Ai Senshi: A Magical Girl Joint

The Party Roster has been updated with your votes. Thanks to my inability to count the vote for the strength of a true hero, you get a C+ and distinction for the runner up core competency. Don't say I never did nothing for you


In the moments between charge and clash, you muse about your new costume. The bigger boobs were nice, yeah, but you appreciated how sassy the whole ensemble was.

It was a lot like what you were already wearing, but extra. It's a midnight blue seifuku, skirt short enough to fit on a Sailor Senshi and top cropped high enough to show off your abs. Studded Sukeban Deka suspenders connect the two halves, matching the studded belt around your hips. A war face adorns your seifuku's collar; one eye ringed red with madness, the other scratched out in an X-shaped scar. Your red-gloved right hand marks you as the hellion that you are.

On your shoulders, fluttering like Superman's cape, is an old-school, jet black gakuran jacket, the sleeves studded with rose-gold. A heavy, Cuban Link gold chain runs between the open collar and rests around your neck.

A torn up black military cap rests jauntily atop your head, just like Jotaro. Its emblem is a heartful Jolly Roger made of rose gold.

You see it all in your mind's eye, a rotating model in the same interface you picked your core competencies from.

With your actual eyes, you see the pyrefox's jaws open, rows of teeth like a shark inside. You see its whole body deform and its jaws unhinge, looking to swallow you whole.

You swing your bat, hear the great squishy thump of metal on meat. The strike gives the beast half of a Glasgow Grin before it chomps down on you.

The pressure is immense. The heat and charnel house stink bear down on you almost as heavily as the monster's jaws do.

Yet its fangs do not harm you, the pressure does not break you...

[Choose one:]
[ ] Because your skin has become as diamond, and diamond is unbreakable. Gain the [Diamond Skin] ability.
[ ] Because your body knits itself back together as the fangs tear you apart. Gain the [High-speed Regeneration] ability.

In any case, you jam the studs of your bat into the pyrefox's soot-black tongue, spraying brackish blood and sticky saliva all over you.

The pyrefox growls in pain, hacks you out, and worries you about. You feel like a chew toy that's decided to fight back.

And fight back you do, slamming your bat into its snout, its eyes, its nose, anywhere you can find purchase. The growls become whines as it flings you into a streetlight.

The impact is enough to turn the streetlight into an art installation, but all you feel is the ache of a friendly throwdown.

You crack your neck, get to your feet, and roll out your shoulder. The grin on your face is more savage than your opponent.

"This is gonna be fuckin' fun."

The pyrefox charges you this time. A paw bigger than your head whistles through the air, fast enough to turn said head into chunky salsa.

With a satisfied grunt, you block with your bat. Embers lick at your face, you feel your feet dig into the concrete. You push back and swing, matching the pyrefox swipe for swipe. It's fast, fast enough that if you were merely human it would've pulped you many times over.

But blessedly, you're no longer human.

You see it wind up for a haymaker chomp and float out of its range. It might as well have been moving in slow motion. With a satisfying crunch, you smash its jaw into the ground with your bat, nose first. You grind its face in the dirt, then headbutt between the eyes. Its blood flies and your twintails flutter from the impact.

It bucks you off, knocks your hat into the air. It's staggered, shaking the cobwebs out. That headbutt has rung thr bell of people much bigger than you, you're glad to see it works on monsters, too.

You catch your hat pull the brim down low over one eye. It's not enough to hide them glittering with the pleasant madness of combat.

You live for this shit.

You don't want to live for anything else but this shit.

With a cackle that might be more suited to a supervillain, you motion to the pyrefox. "Hey, c'mon c'mon! Let's keep dancin'!"

You swear there's a flash of fear in its eyes. A moment of weakness consumed by overwhelming rage.

+I can see that you're enjoying yourself, love,+ Alice says inside your mind, +but please don't forget about the civvies.+

"Get out of my head, Charles!+ You mentally pulse back.

+Who the bloody hell is Charles?+ Alice pulses back, alarmed.

