Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

MadScientist · Jun 24, 2022

Added @Kiba 's fish gutters. Minor wordcount optimisation.

MadScientist said:
[x] Action Plan: Surreal Estate
Wordcount: 173

The Gouketsu compound badly needs an upgrade.

Use MEW/ES to sculpt it into something beautiful and unique.

Hire architects/builders/artists/doton users to help out. Offer reasonable favours to those who go above and beyond (personal recommendations, adoption of civilians, invitations to Gouketsu events, etc.). Maybe…

…negotiate with another clan head or two to hire their workers.

…have Gouketsu members make their own contributions a la KEI compound.

…arachnid architects?

Style some reliefs to resemble 3D sealing.

Fish Canals?

How's the sanitation project coming along? Are we ready to start building an aqueduct and sewer into the compound yet? Do it, if so.

Other functional/quality-of-life improvements that aren't just beautification.

Work with Mari to manage our compound's image and social signalling. We want "Beautiful, exotic, and unique… but Absolutely Part of and Respectful to Leaf".

Maybe carvings/statues of...

The Heroes of Nagi Island

Hazou's Uchiha ancestors (comission via Sasuke?)

Jiraiya's teaching lineage (comission via Asuma/Tsunade?)

The Dog clan's history with Kakashi and Toad's with Jiraiya

Kei and Shikamaru as a couple

Notable Gouketsu civilians born in Leaf (Chancellor Gaku, the engineering teams, etc.)

IMPORTANT:

Don't break our finances with this.

Sanity-check all with Mari.

FaintlySorcerous · Jun 24, 2022

Oneiros said:
Here you go boss! Hope that works for you

I didn't mean to ignore this - sorry!

That definitely reads like 'we at least consulted Cannai and he didn't say no'. I am still leery of the idea in general given our previous attempt at talking with Cannai about this sort of thing led to a huge miscommunication which had us doing calisthenics as punishment, and that was the Good Outcome.

I'm cautiously optimistic that sanity checks with Mari will kill the idea if that's likely to reoccur, and that Pilot may have grown/learned from that experience.

What we have on the page is enough that I'm not opposed to doing some light investigation.

Kiba said:
And don't forget to incorproate fish gutters into the design of the compound.

Given the fish sex cult thing, we can maybe...tone this down a little. Keep to whatever's tasteful for Leaf without reminding people we're missing-nin from Mist.

Inferno Vulpix said:
He's a hotblooded teenager, and a natural true believer in uplift. He's the sort of guy who'd be trying to do what we do even if we didn't exist, but he'd be a lone ninja with few resources trying to make a difference with what little he has. Maybe even the sort to get in over his head and make some enemies about it because, well, hotblooded teenager.

Given some time and experience, he'll grow from hotblooded teenager to passionate adult, a believer of Uplift who really gets it, who thinks it's as self-evident as the fact that water flows downhill. We just need to give him room to grow and the tools needed to survive that long.

I think a huge part of what we do for him is offering him community. Being the lone sane person when everyone else is crazy does stuff to your brain (see: Kagome). Surrounding him with other people who are on team 'civilian lives actually have value' is going to be a huge relief for him.

Kiba · Jun 24, 2022

[X] Action Plan: Surreal Estate

faflec · Jun 24, 2022

Inferno Vulpix said:
Yeaaaaaah. I'm pretty set on the scroll hunt being our next big outing, but after being reminded of Harumitsu I'm feeling like we should take some IC time on the homefront.

It's a shame that we are only about halfway through Harumitsu's Hokage-mandated training; a part of me would have been willing to wait until we finished it before kicking off another months-long mission to find a shiny, but 6 months is...well.

Kiba · Jun 24, 2022

MadScientist said:
Added @Kiba 's fish gutters. Minor wordcount optimisation.

I want to note that without the aqueduct/sewer input, we're going to be paying a hell lot more money in redesigning the compound than if we wait.

It's not a minor thing.

Oneiros · Jun 24, 2022

FaintlySorcerous said:
I didn't mean to ignore this - sorry! That definitely reads like 'we at least consulted Cannai and he didn't say no. I'm hoping that various sanity-checks with Mari will kill the idea given what happened last time we approached this issue. I'd still like to be 100% certain - e.g., explicit QM statement - but this is enough that I'm no longer worried about offending Cannai by doing some light investigation

This is a very enlightening response on the different way that we think

FaintlySorcerous · Jun 24, 2022

Oneiros said:
This is a very enlightening response on the different way that we think

My initial reaction here was 'oh, great!' but then I realized I accidentally a word, so I've now edited the post not insubstantially to actually communicate what I meant/mean.

