Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest

Hazō probably wasn't stalking Mari.

True, he was secretly following her through the woods in flagrant violation of her desire for privacy, but the secrecy was mostly from the rest of the clan (particularly Noburi, who was currently at a loose end and might well be looking for him), and the desire for privacy had not been stated so much as inferred from her wandering away from the estate and… never mind, he'd make it up to her later. For now, he needed her advice, and he might go mad if there was another major interruption before he had a chance to ask. Or maybe he'd gone mad already, and that was why he was secretly following her through the woods in flagrant violation of her desire for privacy.

In any case, if an elite jōnin who'd long since proved her wilderness survival skills really wanted to be left alone, there wouldn't be any tracks for him to follow. Yes, he'd keep telling himself that.

In the event, he finally spotted that camouflage-wrecking red hair hanging off a branch of one of those thick-rooted, heaven-piercing trees that the Fire Country people took for granted (and that made the Mist ninja's jaws drop when they first saw them on their journey to the Swamp of Death).

"Hey, Mari! Mind if I join you?"

"If you can get here in thirty seconds without using seals or chakra, sure!"

Hazō could distinctly hear the smirk in Mari's voice. This particular tree was uncannily smooth on its bottom part, the branches (and any helpful irregularities on the trunk) only starting partway up. As he studied it to plan his approach, a squirrel on one of the lower branches paused to gaze mockingly at him with its beady eyes before disappearing into the leaves. It probably wasn't a chakra squirrel, but if it was, then Mari only had herself to blame for delaying her reinforcements.

After twenty-nine seconds of increasingly desperate climbing, Hazō was able to confirm Mari's continued survival (chakra squirrels killed swiftly and silently, so there would have been no screaming to tip him off). She was lying back on a fairly slim branch, lazily tracking the movements of a hawk in the sky above.

"Practicing ornithomancy, Mari?" he asked jokingly.

"It was a tip from Keiko," Mari said. "If you'd told me a year ago that she'd be the one telling me ways to relax, I wouldn't have believed you."

"And what have your divinations uncovered?"

"That I'll be going in circles for a while yet," Mari said with ironic resignation. "Still better than dendromancy, which tells me that I'll be standing still for the foreseeable future, or ouranomancy, which is just making me feel blue. I was going to try hypnomancy before you turned up."

Hazō nodded as if he knew all of those words.

"Is there such a thing as divination by chocolate?" he asked. "Because I happen to have something for you…"

He tossed her a small package, aiming it just out of her reach, by way of revenge.

Mari instantly sprang into action. Pushing off the branch sideways, she swivelled around so that she was stretched out perpendicular to it, only a touch of chakra adhesion from the balls of her feet keeping her from plummeting towards the distant ground. She reached out, caught the package just before it disappeared, then let gravity swing her down and forward, letting go of the chakra adhesion right before it would have left her standing vertically off the bottom of the branch. As the momentum carried her back towards the trunk, she grabbed the nearest branch with her free hand, and swung herself all the way around that, landing at her original position in a backwards somersault.

"Chocolate, you say?" Mari said as if nothing had happened. She began to unwrap the package.

"Fresh from Kuro's," Hazō declared. Kuro's prices being what they were, even a clan head wouldn't make this kind of gift too often. In fact, in the long term, it might be cheaper to buy the cocoa-producing islands and develop his own chocolate industry. He made a note to do that when the Gōketsu budget allowed.

"All right," Mari said after a second. "What have you done this time?"

"I haven't done anything… that would be made up for by giving you chocolate," Hazō said with inescapable natural honesty. "It's just a gift to thank you for all the help you've given me and generally being a great person."

"Oh, so it's a bribe," Mari concluded, generously not analysing the statement. "Mmm, cherry. Hazō, you are now officially my favourite person. So what are you bribing me for?"

"I need your advice," he said after a second's hesitation.

"If this is about you and Leaf's hundred sexiest lingerie brands, you've come to the right gal," Mari said gleefully. "Honestly, Hazō, you should have asked me for tips earlier. There's no shame in enjoying the softer things in life."

Hazō gaped. "How…? Why…? You didn't even see Ami before she left!"

"Noburi told me," Mari said. "Pre-emptively. Good instincts, that boy."

The Revenge on Noburi Counter, incrementing gradually over the last few months as these things did, had reached a critical point. His brother's suffering would be legendary.

"I am not interested in Leaf's hundred sexiest lingerie brands," Hazō said firmly and dishonestly. "I wanted to talk to you about Akane."

"So it's like that, is it?" Mari asked, brushing back her hair to undo the pernicious effects of gravity from earlier. "I wondered what would happen to you two at O'Uzu."

Hazō stared at her. "Are you saying you knew about O'Uzu? And the Great Spirit stuff?"

"Sure," Mari said. "Every Mist seduction expert's been there on a training trip at least once. Good times." She gave a slow, satisfied smile.

"And it didn't occur to you to mention this before we went there?"

"Nope," Mari said unrepentantly. "Any tactical data I've got is nearly a decade out of date, and there's no doubt in my mind you kids benefited a lot from seeing O'Uzu without preconceptions. Case in point—you and Akane."

Hazō was tempted, very tempted, to launch into a rant about withholding mission-relevant information. He resisted. For now, that wasn't time-sensitive. The issue with Akane was.

"We'll come back to that, Mari. But about Akane…" he hesitated.

"She… Akane…" He tried again. "She…"

"She wants you two to get back together," Mari concluded.

"How did you know?"

"I have eyes," Mari said. "Two, in fact, and they work perfectly fine even if they apparently won't stay one colour.

"How do I even coordinate around that?" she added. "I'm going to need a wardrobe the size of an Akimichi pantry.