You chuckle. +American joke, don't sweat it.+ You always wanted to say that to someone in your head.

Before you can take too much pride in crossing that off your bucket list, the sky rumbles with thunder as the beast's flames turn an ethereal blue-white.

It reminds you of Godzilla.

What also reminds you of Godzilla are the acrid clouds of smoke billowing from the pyrefox's outstretched jaws. A sickly glow emanates from its throat, feeding a rapidly growing star in miniature.

You take a batter's stance as the star grows to the size of your body, the leather and flesh of your white-knuckle grip creaking against the handle of your bat. You savor the ozone smell, relish the sound of blood rushing in your ears, cheering you on.

The star, now the size of your body, is flung at you with all the hate the pyrefox can muster. You swing for the fences, laughing like a sugar-mad child as your bat hits projectile death. The star goes flying into the distance, out of the park and into space.

You point your bat at the pyrefox, your manic smile turning smug. "That all you got?"

The pyrefox burns less brightly now, its flames a duller orange. It furrows its brow, chuffs, then howls, head held high as it charges another shot. You settle in for another at-bat, then see the pyrefox, flames back to blue-white, turn away from you.

To aim at Kyoko and the thug.

You focus on the two of them, over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. They're both still out. You've kept the pyrefox away from them so far, but it's decided to stop playing.

Which sucks, because you were having fun literally playing with fire here. Now varyingly-innocent civilians are in danger.

And leaving them in danger wouldn't be very ally of justice of you, now would it?

[What do you do?]
[ ] Grab Kyoko and the thug, then focus on putting them somewhere safe.
[ ] Focus on kicking this thing's ass before it fires.
[ ] Defend Kyoko and the thug while kicking this thing's ass.

It's important to have one's priorities in order


You know what you must do. You have to protect the civvies.

And while it might've been more fun to body-block the happy fun death star, or see if you could beat the pyrefox to death while being a human shield, you don't want to risk Kyoko and the head thug from getting cooked by the splashback.

That wouldn't be very ally of justice of you.

With a fleetness of foot worthy of all the speedlines, you snatch the two unconscious civvies up and away, milliseconds before the pyrefox lets loose another blast. The star blows a meteor impact into the pavement, sending debris everywhere.

It wouldn't be a problem for your diamond skin, but you've got two squishies over your shoulders. Can't risk them getting hurt, you know? So you hop-skip-jump your way around and through the asphalt rain. Ducking behind a garage that seems to be oozing blood, you check the pulse of the people you're protecting.

All clear, and you see them stirring to boot. Kyoko is first to move, her eyes heavy and her movements sluggish.

"...Are you gonna take my lunch money?" She says tenderly, timidly.

You laugh. "Pfft, no. Magical Girls only take money from bad guys."

Kyoko's eyes widen into screen-addict saucers. "You're a Magical Girl? For real?"

"Real as these twintails, kid," you say, flipping your silky pink trusses like the sassy bitch you are.

Kyoko starts vibrating with excitement. "What's your Magical Girl name?"

Oh yeah, right. Shit.

You haven't come up with one yet.

You clear your throat. "They call me..."

[What will they call you?]
[ ] Write-In

She gasps. "Did you beat up Big Brother? He's super nice, but likes to LARP as a thug."

You snort. "Nah. He was trying to protect you from the bad guys, but needed a little help." You ruffle Kyoko's hair. "Now be a good girl and protect your bro while I beat this bad guy the fuck out, okay?"

She giggles. "Kay!"

The head thug stiffly pushes himself to a seated position while you get your headpat on with his sister.

"...Don' need no protectin'," he mumbles. You see him try to stand up, only for Kyoko to run over, arms outstretched to try and block his path.

"Fighting bad guys is for Magical Girls!" Kyoko says.

"Shit yeah it is," you say.

He tries his best to meanmug his sister without being too scary. "But I-"

Kyoko crosses her arms in an X. "No buts, Big Brother!"