Oneiros · Jun 24, 2022

FaintlySorcerous said:
My initial reaction here was 'oh, great!' but then I realized I accidentally a word, so I've now edited the post not insubstantially to actually communicate what I meant/mean.

You're follow up quote also highlights the very very different way that we think about things. I don't think we will ever truly vibe with each other when it comes to the quest but it's more likely now

Inferno Vulpix · Jun 24, 2022

faflec said:
It's a shame that we are only about halfway through Harumitsu's Hokage-mandated training; a part of me would have been willing to wait until we finished it before kicking off another months-long mission to find a shiny, but 6 months is...well.

Yeah finishing it would be a bit much, but we can at least chew through a little more of it before leaving him behind again.

Oneiros · Jun 24, 2022

Inferno Vulpix said:
Yeah finishing it would be a bit much, but we can at least chew through a little more of it before leaving him behind again.

If we do choose to go down that route, what would people like to get done in Leaf? I'd like for us to make major progress on any of the things people want to do. So should start some general brainstorming now.

Sir Stompy · Jun 24, 2022

[x] Action Plan: Surreal Estate

MrRobot · Jun 24, 2022

I don't know the squirrel hunt but we could try havest chakra metal on the swamp of "not so deathly as it was when i was younger but still quite dangerous" since it is still on fire.

Halberdier · Jun 24, 2022

[X] Action Plan: Apologies

[x] Action Plan: Surreal Estate

Inferno Vulpix · Jun 24, 2022

Oneiros said:
If we do choose to go down that route, what would people like to get done in Leaf? I'd like for us to make major progress on any of the things people want to do. So should start some general brainstorming now.

Well the obvious gimme is seal research, but I think the bigger question is what we'll do when we're not occupying our time with that. Some fluff but non-dramatic things include MadScientist's estate beautification plan and spending time with Akane and Ino, but we're naturally looking for more than just that, something we can sink our teeth into.

One thing that comes to mind is starting work on Naraka exploration preparations. Skysliders, hot air balloons (which will totally need a 'sky' name), logistics plans for how to explore, map, and navigate in absence of chakra. We could start building up civilian teams now so we can take them to O'Uzu as soon as we can get the rift open.

I also remember that idea we brainstormed a little while ago, making suits with macerators on every tenketsu as something the Hyuuga can use (the best way to leverage them I'm happy to leave up to Mari, I could see them as a bargaining chip in high-stakes negotiations or a 'no-strings-attached' gift to butter Hinata up for something, or just as a way to help Hinata counterbalance the influence of the Clan Elders. Lots of ways it could go, and she'll know which one has the best payout.)

We could also try to find more forbidden lore somehow, but unless we have another in with the Nara I'm not sure what leads we have left in Leaf. Maybe something on the Seventh Path?

Oneiros · Jun 24, 2022

Inferno Vulpix said:
We could also try to find more forbidden lore somehow, but unless we have another in with the Nara I'm not sure what leads we have left in Leaf. Maybe something on the Seventh Path?

Also could make a play to get Ami to tell us about the five by using the threat of cutting her off from godhood

RandomOTP · Jun 24, 2022

[X] Action Plan: Apologies

MrRobot · Jun 24, 2022

Attempt to blackmail Ami sound like a Terrible idea. Social spec jounin. Social spec jounin that have ambition.

Oneiros · Jun 24, 2022

MrRobot said:
Attempt to blackmail Ami sound like a Terrible idea. Social spec jounin. Social spec jounin that have ambition.

This isn't blackmail. Ami fucked up when she decided to kill Mari. So we shouldn't cut her in to godhood until she has paid reparations. This could be one of them. If you think we should just give Ami FOOM I strongly disagree with that position

MrRobot · Jun 24, 2022

Oneiros said:
This isn't blackmail. Ami fucked up when she decided to kill Mari. So we shouldn't cut her in to godhood until she has paid reparations. This could be one of them. If you think we should just give Ami FOOM I strongly disagree with that position

Oh i also think we should not give it to her, at all even, but i don't think we should dangle this this like shinny keys in front of her. Ami is dangerous.
The only thing i am certain is even she take this forbidden lore secrets shikamaru level of seriously.

Oneiros · Jun 24, 2022

MrRobot said:
Oh i also think we should not give it to her, at all even, but i don't think we should dangle this this like shinny keys in front of her. Ami is dangerous.
The only thing i am certain is even she take this forbidden lore secrets shikamaru level of seriously.

While I largely agree with you there is a sizable part of the playerbase that is all on board the Ami train. I think bargaining for power ups and forbidden lore is the best compromise we will be able to get

Paperclipped · Jun 24, 2022

Velorien said:
Chapter 512: Aftermaths and Arachnid Anticipation

Ah yes, time for the ritual "go around and tend to everyone's boo boos" following a good drama session. I wonder how these things would go down if Hazou-pilot handled them? Arachnid stuff sounds promising!

