Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

March 8, 1071

"And this is Jōnin Tamami," Honoka said, holding up her doll. The doll was cheap fabric stuffed with rice fibers, but she had a sewn ninja uniform and a real forehead protector (well, a doll-sized one) made for her by one of the Gōketsu smiths after he checked that it wasn't against the Will of Fire or disrespectful. Her eyes were little black pebbles, carefully polished and glued in place.

"Isn't she small to be a jōnin?" Canodo asked. The flop-eared puppy was resting on a pillow next to the tea table, since his body plan didn't allow for chairs. "I thought only big people could be jōnin? What kind of jutsu can she do?"

"All kinds!" Honoka said. "She has all the elements and she learned everything that the clan has to teach because she's really smart and works very hard. She learned the Bile of the Ocean Demons from Aunty Mari, and the Lightning Bucklers from Uncle Haru, and the Pangolin Conditioning Jutsu"—she paused to raise a finger to her lips. "You can't tell anyone about that one! It's a clan secret."

Canodo cocked his head in confusion. "Why is it a secret?"

"Because we got it from the Pangolin Clan and they don't want us sharing it with anyone outside the clan. Uncle Hazō says that they're already pissy about the fact that we grew the clan after they gave it to us."

"Why?" Canodo asked.

"I dunno," Honoka said, shrugging. She set Jōnin Tamami in the appropriate chair around the child-sized table and then poured lukewarm tea (the adults wouldn't give her really hot tea, darnit!) into doll-sized cups which she placed in the middle of the table. She poured more tea into a pair of wide, flat bowls and likewise placed those at the center.

Canodo looked at her, then at the bowls, then at her. He cocked his head in confusion. "I thought this was a tea party?"

"It is! You need to choose which one you want."

Canodo looked back and forth between the bowls in confusion. "Why? Aren't you supposed to serve one to me? That's how it works with dogs—if you're inviting someone to a fancy meal, you have the food ready for them, with the presentation done."

"They make you eat what they hand you?" Honoka gasped. "How rude!"

"What are you talking about, rude?! It's very nice having someone else do all the work."

"Sure, but what if they poisoned it?"

Canodo blinked. "What if they poisoned the food?"

"Yes!"

"What if my packmate, who likes me enough to invite me to a fancy meal with cooked and prepared food instead of simply sharing a haunch or something, wants to poison me?"

"You never know who might want to poison you," Honoka said darkly. "Or maybe they don't even know there's poison but there is because someone wants to assassinate them and you're just going to be clattery damage."

"What's 'clattery damage'?"

"It's when someone is being really loud and obvious and so they end up killing people they didn't mean to, just because those people were there."

Canodo looked decidedly nonplussed. "That sounds weird." He thought for a bit longer. "So, you pour the tea and make your guest choose one because someone might be trying to kill you and you don't want your guest to be clattery damage?"

"Exactly!" Honoka was very proud of her communication skills. "Here, I'll show you. Lady Mari, which cup would you like? This one? Enjoy!" She slid one of the tiny doll-sized cups in front of the red-haired doll, then looked back to Canodo and whispered, "You're really supposed to pick up your own tea but they like it when I help. And you have to do it in order of rank. That's very important or you might offend someone." She turned back to the dolls. "Lady Tsunade, which cup would you like? This one? Enjoy! Jōnin Tamami, which cup would you like?"

She went around the table, making sure that Lady Mari, Lady Tsunade, Jōnin Tamami, Mr Pawsalmuppugus (a grey cat doll with all the fur loved off, survivor of her less affluent pre-Gōketsu-adoption childhood), and Mrs Thumpbumple (a blobby green doll with too many legs and tails stuck on somewhat randomly), all had tea. She moved the final doll-sized cup in front of the empty chair and nodded respectfully to it.

"There, see?" she said to Canodo. "That's how you serve tea. Now, please honor me by choosing your own bowl."

"Why are you serving tea to an empty chair?" Canodo asked.

Honoka bit her lip. "That was Aunty Akane's seat, but she's not here anymore." She let herself feel the pain for a moment and then put a smile back on her face. Life was for living, and she was here with a good and very furry and pettable friend with lovely tea. This was a good time to be happy. "Now, really, please honor me by choosing your own bowl."

Canodo looked over the last two bowls. "Aren't they the same?"

"Uh-huh. But you still have to choose your own."

"If they're the same, how do I choose?"

"Take whichever you like."

Canodo gave her a baffled stare, then nose-booped the bowl on the right. "That one, I guess? I can't pull it over here without spilling it."

"I would be honored to help," Honoka said politely. She slid the cup to Canodo, using three fingers pressed tightly together, but only the backs of the fingers. It was much easier to apply toxins or drugs with the pads of the fingers, so the backs were used for serving.

Canodo looked at the tea, then bowed his head. "Thank you for the tea?"

"You're welcome!" Honoka lifted up her own bowl and raised it in salute. (It should have been a cup, obviously, but it was polite to use whatever your guest was using, and Honoka was a very polite little girl.) "To your health!" She took a sip.

"To your health!" Canodo lapped at the tea. "Ick! This is bitter!"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Honoka said. "I have honey? Lady Mari likes honey a lot, so I always have some ready for her. I can serve it for you, if you like?"

"Please." Canodo watched in fascination as Honoka carefully stirred a large spoonful of golden syrup into the tea. He lapped at it again, thoughtfully, then smiled a doggy smile. "That's much better!"

"I'm glad! Tell me more about Dog—you said you only cook for fancy meals?"

"Yup. Most of the time we just kill something and eat it whole if it's small, or tear bits off if not. Meals are usually a pack thing, but sometimes a family will eat by themselves, or someone isn't feeling well and just wants to lie in. Someone will bring them a chunk of meat at mealtimes, and people check on them often and keep them company. Fancy meals are for when you're courting or celebrating something."

"What's 'courting'?"

"Courting is when a bitch isn't in heat, but either she wants to mate with someone or the boy dogs want to mate with her. Or form a love group or a handfast, although that doesn't happen as much."

"What's 'in heat'?"

"What, humans don't go into heat?"

"I don't think so...is it like having a fever?"

Canodo yorped a laugh. "Sort of. Twice a year, girl dogs go into heat and they really, really want sex. They start smelling weird, and all the grownup boy dogs get super excited."

"Ohhhh," Honoka said, nodding. One did not grow to the ripe old age of nine (well, almost) without learning what sex was all about. Well, maybe clan kids did (?) but clanless lived in quarters too tight for that sort of ignorance.

She sipped at her own tea, then set it down and dabbed primly at her lips. "I'm enjoying this tea very much because of your presence," she said, bowing to Canodo. "I hope you are enjoying it as well?"

Canodo lapped experimentally at his honey-stiffened tea, then nodded. "I am! It was icky before but all that honey makes it taste yummy. Thank you for inviting me to your tea party, Honoka."

"You're welcome! Oh, I brought cookies, too!" She pulled out a storage seal and unsealed the little packet of ginger cookies that she had swiped from the kitchen earlier. (Swiping cookies was excellent stealth training, Aunty Mari had solemnly assured her.) She had forgotten to wrap them carefully enough so the storage stress had shattered the cookies into fragments and crumbs, but that was okay. She put all of the bits on a plate and helped everyone choose their own. Unlike the earlier demonstration, Canodo got first choice because the dolls were very polite and graciously conceded their position in the rank order.

---

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, Aug 30, 2022 at 7:00 AM .