The continued adventures of Extendy Enna, esq.

The door into the store is unlocked when you get there. You rush inside, spotting Mary and two of her children crouched low behind the counter near the back wall of the store. Through the glass front on the street-side corner of the store, you can see two clay soldiers silently guarding the front door, bronze khopeshes gleaming menacingly in their right hands, painted gravestone-shaped shields strapped over their left arms. You notice that the insignia painted on the shields is the icon of the Illuminati: A pyramid with an eye in the capstone.

Mary stands up and waves at you from behind the counter. Her kids are hiding behind her.

You point at the door, and gestures towards the rear of the store. "Go! Hurry! The nutcase is distracted by Tentacle Girl right now!"

"Tentacle Girl?" Mary asks, a puzzled tone entering her voice.

"The Seattle Squidbat," you say, by way of clarification. "She's here to help."

"The Seattle Squidbat is a girl?" The boy screws up his face in apparent disgust. If you remember right, he's Mary and Marty's third kid.

"Yes," you say confidently. "She's a girl, and she's one of the people trying to keep you safe from the whacko outside. Now vamoose, kid. I don't know how long she can distract him."

There are about a dozen other customers in the store. One of them catches your eye: A neatly curled blonde woman wearing a sun dress, a broad-brimmed straw hat, face-covering sunglasses, and Birkenstock sandals. She has what appears to be a newly-purchased bright red iPhone in hand, and her jawline looks somehow familiar.

"Come on, folks, move!" you say. "Unless you want to worship pharoah over there."

The customers and employees start scrambling forwards. The blonde takes her time, calmly trailing in the wake of the civilians. She is, you think to yourself, not a civilian. Something about her just doesn't quite fit. She's not panicky or afraid; just annoyed and patient. You spare a glance back at the emptied store behind you before following her outside, and almost bump into the blonde, who has frozen in place, staring at Large Nearly Naked Man.

Mary lets loose several unprintable epithets. "I can't drive that!" she finishes, despair edging her tone as she looks at an upended minivan.

"Take my car," you say, throwing her your keys. Mary's driving is terrifying, but she needs a ride.

Then the blonde speaks up from behind you. Softly. You can barely hear her.

"Well, bless his heart," the blonde says under her breath, a thick southern drawl laid over her voice. "I hope he knows how to close that portal. That's not a good place." Her Scarlet-O'Hara-alike accent drops the last puzzle piece in place in your mind as the woman better known as Hell's Belle shakes her head. Then she breaks into a jog westwards, away from the parking lot with the crater blasted into it.

Ahead of you, Large Nearly Naked Man raises his scepter and shouts something unintelligible. A glowing double circle inscribed with hieroglyphs flares around him, Apple Apostate cowering outside of the circle next to the donkey. A hot wind with a sulfurous odor is blowing from the parking lot, where a gaping void has opened up in the middle of the asphalt. A mostly-limp Tentacle Girl twitches unconsciously, sending a clay soldier flying into a furniture store; heedless of the risk to themselves, a dozen more clay soldiers grip her various appendages, dragging her towards the hole ripped into your reality.

Uh oh. What do?

[] You're going to try to rip Tentacle Girl out of the grasp of the clay soldiers and fight them off until she's recovered from the missile strike enough to fight on her own. [PERSONAL RISK: You might get clobbered by clay soldiers.]
[] You're going to follow Tentacle Girl into the abyss. [PERSONAL RISK: You will enter an unpleasant otherworldly realm.]
[] You're going to tackle LNNM and make sure that he doesn't close the portal. [PERSONAL RISK: LNNM might kick your ass.]
[] You're going to catch Hell's Belle before she gets too far away and strong-arm her into fixing the problem. [PERSONAL RISK: Hell's Belle might successfully resist being strong-armed.]
[] ... actually, you're going to jump in your car, this is too much for you. [PERSONAL RISK: Mary is a terrifying driver.]
[] (write-in alternate strategy) [PERSONAL RISK: TO BE DETERMINED]

EDIT: Sorry, a couple of typos.

"Actually, wait!" you say, rushing after Mary. "Kids in back," you say, climbing into the passenger seat and rolling down the window.

