Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Bonus Update: Accept no Substitutes
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Nara hand signals omitted for conciseness.​

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"Shikamaru! Welcome back!" Shiori greeted him enthusiastically. It was quite late now, but the assistant did not go to bed before the master, and besides, she was too excited to sleep. "How was your day out with Gōketsu?"

She couldn't wait to hear it. A pair as utterly incompatible as those two could only be driven disastrously apart by having to face crisis situations in each other's company. Yes, it would probably be quite an unpleasant experience for Shikamaru, seeing the Gōketsu girl's flaws dramatically unveiled, but it was all for his own good in the long run. It was a personal assistant's job to consider this kind of thing.

"Surprisingly tolerable," Shikamaru said. "I found her to be mentally agile, composed and possessed of a pleasant dry wit. I can see myself spending extended periods of time in her presence without being driven to distraction. Thank you for the idea, Shiori."

Mentally agile. Composed. Witty. All features of Lady Yoshino's character that Shiori felt she lacked. The fires of jealousy, no, reasonable scepticism, began to simmer higher in Shiori's heart. How had her plan backfired so badly?

"N—Not at all," Shiori said uneasily. "Good for her, I guess." She cast about for a way to change the subject from Shikamaru's growing feelings for his bride-to-be. "Hey, what's in that bag?"

"Oh, this?" Shikamaru offered the bag to her. "It's a present I picked up for you. To thank you for all the effort you must have put in."

"A present?" Shiori breathed. "For me?"

"I must confess that it was Gōketsu's idea, but I approve of it wholeheartedly. I know you've never played a board game like this before, and I hope it will help you expand your horizons."

"Thank you, Shikamaru!" Shiori's smile must have covered half her face.

"Don't worry about it."

Shikamaru frowned. "There is something I want to ask you, however. Why exactly did you choose the most inopportune locations and activities possible for our itinerary? Given your usual competence, it comes across almost as an act of sabotage."

Shiori did not in fact have a ready answer for this. In her haste to free Shikamaru from the ill-matched marriage being forced upon him, she'd neglected to consider that she would be undermining his trust in her in the process. To claim drastic incompetence would significantly hurt her standing with Shikamaru, assuming he believed her at all and she was not hoist by the petard of his high faith in her abilities. But to admit that she was interfering with his love life was not an option. Lady Yoshino had even warned her not to be careless…

When in doubt, stall.

"It would be no fun to just tell you," Shiori gave a not-at-all-fake grin. "If you want to know… then… beat me in this game you just got me." Yes! Nice going, Shiori!

What was the game, anyway?

Shiori looked down into the bag, which contained a painted wooden box. Across the top, bold pink characters read, Forceful Domination: A game of sensual exploration for two adventurous adults.

Yes, she could feel her horizons expanding already.

"Sh-Shikamaru?!"

"What do you think?" Shikamaru asked as if nothing was amiss. "I know you've been bored of late, and looking for ways to expand your comfort zone."

"Urk."

"And while obviously you don't have to, I was rather hoping you and I could play it together at some point."

"Eep."

"Oh, there should also be a thank-you note from Gōketsu in there somewhere."

Shiori fished it out with shaking fingers.

Dear Nara Shiori, thank you for arranging such an enjoyable day out. I hope this gift will help you attain a better grasp of strategy. Cordially yours, Gōketsu Keiko.

Right. Gōketsu had picked this for her.

Gōketsu had picked this for her.

What.

Get it together, Shiori, she admonished herself. Analyse now, freak out later, one of many informal Nara mottos. This was the first direct communication between her and the enemy. It had to be full of valuable information.

That first line was pure unadulterated bitchiness. It basically said, "Nice try."

But the second one. That threw her for a loop. Help Shiori? A better grasp of strategy? Was Gōketsu, Shikamaru's fiancée, trying to help her seduce him? What could possibly be in it for her? She couldn't be… laying the groundwork for some crazy ménage à trois? Oh, Sage, Shikamaru's fiancée was a sexually deviant libertine with designs on Shiori's body. And Shikamaru knew this and was looking forward to spending extended periods of time in her presence. In their presence? Shiori's head was spinning.

No, wait, there was another, less mind-blowing interpretation. What if Gōketsu was saying, "Sleep with him all you like, as long as you resign yourself to being no more than a concubine"? "I'm willing to let you have his body since I'll be getting everything else"? Was this an assertion of dominance, Gōketsu trying to impose a clear division of roles ahead of the marriage?

It was not unknown for clan heads to have concubines. Not all political marriages involved pairings likely to produce powerful ninja offspring, and clans took that kind of thing seriously. Likewise, the Nara were very open-minded on the subject of mistresses, having long since grasped that the best way to stop extramarital relations from hurting the clan was to make sure people were doing them right.

It wasn't a terrible compromise. She'd get to stay by Shikamaru's side. She'd be able to receive his affection. She didn't know if the clan would ever approve someone like her to have Shikamaru's children, but the possibility was non-zero. Really, Shiori ought to fold, accept Gōketsu's generous offer and live out the rest of her life as a moderately happy second best.

