a printer back home. Loading the device properly is a bit of a pain, and between the energy consumption and the durasteel itself it's way more expensive than keeping a 21st century device's unquenchable thirst for ink in check, but it works like a breeze. Say what you will about the Techno-Union, but they certainly don't skimp on quality if you're willing to spend the credits for it.
Unfortunately, I only have access to twelve of the escape pods and the added satchel space it'd take to load each of them up with multiples is a bit too much of a risk. Paper sure would be nice right about now, but I don't have time to get any and it'd probably require a whole lot of explaining. I'm just counting myself lucky I had a legitimate reason for needing a Durasteel engraver.
And that I'm just good enough with the art programs to make a decent profit on selling titillating engravings that I can pass as actual art on the side in case anybody doesn't buy my legitimate reason. So long as I pay for my personal durasteel and the energy costs it's cool. Or at least the kind of low-key sketchy nobody actually bothers to stop in the Separatist Alliance. Or the Republic. Or the Empire, if I recall correctly. Definitely not in Hutt Space, unless the local crimeboss or "legitimate official" isn't getting their cut.
Actually, that's true of all of the above, although some of them sometimes lack the quotation marks and are just tax people, but I'm paid up with the ship's quartermaster/chief extortionist. Probably could have gotten away with a little less, but it's not like the credits really matter where I'm going.
Or where he's going, considering it's the exact same place, but he doesn't know that. Nor do the rest of the crew, or our superiors. I'm pretty sure that if they knew I was planning to send the Invisible Hand into a black hole I would have been dragged off by now.
Yeah. That's what I'm doing. What I've done, if things go anything like I expect. I know, it's harsh. There are people aboard. Most of them will be leaving before we go into battle, but there'll still be more than I'm really comfortable with, even discounting the droids. Most of the droids aren't really sapient, I think, but there's a few. Those Magnaguard are definitely smarter and more self-aware than half the organics I've met, even if they don't talk much.
Most of the organics who'll stay are prepared to die for the Separatist Alliance, or at least firmly aware that it's a possibility. Some of them are in denial, but the war has made painfully clear to everyone that going into a naval battle in a warship, even a dreadnought, is risky. Not my fault not everybody listened, especially when I made sure to give a lecture on the subject on the excuse of making sure there were no cowards among us.
I think the six Neimodians who skulked off to grasp for less frontline positions helped prove my point on that. They certainly helped me secure my position: I probably couldn't have done this without them. Hope they didn't get killed for it, but skilled pilots and technicians are too valuable to waste that easily. They probably just got reassigned to grunt work for a few months to teach them a lesson or something.
I hope so. I kinda liked those guys. Except Igraf. Igraf's a dick. He thoroughly deserves to spend a few months, or even years, doing menial labour, but even he doesn't really deserve to die. Most of the people I'm about to kill don't. Even without the droids, I'm about to kill almost a thousand people. Soldiers, mostly, or at least military, and all people who deliberately chose to prosecute this war, but it's still not a great feeling. Even the long Separatist list of War Crimes doesn't help all that much.
Especially since I only really want to kill three of them. Sheev Palpatine, Yan Dooku, and Qymaen jai Sheelal, in that order of priority. Darth Sidious, Darth Tyrannus, and General Grievous. Two of them are "supposed" to die soon anyway, but they all need to be taken out. Sheev's plan for the galaxy is utterly horrific, and with him and Dooku removed the Order of Bane will be extinct. The Sith will no doubt rise again in some form, but hopefully not for a few millennia.
Keep an eye out for them for me, will you? Make sure they don't cause too much harm.
Grievous, well, I'm not letting that bloodthirsty warmonger loose in the galaxy with nobody to keep him on a leash. Technically there's still people he answers to outside this ship, but none of them have the intimidation factor of a Sith Lord, and hopefully most of them will be getting arrested anyway.
That's the other thing I'm putting in the escape pods, by the way. Unencoded data about a veritable who's-who of the most vicious, corrupt, and just plain evil of both sides and a great many of the neutral powers. All their crimes I could prove, (unfortunately not including Sithiness or collaboration in creating the war,) with evidence, plus everything I could get my hands on by way of minions, known aliases, resources, and anything else that might be useful in bringing them down legally. Most of it's good for illegally taking them down too, but I'm hoping the high road will prevail.
