Ai Senshi: A Magical Girl Joint

Hex said:

Damn, didn't discover this in time to vote.

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But you discovered it in time to read


You take to the catwalk, steps catlike, the squeak of your sneakers the only sounds of movement.

Alice takes the stairs besides you, leaping one step at a time. +Getting a better vantage point for a sniping position, I see.+

+Yeah. Then I'm gonna plancha some dudes and start swinging. Does my transformation make noise?+

+Only to the viewing audience.+ Alice replies.

You leave that as the joke it (probably) is. +Hey wait, what's my transformation trinket?+

+Your bat. Seemed like the most logical thing.+ A beat. +Wait, what's a plancha?+

You twirl your bat around yourself with a pirouette you picked up in primary school ballet. Your trusty bat was already a magic wand that turned bad guys into sleeping beauties. Made sense it could transform you into something else.

You open your mouth to speak, then realize you don't have a transformation phrase.

Damn, you really didn't think this magical girl thing through, did you?

[What's your transformation phrase?]
[ ] Bancho Lily Full Bloom!
[ ] Henshin a Go-Go, Bitches!
[ ] Blazing Heart, set up!
[ ] Write-In

The world goes acid trippy as your Will bursts forth. You become a body of light as the flames of your soul temper you into a new being. Skirt, belt, glove, suspenders, crop-top; all of them snap snugly into existence onto your body. Your trusty bat grows as your chest does. Your gakuran jacket blazes behind you, a flowing battle standard. Your hat appears with the pop of a raging fire, you pull the brim down over one eye and grin with a lioness mirth.

+Magical Girl Bancho Lily! On☆The☆ Scene!+

Alice looks at you with something like bemusement. +You've certainly taken to the nomenclature, love.+

+Gotta come correct with the verbals, you know?+

+I don't, actually.+

You ignore Alice's lack of vernacular and move further along the catwalk. You were smart enough to make the big flashy transformation before entering the warehouse floor, in case the flashing lights gave you away.

Sure enough, the mooks and Piron haven't noticed you yet. Piron is rubbing the bridge of her nose while eating a massive burger; your vision is strong enough you can see the grease and sauce run down her hands.

The mooks are still unmoving and clumped up in a group.

Your target, the captive, is still out. Still breathing.

"Perfect," you whisper to yourself as your grin goes lopsided.

You take a knee, close one eye, and hold your bat like a sniper rifle. Piron's in your sights, happily foodgasming over her burger.

+Focus your Will into the point of your bat, then think of releasing that energy outward.+ Alice pulses to you. +However you best imagine that release will be effective.+

You nod, feeling the heat of your soul flowing through your body. With a grunt of effort, you draw a mental line from your hand to your trusty bat. The heat flows into your bat, as easily as if it was your arm. It gathers at the tip of your bat, humming as more and more of yourself accumulates.

Once you feel the energy make your bat shake, you pantomime loading a round like you see in the movies.

You're nice enough to let Piron finish eating before you fire.

With a whispered bang, you let the energy fly; the violent explosion of Will makes your bat recoil with shotgun force. The blast, a softball sized ball of burning pink, cracks her in the side of the head.

She lands in a heap, face down ass up, as her blouse exposes her 3-for-$5 grey panties to God and everybody.

Within seven breaths, you've hopped the catwalk's railing and are plunging into the mass of mooks. There's a satisfying splat as they crumble before you.

Like actually crumble.

You brush grey dirt off your shoulders and stomach. "Huh. Guess they are golems."

The sound of your perfect plancha seems to have roused the captive. She looks at you with her one good eye. "Holy shit!"

You look back to her, head tilted. "You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Piron leaps to her feet and tears off her blouse. Instead of the struggle bus underwear from earlier, her outfit has transformed into evil sorceress chic: an uncomfortable looking black leather bustier and high-leg bikini top, with thigh-high black heeled boots and bridal gloves. Skulls adorn her neck and her 90s-anime-villain pauldron-clad black velvet cape.

Her ebon crown crackles with fell power. "Who dares interrupt my dinner break?"

"Hey! I let you finish eating," you say. "And you don't deserve to know my name."

"Fool!" Piron says, with a peal of Magical thunder. "You didn't let me savor it!"

You crack your neck. "How 'bout I help you work it off, then?"

She snarls and thrusts a clawed hand at you. Lightning in negative lashes out at you from her outstretched fingers. You sway behind a mook and push it into the lightning, it explodes into dust.

Before she fires again, you're dashing towards her through the dust cloud that used to be a mook. Your trusty bat is held low, gold studs making sparks as they scrape the ground. The tingle in your spine makes your grin go wild as you swing for Piron's liver.

She blocks it with a half-dome of negative power, worry etched on her face. "Are you a Youkai?"

"Hell no," you say before headbutting her. "I'm a Magical Girl!"

She stumbles back, you jab for her stomach with your bat. She parries with another dome of no-light energy, spinning away from you.

You follow her spin and swing your bat with both hands, hitting a homerun against her skull. She twirls away with a shower of spit and blood.

To her credit, she doesn't fall. She glares at you, clutching her face.

"Get her, you boobs!" She yells at the mooks you didn't pulverize. They snap to attention and rush you, a half-dozen left.

You turn to meet them head-on, knock the first one to greet you's head clean off. It falls to its knees, groping for its head like they're glasses.

You boot it in the ass, then dodge two meathook swipes from two separate mooks. A third tries to tackle you; you force your Will to be unbreakable. The mook crashes against you, kicking up a cloud of dust.

You spit, knee it off of you, then slam it into the ground with your bat. It explodes in a puff of grey silt and pink sparkles.

Another mook catches you in the jaw, snapping your head to the side. You snap right back to look at it, eyes wide and burning with neon soaked violence.

You backhand it with the butt of your bat, over and over, caving in its face until it falls to its knees. The bag's ripped, now, showing a misshapen pottery accident instead of a head.

You erase the rest of its face with a one-handed swing, in time for the rest to flank you. You turtle up, endure their cinder-block blows. Taking the principle of charging your bat, you let your Will gather on your skin. The electricity in your spine spreads throughout you, almost frying your brain with excitement.

You grit your teeth as goosebumps form and your hair stands on end. Your jacket and twintails start dancing madly in the wind of your inner power.

Every fiber of your being is shaking, high-frequency. You're about to overflow, explode with unknown power. You can't hold back any longer.

"Bang."

Your Will erupts in a cherry blossom bomb, blinding light and gentle heat. The mooks, what's left of them, are mere kindling for your soul.

Piron stares at you in slack-jawed horror. "What are you?!"

You rest your bat on your shoulders and saunter over to her, crushing the headless mook's skull underfoot. "I already told you, I'm a magical girl."

With a high-pitched scream, she skitters away from you; first on her hands and knees, then on her feet.

You chuckle. "C'mon, don't run! Where's your pride as a villain?"

"If I had any pride, I wouldn't be a villain!" She cries.

You slow walk her down, she runs, trips, and scoots away from you. "Look, we can talk this out! My dread lords and masters don't pay me enough for this kind of abuse! They just wanted to find the Raising☆Heart!"


[What do you do?]
[ ] Commence the beating of ass.
[ ] Tell her to scram while you grab the girl
[ ] Talk it out. Ask her about...
-[ ] Her dread lords and masters
-[ ] The Raising☆Heart
-[ ] What she is and how she got in that costume