Mm. It doesn't particularly seem to me that Oro was being strongly committed to that course of actions there. Indeed, we dealt with the problem just by having Tsunade glare at him a little, whereupon he dropped all demands. This wasn't Oro acting in accordance with the deepest foundations of his self-identity such that his course couldn't be corrected. Rather, he just saw free lunch and decided to grab it. The moment the lunch got a
cost, he cringed and all of a sudden lost his appetite.
And I think this really is how essies mostly behave, when it comes down to it. The model you've outlined is what they
want you to believe, that they're these forces of nature to whom only surrender is possible. But that only holds until there's something they want that
you can withhold or threaten
. If they can't just
physically take whatever they want, if they need your cooperation, and you don't instantly fold to provide it, they become surprisingly talkative. See e. g. our Dragon-pieces negotiations with Oro, some parts of Ami's career, Conjura's apparently idiotic decisions around hostages, and why essies are able to "switch modes" and consider compromises at all when they know they're facing another essie.
(Which is all 100% reasonable behavior, by the way. Crafting a mythos of an unstoppable force around yourself so you can use cheap intimidation to make everyone bow to you, but
still being able to recognize when this isn't working and switch to negotiations, is... I mean, yeah? Obviously you do that if you can, incredibly convenient.)
Edit: Actually, the negotiations over the Dragon pieces are particularly telling here. Oro sees a shiny, tells us he'll have it. Mari and Noburi go "sure sir, whatever you want sir". Hazou stands his ground instead... and lo and behold, Oro starts
negotiating.
... I think I want to get all of the above across to Mari. I think she has some sort of unhealthy learned helplessness around S-rankers. See also her recent thoughts about how if Asuma is a threat to the Gouketsu, the best she can do is not provoke his ire.
Edit 2: This model is based on how real-life essies behave, by the way. See
the Mafioso Nature.