All with that bitch sneering on her from above, monopolising Shikamaru's love and attention while feeding Shiori scraps from her table. Who did she think she was, deciding Shiori's future for her before the engagement had been so much as confirmed? Sending her seduction gifts, as if to imply that Shiori was incapable of getting anywhere without her help? Setting down a new status quo in a thank-you note, without the even minimal courtesy of talking to her face-to-face?

But Gōketsu didn't believe her victory was certain. If she did, she wouldn't be writing to Shiori, trying to convince her that she'd already lost. Even if the odds were stacked against Shiori, even if they were a million to one… by the Nara blood flowing in her veins, she would throw every ounce of cunning and every gram of courage into fighting for her true love.

Shiori steeled her resolve as she smiled at Shikamaru. "So tell me more about this game."

"It's essentially a territorial warfare game. You have to seize and hold your opponent's areas, and you receive points every round you have them under control. The game also gives each side asymmetric objectives, and accomplishing those allows you to use powerful new tools. Oh, and there are cards which allow you to surprise your opponent with actions that would normally be forbidden."

"Mmm," Shiori said in a slight daze.

"We played a much-expanded version of this game at the Gōketsu gaming night," Shikamaru added.

Shiori's train of imagination derailed.

"Haah?!"

"Oh, yes. It was quite an experience. My team played in random combinations with Teams Gai and Inoue, as she then was."

"Nngk." The train kept going, straight off a cliff.

"Lee and Ino were the first out. She couldn't handle his relentless enthusiasm, a feeling with which I sympathise fully, but also the way he insisted on showing the room everything she wanted kept hidden. She spent most of the rest of the night calming her nerves with herbal tea.

"Chōji and Asuma-sensei didn't last long either. Their play style was very standard and predictable—vanilla, you could say—and they ended up mishandling some very sensitive situations as a result. Meanwhile, Gai-sensei and Inoue didn't seem as focused on pursuing their own goals as on observing everyone else, but still managed to handle themselves quite well."

Shiori just stared, her powers of speech having failed her altogether.

"Wakahisa and Neji were much stronger competition. For all that they are usually at each other's throats, they were a surprisingly well-oiled team. I suppose they do say opposites attract. Fortunately, though, I found Kurosawa to be a creative and determined partner, and of course with extensive prior experience which he was willing to share. The four of us spent most of the mid- to late-game wrestling with each other, essentially taking turns coming out on top."

Shikamaru… with Hyūga… and two other boys…

"The end, however, was a complete upset. Mori and Tenten had spent most of the game doing their own thing, and lashing out violently at anyone who attempted to interfere… yet when the game ended, they were the pair furthest along the victory track."

Mori and Tenten? Oh hell. Shiori had been too quick to dismiss the ménage à trois theory.

"It was unexpectedly acceptable as social occasions go," Shikamaru reflected. "I wonder if Gōketsu intends to host any others."

Shiori's train of imagination lay at the bottom of the cliff in a million tiny broken shards of wood, like so many other abandoned Nara research projects. She had not realised until today just how different the lives of the nobility were.

"No need to look so confused," Shikamaru said reassuringly. "I know it's your first board game, but I assure you, with a little practice you will be as capable as any of us. Perhaps I can prevail on Gōketsu to include you in his next invitation."

"Aag." No, still no powers of speech.

"It's your game, obviously, so you can do with it as you wish, but if you're interested… perhaps we could give it a try tomorrow night?"

Shiori's mind was filled with white static. It was happening. It was actually happening. Shikamaru was asking her.

With all her power, she gave a definite nod, then left while her legs still supported her.
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-o-
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Shiori had spent most of the next day gathering her courage. This was an opportunity. The opportunity. If she could make Shikamaru see her as a woman, here and now, in the low-pressure context of a game where accidents and mistakes could be waved away… Yes, she would accept even the poisoned chalice handed her by the Gōketsu girl. And if it was apparently too late for her to be his first, well, she could still make sure she was his foremost.

They were in her room now. It was her first time having a boy in her room. Shikamaru was sitting cross-legged on the floor, not looking anywhere near as anxious as she felt. Then again, given how experienced with these things he'd turned out to be, that was no surprise. She hoped she could live up to his expectations.

"Are you ready for the unboxing?" she asked, the word sounding to her almost like a metaphor for something else.

"Sure, go ahead." Shikamaru looked at the part of the box visible from where he was sitting. "Hmm, this looks different from what I saw in the shop. I suppose the one on the shelves must have been a display model."

"Right," Shiori agreed vaguely, tentatively pulling off the lid. The inside… was a blinding treasure trove of adulthood.

"First things first," Shikamaru said briskly, "we should catalogue the pieces and make sure there's nothing missing. The last thing we want is to get to the end and find we can't finish because we're underequipped."