"All right," Mari said, looking at Hazō's face as she joined him at the breakfast table. "How many bodies do we need to dispose of?"

It was the following morning. That night, the family had eaten Kagome-sensei's Unidentifiable Medium-Size Rodent Stew (Identifiable Rodent Version) in dead silence. After taking the dishes to the kitchen, Kagome-sensei had slunk off in shame before Hazō could speak to him, and Akane had waved off his concern with a heart-breaking little smile. By the time Hazō came back, Noburi and Yuno had disappeared. Nothing had been resolved. Now, it was time for Hazō to make up for his failure as clan head last night, and start setting things right with the aid of the most powerful tool at his disposal.

Hmm... If my sister, who already has multiple long term partners, brought home a new partner who my own uncle accidentally offended, would I be this morose? Probably not. Especially given that the girl didn't warn Kagome not to ask (this time at least, and expecting him to remember from months ago at a party). It's not necessarily a red flag, but someone who is both very sensitive and not forgiving about their sensitivities is necessarily going to have a harder time interacting with people, and friction with someone like Kagome who is not gracious himself (generously putting it) it to be expected. Though Kei herself falls in the sensitive + not forgiving bin with her haptophobia, so perhaps it's a simple matter of like attracting like.

Anyway, in that situation, I would probably feel bad for a bit, check with my family to see what exactly I did wrong (or if the other person was just nuts), then try to get back into a regular conversation, probably only moderately successfully, given that my sister stormed off with her new partner. Eh, given how polyrom she is, there's always next time.

"No casualties yet," Hazō said, "though there's more than one person I feel like strangling. Mari, could I borrow you for the morning to help me untangle the latest fiasco?"

"I was just thinking that wrapping Leaf's richest men and women around my little finger last night was too easy," Mari agreed. "So what did Kei do this time?"

"Failed to give advance warning of a sensitive situation," Hazō said, impressed by the uncanny guess, "but she's not actually the villain of the piece. That would be Kagome-sensei."

Kagome has some culpability here, sure. But, say back in Isan, Kagome mulched Kouta after he beat the shit out of Akane, nixing our relationship with the clans. Would we say "Kagome is the villain of the piece"? His default patterns are the direct cause of the problem, but they're not the root.

"And yet no casualties," Mari mused. "How times change."

"Apparently, the surprise mystery guest of the evening was Kei's new girlfriend," Hazō said.

"Another one?" Mari opened her eyes wide in fake shock. "Where does she keep getting them? And how?"

Me too, Mari, me too.

In a more even voice, she added, "Anyone we know?"

"Fujisawa Miyuki, a friend of Yuno's," Hazō said. "At least, I hope she's still a friend of Yuno's."

"And Kagome mortally offended her," Mari concluded.

"Sort of," Hazō said. "Fujisawa doesn't talk, like Tenten, but she doesn't do the whole body language thing. Instead, she writes things down in a notebook, with these cute little illustrations which she manages to draw weirdly fast."

Craftsmanship (Journalling): 50

"No, seriously," Mari asked, "where does she keep getting these people? I've made a study of Leaf's lesbian dating pool—for purely academic purposes—and I promise you, it is not full of uniquely weird young women with a thing for asocial introverts with devastating self-image issues. If it was, I might've been tempted to send a couple her way and see what happens."

Well, glad to see this is an acknowledged mystery in-universe too. I wonder what is going on here...? Is there a Jashin-equivalent guiding Kei's dating life into the wackiest configurations possible?

Hazō raised an eyebrow in disapproval.

"I kid, I kid. Let me guess, Kagome saw this notebook business and instantly asked her why she wasn't talking, because that's what you do when you meet somebody with a disability that was most likely caused by torture or intense mental trauma."

Yep, that's Kagome's share of the blame. Would be nice if he were a little more empathetic. I wonder how much of it is a mental block? Like "I'm not the kind of person who can understand other people" type block.

"Oh, right," Hazō remembered. "She can't do facial expressions either. She obviously has feelings, same as the rest of us—Kagome-sensei couldn't have offended her otherwise—but they don't seem to show on her face."

Mari winced. "Yeah, that happens. Definitely torture or trauma, then, not some weird chakra disease. So my guess was on the mark, then?"

"that happens" Interesting... this has happened to other people?

Hazō nodded. "Then Kei got angry, Akane tried to smooth things over but ended up triggering her own stuff, Noburi and Yuno were of no help whatsoever, and before I knew it, Fujisawa made her excuses and left. It was horrible."