"What are you doing?" Mary asks, as you kneel sideways in the front seat.

"I need you to drive by Tentacle Girl on the way out. I'm going to try and grab her out of that," you say, buckling the seat belt around your legs.

"What? No!" Mary says. "I'm not getting close to that mess," she says, starting the car up and pulling around.

"Come on," you say. "It's along the way out of here. I have a plan, I just can't take the time to explain it. I promise this will work. Besides, this is my car. And I just got you out of there. Please, give me one chance."

Mary gives you a sour look. "Okay. One chance. But if you fall out, I am not risking the kids coming after you."

The clay soldiers holding Tentacle Girl's feet step through the portal.

"Hurry!" you say, and lean out of the window as Mary careens around the parking lot. From the back of the car, you can hear the shrieks of one of Mary's kids.

Stretching - and stretching - you reach out to grab the nearest part of Tentacle Girl, wrestling a tentacle out of the grasp of one of the clay soldiers, bracing your legs against the door. The tentacle and your arms pull taut, and your weight slams against the door as your legs slip sideways out of the seat belt. You desperately spread your hips, trying to grip the door with your knees as your arms elongate further, but you reach your length limit and with a hard painful jolt you find your legs slipping out through the seat belt.

You see Mary's shocked expression as she drives your car over a curb before swerving out of sight, your prosthetic foot sitting in the passenger seat next to her. Hopefully she won't crash it, you think to yourself as you stand up unevenly. You have a mild case of road rash, nothing too bad. Tentacle Girl is halfway through the portal, the clay soldiers pausing to re-secure their grips; you brace yourself and push hard, extending your legs violently as you grip as hard as you can with your arms. Your stump hurts as it presses hard against the asphalt through the leg of your leg.

Tentacle Girl slips out of the hands of the clay soldiers and towards you, landing on the asphalt with a slightly wet slapping noise. The clay soldiers grind to a halt and start turning; and there's nothing to be done for it but to step forward, stand over your tentacled friend, and try to fend off the clay warriors as they start moving towards you. You flail frantically at the clay soldiers, and they flail back with their fists. You're able to avoid their first few clumsy blows, but there are too many of them, and they hit hard.

One clay fist slams into your head, and you're seeing stars as you stagger around, half-blinded by the blood dripping into your eye. You dodge and block, but a fiery line of pain traces across your back as one of them lands a grazing blow with some kind of sharp weapon. You extend your fist like a rocket, feeling a satisfying crunch on the other end as something breaks off of one of the soldiers. A head? An arm? You're not quite sure, and another flare of pain washes over you as everything goes black.


Darkness. Cold. A white surface. Glass, and a sudden light illuminating glass shelves. The cool comfort of a milk jug against your face. Something sticky. The white light recedes behind a wash of pain.

You're on a couch on the upper floor of your office. Everything hurts, and when you open one eye - the other eyelid seems stuck shut - Midori is leaning over you with a concerned look. There are Band-Aid wrappers everywhere on the floor. You feel your forehead. It feels like there are over a dozen Band-Aids taped across your forehead.

"Enna! Are you feeling better now?" Midori asks.

"No," you croak, feeling around. There's another mass of Band-Aids on your back, and a third on your leg. You try to sit up, and everything goes black.


You're on a couch in the upper floor of your office. Everything hurts, and your left eyelid is still stuck shut. There are still Band-Aid wrappers everywhere on the floor, a sea of paper detritus testifying to the scope of Midori's attempts to provide medical care. Apparently trying to sit up wasn't a good idea.

"Midori?" you ask. There's no answer. "Midori?"

You turn your head. You're thirsty. You stretch your arm out across the room cautiously, slowly, towards the fridge. Opening the fridge door, you see a smear of blood on the bottom shelf, and another smear on a milk jug. Weird. You grab a bottle of electrolyte water and bring it to yourself, carefully tilting your head forward a little bit to drink. You only spill a little on yourself. Cautiously, you drip some onto a tissue and rub your left eyelid. The tissue comes away brownish, and your eyelid loosens a bit. A few more dabs and you're able to open your eyelid, having loosened the crusty dried blood that had more or less glued it shut.

Next step, phone. Phone?

