Ai Senshi: A Magical Girl Joint

And we're back.

[♡] Talk about what she is and her costume
[♡] Bancho Lily, Full Bloom!


You always felt weirdly bad when the bad guys panicked like this. Not only did it cheat you out of a good, clean fight, it felt like picking on the weak. Picking on the weak isn't very ally of justice, so you avoid it at all costs.

This has cost you, when your groveling opponent was crying crocodile tears and trying to bait you into a sneak attack. Much to your embarrassment, you fall for it pretty much every time. Yeah, you tend to beat those motherfuckers to within an inch of their lives afterward, but not without catching an unnecessary punch, pipe, or puncture wound.

You don't think Piron can hide a pipe or a knife in that dungeonmaster-ass outfit, but you've seen people put some crazy things up their asses; she could be packing a sidearm in her pooper. So you keep enough distance between her and you that you can crack her upside the head if she tries something.

You nod your head up at her. "You wanna talk? How 'bout you tell me what you are, first?"

Piron clears her throat, summoning as much of a regal aire as one cowering in fear can. "I'm Pironess von Deathsatan, the Macabre Baroness of Nihility. A Youma of great power and fearsome mien..." she deflates. "Until these two little brats-I mean my dread masters bound me to service with Echidna's Heart." She sighs. "Now I'm just a tubby dark elf being threatened by a delinquent during grunt work."

"Oi," you say. "I'm not just a delinquent, I'm Magical Girl Bancho Lily. Put some respect on the name. And you're not tubby, just plus-sized."

Piron laughs a bitter thing. "Fine. Magical Girl Bancho Lily, are you going to shake my "plus-sized" self down for information now? Or is taking money more your speed?"

"Why do people keep thinking I'm gonna shake them down?" You hold up a finger. "Don't say it's because of the sukeban look."

"It's because of the sukeban look," she says.

Alice scampers up beside you, her footsteps echoing in the warehouse, much more empty without the golem mooks. "Your costume does provoke something of a fight or flight response, love." She looks at you and pings. +Also, "Bancho Lily Full Bloom"? I expected something more vulgar, honestly.+

You groan. "It's supposed to only do that for villains. To everyone else it should give the vibe of a sassy, badass rebel." You ping back. +And I wanted a sparkly transformation phrase, shut up.+

"If it's any consolation," Piron says, shifting away from you. "I'm currently experiencing an intense fight or flight response towards you." Her latex squeaks and cracks as she tries to make herself a smaller target.

You gesture to Piron. "See? She gets it." You give her a look-over and try not to giggle at how extra her costume is. "Speaking of, how did you fit in that outfit, girl? There's so much overflow, aren't you scared of spilling out?"

Piron covers herself, a scandalized blush spreads across her face. "This is traditional evil sorceress attire, passed down from generations of the Deathsatan line! How dare some mere human mock it?"

"Hey, I'm not mocking it. Shit, I wish I could pull off latex like that." You plaintively gesture at her love handles and muffin top. "But that's gotta chafe in a fight, you know? You'd probably have a better shot against me in that blouse from earlier."

Her scandal turns to sadness, her covering up turns into a self-hug. "...There's a way things should be done, no matter how much it doesn't seem to fit." She sulks at you, clearly uncomfortable at your observations.

She's got a point. Just like you have to right wrongs and beat ass, no matter how much trouble it gets you in, you guess Piron's gotta dress like an eroge enemy. You may be an ally of justice, but you're no zealot; you know a kindred spirit when you see one.

You look around the warehouse for any potentially hidden mooks or readied sneak attacks. You don't see any, so you offer Piron your free hand.

"Look, you seem pretty chill, and I don't fight people when they don't fight back. How about you give me the girl and I let you walk free?"

Piron eyes your hand with suspicion. "You realize I'm a Youma, right? Enemy of Magical Girls and justice and all that rot?"

You smile at her. "That was before the Ek-Ecchi-the Knuckles Heart, yeah? Now you're, in your own words, "a tubby dark elf being threatened by a delinquent"."