Mari got up and walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. This kind of thing happens. When you're in charge of a group of people, it just isn't possible to make sure everybody's on their best behaviour all the time—at least unless you're very good at brainwashing, and even then you can't keep it going forever, trust me. Honestly, it's amazing that you're keeping this pack of crazies with our varied and exciting issues together as well as you are. If Jiraiya had picked me to be in charge of this whole mess, I can't promise I wouldn't have gone Itachi by now."

Maybe the clan needs a little bit more Itachi... a bit of fear to temper the respect... Jiraiya knew how to use both...

"So that's why Jiraiya dumped it on me instead of the responsible adult in the clan," Hazō said in a tone of dawning enlightenment. "Once we get him out from the land of the dead, I'm going to applaud his foresight, right after I'm done socking him in the jaw for abandoning his responsibilities by getting killed in the first place.

What, can't a man take a vacation? The Naraka beaches are pleasant this time of century, I hear.

"Anyway, offending Fujisawa probably isn't the end of the world—if she's worth Kei's time, she'll be the kind of person who's ready to patch things up and try again—but we need to do something about Kagome-sensei in case next time he offends somebody we actually have to worry about. Think you're up to the challenge?"

Makes sense. Getting Kagome to be even marginally better in these situations would probably pay dividends.

"Does Kurohige hold a hand of five aces?"

Kurohige is known for... blatant cheating? I guess Mari's socials are probably blatant cheating to approximately everyone.

"Then let's go find Kagome-sensei."

-o-

They found Kagome-sensei in his room, staring at a sealed scroll on his desk while writing down sealing calculations on a sheet of paper with the focused ferocity of a man challenging the Shinigami to speed shogi.

"Good morning, Kagome-sensei. What explosives are you researching today?"

"'Morning, Hazō, Mari," Kagome-sensei grunted. "Just trying to crack Tsu—Yoshida's latest locking seal. This one's a doozy. She's got me fighting to get through five levels of the primary sealed area before I can even start unlocking the secondary tetracyclics."

First name basis? And trying to hide it??

We should really make the Isan trip with Kagome at some point. He can have Forbidden Love, we can have Forbidden Lore.

"Have you tried—"

"Don't!" Kagome-sensei interrupted. "There's no point if I don't beat her myself."

Hazō nodded. He wished he had a worthy rival of his own over whose impending defeats he could get so excited. Unfortunately, of those who'd try to claim the title, the fun of periodically crushing Lord Hagoromo was nearly outweighed by the unpleasantness of having to interact with Lord Hagoromo, Hazō had no intention of going anywhere near Rock Lee, and last he heard, Kurosawa Shin simply wasn't in the same weight class (he almost hoped Shin was second-in-command of the AMI by now, or equivalent, if only so that Hazō could finally stop pitying Team Downfall).

It's harder to have rivals as a research sealmaster. What are you gonna flex over? "I invented a new storage seal!" "Well I invented a new explosive!"

"Kagome-sensei," Hazō said, "would you mind if we talked about last night?"

Kagome-sensei turned away from the seal.

"I know," he muttered. "Dumb old Kagome puts his foot in it again. Our first time meeting Kei's new girlfriend, and now she hates us because I couldn't keep my mouth shut."

Poor Kagome

At least he isn't feeling bad about Kei blaming him.

"We're not here to blame you, Kagome-sensei," Hazō said, mentally activating the Clear Communication Technique (which was incredibly cost-efficient as ninjutsu went, but couldn't be kept on all the time because of the penalty to conversation speed). "We just want to pin down the reasons why last night went wrong, and then figure out how to help you do better in the future. What's your perspective on what happened?"

Kagome-sensei shrugged. "I put my foot in my mouth. She went around writing in a notebook instead of talking like a normal person, and I wondered why she'd do something like that when it was obviously slower and harder, so I decided to ask. Only that was wrong for some reason, and I guess everybody knew that in advance except me, so everyone was shocked, and Fujisawa was hurt, and Kei was angry, and I ruined the night for you all. I'm sorry."

Was he not at the Yuno thing?

"The first step," Mari took over, "is understanding why she reacted that way, and why other people might react that way. Kagome, think of the most horrible time in your life. You don't have to say what it was; just pull it up in your mind's eye."

After a second, Kagome-sensei scowled.

Poor Kagami

"What would you do if some complete stranger started asking you questions about it?"

"I'd tell them it was none of their stinking business," Kagome-sensei said instantly. "Obviously, they'd be a doppelganger wanting to impersonate me better once they've assassinated and replaced me… but I know that, in Leaf, I'm not allowed to blow people up when they haven't done anything yet, so I'd skip that step and go warn the rest of the family."

I mean, it's clear that he's had some character growth here. We're just asking for a little more...

"Right," Mari said. "I'm glad you remember that. But how would it make you feel?"

Kagome-sensei took a little longer to answer this time.

