Lumi Quest: Where Even Death Will Not Save You From Paperwork (Exalted, Sidereal)

You feel the gentle rocking beneath you. The steady creaking of the wood, the air upon your face. You drift back into wakefulness, though the memories of what came before are hazy. Something happening. Something...momentous.

You don't remember what, or how you got here, but the throbbing in your head and the dryness in your mouth and the way you can feel your tongue touching the roof of your mouth as you think about how it moves inside of your mouth and touches your teeth and you feel it like that means you have a hangover as well. You open your blurry eyes and see a face encircled by hair. It sees you, and grunts.

"Hey you. You're finally awake. Must have caught you eventually, hm?"

Your vision clears and you can see it is not a man, but rather a Celestial Lion that is on all fours and staring at you with what you can only presume is judgment. Lots of it.

The Lion trots off and sits at one side of the desk, opposite another of its number. You notice that you are in an office. A very nice office. If offices had an attractiveness, it would be spectacular, although not in the same way that a beautiful person or god is. It is well put together. Everything has its place. Every corner measured, every object perfectly set to maximize the feng shui. Even the curtains of the windows are opened to exacting degrees to let just as much moonlight in as needed.

But you are in a chair, very comfortable, and sitting in front of a desk. It is etched in starmetal, built from maple and mahogany, and unlike what one would expect of the Bureaucracy of Heaven, it is not covered in reports or paperwork. Rather, the only things upon it right now are a tea set, which the owner of the desk uses to sip tea. The owner you recognize.

He is old. He is the only Exalted you've ever seen to look old.

It would be unfair to call him your boss. It would be better to say he is the man your boss prays to for the fertility of his daughters.

Chejop Kejak, the leader of the Bronze Faction, the eldest of the Sidereals, sips his tea, and smiles. The smile does not reach his eyes.

"Good morning. It is 3 Ascending Air. You have been asleep since you were picked up, and care has been taken that the hangover you have is less severe than it would be otherwise."

You swallow, your throat dry.

"Prior to the last Calibration, you have been here for five years, and have been a boon to the Five Score Fellowship. Normally, you would have been given easy assignments, but the return of the Solar Exalted also meant the return of Solar Circle Sorcery, and so the Five Score Fellowship was otherwise occupied. You were given the task of managing Little Beam during the Carnival of Meeting."

Chejop sips his tea.

"What is the last thing you remember?"

You think. What do you remember, though the haze of hangover?

"I remember I was trying to convince Little Beam to accompany me to Creation to check on my brother." You furrow your brow. "I wasn't successful. He convinced me to try a drink he made, which was Celestial Wine with chunks of Celestial Peaches in it, like ice cubes."

You huff. "Celestial Peaches which I think he stole. Where is Little Beam, anyway?"

"Being punished." Chejop lets that hang in the air. "The Most High has asked for leniency. This indulgence has been granted, as this is the sole thing he has asked. But we are not here for Little Beam, Luminous Sky. We are here to discuss what you did during the Carnival of Meeting."


-------------------------------------

Welcome to Lumi Quest, Where Death Will Not Save You from Paperwork.

You are Luminous Sky, Chosen of Serenity, and you have been a member of the Five Score Fellowship for the last five years since you were picked up in the South following a previous year of adventuring with your Exalted adopted brother. It's complicated.

But more importantly, you are a bit of a rising star of the Fellowship due to actually liking paperwork, much to the horror of your fellows. Thus, you have volunteered to various tasks and sundries that the Sidereal Exalted normally believe beneath them, and this may have landed you into hot water.

But first! We need a montage.

During the Carnival of Meeting, you were given Little Beam duty, assigned to shepherd the Golden Monkey while all the other Sidereal Exalted were busy.

Were you a bad enough Entry Level Ninja to wrangle the Monkey King?

No.

You were not.

At one point, Little Beam convinced you to get black out drunk on Celestial Sangria. Our first choice is what you and Little Beam did during the Carnival of Meetings.


[ ] Belligerent Drunk Little Beam picked a fight with the Malfean Envoy and splattered them across a celestial highway. Malfeas is enraged and needs to send a new envoy. This is the default state of things, but still.

[ ] You and Little Beam broke into Luna's nature sanctuary and taught the savage beasts how to read.

[ ] Belligerent Drunk Little Beam tried to jack the Daystar. You helped.

[ ] Belligerent Drunk Little Beam stole the List of Creatures of Darkness and Enemies of Creation and declared Lytek a Creature of Darkness. This was quickly resolved, but still.

[ ] You stole the sigils of the God of Bad Disguises and God of Disguising Yourself Badly and switched them.

[ ] Belligerent Drunk Little Beam fought a Dragon King and awakened him.

[ ] You flagrantly abused your Social Charms to put the bureaucrats in charge of the Cerulean Lute.

