Teacher Quest

As you felt thousands of eyes zero in on your form, the confidence you had started to fade away bit by bit; the strained silence that reigned over the whole place did not offer much consolation either. Idly, you noticed that a few students that were focused on their phones were now paying close attention. The question was whether they wanted to measure up a newcomer teacher or to see you butcher the opening speech.

Remembering an advice about good ice-breakers, you decided to start with a speech that was more on a funny side. After the principal's uninspired drivel, those children needed a bit of levity; not to mention the fact that it would establish you as a cool and refreshing teacher.

Standing on the podium, with multiple cameras broadcasting you across the campus live, you prepared to speak. It was your moment of fame…

… It could have been your moment of fame, if you speech wasn't interrupted before you could even say the first word.

Something – or someone – fell from the sky, kicking up a dense cloud of dust and destroying the podium you stood on a few moments ago. It was rather fortunate than you were you and managed to dodge in time: any other person would've been taken by surprise.

"Is this thing on?" the voice came from the cloud as it slowly dissipated, revealing a short woman in a lab coat. The cocky grin on her face was something you couldn't forget, even if you tried to. The hair and eye color matched, too: red and red.

"Hmm, why isn't working?" your childhood friend and a world-famous genius-inventor started fiddling with a wireless microphone-like device in her hand. "Oh, I forgot to turn the switch. Silly me!"

"Hello to all knowledge-seeking youths!"

Her melodic voice unexpectedly – for anyone other than you – resonated through the hall this time. Apparently, she managed to take control of the entire broadcasting system since the cameras' attention shifted from you to her, as the large display helpfully showed.

There was no denying that Uzume Mirai had a very eccentric personality.

"What's up, brats! Your new teacher has cometh!"


You went down the hallway with the principal's robotic assistant walking three steps behind you. The sudden interruption and the announcement made by that eccentric served as a perfect closure for the opening ceremony, leaving students awed and impressed.

Impressed by Mirai, naturally. Instead of opening your speech with an ice-breaker, you were the ice-breaker for her introduction yourself. Unlike her, no one knew much about you, but the person that kick-started an entirely new era was a different matter altogether.

"Did you plan that from the start?" you asked the automaton, certain that she wouldn't lie to you. Unlike humans, the APS had a set of restriction placed on them which included the complete inability to lie. "I promise not to get angry at that fossil," you added simply to placate your guilty conscience.

"Not exactly," she said. "Originally, Kokonoe-sama wanted to introduce you two side by side, but we were unable to locate Uzume-sama in time for the ceremony. I proposed to simply cancel the event, but Kokonoe-sama insisted that we conduct the ceremony without Uzume-sama. It was merely an unfortunate accident, Sinclair-sama."

"If you say so," you dropped the topic, still feeling doubtful about that old man's intentions. "By the way," you said and stopped.

"Yes?" the assistant tilted her head in a gesture that signaled either curiosity or confusion. The way she conducted herself was, speaking honestly, quite erratic: some of her actions were cold and monotone, while other were far too overblown to seem real. It looked like she was still learning the most efficient way to express her emotions.

"I forgot to ask your name," you noted. After the ceremony's abrupt end, she pulled you to the side to explain some difficulties, so you had spent enough time together to be at least acquaintances. Besides, as the principal's personal assistant, she was also your colleague.

"You did," she admitted and went forward. Silently, she opened a door and prompted you to enter. There waited a classroom full of students, if the voices that came from inside were an indication. "Your class is waiting for you, Sinclair-sama."

You took a quick peek inside and instantly closed the door shut, shocked by the things you saw. Looking at the non-pulsed woman, you asked: "Just what kind of students are you teaching here?"

"Oh," she said. "It appears you're quite perceptive, Sinclair-sama. How did you notice that you were assigned a special class? It is true that starting from this year, all "special" students will be grouped together, but this was supposed to be a surprise for you."

"Did that old man say that?" you asked, fully knowing what the answer would be.

"Kokonoe-sama said that if someone could, I quote, make these brats stick the straight and narrow, it would be you," the woman said and bowed slightly. "If you'll excuse me, there is an urgent manner I need to take care of."

"I'm not prepared for that!" you exclaimed. You were prepared for dealing with normal children, not the problematic ones, and especially not with a class that was filled with them to the brim. "Aren't there people more suited for this task than me?"

"Most likely," she admitted. "But Kokonoe-sama wanted you to fill this position." Before she left, the assistant added: "It's Sif."

"What?" you asked.

"Sif. This is my name," she smiled. "You were the first human to ask me that, Sinclair-sama."

Before you could enter the classroom and face the music, you heard the door open. A teenage girl stood there, her honey eyes looking at you with curiosity. She looked like the prim-and-proper kind, but the words above her head said otherwise…

[Teacher Fetishist]

You already saw some bizarre titles, but this was on a whole another level.

"Oh, the [Teacher Fetishist] spoke. "Are you our new homeroom teacher?"
You simply nodded and entered the classroom, feeling the migraine slowly forming under your skull. Letting your eyes roam freely, you started counting: 13 students in total. This class was surprisingly small, which certainly was a sign about this academy's admission process.

That meant there were only thirteen trouble-makers on this year.

Then, you noticed their titles. Some were tame, but the one that weren't…

The first row consisted of a girl that looked like an elementary school student and whose title said the ominous [Slasher of Slashers]. On second thought, a single hairpin she was wearing was shaped like a hockey mask which made you wish you didn't notice this detail.

The [Slasher of Slashers] girl was merrily chatting with the [Demon Hunter Hunter] – a mousy-looking girl that kept her black hair in a pair of tight braids and wore eyeglasses. Her appearance suggested that the she belonged to the shy and reserved kind of people.

The sleeping boy in the same row held the title of [Werewolf] and seemed completely non-pulsed by the prodding that the girl sitting directly behind him did with her staff. She was wearing a white eyepatch and had her entire right arm wrapped in bandages. Her title simply said [Dryad].

A pair that consisted of [Human Bomb] – a boy with blonde hair that watched the aforementioned two with a small smile – and [Alien Demon] – a humanoid with a white carapace-like armor covering his whole body that sat behind his friend – were in the middle of what appeared to be friendly banter.

The girl with tanned skin that sat next to the pair was looking at with piercing eyes. [Wendigo] – her title said. Wasn't that some kind of a monster from Native American folklore? You weren't sure what exactly they did, but you hoped it wasn't something nasty like eating humans.

Looking at you with a gaze less intense were a short girl with the title of [True Ancestor Vampire] and a girl whose long, black bangs covered her eyes entirely – [Personification of Hatred]. The last ones was the trio of [Light Novel Protagonist], [Dating Sim Protagonist] and [Shonen Manga Protagonist] – all boys whose main difference was the degree of their hair spikiness. Otherwise, they were far too average to stand apart from their classmates.

Naturally, there was also [Teacher Fetishist] who still stood next to you.

"Oh, sorry," she said. "I was the class representative last year, so this is force of a habit."

As soon as [Teacher Fetishist] sat down, the entire classroom went silent.

[] Give them the comedic speech you wanted.

[] Give them the inspirational speech you wanted.

[] Just skip straight to the roll call.