"You said I was plus-sized!" Piron hisses.

You put your non-bat hand up in a non-confrontational pose and laugh. "Just quoting ya, girl. But seriously, if you don't wanna scrap, we don't hafta scrap."

Piron gives you an incredulous look. "Aren't you worried about the Raising☆Heart? Or my dread masters?"

Alice's eyes go wide. "Did you say the Raising☆Heart? What do you know about the Raising☆Heart?!" She runs up to Piron, grabs her by the lapels of her cloak, and shakes with way more strength than you'd expect.

"I don't know anythiiiiiiing!" Piron says, near to tears. "My dread ma-ya-yasters think this girl's friend has it!"

Ah, you think. That's the catch. You're gonna have a little chat with Chiaki once you rescue her girl. Withholding information on a gig like this is the kind of shit which gets girls killed or worse. But hey, you had a hunch that there was something going on here, even if your hotblooded heart spurred you to take the job anyway.

You scooch Alice off of Piron wirh a gentle foot. "I'll worry about that shit later. Right now, I'm on the clock for a different gig. But hey, I'll sweeten the pot for you; if you play ball and swear to walk the path of justice, I'll take care of your "dread masters"."

Piron sits up and shakes the dizziness away. "And if I refuse?"

You softly slap her cheek with your trusty magic bat, then lift up her chin so she sees you eye to eye. "I crack your skull open like a fuckin' melon."

You weren't actually going to (unless she cheap shotted you), but Papa always taught you to dangle the carrot and threaten the stick.

Piron's pupils shrink to pinpricks. She gulps loud enough to reverberate off the corrugated steel walls. Her upper lip quivers, her whole body shivers.

"...Fine," she says, face puckered like she's eaten something sour. "But you better keep your word, human."

You put away the bat and offer her a hand again. "What kind of Magical Girl goes back on her word?"

Piron sniffles and takes it. It reminds you of that time you went to a petting zoo.

+What about the Raising☆Heart, love?+ Alice pings you frantically. +You're going to trust a Youma saying she doesn't know?+

+She'd be fighting harder if she knew,+ you pulse back. +Or she would've sucker-punched me by now. I've already got a lead, too. Prob.+

You walk past a frowning Alice over to the hostage, who has been looking on in sheer bewilderment.

"I thought you were gonna beat her ass," you hear her mumble.

"I did too, until she begged off," you say as you untie her. "Kicking someone when they're down isn't real justice-y, you know?"

The hostage spits out a blood-pinked loogie. "She kidnapped me, who gives a fuck about justice?"

"I do," you say, soft but firm. "And I need to know more about what your girlfriend is trying to pull before my and my bat can mete some out."

The hostage scoffs as you finish untying her. "Cheech sure knows how to pick 'em..."

Once she's free, she rolls out her wrists and ankles, you hear the crackling of long-restrained joints. From the way she's moving, the damage Piron put on her seems mostly cosmetic.

You're about to head out with the hostage until there's a horrible cry of wrenching steel. You put the hostage behind your back and tighten the grip on your trusty magic bat, then turn to face where the sound came from.

In your sight is a figure in hardcore bike leather body armor; midnight black, with bone-white studs along the double-breasted front and spiny shoulder pads. Hard, hot red pads accent the outfit's elbows, knees, and gloves, built to inflict injury as much as prevent it. A one-eyed, cracked skull leers its judgment at you from atop a face concealing motorcycle helmet.

Behind the figure is a ragged hole in the corrugated walls, edges cherry-red and smoldering.

The figure surveys the scene, then locks eyes with you, clear even though the opaque helmet. The taste of killing intent makes your mouth quirk into a grin.

The figure points at you in challenge. "Let's dance, scumbag."


[What do you do?]
[ ] Fight the biker. You're glad Piron was chill, but you were really hoping for some more action.
[ ] Take the hostage and run. You're not getting paid enough for this shit.
[ ] Correct the biker. You're not a scumbag, you're a Magical Girl! A warrior of love and/or justice!