He bites down a swear and nods. "Fine." He gives you a look full of hurt machismo. "Take out the trash, chica."

You rest on your bat and pop up the brim on your hat. "Don't hafta tell me twice, thugboy."

He appraises you, sees your confidence isn't arrogance. "...'s Kunio. And thanks. For my little sister."

You kick your bat up with a flourish and rest it on your shoulders. A suitably dramatic wind catches your jacket and twintails. "No prob, Kunio. It's what I do."

Kunio blushes a little, plays it off by flicking hair out of his face with a harrumph.

Kyoko either found a dog whistle or is squeeing hard enough to leave human frequencies.

Feeling sufficiently cool, you saunter back into the fight. Your grin is turning feral again.

The pyrefox was obliging enough to greet you with a stream of blue-white death once you popped out of cover. With a thought and a grunt, your skin goes diamond-hard. Bat firmly gripped in both hands, you cut through the plasma stream, a chuckle escaping your lips.

The beam picks up a desperate intensity, the heat enough to make your eyes sting. Without your diamond bod, you think your eyes would be cooking in their sockets right now. And while that would be brutal as fuck, you kinda sucked at the whole Zatoichi thing.

Once the heat of the beam becomes the sticky warmth of the pyrefox's breath, you flash-step shuffle into a shoulder check to the beast's face. It yelps in surprise and pain, giving you an opening enough to crack it upside the head with your trusty bat.

There's a satisfying pop and a sickening squelch as its lower jaw gets torn half off. It puts up a paw to hide its face and swings the other at you with desperate, harrying strikes. You dodge what you can and parry what you must; the frenzy of a wild, cornered animal makes you take this seriously.

That just makes it more fun.

You're humming a anisong now, parrying and striking in time with the beat. There's a lightness in your heart you haven't felt since you were a little kid playing Pretty Cure in your PJs.

But this isn't play. This isn't anime.

It's the real thing, and you're marinating in it.

A paw slips through your reverie, looking to crush you underfoot. You headbutt it back. It feels like you stuck your head in an air fryer. The struggle leaves the pyrefox's flank exposed, you tenderize it's ribs with two-handed swings of your bat. Thuds turn to snaps turn to squelches, as you make a slurry of the beast's insides.

With a pained howl, it backhands you into a building. Even with your diamond skin, the flight and sudden impact knocks you for a loop.

You can see, from your upside-down vantage point, that the beast is badly hurt. Brackish fluid pours from its side and what's left of its jaw. Its head lists to one side, its posture has curled inward to hide where you've hurt it. The fire comprising it has grown dim and wavering.

+You have it on the ropes,+ Alice says in your mind. +Now finish it off with your special move!+

+I get one of those?+ You pulse back.

+What kind of Magical Girl doesn't have a special move, love?+ She replies.

You rub your chin. +Fair. You got the civvies?+

+Safe and sound+

+Sick.+ You peel yourself off of the building you hit, a quaint little two-story house that looks like every other one in this cul-de-sac. You know, except for the multicolored melted wax oozing like a wound from where you crash-landed.

You crack your neck, adjust your hat, and walk down the pyrefox. More prey than predator now, it glares defiance and starts burning an angry red. You've played enough video games to know when bosses turn red, shit goes down. New patterns, new powers, new problems.

Too bad you're ending it here.

You burst into an aura of cherry blossom pink, crackling and roaring, a flame born of your Will.

You hiss between pressed together teeth, that damn rictus grin back again. "Hissatsu..."

[Show us your Special Move!]
[ ] Magical Maiden Masher: Your trusty bat grows giant-sized, burning as you burn, before you splatter your opponent like a bludgeoning angel.
[ ] Hundred-Hands Honey: With Will-powered fists, you pummel the opponent with shining justice. Who needs a bat, when they're already dead?
[ ] Gorgeous Galaxy Grand Slam: If the pyrefox wants to shoot death-balls, you'll give them one right back, courtesy of your bat. You'll knock its heart right out of the park.