She's going to love it. You just know it. You spent all of yesterday visiting every horse trader in the city and inquiring with the Sejm camp's nobles about any steeds they'd be willing to part with, and at last you found the one: a fresh-grown ex-colt, just barely four years old, black as ink and just beginning to show off his mature musculature. This is a hussar's horse, through and through: fifteen hands tall, of hearty local and speedy Mohammatan stock, a perfect blend of robustness and agility – it's probably in his blood that he won't flinch before gunfire or screaming men. He's worth a hefty pile of silver, but Mariana's worth her weight in gold, isn't she? You buy the young horse without a second thought on credit, and send a little party of men out to Dubinki to pick up the cash.
You want to sing, you're so excited! If it weren't for your leg, you'd be skipping like a boy. Today, you'll forget about all that – these crutches were always here! Missing leg? Out of sight, out of mind! Omnia vincit amor; this day isn't for you, anyways. You cannot wait to see the look on her face. But how to make the reveal? Hmmm…
The pretext is that you need to strengthen yourself for the crutches, complaining only half-deceitfully about shakes and aches in your forearms as you recover from a month in bed. You tell her that you'd like to have her accompany you for some laps around the palace courtyard.
"I hope you didn't forget about my birthing day," Mariana says.
"Wha– Mariana," you say, stopping in place; you notice she's covering her mouth but smiling with her eyes. "I gave you well-wishes this morning – the moment I saw you! You're twenty-one," you add, as if to prove something.
She bursts out laughing. "Serious, so serious! Don't get all offended about it," she says. "But you did forget last year." Your mouth opens and she raises a hand, chuckling once more. "Sir Serious, you were busy, we were in Vienna," she says, before sighing and bobbling her head. "So I don't hold it against you. We weren't very close those days, after all."
You hold still, letting yourself sink into your crutches. She walks ahead, but circles around to face you. "I'm sorry," you say. You've said it before, and you'll say it again. "Truly. I thought I was doing the right thing."
"I know," Mariana says. "And I never felt forsaken, only ignored," she says frankly.
"I was a bad master. If I spent my money building churches as my serfs starved then–"
"Well, firstly, you never swore before God to love and honor your serfs," she says. How different is a woman from a serf, anyway? Quiet, fool, she's talking! "...to a degree, but more importantly – don't frame it as a life-or-death thing! I wasn't and never will be some wilted flower."
Right, of course, and that's why she'll never be like the others. She doesn't have their fragility. You wonder if there are more Marianas out there. Apparently, there are some Zaporozhian women who– "Stanisław?" asks your wife. "Are you bewitched or something?"
You blink a few times. "You bewitch me," you manage to recover. Mariana smiles and rolls her eyes. "And, yes, you're right, you're strong," you say, almost muttering. "Too strong."
"Too strong?"
"I don't mean it in a bad way," you say. You think. "But, well, a question: how does it feel to be a year older?"
Mariana shrugs. "God takes us when He wishes, so if you mean memento mori then, well…" She maneuvers from your front to return to your side. "Let's keep walking."
You begin to clack forward on your crutches once more, as Mariana walks slowly beside you, keeping pace. You both look straight on. She's getting older, she's getting older… So are you. You think you detected something from her just now. Is what's bothering her what's bothering you? "Things change quickly," you say.
"They do."
"Two months ago, I was running and jumping and leading men. Now look at me," you say. "The Lord can take it from you so quick."
"Stanisław," she says, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Mind that talk. Remember what they said about that French leg?"
"It's not that, it's not that." You're going to say it; you realize you could've said it sooner. It's been three years. "I want to see our children. I want them to look like you and act like you and be born under the Scales like you, boy-child or girl." You stop her in her tracks. Her blushing cannot be concealed by her powder. "And I'm worried."
"It's odd that I haven't bore you a child yet," she says, redness receding, voice measured, eyes pained. "I pray about it. For it."
"I didn't mean that," you stumble. "Yes, you're right, but– I'm scared of losing you. What if you die?"
"It's in God's hands. Perhaps He'll let me live the way He saved you. Twice now. Remember when you were pneumonic?"
The angel relit the lantern swinging over your bed, perhaps so that you could – however vainly – tell your homeland of what you had seen in France. Three years ago, right around this time of year. Your lungs drained out and your fever broke. She's right, and you had nearly forgotten in your shock and grief: it has happened before. God has kept you through battles and illnesses and amputation, and all you can do is hope that He extends the same grace to your wife, to the family you want to found with her.
"You're… It's true," you say, leaning a crutch on your flank to run your hand over your face. "But things change so quickly."
"And perhaps next month I won't bleed," she says. Is that hope artificial? Her face only shows what she wants it to. You rely on her voice. "And then we'll have a son, a daughter, twins," she chuckles. "A sudden turn need not always be jarring. And sometimes, being jolted may be a good thing."
You breathe out, knowing she's right, and you want to tell her that you love her as you often do and, as always, you don't.You turn your head at the sound of a light trot. Here he comes! Marszowski grins widely atop the glorious gift, only looking sick in the face, the indefatigable. Mariana turns her attention: "That's a fine horse, Sir Marszowski!" she calls out. "Since when?"
"Since His Serene Highness had my old friend Mniszek killed under him at Zawadówka, Your Serene Highness," he says, dismounting with a groan-cough. Leave it to Marszowski to name his warhorse 'dandelion.' "So, His Serene Highness owed me." His eyes dart to yours. "Would you like to hop on?" he asks, fiddling with the saddle.
"Well, by the way you seem to be hiking up the stirrups for someone, oh, a few inches shorter than you?" she smiles. "I think I'm obliged." Marszowski clicks his tongue and winks at her. "God, he is absolutely gorgeous," Mariana says, approaching the horse and stroking his neck. She looks back at you. "You're going to bankrupt us, my lord! You could fill his feed bag with the silver you paid for him – and then some!"
"What do you think I should call him?" Marszowski asks her.
"Oh, I don't know," says Mariana, breathy with wonder, circling the beast. "I'd say something like Północ or Zmrok, maybe something manly like Grom or Jowisz, but those are all a little uninspired." She taps her chin. "What's he like, Sir Marszowski?"
Marszowski shrugs, beaming. "Not sure, Your Serene Highness. I think that's for you to find out."
"Wha–"
"Optime natalis!" you and Marszowski cry in unison.
Mariana trots over to you, looking joyful – and smacks you across the face! She's cackling, of course. Marszowski howls at the scene. Courtiers' heads have turned. "Stanisław," she says, breaking decorum with a public uttering of your Christian name, "this must have cost a quarter of my dowry!" She can't stop laughing. "You… You're ridiculous, my lord! Thank you, but…"
Mariana turns her attention back to the horse. She looks to Marszowski, who immediately understands to give her boost up into the saddle. You lean on your crutches, stars in your eyes. Why must we never have our portraits taken smiling? Of course, it's so that one's descendents remember their ancestor to be a serious person, but you'd frame the expression she's wearing right now up in a great hall were it proper to do so.
She looks down at you from atop her new steed and sighs. "You fool, such a fool. I can't wait to ride alongside you again, my lord."
"Thank you, my lady," you reply. Why does that make you want to cry? A core-filling mixture of joy and sorrow and love, turning, turning. It's as she said: one day you will ride again, and it shall be by her side.