"I guess… I'd be angry with them for asking questions they've got no right to be asking, and I'd be upset about having to recall those memories for no good reason."

That answer is much closer to what a normal person would say than I would have expected. Nothing at all about being worried about the assassination or paranoid about what is coming for his family... He can probably get away with "empathy via assuming everyone else is basically a copy of you".

"Right," Mari said. "Now, suppose Fujisawa uses a notebook because something took away her ability to speak. Don't you think that whatever that was would be one of the worst memories of her life?"

"Oh," Kagome-sensei said in a low, horrified voice after a second. "And I went and asked her about it, just like that." His gaze drifted to the floor as his shoulders slumped.

Hey, he gets it instantly! That was really easy?

"Everybody makes mistakes, Kagome-sensei," Hazō said. "We're not having this conversation because we want to tell you what a bad person you are. We're doing it because we want to help you get better. Because, the truth is, we're worried about you. More specifically, I'm worried about you. It's not long before you finish your summoning training, and then you have to go meet Kumokōgo—during my first meeting with her, twice a misspoken word nearly ended my life. I've done my best to get advice on Arachnid etiquette from her, and I'll give you my notes, but that's a double-edged sword. Between the notes and everything they'll expect me to have taught you, justly or unjustly, ignorance of Arachnid ways won't be an excuse for you the way it was for me. If you make a mistake like you did with Fujisawa, you might be killed."

All good points. I realize now why this is important to sort out now.

Kagome-sensei swallowed. "I get that, but Hazō… I can't just turn around and be somebody who's good with words. I've never been good with words. I'm only becoming a summoner because you need all the sealing help you can get over there. You can tell me to be careful and polite and good at trying to figure out what a giant spider's thinking so I don't offend them, but…"

It kinda sounds like a self image issue of sorts.

"Yeah," Hazō said, "I know. This is the part I was hoping for Mari's help with. Mari, you know what Kagome-sensei's strengths are. You know what his weaknesses are. Is there any way we can leverage one to help cope with the other, even a little bit? Like, is there anything you can do with cryptography training that'll make you better at not saying the wrong thing?"

...Let me guess, the plan segment was something like "Can Kagome leverage his crypto training to to tell when something is a secret and shut up about it? Mechanically, replace Deceit with Crypto when related to clan secrets."

Though 50/50 on whether it was garbled by 'pilot or wordcount compression or proximity to the empathy talk section. I assume there's a bit of "Hazou you idiot" coming.

Mari gave him a disbelieving look. "Hazō, I know I talk about social codes and people being ciphers, but it's not supposed to be taken literally. I don't know if there's any specialisation less relevant to social skills than cryptography."

"That's one of the reasons I took it," Kagome-sensei agreed. "No need to try and make any stinking idiots like you. Just you and your brain, solving the kind of hard puzzles that'd break one of those sneering peacocks in I&S. Uh, no offence, Mari."

She sighed. "None taken. I see we have a lot of work to do. Hazō, leave this with me. I'll see if I can come up with something in time for Kagome's trip to the Summon Realm."

Yep.

"Great," Hazō said. "Oh, there's one more thing I wanted to run past you. You know how I've been trying to bond with Hagino Mareo, the elderly Bear Summoner?"

"Suddenly, I don't like where this is going," Mari said half-jokingly.

"It turns out he's suffering from wandering wits."

"I see," Mari said. The edge of amusement was gone from her voice. "And you want to what, trick him into something while his wits are away? That's doable, but bear in mind that, however easy it may sound—"

"No!" Hazō interrupted. "I want to deal with him in good faith. He seems like a nice old man, and I don't want to take advantage of his willingness to deal with me so I can stab him in the back. Also, the Bear Boss will kill me the second he thinks I'm taking advantage of his friend, and I'd like to avoid that."

Well... we can just do exactly what he asked for us and give him lots of booze and tobacco and drugs. Would Kumafuwafuwafuwafuwa blame us for just doing as he asked?

"Then what?" Mari asked. "If you don't want to exploit somebody with wandering wits, and you're not responsible for caring for them, then the best thing you can do is stay away until you can catch them on a good day."

"I was wondering," Hazō said, "if the Yamanaka might have something to cure him, or at least make him better. A properly sane Bear Summoner, with the Bear Clan behind him, would be a massive asset in fighting the Dragons."

Is this... the same conversation with Kagome? This is kinda unrelated, no? Isn't there something more to do on the "help Kagome misstep less" line?

"You think you can cure wandering wits?" Mari's tone was the same utter disbelief with which she greeted roughly two thirds of his proposals, but her expression was compassionate, and a little sad. "Hazō, you may as well try to cure old age. Once someone's mind starts to unravel, it's never going to re-ravel again. If the Yamanaka had a fix for that, they'd be the richest clan in the world, because any ninja who's survived long enough to need it is going to be as rich as Kinzō—probably a clan elder or retired clan head."