[ ] Belligerent Drunk Little Beam and somehow got past the wards guarding the Primal Forge. You now have in your possession a rock. You do not know what the rock is or what the significance is, just that it came from the Primal Forge.

[ ] You did shots with Jupiter, the Maiden of Secrets, and learned something you shouldn't have.

[ ] Belligerent Little Beam and you snuck into the Loom of Fate with several bottles of Celestial Wine and got sloshed with the Pattern Spiders.


Choose four (4) actions that you and Little Beam did during the Carnival of Meeting. This will be important for later~

[X] You did shots with Jupiter, the Maiden of Secrets, and learned something you shouldn't have.

[X] Belligerent Little Beam and you snuck into the Loom of Fate with several bottles of Celestial Wine and got sloshed with the Pattern Spiders.

[X] Belligerent Drunk Little Beam tried to jack the Daystar. You helped.

[X] You and Little Beam broke into Luna's nature sanctuary and taught the savage beasts how to read.






The Old Man opens the folder on his desk and rifles through it. He cocks an eyebrow. "Let us see just what you and Little Beam were up to."


You shudder. You do hope it is nothing too embarrassing. Nothing too damning. Nothing that too besmirches your reputation with the Bureau of Destiny-


"It says here that you helped Little Beam in his attempt to steal the Daystar."


Oh no.


"The Daystar," the Old Man continues, "The Chariot of the Unconquered Sun. It says the attempt was unsuccessful, but that Nysala was...displeased."


He sips his tea. Lets the words hang. "Luna, however, is amused. Less amused by Little Beam and you breaking into her nature sanctuary and committing unspeakable acts towards her savage beasts."


A reed thin attendant made out of reeds comes by, placing a saucer with tea and cookies on the table next to you. You sip the tea, loudly, to hide the squeak.


"Unspeakable acts?" you ask.


The Old Man flips a page. "It says you taught them how to read. Mm. Of course, we have different definitions of what counts as 'unspeakable,' though I would avoid the Incarnae of the Moon for the meantime."


Luna knows who you are. Oh dear.


"It also says that you and Little Beam snuck into the Loom. With several bottles of wine."


His smile becomes a line. He glances at you. Then back at the folder. His brow furrows, a rare sign of concern crossing his normally stoic face. Reaching up, Chejop Kejak pinches the bridge of his nose before turning back to you.


"Mm. That may be a boon. We will revisit that later. Although, I am curious what happened when you went drinking with Jupiter."


Wait what. You stare at the old man. "I..." Your mouth feels dry. You sip your tea. "I don't remember."





The Green Garbed Maiden leans against you, giggling like a schoolgirl. Little Beam is passed out, several other passed out Pattern Spiders making a sort of pillow fort of spiders. You are yourself more than a little tipsy, or perhaps knurd.


Then Jupiter leans in and whispers in your ear in a drunken slur,


"Y'know, the God of Health, God of Peace, and God of Luck are running a fuggin scaaaaaaaaam up in the North!"





The Old Man stares at you. It is a gaze filled with judgment. So much judgment.


"If you remember it, be sure to think about whether or not it should be shared." He closes the folder. "So. Calibration is over. You have an assignment. Effective immediately."


The chair shifts. It carries you on tiny little feet, shuffling along as the table keeps up so you can finish your tear. The Old Man walks alongside you, holding his wrackstaff and humming to himself in bemused fashion.


"Sir?" you ask, "What is my assignment? Is this a punishment?"


"Of course it is. Examples must be made." The chair walks you out of the office, down the hallway, with the Old Man keeping up. As you finish your tea, the table retreats and you exit the building.


The skies of Yu Shan, the Celestial City, are bright with the Sun hanging overhead. Then the Moon. Then the Sun again.


"You will be given the Resplendent Destiny of a traveling Thaumaturge named Ryza. Your mission will be to investigate a Fate error in the East, where you will be sent."


You nod. "I understand. Do we know anything about the Fate error?"


"We understand it is obvious."


You must have traveled fast, because you find yourself sitting in front of one of the great Gates, the gold and silver woven stone before the tunnel of adamant. Six celestial lions sit in front of you. You stand up, bowing respectfully to the Old Man, and walk into the tunnel.








It takes moments to go from one end of the tunnel to the other. As soon as you set foot onto Creation's brown shores, it snaps shut. You turn to the Gate, to find it returned to a wooden overgrowth. A huff, and you turn back to your surroundings.


You see the trees of a forest in the distance, a valley you overlook. Rocks and boulders and trees as far as the eye can see.


You look over the horizon of the East, of the Scavenger Lands and Hundred Kingdoms, so far from where you were raised.


You look out into the distance, to get an idea of what the Fate Error is, what is so obvious.


Then you watch as Mount Metagalapa, the great floating mountain of the East, descends to the ground.


"Yeah that's probably it."





[]Start heading towards Metagalapa and figure out why it fell from the sky.


[]Assess your surroundings and look for civilization.


[]Write in.