SACQ RIDES AGAIN: BEADS AND BRASS EDITION (SV ver.)

[5] Try and pay in specie or some other asset from the treasury, though that'd probably run into issues, like what even is the fair value for the contract in gems?

"Miss Eilat," You say, as your mouth mangles the hissing English is built around, "would you be willing to accept payment in kind?"

"In kind?" She replies, confused.

"Yes, in gold, gems, or other precious objects." You say, patting yourself on the back for not offering slaves because we don't do that anymore, "I'm told that despite all the wonders of your world they still rule the hearts of men. I understand that we will necessarily have to pay more than we would in cash because of the complication involved, but if you would be willing to accept such an arrangement, I could easily pay for this order out of my own treasury."

Yrlia looks at you like you've lost your mind. Hughes is surprised, as is your brother in law and everyone else in the room aside from Miss Eilat. She instead has been put on the spot.

"I'll have to contact the head office for instructions." She replies. "I'm not even sure what a proper value for such a deal would be."

"Neither am I, Miss Eilat." You reply. "However, we will breach that issue when the time comes. So please take some time, contact your office, and respond when you have an answer."

"I think I'll have to take my leave now." She says as she backs toward the door, "I need to contact the office."

"Please do, and have a good evening Miss Eilat." You say, before turning to Hughes. "Now Agent Hughes, if we could continue our deal?"

The man nods, and then you continue your discussion. About an hour later a deal is signed and everyone retires from the conference room that might as well have been your throne room now to the much more comfortable lounge (but the downstairs working one, not the family one) for drinks. It wasn't as nice as Bear and Wyta's house, or what would be in the next palace, but it had electric lights, good couches, and baseboard heaters.

Which is where you and Agent Hughes drank a decent amount of wine, and he tried to explain baseball to you, and with it why the Seattle Mariners were the most interesting team to ever play a sport. Not good, not bad, but like the history of genuine talent that had ups and downs and never went anywhere. Until Yrlia went and interrupted you two and showed you a thing on her tablet. Specifically, the age requirements to go to SHOT Show in January.

"See, I'll be seventeen!" Yrlia says. "I'm old enough, so I can go to SHOT Show."

"I'm not sending a seventeen-year-old to shop for firearms." You reply. "You're too young, and the PR team hates me already. Also, I'm afraid to leave you unsupervised."

"You leave me alone with Chalcippe."

"And you're not unsupervised." You say, "Because she's a good influence on you, and you actually listen to her."

"So what if I have a chaperone? It's not like you have anyone else who speaks good English, reads English, and you trust. Plus, I'm already fully vaccinated." Yrlia says. "I could borrow Timmy or someone else to come with?"

"I'll think about it. Gods know we need to get machine guns as well." You reply. "Or at least something other than fifties."

"You probably should send someone to SHOT Show then, and it's hard to not eavesdrop when every third word is a loan word." Hughes says in English. "You've got a few months, and it's probably the best shopping opportunity you're going to get since everyone goes there."

"Does everyone there wear a polo?" You ask.

"I've never been." Hughes says. "You're probably right though."

"Could I wear a uniform instead?" Yrlia asks, now concerned.

"I don't see why not. Though you could just wear a suit." Hughes replies. "But don't just show up in woodland BDUs, have some class."

You and Yrlia look at each other. "We're going to need uniforms if we go." You both say at the same time.

Hughes laughs.

The next day, you do get an answer from Miss Eilat, and so the two of you, a lawyer, and some of your bodyguards are in the conference room. On the table are a few gold ingots, some gems, and that creepy Padparadscha Skull from the treasury. Specifically, the full size one with the eyes that follow you around the room.

She has a pretty simple answer even as she looks at the uncomfortably realistic, if orange, skull. "The home office advised me not to accept gold or gems directly. Even if gold is well, gold, valuing bullion and handling the complications are well outside our expertise." She says, trying to avoid looking at the skull and is instead focusing on the gold ingots. "However, the deal is still on if you sell the gold to the US Treasury, the Ministry of Finance or someone else."

That was reasonable enough. "We can certainly do that." You reply.

"Also, what's with the skull?" She says.

"It was one of the gems I wanted to try and sell off." You say. "My great-grandfather rescued it from a burning temple and brought it home with him. It's a single stone, and it's kind of uncomfortable to look at."

"Yeah, maybe talk to an art dealer about that one." Miss Eilat replies. "Or like loan it to a museum. Someone has to want that."

"Anyway, I talked it over, and it's going to be $320k for everything." Eilat said, as she produced a contract from a folder. "That's one hundred rifles, six hundred magazines, shipping and an armorers' course."

"Armorer's course?" You reply.

