View: https://youtu.be/-7iLl3ETULg
[I thought too hard about something you said and now I have a really bad headache!]
Thanks to @Armoury for the beta!
—
You stare down at the ice fairy, then with little effort, return to your usual placid expression, suppressing the aggravation that Miko has managed to cause you. "I am fine, Cirno. How is the shrine?"
Cirno blinks up at you, then pouts. "I dunno! I wasn't paying attention, 'cause I was thinking hard!"
You nod, absently casting your eye over the Hakurei Shrine's environs. At the very least, nothing seems to have caught fire, and there isn't any screaming, so you suppose nothing truly urgent is ongoing. Well then.
You kneel down on the snowy ground, so that you can look at the little fairy eye-to-eye. "And what were you thinking hard about?"
Cirno's pout deepens. "So I was thinking about that stuff you said earlier, with the Ashura and about fighting, right? And how it's bad 'cause it makes you hungry? But then I thought about it more, and that didn't seem right, cuz I don't always feel hungry after I fight, but it made me think about another thing!"
"Oh? And what would that be Cirno?" you ask, genuinely intrigued.
"So you know that fairies are the best, yeah? Since we can be all shwoo and bzzzew and do cool stuff, and we don't have to do boring things to do it. And humans have to read books and junk to do cool stuff, like Marisa says. So I mostly thought that maybe humans don't like to fight and in-ci-dents because they suck at it? But I thought some more and I think it's actually something else."
You tilt your head, encouragingly.
"So I don't super remember it because it was a long time ago, but there was this one tree next to my lake that I thiiiiiink me and the other fairies used to play on. Since it was so messed up and the branches were super twisted and stuff, there was this contest where we tried to fly right through it without hitting anything. I was the best at it, duh, because I'm the best fairy."
"And then one day, the tree was no longer there?" you finish for her.
She nods. "Yeah. I remember that it fell down, into the water. It was an extra strong winter, I think, and the ice and snow got too heavy for it. We tried to prop it back up, but it didn't work. And we looked for another tree like it, but there wasn't one. So we just… stopped doing the tree thing. And then we forgot about it. But now I remember it again." She looks at you. "And when I remember the tree, I don't feel hungry. I feel empty, but in a different way - and that's because the tree went away, and didn't come back. And that made me think some more. And…humans don't come back either."
You smile, gently placing your hand on the fairies shoulder. There comes a time when every child comes to terms with this, some earlier, some later. But then, was Cirno truly a child? Or a mimicry of one. You suppose it didn't truly matter. "No, humans, and many other beings besides, do not come back once it is their time to leave this world. They reenter the karmic cycle and come back anew, but not as the same being. Sometimes greater, sometimes lesser, but never the same."
Cirno looks up at you. "I mean… I guess I knew that fairies were special. But… isn't that super sad? Things that go away and never come back… that sucks! It's that kind of empty hurty thing, but it would just keep going and going! And I bet that's why Reimu and the village gets super mad whenever bad things happen, too! Because they think the bad part will be forever!"
"Death can be a sad thing, it is true. But it is also a part of life. All things must die Cirno, be they human or youkai. It was the time for that tree, just as, a long time ago, it was time for myself. I returned yes, but not as I was. I am not the man I was when my sister knew me." You move the hand to her hair, gently running through it. Ice sticks to your hand as you do, little snowflakes caught between the strands. "It is alright to mourn for those we have lost, but there is nothing to fear with death itself."
Cirno leans into your hand, closing her eyes. "Buuuuut… aren't you super special? You came back because you're awesome, but nobody else does. Except for the full ghosts, and the half ghosts, and fairies of course, and all the other weirdos who come to Gensokyo because they're weird. But those are all special people with special powers. The tree didn't have any special powers! And neither does, does, what's-his-name… the village guy! With the store!"
"Cirno, when you are defeated, do not lie to me that you aren't. What happens to you between your disappearance, and reappearance?"
Cirno moves away from your hand, with the indignity of a startled cat. "Do not!" She stares at your unrelenting gaze for a few moments longer, before her pout returns with redoubled force. You say nothing. A long moment passes.
"... Fine. When I'm coming back… it's the same as just waking up when I sleep." You can practically see the gears slowly turning in her head. "It's… actually kinda more comfy than normal sleep. But usually when it happens I'm super mad as soon as I wake up, so it's not really fun because of that."
"And I presume that, in the time between, you recall nothing?" you ask gently.
Cirno frowns, hard in thought. "Nnnn…maybe? I… I'm not sure? I thought I maybe remembered some things, but maybe that's me remembering remembering after I wake up? Or remembering before? It's tricky." She suddenly brightens up. "Quick, kill me, I can check!"