He reached in and began to pull out the contents, passing them to her mechanically one by one.

"Manacles, one set. Collar, with chain, one. Strip of cloth with a gap containing a wooden ball, one…"

If Shiori was honest, it was all a bit too advanced for her. She'd never played this kind of game before, in any sense. But no, that was no way for her to think. So she was a newcomer. So she had a long way to go to catch up. This was still something she had longed for, even if she could never have imagined that it would happen in this form. She studied Shikamaru. She studied the objects. Slowly but surely, in her mind's eye they began to dance with possibilities.

"Rope, silk, five metres. Wooden implements, assorted…" Shikamaru continued in that bored voice he used when his body was engaged in manual labour while his mind was elsewhere. Shiori would give a lot to know what he was fantasising about right now.

She blushed as one particular wooden implement, carved into a very unambiguous shape, passed from Shikamaru's hand to hers. A foreshadowing.

Shikamaru stopped as their hands touched. He looked at the implement, and then at some of the others he was holding, as if seeing them for the first time. "Wait. What the hell kind of variant ruleset is this?"

Shiori couldn't be the nervous first-timer now, not after everything Shikamaru was apparently used to. She reached down deep inside herself, figuratively speaking, seeking whatever powers of seduction she must have inherited from her ancestors—each of whom had at least been seductive enough to make sure she now existed. Even if it was only pretend, for one night surely she could be his equal, the beguiling temptress from the novels with the very bright covers.

"Don't worry, Shikamaru," she said languorously, toying casually with the implement. "Even if it's not quite what you're familiar with, I'd be more than happy to broaden our horizons together."

Shikamaru gave her an uncertain look. "Shiori, is this definitely the game I gave you?"

"Of course it is," she purred, "and I look forward to showing you how very grateful I am."

Shikamaru began to rifle through the box with a sense of urgency. More pieces of cloth and lacquered wood flew across the floor.

"Aha! The manual…" Shikamaru trailed off as he looked at the game's name emblazoned across the cover.

Shikamaru looked at her. Then at the implement she was absent-mindedly fondling as she looked back at him. Then at her again.

"EXCUSEMEI'VEJUSTREALISEDITISREALLYLATEANDI'MGOINGTOBED!"

"Wait for me!" Shiori called out as he bolted towards the door.

"Gyaaaaah!"

There was the sound of desperately running feet, a shutting door, and then the slamming of bars and bolts and more security features than she could imagine fitting into a single bedroom.

"Is this what they call playing hard to get?" Shiori plaintively asked the empty room.
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-o-
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"That's odd," the old man said as he compared the inventory to the ledger. "We seem to have one extra copy of Focused Dominance."

Then he looked at the ledger again.

"Oh. Oh, dear. Just as well the Nara are so open-minded."
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-o-
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"Good morning, Nara," Kei greeted the boy politely.

"Gōketsu," he said distantly, a thousand-yard stare travelling through her and out into the depths of the Training Grounds. Not that Kei was exactly a lover of early-morning joint training sessions, but she did feel his reaction was rather excessive.

Still, he was a rare sensible individual in a world of irrational suffering. The least she could do was attempt to distract him from his woes.

"How did you and Shiori enjoy the board game?" she asked.

Nara turned and gave her the most Kagome stare she had ever seen from somebody not named Kagome.

This was serious. Kei would have to apply extra effort.

"Please, tell me of your experience. Hold nothing back. I would be fascinated to hear every last detail."

The stare only intensified.

"How was the component quality? I recall that when we were missing-nin, we had to carve our own pieces in order to play. Fortunately, Kagome is a man of nimble hands, and particularly adept at carving objects out of wood."

No response.

"It is not so much an issue of direct resemblance," Kei hurried on, aware that she was beginning to ramble but also genuinely concerned by Nara's condition, "but of fitness for purpose. If they are convenient to handle and do not leave unexpected splinters, that is more than enough for a beginner. We were very fortunate to have Kagome, whose creations were smooth and pleasant to the touch, but I imagine even average-quality pieces should satisfy your needs if made by a professional."

"Gah," Nara said simply.

"Oh, but perhaps you find the material aspect too trivial. How was the game itself? Did you find your superior experience allowed you to dominate Shiori, or was she able to score consistently? If you felt there was a lack of balance, I am given to understand there are house rules which can provide a more personalised experience."

Kei's feelings of anxiety were intensifying. What good was she if she could not even provide a friend with a distraction? Surely there had to be something she could say…

"Perhaps you are dissatisfied with the initial choice of game—"

"There was no game," Nara said in the hollow voice of the dead. "I remember no game. Shiori remembers no game. There was no game."

"Oh," Kei said, at a complete loss. "Well, then… would you like to play with me at some opportune occasion? I am accustomed to using the one-player rules, but I would be happy to experiment with two, and I own the Seals of Binding expansion..."

Nara stared at her for five full seconds. Then he turned and staggered out of the Training Grounds. He was not seen again that day.​