"For your armorers, to teach them how to repair and maintain the guns." Miss Eilat says.

"Oh, right." You reply before turning to Yrlia and speaking quickly in Meledli. "We have those right?"

"…I think so." She says before running off. "I'll go ask Svatafa."

"We have those." You say, returning to English.

So you end up signing the deal since you will have the money eventually, and then get to work assigning someone to sell that gold at market price. Miss Eilat also still refuses to just take the damn skull. Like everyone else you've ever tried to pawn it off on.

Anyway, with the rifles now all on order, and the gem skull unfortunately still in your possession, you have other issues to deal with. Including paperwork which you plan to spend the rest of your evening working on in your office. In peace and quiet where nothing can go wrong and no-one will bother you.

"So you still need machine guns." Timmy says after he barges into your office. "And a bunch of M240s is good enough, so you could just buy them."

"I want to go to SHOT Show to take a look around and compare things before we buy." Yrlia says, looking up from her tablet. "Maybe we could find something that suits our needs more than an M240?"

"What needs?" Timmy replies. "That it has to go on the back of a horse?"

"I was thinking it needs to be operated by someone who is illiterate."

"Have you met some of my boots?" Timmy replied.

"Also we might want to use it in indirect fire or for harassing during a siege?" Yrlia said.

"But why? Why would you want to when you can just spray the top of the wall and bring a ladder up or use a mortar instead? Where did you even learn about that?"

"Bear introduced me to Forgotten Weapons?"

"At least it wasn't more anime." Timmy said under his breath. "Anyway, why do you want to benchmark things? Is there something specific at SHOT Show you want to take a look at? It's not like we don't have M240Bs, Mark 43s and Mark 48s laying around on base you could look at? State would have to be involved, and it would probably be approved, but despite all the ceremony and bureaucracy involved, it'd probably be easier than sending a mission to SHOT Show."

"I also want to go look at optics and stuff and get a better idea of what else is out there." Yrlia says. "Plus, all the guns you guys have are probably a bit worn. I'd like to see something newer as well. And a comic book store, but that's beside the point."

"That's fine, but like nobody is going to take you seriously." Timmy says. "Nobody is going to take a sixteen-year-old girl in civvies seriously."

"So we get some uniforms." Yrlia says. "Which we need to do anyway. And I'll be seventeen."

Timmy looks at you with a mix of frustration and desperation. Yrlia looks at you with eyes full of hope.

[ ] Let's just compare whatever is in service here, and pick something from that. (Limited selection but you can go sooner, probably.)
[ ] Let's get something other than BDUs and traditional clothing to wear to SHOT Show, and shop for a bunch of stuff there. (You want to play dress up? This is how you play dress up.)

[-] Let's get something other than BDUs and traditional clothing to wear to SHOT Show, and shop for a bunch of stuff there. (You want to play dress up? This is how you play dress up.)

It's after dinner and you've fed your daughter and put her in her sleeping basket by your bed, her red hair and folded ears complementing the sheets you'd made for her, which were made of white polar fleece you'd decorated with red and yellow stars and formulae. It clashed with your room, but the woolen blankets and skins on your bed didn't go with anything American. Of course it was also warm and the sort of thing you'd wished you'd had for your other children, but that was neither here nor there.

Instead, as you laid down in bed while your husband prepared to join you, the two of you started to talk about your days. You definitely had the easier one, as supervising the royal household was something you could and did just switch off with your mother in law, and for the most part Cirta handled day to day stuff. So you were if anything only busy with Floppy and setting out some requirements for the new palace complex. Your dear husband on the other hand was now stuck in meetings and dealing with forms piled so high atop his desk that you could barely see his hair and shaved scalp out above it.

"So Yrlia really wants to go to earth for a gun show." Your husband says, getting to the latest issue as he undid his braid for the night.

"And that's bad why?" You reply, as you open your book for the evening. "She is getting to that age."

"What age?"

"Where a Yrcen woman wants to crush her enemies, to see them driven before her, and to hear the lamentations of their men." You reply. "Sheti told me about it."

"Sheti?"

"Yes, it was when she came to pick Nauta up after she left her with us for a range day." You replied. "She's actually pretty nice for a half-feral barbarian. I can see why Wyta likes her."

"I don't think any of the maids ever said anything like that." Your husband said. "And the issue is that the Americans won't get that. They think she's a child, not a trusted aide and fledgling warrior. So that's a major problem with her going. Also she'd probably run off to a comic book store and spend her expense account on knives, manga and anime."

"But you're still going to let her go if she remembers?" You reply.