Eh, clan secrets. Also, who is Kinzou?

Of course, nobody expected a clanless ninja to make it to old age. Could the KEI really fix something so easily taken for granted?

What kinds of clan ninja are making it to old age either? Are you allowed to retire? In which case, why couldn't a clanless ninja pull it off? Ninja missions pay a lot even at middling levels. (Ignoring culture)

"You're sure?" Hazō asked.

"You can ask Ino if you like," Mari said, "but I've never heard of a cure like that, and if the Yamanaka had it, they'd have no reason to keep it secret—they can't possibly have enough senile ninja of their own to make it worth keeping as a clan secret technique instead of charging outsiders a daimyo's fortune for treatment. Of course, if they do have it and have been keeping it secret, asking about it isn't going to go well for you."

"Thanks, Mari," Hazō said, making a note to invent a senility-reversing seal once the Great Seal restoration and Project Necromancy were complete and he had the time to pursue his hobbies.

You know, there's another ninja in Leaf whose hobby project seems to involve undoing the effects of aging...

Hazō had yet to decide what to do about the other participants in last night's failure. He felt he could venture a solid guess as to why Yuno had reacted badly to Fujisawa, and why Noburi had frozen up in response, but if he didn't tread carefully, sticking his nose in someone else's complicated marriage risked getting that nose cut off by an evil-looking black axe with special grooves for the blood. Akane was… Akane. He needed to spend more time just being there for her, frankly, and maybe he'd figure out a way to help her more actively somewhere along the way. And as for Kei… Kei had, in fact, taken the initiative.

Bravo! I wonder if taking the initiative here is a Snowflake suggestion.

"Thank you for coming, Hazō," she said as he joined her in one of the more comfortable Nara discussion rooms (not the one with the waterfalls, sadly, but the spiralling mathematical equations carved into the wood of the walls had an appeal of their own). "I recognise that, under the circumstances, it would be more appropriate for me to come to you, but…"

...but Mari was back at the Gōketsu residence. Would these two ever patch things up, if only enough to tolerate each other's presence? Hazō felt the familiar impulse to fix whatever was broken in front of him, but for once he was confident without trying that his efforts would only make things worse.

At least her casual phrasing is promising that she's not as emotionally attached to it as she was previously. It's easy enough to sublimate emotional desires into non-felt rules of behavior.

"How's Fujisawa?" Hazō asked.

"Fine," Kei said. "It is not as if that was her first time being suddenly questioned about her impairment in what should have been a welcoming environment. Were circumstances different, I believe she would have weathered the blow and gradually regained her good cheer over the course of the evening. Unfortunately…"

Ah, right, she was Yuno's friend. I was thinking that normally I would be pretty on guard when visiting a partner's family the first time, but with Yuno there, she might have expected a more welcoming atmosphere than she got.

Yeah. If Hazō had been faced with a shockingly rude Kagome-sensei, a hostile Yuno, a paralysed Noburi, a gloomy Akane, and a furious Kei, except most of them strangers he had no reason to give the benefit of the doubt, he might not have been comfortable sticking around either. In one sense, Kagome-sensei's behaviour had been a trigger, and in another, it had been an excuse.

She's very hard to read, of course. If we're being maximally charitable, she holds no grudge and simply wanted to give us another chance to make a good first impression after we got our shit together.

Apparently, Hazō's comprehension was written on his face clearly enough that even Kei could read it.

"The entire incident, of course, is my fault," Kei went on. "Except insofar as it is Kagome's fault, but to condemn him for his hurtful incompetence is akin to blaming the winds for blowing too strongly. I am the one who, in my childish excitement to surprise my loved ones with good news, failed to perform my proper function of expecting and preparing for the worst-case scenario. If I had warned her about Kagome, and Kagome about her, then he could have instead compensated for the other three as a stabilising social element oh whom am I kidding we were doomed from the start."

Anecdotally, I dated someone with pretty severe Celiac Disease for a while. I am not generally a stupid person, but I still cooked several meals for them that had gluten in a major or minor way that meant that they couldn't eat it before I internalized that literally everything has to be checked for any trace amount of gluten (Did you know soy sauce has gluten?? And they don't even list it in the ingredients!). When we went to friend's houses or restaurants, one of us would always call ahead to make sure there would be something gluten free.

Well...