You find your purse on the coffee table with a little bit of cautious probing. Searching inside, you find your phone. The screen is spiderwebbed with cracks, but it boots up, if a little hesitantly. You're probably going to need to get a new phone soon, you think to yourself. The touchscreen is nearly inoperable. Turning on the camera and looking at yourself, you take stock. You do indeed have a large wad of Band-Aids taped to your forehead, and there's a lot of dried blood everywhere. Your pupils are ... not quite the same size. There's blood oozing out from the pile of Band-Aids on your leg.

Also, you have thirty texts from Mary, including a five second video clip of you stepping over Tentacle Girl and going all extendy-smash on the clay golems. She has questions. Many questions. You shake your head briefly before stopping. Ow. Okay, no shaking of heads for a while. Your thoughts feel a little fuzzy, so you scroll through the news feed, trying to piece together what's going on outside.

"I got more Band-Aids," Midori says brightly, emerging from the ceiling. "Will that help?"

You close your eyes for a moment, then re-open them. "I don't think that's what I need," you say.

"Oh," Midori says, disappointed. "What can I do for you?"

What can Midori do for you?
[] Get back out there and get back to battling the forces of Pharaoh.
[] Get you to the hospital.
[] Go fetch more useful medical supplies. You'll give her a list.
[] Go somewhere else so the forces of Pharaoh don't resume attacking the office.
-[] (optional write-in alternate location)
[] (write-in)

What can your phone do for you?
[] Call Mary, explain a few things, see when you can get your foot and car back, maybe ask her to take a quick drive to the hospital once things are slightly less war-zone-ish.
-[] (optional selection of exactly how far your explanation goes. Default: "I have powers, please don't tell anybody, thanks.")
[] Call Jake, try to work on this "National Guard wants to take down Tentacle Girl" issue, see if they can at least ignore her while they focus on Pharaoh.
-[] (optional: use secret information as support)
[] Call the Crimson Guard's complaint desk and ask why they haven't driven Pharaoh out of town.
[] Call Blake, talk to him about the Lady Light case, fill him in on the fact that you have a small sudden health problem to deal with.
[] (write-in)

"I need you to talk to someone for me," you say, taking a sip of water. "Stay with me for a couple minutes, okay? Then I'll tell you what kind of medical supplies to fetch."

You pull up Jake on your contacts list and hit the call button. He picks up right away. "Jake, it's Enna," you say. "I want to talk to you about the Seattle Squidbat."

There's silence. "What about it?" he finally replies.

"Well, first I wanted to let you know that I was on the scene when the National Guard tried to kill her again. I really think they should be focusing on the Pharaoh guy. He was right there at the Apple store, too," you say. "The arrival of the Seattle Squidbat was the only thing that distracted him long enough for them to escape. He was willing to drop everything else to try to get rid of her."

"Her?" Jake says. "The Seattle Squidbat is a her?"

"Yes," you say confidently. "She's a real person, not some creature of the depths. A teenage girl, just one who looks funny. Call her Tentacle Girl."
"Enna, I know you have a soft spot for it," Jake says. "It rescued you, and you want to humanize it. But it's dangerous and destructive."

"She," you say bitingly, "is right here. Say hello to Jake, Tentacle Girl."

You shove your phone at Midori and take out a piece of paper, writing down a list of medical supplies.

"Uh. Hello, Jake?" Midori says, uncertainty entering her voice. Well, it's obvious to you, but probably Jake can't hear anything past the augmented fourth harmonic.

"Hello ... Tentacle Girl?" Jake sounds even less certain. "You are the Seattle Squidbat?"

"That would be me," Midori replies. "But you can call me Midori. Any friend of Enna's is a friend of mine. She's told me a lot about you." She pauses. "And yes, I did rescue her. Again. The clay soldiers were stepping on her."

"Midori, would you be a dear and pass the phone back to Enna?" Jake asks.

"Sure thing," she says, handing the phone back to you.

"Thanks," you say. "Jake, hold on for a minute." You move the phone away from your face a bit. Not so far that Jake won't hear you, but far enough that it'll be clear you aren't talking into it. "Midori, why don't you hop down to the store and pick up some of these things for me?" You sense that Jake doesn't want to say more with her right there.