Peace in the galaxy would be nice. Not that there's ever really peace in the galaxy, and there's a few places where there shouldn't be, but I'd at least like there to not be a galactic scale war. Except maybe in Hutt Space. That place desperately needs some outside intervention. That's why I've framed Jabba for my future murders. It'll look like one of his men tried to wipe out Coruscant in an "accident" with the hyperdrive. Not sure it'll hold up, and I haven't found anything one way or the other to show if it'd actually work (thankfully), but it's just plausible enough that people should at least believe that Jabba might believe it. And giving the two sides a common enemy should help them make peace. Between that and the vast amount of evidence I've included about Hutt atrocities both horrifyingly grandiose and sickeningly mundane I hope him and his will make an excellent one.
Between the common enemy and the shared tragedy of losing their top leadership at the same time, maybe they can give peace a chance for a while. There's every chance I'm being naive, but I hope so. And even if it does end in violence, the Republic will now have a firm upper hand without Palpatine's sabotage and with my information on exactly where to find the most dangerous and violent Separatist leaders.
And, honestly, I doubt taking out The Master, The Apprentice, and their most vicious hatchet-man could make things any worse.
I probably shouldn't have to say it, but please don't expose that Jabba was framed unless he's been thoroughly brought to justice for his many actual crimes and there's a rock solid peace in place. And be very careful even if you think that's the case.
Peace can be a lot more fragile than you realise. Galactic history has proven that more times than I can count. But you can do your own research there.
I probably could have shoved this explanation on the datachips, but I don't want an entirely unknown language muddying up the narrative there. These'll just look like cultural artefacts, or maybe Force ones. Something important. Plus these'll last a lot longer, and they're a lot less likely to get accidentally deleted or thrown out as junk data or something. And I just really like the aesthetic and want to leave something beautiful behind.
And I'm stalling. Sorry. I'll come back when I have something important to say.
Everything is in place except the Invisible Hand itself, Sheev Palpatine, and these final explanations.
I can seize control of the hyperdrive and navigator whenever I please. Slicing's useful that way, and I used my entirely legitimate access codes to lay all the groundwork. I won't be able to hold control for more than a few minutes, but a few minutes is all I'll need. I've already found and programmed in the right coordinates, and the journey is not a long one. Plenty of singularities in the core, if you look for them.
I legitimately have the authority to launch the escape pods, my twelve at least, so that's all well and good.
I have considered the possibility of using other methods of assassination. Less destructive ones. But I certainly can't take any of my targets in a remotely fair fight, and I'm sure at least one of them would make it if I just cut off life support. I doubt any of them can withstand starship-grade ordinance, but I wouldn't want to bet on it and in any case all of that stuff I could feasibly access is firmly pointed outward. And anything subtle anywhere near a force-user of Sith Lord level is bound to fail.
This is surer. Not certain, but far more likely.
I don't even know what I'm praying to, but I'm desperately praying this will work. Both on a shipwide scale and on a galactic one. And for forgiveness.
But I've wasted enough time. We've arrived in-system, and I still need to print these off and put them where they'll hopefully be found, then "accidentally" fire the pods into the void. Hopefully with a few of the crew on board. I'm sure I can find some excuse for at least some of them.
Then I'll wait for the Supreme Chancellor to be "kidnapped" and taken to his suitably dramatic (and suitably distant from both the hangers and the remaining escape pods) place of captivity. I don't know how long it'll take for Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker to show up, but I don't need very long. Hopefully I'll be done before they even enter the battle.
If not, well, as much as I might love them as characters, and as much as Obi-Wan at least hasn't done anything wrong, they too are not worth as much to me as Alderaan.
I'm not worth as much to me as Alderaan. I need to stay on board to make sure this goes right. Or maybe I'm just too much of a coward to live with myself after what I've done. Either way, I'm not making it out alive.
So there's your explanation. I don't know how much it's worth, but it's what I can afford. I'm sorry I couldn't find a better way, but this needs to be done.
I'm off to murder a little less than a thousand people.
May the force be with us all.