Velorien said:
Finally, Kei was bringing a mystery guest who wasn't Tenten, and with no other signs of the Apocalypse visible, Noburi could look forward to a fun time and maybe even a new friend

Kei knew this was happening (it wasn't a spontaneous thing). She also (presumably) knows her partner has a very significant disability that she is very sensitive about. Kagome is (this analogy is probably a war crime) that uncle that really really loves pasta and cooks only pasta dishes. I understand what happened here -- again, it took me a while to internalize what all I needed to do for my partner -- but saying it was doomed from the start is weirdly reductive. Kagome literally said:

Velorien said:
Only that was wrong for some reason, and I guess everybody knew that in advance except me, so everyone was shocked, and Fujisawa was hurt, and Kei was angry, and I ruined the night for you all.

Had he know in advance that the one thing you don't do to the girl is ask about the notebook, things would have been fine.

Of course, it really isn't all Kei's fault. Saying "to condemn him for his hurtful incompetence is akin to blaming the winds for blowing too strongly" is extremely dismissive of his agency, and annoying coming from someone who so desperately wants others to respect her own. He has an empathy/socials problem. Like Kei's poor planning (this clearly was not a Frozen Skein-approved plan), this is imminently fixable.

"Apology accepted… I think?" Hazō ventured.

"Furthermore," Kei added, "had I not lost my temper, I could have assisted in recovering the situation with my own social skills—no, we were still doomed from the start. Ignore me."

Hazō laughed in spite of himself.

I suppose it's good that Hazou still finds Kei's self-deprecation funny. In practice, whats-her-name is dating Kei for a reason, and Kei responding graciously probably would have been better than the killing intent, even if she was rude to Kagome in the process or something.

Kei attempted to glare at him, but couldn't keep it up, and ended up smiling as well.

Oh hey, it wasn't real self-deprecation? That's a first! Good job Kei.

"On to happier topics," Hazō said. "You have a new girlfriend. How does this keep happening?"

"Unexpectedly and inexplicably," Kei said wryly. "After I met Fujisawa at Yuno's coming-of-age ceremony and she realised that I was quite possibly the only person in Leaf who preferred silent company, she decided to utilise all possible means to draw my interest and incline me to desire her continued presence. The romantic nature of that presence was not an initial part of the plan, Fujisawa believing herself heterosexual at the time. However, as with many during the war, she came to conclude that her probable imminent death meant there was no reason to resist an inclination to experiment.

...does Shikamaru not prefer silent company?

So Kei is the one who got seduced here... interesting... Leaf's lesbians are the moths to her metaphorical flame.

"As for myself…" Kei paused as if to gather her thoughts. "Hazō, I made a terrible mistake with two young women who confessed their feelings to me. I was not ready to open my heart to them. I feared that if they grew sufficiently close to me, they would realise I was not the shining star they envisioned, and abandon me in disgust. I feared that introducing these unknown elements into the familiar, closely-bonded structure of the polycule would in some way destabilise it and forever ruin the happiness I still did not understand how I had attained. I feared the terra incognita of seeking intimacy with strangers without the inexplicable, intense compatibility that had guided my relationship with Tenten or the soul-deep bond I shared with Snowflake. And so, I hesitated. I vacillated. I kept them at arm's reach, both in the world and in my own heart, refusing to decide.

The Tachibanas if I recall correctly?

Kei realizes she doesn't actually need to date everyone that's interested in her, right?

"I allowed them to die.

"There was, perhaps, nothing I could have done for Yuri as a lover. Safeguarding her life was my responsibility as a KEI coordinator, not as Nara Kei. Whether I could or would have done more from a more intimate position will forever remain unknown. However, surely even an inferior partner such as I could have served as an anchor to keep Minori in this world instead of leaving her to follow her true love into the Abyss?

Hm... From a utilitarian standpoint, is it worth it to get into relationships that will make you unhappy to make the other person less miserable? I suspect not, but we know Kei doesn't like adding up numbers like that.

Oh, I wonder if her morals come from the logistician's training in some way?

"When Fujisawa expressed interest in me, in a direct and unmistakable way—after, I am told, the failure of enough subtle hints to sink a chakra megalodon—I realised I could not make the same mistake again. I dared not. I forced myself to make an immediate choice between acceptance and rejection, and found myself inclined more towards the former… and here we are."

"Congratulations," Hazō said. "I'm very happy for you. I hope you remember your beloved brother when your harem expands to cover the entirety of Leaf and you are elected Hokage by default."

Sadly, once Kei passes the 18 threshold, it will become weird for her to be dating 15-y.o.'s and the amount of ninja in her age range will have drastically shrunk.

...

Statistically, a lot of ninja relationships end in one partner dying, huh?

"Curses," Kei said, deadpan. "My diabolical plan has been discovered. Forgive me, Hazō, but I cannot allow you to leave this place alive."

"Oh, no," Hazō said, not quite as deadpan but doing his best. "Woe is me. Must I join the winning team in order to survive?"