Midori goes in a non-Euclidean direction and is gone.

"Now listen, Jake. I've been thinking a lot about how the National Guard keeps trying to deal with Tentacle Girl, and it's not right. They're putting everyone in danger, including themselves, and they're not going to be able to kill her without ... well, destroying Seattle. Even then, I'm not sure she'd actually die. They've already thrown a fully-loaded fighterjet at her and she was back in fighting form in just a couple of minutes. So, I'm asking you to please help talk some sense into them." You pause. "If any of them have contact with the Gray Knight, he can confirm that she's not just some monster."

There's an awkward silence on the other side of the phone. "All right, Enna," Jake says eventually. "Thank you for calling. Is she still there? Are you safe?"

"No," you say. "She's getting some medical supplies for me. I don't feel like trying to make it to the hospital in this mess. Please get the National Guard to call off their Tentacle Girl hunt, at least until they've dealt with this lunatic." You hang up.

You set your phone down on the coffee table and lay back to start waiting patiently for Midori to return. Your phone rings. It's Jake. You pick up.
"Did you manage to convince them?" You ask.

"Not exactly," he says. His tone has changed completely: he sounds calm, collected. "They said they'd keep watching her and re-assess the situation as appropriate. The Air National Guard is disappointed to hear that hitting her with ten million dollars in ordnance kept her down for less time than it took the jets to return to base."

In spite of the wooziness of your concussion, a suspicion creeps into your mind. "Is this call being traced?"

There's a pause. "Yes," Jake says. "The police will be showing up with a warrant shortly to investigate the Seattle ... Tentacle Girl's presence at your office. They'll also be offering you that ride to the hospital that you didn't ask for. You as much as told me you weren't safe there, Enna. Sit tight. And if Tentacle Girl is there, tell her not to start a fight with the police, please."

You hang up. You're not very happy, and you're too tired to start yelling angrily at Jake through the phone. The Seattle PD does have probable cause. Good luck to them getting through a war zone, you think to yourself darkly. You can hear a distant rumble of explosives, a crashing noise, and sirens coming nearer, and refresh your news feed. You hear the police pounding on the door downstairs. Midori isn't back yet, thankfully.

What do now?

[] Go quietly to the hospital.
[] Issue blistering threats.
-[] Of lawsuits.
-[] Of angry supers.
[] Try to delay the police until Midori returns, then ask her to kick their butts out of your office.
[] Refuse all assistance and stay put to watch the police as best as you can. You want to avoid trouble but you don't want them poking around your office unsupervised more than you do want to go to the hospital.
[] (write-in)

What do Jake?

[] Tell Jake you intend to legally adopt Midori as your daughter in the near future once you finish sorting out the paperwork, and if he wants to be with you, he needs to go to bat for her. (UNLOCK A)
[] Tell Jake he's through. You're done with him. On Friday night, you are ...
-[] Going to go have dinner at Mary and Marty's place and let them set you up with a blind date.
-[] Going to go meet up with the unidentified texter who congratulating you on defeating Lady Light, saying that you proved yourself worthy of the texter's gift. (UNLOCK B)
-[] Going out to the bar and getting very drunk with Blake.
-[] Going to try to track down the Silent Siren.
-[] (write-in)
[] Give Jake the silent treatment. You'll figure out this later. On Friday night, you are ...
-[] Going to go have dinner at Mary and Marty's place and let them set you up with a blind date.
-[] Going to go meet up with the unidentified texter who congratulating you on defeating Lady Light, saying that you proved yourself worthy of the texter's gift. (UNLOCK B)
-[] Going out to the bar and getting very drunk with Blake.
-[] Going to try to track down the Silent Siren.
-[] (write-in)
[] Tell Jake that you're very sorry about all of the trouble. Keep gently pressing on the Tentacle Girl thing whenever it comes up.
[] Ask someone else to mediate between you and Jake.
-[] Lewis
-[] Alice
-[] Lewis and Alice (UNLOCK C)
-[] Blake
-[] Mary
-[] Someone from the court of the Crimson Emperor (UNLOCK D)
-[] (write-in)
[] (write-in)