"Honestly, they probably wouldn't let me go, and I can't leave here for long anyway, so she's my best option." He says. "Svatafa is a too nice for it, and everyone else isn't fluent. If she's there with a minder it won't be so bad though."

"So you need a way to make them take her seriously?" You said, as you flipped a page.

"Yes." He replied. "So we're thinking we need dress and service uniforms for everyone."

"Service uniforms?"

"Those things my brothers in law wear when they aren't in camo." He responds as he climbs into bed.

"So the blue outfit and the green one?" You asked. "But not the ones with all the gold they wore at the weddings?"

"Blue outfit?" Your husband asks. "I thought it was grey."

Oh right. He's colorblind. "Since this is going to involve the maids, and you have enough on your plate, why don't I take over that?" You reply. "So you can focus on the more important organizational and administrative operations. We'll talk it out occasionally, like we do the proposal for the new palace complex."

"Please." He says, as he looks at you. "If you could."

"I'll do my best." You reply. "Now what are you reading tonight?"

"That new Ha-Joon Chang book." He replies. "What about you?"

"Harry Potter." You reply. "Wyta said it was some major Earthican religious text, but I'm not really getting it."

"How so?"

"I just don't have the cultural context for it, but it doesn't feel like it instils good morals or like has a deep message or anything. They seem too obsessed with competition." You reply. "It's not the sort of thing I'd like our children reading."

"Must be some cultural thing then." Your husband says.

"Probably." You reply. "I might give up on it and go back to reading Sailor Moon or just go to sleep."

"That's fair." He replies. "I'm probably going to finish a chapter before I go to sleep."


The next day you, Kirte, Queen of the Meledli, set to work selecting a board to help you make a decision on what the new uniforms for the your husband's personal retinue, the maids, and the soon to be established army should be. As Chalcippe is going to be moving to Metella soon, Yrlia is unavailable. To help with the connotations side of things, the PR firm the Americans forced you to contract with is sending Mr. Thomas MacCulloch over to sit in on meetings.

PICK THREE people for the commission.

CIRTA GOSEGHAD, Chief Nanny and a bodyguard for the royal family.
PROS: Cat Person, Fanatically loyal, End User.
CONS: Color Blind, Easily Bribed by Family Members, Illiterate in English.

TIMOTHY WALKER, LT USMC, married to your sister in law, temporarily assigned to your government as an observer.
PROS: Literate and Fluent in English, Brother in Law, Wears Uniforms.
CONS: American, Not that Great in Meledli, Limited Availability.

AN-WYTA AEDETHEIR-BEAR, your sister in law and self-proclaimed goddess.
PROS: Literate and Fluent in English, Earthaboo, Familiar with American Clothes.
CONS: Married to An American, Expensive Taste, Complains About The Wi-Fi.

SJO GOSEGHAD, one of the maids and your personal attendant.
PROS: Cat Person, Pretty Kitty, End User.
CONS: Illiterate in Meledli, Function-Focused, Bad Accent.

ARTASH SEVEN FINGERS, One of your husband's personal men, and a veteran warrior.
PROS: Loyal, End User, Experienced Fighter.
CONS: Does Not Speak English, Mechanically Inept, Mostly Illiterate.

SVATAFA, Your husband's lover, a veteran warrior and the most attractive man in town.
PROS: Loyal, Conversational in English, End User
CONS: Human Golden Retriever, Has A Suspicious Wife, Illiterate in English.

[5] AN-WYTA AEDETHEIR-BEAR, your sister in law and self-proclaimed goddess.
[4] SVATAFA, Your husband's lover, a veteran warrior and the most attractive man in town.
[5] SJO GOSEGHAD, one of the maids and your personal attendant.

If there's any issues with assembling your team, it's waiting on the PR guy to come through and to the capitol, since everyone else is either in the palace or your sister in law, whose husband just bought her a car and taught her how to drive.

So you wait a week until Thomas MacCulloch arrives. He's a small American with unassuming features for an American, Narrow face, weak chin, small nose, slim build, the works. Which, with his well-tailored suits and ties is a massive change from the rest of the team who are barrel chested and pretty normal, even if your sister in law and Sjo do have more delicate features than average.

So the five of you sit around the downstairs lounge while you talk. MacCulloch is a bit put off by the informality at show, but with four of the five official members being from the royal family or immediate retainers formality would be more a hindrance than a help. The sixth member, Floppy, is currently asleep in her sling with her head on your chest, while your sister in law's daughter does the same with her mother.

"So," You say. "I figured we'd start out with what we want from a uniform to set some concrete criteria."

"Is this going to be for the full dress or service dress uniforms?" MacCulloch asks.

"I don't see why we can't do both for now." You reply. "Since we need both. I'll be recording this, so you'll go by rank and then I'll finish up."