"Hazō, you are not joining my hypothetical harem," Kei replied. "It is already difficult enough to escape Ino when she is suffering from an excess of being Ino, and Akane… actually, now that Akane has despaired of Youth and embraced the true darkness of the shinobi world, it may be time to reconsider her candidacy."

Sigh... polycule bloat comes for us all in the end.

Hazō stared at Kei in utter shock. "Kei, don't tell me you…"

Kei rolled her eyes. "That was a humorous joke. Hazō, it is right and proper that younger brothers should be easy to tease, but no game is fun without at least some element of challenge. I have already mentioned that I have never sought additional candidates for the polycule, nor do I expect to do so in the future. They simply happen, like sealing failures."

As previously mentioned, moths and flame. Luckily in this case, Hazou has a talent for ignoring the bright lights cultivated by Mari-sensei:

Velorien said:
They settled for longer on Inoue-sensei, dressed unexpectedly conservatively in a bright red swimsuit with parts of the stomach and back cut out in spiralling diamond shapes [...] Hazō mostly shrugged it off. Bonfires were beautiful and hypnotic; it didn't mean you wanted to get anywhere near one.

"Oh!" Hazō livened up. "Speaking of sealing failures, wait till you hear my idea for a seal that re-ravels…"

It was evening by the time Hazō remembered that he'd come to visit Kei on his lunch break.

"Speaking of sealing failures" has to be the worst way to start a sealing idea suggestion.

Great chapter as always.

Orisha91 · Jun 24, 2022

[X] Action Plan: Apologies

roobee · Jun 25, 2022

it feels like leaf will turn out to have a fair amount of young generation clanless nin that are secretly civilian lovers.
we should sanity check great seal plans with shika so hazou doesn't die

coldcutconvict · Jun 25, 2022

[X] Stealing?
Request Mari steal the koi caretaking information if she assesses it is free to take.

[X] Is Stealing Bad?

Get a lesson from Mari.
- When the Wakahisa agreed to supplying us with koi, why did they add a clause to limit maximum fish?
  - Did they expect to be able to enforce the limit?
  - Is the limit a fig leaf for Mist?
- Based on what Noburi knows of their home pond, they keep less than 300 fish.
  - Is it an issue of money, resources or caretakers?
It may be important for there to be a much larger koi population in the future.
- They use Lightning for self-defense. O'uzu portal might need to be powered with Lightning.
Request Mari evaluate + pursue which path to more fish is best.
- Steal eggs and caretaking information from our pond.
  - With Asuma's permission, use MARI to divert a suitable river. Under the cover of making a natural reservoir of beasts for Noburi to drain, build a second pond proof to Wakahisa senses.
  - Experiment with less wasteful ways to raise eggs, separating them individually and replacing cannibalism with sterile roe from similar species of fish.
  - Pay for Tower missions as required.
- Convince the Wakahisa to increase their domestic population.
  - Cooperate with MARI to make koi moats for hamlets?
- Renegotiate deal to let us have however many fish we want.
  - What would they want in return?
  - What if we agreed to only keep sterile koi? Wakahisa would supply us an agreed amount every year, we could not break the deal on our side?

Cariyaga · Jun 25, 2022

Inferno Vulpix said:
Well the obvious gimme is seal research, but I think the bigger question is what we'll do when we're not occupying our time with that. Some fluff but non-dramatic things include MadScientist's estate beautification plan and spending time with Akane and Ino, but we're naturally looking for more than just that, something we can sink our teeth into.

One thing that comes to mind is starting work on Naraka exploration preparations. Skysliders, hot air balloons (which will totally need a 'sky' name), logistics plans for how to explore, map, and navigate in absence of chakra. We could start building up civilian teams now so we can take them to O'Uzu as soon as we can get the rift open.

I also remember that idea we brainstormed a little while ago, making suits with macerators on every tenketsu as something the Hyuuga can use (the best way to leverage them I'm happy to leave up to Mari, I could see them as a bargaining chip in high-stakes negotiations or a 'no-strings-attached' gift to butter Hinata up for something, or just as a way to help Hinata counterbalance the influence of the Clan Elders. Lots of ways it could go, and she'll know which one has the best payout.)

We could also try to find more forbidden lore somehow, but unless we have another in with the Nara I'm not sure what leads we have left in Leaf. Maybe something on the Seventh Path?

We can ask Kei about the Mori's history, as Shikamaru suggested, on the topic of forbidden lore.

And on the topic of Shikamaru, we should, on one of eaglejarl's updates, update the man on our progress on Project: Necromancy.

Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

In doubt there's always the Sun!

In doubt there's always the Sun!

In doubt there's always the Sun!

Handsome Gentleperson