Ai Senshi: A Magical Girl Joint

Shikanokonokonoko Nastyantyan~


A great sage once said your first impression has to be your very best. That great sage also said that when you want to take down someone quickly, remember to SING: solar plexus, instep, nose, groin.

You're not trying to incapacitate your petite, doll-like teacher; her inexplicable elegant gothic lolita dress probably does that enough. So you're gonna do that other thing. The first impression thing.

With your best impression of a salaryman who just puked on the manager's shoes and is trying to keep his job, you bow to the teacher. "Sorry I'm late, I got caught up doing good deeds."

You hear incredulous murmurs from the class. Figures your delinquent energy was too much for them to believe you, even though you're telling the truth.

"Is that so?" The teacher asks, her voice soft and breathy. "What happened?"

You count off on your fingers. "I saved an animal from some thugs, then saved a little kid from a wild animal and reunited the kid with her brother."

You leave out the parts with the nailbat, the pyrefox, the magical girl transformation, and the firecracker up Alice's ass. You dimly realize you never took the firecracker out of Alice's ass, but if she wasn't going to let you pet her, she probably wouldn't let you do that either. Besides, you respected her boundaries with the petting, and anal play is on a whole different level.

The teacher gives you a wan smile, looks through the class roster to put a name to your face. "That's very kind of you, Ms. Koyanskaya. We need more people willing to lend a helping hand to strangers."

You blush a little, your normally manic grin now bashful. "It's just what I do, you know?"

You feel you've made a good impression on the teacher. She's still smiling, dimples on her rosy cheeks, as she closes the class roster and takes a step up on the mini-ladder behind her teaching podium.

"Everyone, this is Anastasia Koyanskaya, our new transfer student," the teacher says, almost lyrically. "She's new to Las Brujas, so be sure to give her a warm welcome."

Your teacher is so pale you swear the sunlight goes through her skin. If you didn't know any better, you'd think she was one of those secretly 500-year old vampire Lolita chicks. But that'd be silly; what kind of vampire would be lame enough to teach high schoolers?

The crowd's warmed up to you a bit; some of them are still fearful of your vibes, but most of the class has slipped into the bored neutrality of a checked out schoolkid. You do notice a few positive looks, though. One from a girl with a sharp black bobcut, big blue eyes, and even bigger red rimmed nerd glasses. Another from a red-headed Asian girl and fellow dango hair aficionado, sizing you up with her eyes. The third, a cheery-looking blonde Valley Girl gone mallpunk, waving you over.

"Feel free to sit wherever you like," the teacher says, gesturing to the rows of desks. The movement makes her egregiously puffy sleeves rustle, making you think of raking leaves.

You give her an upward nod of assent. "Thanks, teach."

The Protagonist seat is calling your name, so you sashay over to it. What better butt belongs in that seat than a magical girl's?

You notice some gawkers on the way; you may be really short and kinda flat, but your style is impetuous and your confidence impeccable. You're lean and sleek, like a dango-headed tiger. The pink twintails and dango hair (all natural, btw) tend to draw eyes, too.

You rest your feet on the bar underneath the desk so you can lean back in your chair without busting your shit. The teacher goes into her lesson, her breathy voice carrying surprisingly well through the classroom. It's pretty standard local history stuff, although she does mention some local folklore about a legendary fox demon fleeing Asia and being sealed on the tallest peak in town, Mt. Madriguera.

She also brings up a family of shrine maidens that have managed the mountain for centuries, before deftly pitching their shrine as a fun place to go for good boys and girls. Her lecture pivots into an animated discussion of local hauntings when a little notification plays behind your eyes.

You look over to it, it opens a translucent blue screen, just like when you were choosing your magical girl costume and core competencies.


...Well that was fuckin' weird.

(A/N: It'd make my job easier if you did plan votes for XP allocation, so please do.)

You absent-mindedly fiddle with your newfound XP, the act alone sends arcs of electricity through your synapses. You feel like you're mainlining an Internet connection, without the cats and porn. Your grin comes back, you purse your lips together so your gritted teeth don't show.

So you don't look as crazy.

The rest of the lesson goes back to regular-ass history stuff, far as you can tell. You might've heard something about this general area being a hotbed for occult activity, due to the leylines being fucked by a Hellmouth in a town about 20 miles out. It's hard to tell between the console in your eye, the XP in your brain, and the fact that most lectures start sounding like white noise to you after five minutes.

The end of period bell rings, snapping you back to reality. You gather your bat bag and whip out your phone, ready to navigate to the next class. When you're about to head out, someone grabs hold of your hand. The corners of your mouth quirk up, you force yourself not to deck the motherfucker who grabbed you on instinct.

Whirling around to face this perpetrator of non-consensual hand holding, you find...

[ ] The glasses chick
[ ] The fellow dango-head
[ ] The Valley Girl