You let out a long, and slow breath, you don't need to breath, but it gets the point across. "Cirno, humans… and youkai both truly, do not recall a time before they were alive. It is not their way. Before we are born, we are nothing, then once we die, we are nothing. You do not recall the time before you were alive, you do not recall any pain, or suffering, or loneliness. If the afterlife is much the same, is that a bad thing?" you gently lower yourself further, sitting down onto the snowy grass, and you smile at the fairy. "When beings die, they do come back, if they are good and live lives free of desire, they return as something… better, if they do not, it is something worse. But in the time between, there is nothing, no sadness, no emptiness, it is as you are when you sleep. Does that sound unpleasant?"
Cirno considers this, slowly. "I mean, it's not so different from what fairies do, so I guess it's not tooooooo bad. But, I mean… you don't get to see your friends anymore. And if there was something you wanted to get done, you can't once you're gone. Since you lose your… your you-ness, right? It's like with the tree, kinda - it was still there, in the water. And even when it sank and broke into pieces, the parts were still there mostly. But it wasn't the tree we played in anymore."
"And that is life," you reply. "People move on, things move on. There is a time that someday you too will move on. You are gifted with the ability to come back, but even the Fae fade away with time. And when you do, you shall no longer be yourself. No longer Cirno, but someone new. You will be the same being, but not the same person. Perhaps you will no longer be a fairy, perhaps you will be a human, or another form of youkai, or a Deva or an Asura." You pause, thinking about how likely that last one is for a moment. "But you shall not return as yourself."
Cirno shivers. "Spooky. I've always been me. How would I be any good at being anyone else?" Her eyes suddenly open wide. "Would I even be the strongest anymore?!"
"Does it matter Cirno?" you ask. "Why do you need to be the strongest? What drives you?"
Cirno tilts her head. "Drive? I don't get it. I'm the strongest, because I… am the strongest? It's just… I'm the strongest because I am, the same way a tree is a tree because it is a… tree? This is confusing."
Soft footsteps, a gentle voice. "To be the strongest is a worthy goal. But what is more important is what that strength is used for. I am powerful, and I use it to protect my friends and followers. To what end are you the strongest Cirno?" Byakuren asks, your sister walking up, hands clasped in front of her. A small, gentle smile resting on her face.
Cirno turns around, looking at Byakuren. "I dunno why it is that way, it just… is? I just… am stronger than all the other fairies here. And for some fairies that makes me the Boss, and for others it means that I'm the one they need to beat." She says hesitantly.
"And do you wish to
be the strongest?" Byakuren asks. "Or are you simply the strongest by nature, and you know of nothing else?"
Cirno opens her mouth to respond, closes it, then moves her hands to either side of her head. "
Ow, it huuuuuurts again."
Byakuren's gentle smile wavers as she holds back a laugh, but she manages to maintain her composure. "You do not need to decide on an answer right away, Cirno. You have plenty of time to think on it. But I do think that it is something you should consider."
"I would be glad to answer any questions you may have, I am a guide after all." You say, removing your hand from her hair.
Cirno… hums, a ringing note that reminds you of the gentle tinkling of icicles. "Okaaaaaay. I'm gonna go and lie down, now." Suiting actions to word, she slumps down and sprawls out in the snow, face down, right at your feet.
You stare down at her for a moment, then turn your head to Byakuren.
Your sister is smiling. "I see your teachings still cause the same amount of headaches Brother, you never did have much of a knack for it."
"Indeed I didn't, I am as you see me now due to hard work, not due to my abilities as a teacher. But then, few had issues listening to you Byakuren. Even if the village boys could hardly recall what you
said afterwards." You reply with a smile.
She shakes her head. "Teaching a fairy, once again you've put me to sham-"
"Of course now you ride a motorcycle and dress in leather. So I suppose you've upped the ante for the poor boys in the village." You say, shaking your head.
Byakuren takes a deep breath, but the smile remains. "I'm not so far gone that I cannot admit to some vanity at play, there."
"Should I also seek out a leather outfit?" you ask, leaning against your staff.
Byakuren huffs a laugh. "I certainly couldn't stop you if you did. Perhaps the village ladies would appreciate the sight?"
Cirno jerks her head up from the snow. "That reminds me!" she shouts, looking up at Byakuren. "Boys!"
"... Boys?" Byakuren asks.
"Ya! Heard Koa talking about it earlier. What's sex?"
You stare down at the fairy for a moment, then look to your sister. If she was impressed by your teaching of a fairy, it would only be fair to also give her the opportunity. "I believe Byakuren would be most suited to answering that question, I must attend to other manners on the shrine."
"Brother, don't you da-"
You are gone.
—
There are others to check on in the shrine that absolutely would not ask such a question. To whom do you seek? Or, rather, who was seeking you?
[ ] [An Immortal… with questions.]
[ ] [A messenger from the bamboo forest.]
[ ] [One of Shinki's subordinates, reporting in.]
[ ] [A girl who both did and didn't exist, was curious about you]
—
AN
Erien: A being that constantly is reborn without being reincarnated, in a universe where that is entirely a thing, is neat to me.
Redshirt: "Are you the strongest because you're Cirno? Or are you Cirno because you're the strongest?"