Taking her cue, Wyta scoots back slightly and props herself up on her couch, before adjusting her sweater to keep it from stretching out. "I'm going to focus on dress uniforms." She says, "I don't know enough about everyone else's needs for a service uniform, but I think I get what would look appropriate for a dress uniform. We should probably go with something black, since everyone has a skin or fur color that should complement it, and that's the most formal color on earth. Also, any shirt or jacket should have a standing collar, and we should maybe make rank visible through sleeve and collar embroidery that can incorporate distinct branch colors and patterns, plus everything else."

"Branch colors?" Svatafa asks. "Shouldn't we maybe make the uniforms more distinctive than that?"

"We could. I figured, aside from making the uniform for the maids something cute like an Earthican maid outfit, we can play with shape a bit as well. There's no reason why we can't make the different branches have different shaped insignia if they have the same arrangement or whatever." Wyta replies.

"That's reasonable." Svatafa says. "Insignia should be pretty easily determinable for someone colorblind. Otherwise, I want a dress uniform in as flattering a cut as we can make comfortable for extended wear and just around the palace. Also it should have a sword belt and a sword for the people allowed one, like officers and bodyguards."

"What about everyone else?" Wyta asks.

"They're peasants or whatever, it doesn't matter." Svatafa says. "They can just have a belt."

Sjo shrugs. You already know her opinion on swords versus sap gloves, no doubt informed by her stature.

"As for a service uniform, honestly it needs to look good, be comfortable in the office and flexible, so we don't have a full-blooded maid overheating in long sleeves and a jacket. If this means only having rank on the collar or whatever, I'm fine with it." He continues. "Plus, we have to think about the weather, and if we go somewhere else in uniform, like to Earth, or over the wall of the world or into the southern kingdoms."

"But are we going to go anywhere but earth?" You ask.

"Probably." Svatafa says. "We could at least enforce all of our claims with the new army, or launch more effective campaigns against the hill tribes after a raid."

"But won't you be in BDUs for that?" Sjo asks. "Service dress is for around the palace, right?"

"Any administration out there will also have to wear service dress as well." Svatafa says.

"Yes, but how well it performs in the mountains isn't a major concern." Sjo says. "As opposed to say, having a separate underlayer and rain shell for a jacket, and an adequate number of pockets."

"What is adequate here?" Svatafa says.

"I want to fit a knife, my gloves, a phone and snacks in my uniform." Sjo replies. "Plus there should be at least a maternity version for us, which should probably be the only one with a skirt instead of pants. It's not like there aren't three or four maids showing at any given time."

"You don't like skirts?" Wyta asked.

"There's too much to grab onto. It's fine for around children, since they like to cling to them, but it's a handhold in a fight. Plus, pants with a tail hole just look better even if they have to have a false front or something." Sjo said before looking you in the eye. "And I want to be comfortable, taken seriously and not look like someone's doll. I really don't want to wear an earthican maid outfit."

"Honestly, if it's worn around the press, a uniform needs to look respectable." MacCulloch says through an interpreter. "That means no cleavage, no nazis, no fetish gear, and fewer medals than a dictatorship or General Petraeus. Also maybe the service dress should include ties, but that's not a problem with a standing collar."

"What do you mean by fetish gear?" Svatafa asked.

"Thigh high boots, maid uniforms, leather, PVC and latex coats, jackets, pants and other garments outside of functional designs, cupless corsets, and anything else worn more for titillation than practical effect." MacCulloch replies. "Which is really important because congress already thinks you're a bunch of perverts, and all the pornography isn't helping it."

"Hey, that built my house and pays your salary," Wyta says.

"And that's the problem. Half your economy is sex work." He continues. "If it wasn't, I wouldn't give a shit if you wanted to put everyone in heels and fishnets. But I am paid to make sure you don't turn into fucking Thailand with cat girls and I will do my job."

So what do you want?
Vote By Plan. Pick One from each category
Maids.
[] Putting the maids in maid uniforms would actually be cute. Especially Sjo.
[] Catgirls in suits? Catgirls in suits.
Collars
[] Everything should have a standing collar.
[] We should go with ties for service dress.
Branch Insignia
[] We can vary Color and have distinct rank insignia on dress and service uniforms.
[] We should only vary color on dress and service uniforms as there will be enough to remember already.
Rank Embroidery
[] Sleeves and Collar Only
[] Sleeves Only
[] Collar Only
[] No rank-related embroidery.
Service dress
[] Service Dress uniforms should be flexible, and vary based on season, weather, and skin type.
[] Uniforms need to be mostly uniform. Outside of maternity wear we can and should just handle everything with a coat.