"Anyway, these treacherous eyes of mine can see the way you two look at each other, even if you can't. I've broken enough hearts in my time to know exactly what 'I want to get back together' pining looks like. Now you're about to ask whether it's a good idea or not, as if I didn't get in enough trouble for playing love kami first time round."

"If you don't want to…"

"Nah," Mari said. "Just taking the opportunity to grouse. You go ahead."

"All right," Hazō said, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, which were many, and scattered all over the place like goats fleeing a chakra cabbage outbreak.

"Do you remember why Akane and I broke up to begin with?"

"You spilled the beans about Elemental Mastery to the other Leaf teams, thereby taking her for granted, showing no interest in her own feelings or preferences, and treating her like an extension of yourself," Mari said unsympathetically.

"That," Hazō agreed. "Well, she says I'm getting better."

"You are," Mari said after a second. "You've been paying attention to people's needs and feelings for their own sake a lot more. Don't think she's the only one who's noticed."

"Right," Hazō said. "But is that really enough? I mean, obviously I want to get back together. Obviously to you, at least. But I'm starting to get a better grasp of the other things she had on her mind back then. Like the power differential. Back before she was adopted, when I was the Hokage's son and she was still a carpenter's daughter, it was definitely weighing on her, and that has to be even worse now I'm her clan head and it's my job to give her orders she can't refuse. That goes for the extension thing too—right now, it's my job to steer the clan, and that means what she does with herself has to be based on my choices.

"In fact, the more I think about it, Mari, the more I start to wonder if this is just about her relationship with me. She said that when she was a child, with her long-term illness, she was the complete opposite of who she is now: gloomy, pessimistic, not having many friends and not really making the effort to engage with the people around her."

For a second, it occurred to Hazō that young Akane had a marked resemblance to present Keiko, while according to Snowflake, young Keiko had a marked resemblance to present Akane.

"She didn't change," he went on, "until she met Rock Lee and found a purpose. That's when she turned into the Akane we know now—alive, passionate, brave, loving, unfaltering, radiant." He blushed fiercely as he saw Mari's eyebrows rise at that last word, but it was exactly the right word, so he forced himself to press on.

"But when I look back at our time together, I feel like she's always been looking for a purpose, and she's always been pushing herself too far for it. When we met, she wanted to be my apprentice in the name of Youth, and she nearly gave her life for me even though she barely knew me. Then it was the team, and you remember how she nearly killed herself just because she didn't want to slow us down. Whether it's Youth, or me, or us, or Uplift, or Leaf, whatever she's loyal to, she's loyal to the point of desperation.

"The more I think about it the more that seems… sad, and unfair. She's the most amazing person I've ever met, and she keeps acting as if her life is worth less than everyone else's. As if she herself is worth less than everyone else. And that's wrong. It's stuck in my mind how when I first confessed to her, she told me she wasn't good enough for me. How is that possible? How can a girl like her not be good enough for anyone? How can somebody so strong, and so positive, even believe something like that?"

Mari didn't say anything.

"So even though I do really want to get back together with her, I don't know if this is just about me. No matter how much I respect her and her agency, I don't know if that's enough if she doesn't see herself as somebody whose preferences matter, and whose agency matters, and who has all the value in the world no matter if she's a carpenter's daughter or the Sage himself. Me seeing her as my equal isn't good enough if she doesn't see herself as my equal too. And I think a relationship has to be between equals. Her father told me that, what feels like a lifetime ago."

"My little Hazō's all grown up…" Mari murmured. "Almost."

"What was that?"

"I said I was glad you've been thinking about these things," Mari said. "And since you've successfully bribed me, I'm going to give you the benefit of my wisdom.

"First off, yes, there's a power differential between you two. There always will be, and for as long as you're clan head, it will be there between you and whomever you marry—unless it's another clan head, and I'll be honest with you, I have no idea how that works. Never seen it happen.

"So if you decide that you're not going to have a romantic relationship with Akane because of this, then you're deciding you'll never have a romantic relationship with anyone unless it's Ino or Hinata. Or an older woman like Inuzuka Manaka, I guess, in which case you'll have a whole different set of issues. You could also step down and make somebody else clan head. I'm not convinced it would be a good idea—in fact, it would definitely be a bad idea—but people do stupid things for love all the time and the world keeps turning. Trust me, I'm an expert."

"What kind of stupid things have you done for love?" Hazō found himself asking.

"Relatively few," Mari said, "as that would involve loving people. But making people do stupid things for love is literally in my job description.

"The flip side of the coin is that if you marry Akane, that makes her clan consort, which is the highest post it's physically possible for her to reach in Leaf without taking over the clan, founding her own, or becoming Hokage. Looking at Keiko and Shikamaru, it's pretty clear that a head-consort relationship doesn't have be dominant-submissive—at least unless you're into that sort of thing, in which case more power to you, and I can recommend some excellent shops."

Hazō gave her his finest "Really, Mari? Really?" look, which predictably bounced off without making any impact.

"The other thing, though…" Mari said meditatively. "I can't say you're completely wrong, but I can't say you're completely right, either. Relationships should be between equals, and seldom are. I went into my marriage with Jiraiya with enough self-esteem issues to make Akane look like an enlightened sage. I don't regret it."

She paused.

"Not for a moment.

"You can't put love off until a convenient future when everything fits together neatly. Nobody has that kind of lifespan. That said, if you just dive in blindly, you get hurt, and you hurt people. Exhibit A.

"If you want to be with Akane, and what you want is to deal with the obstacles in the way, then all I can do is give you the most clichéd and useless romantic advice that has ever been given by one human being to another."

"Which is?" Hazō asked warily.

"Be yourself."

"You're right," Hazō agreed. "That is pretty useless."

"And by 'be yourself'," Mari went on, "I mean do the two things you do best: clear communication and planning. Talk to her. Say the things you've said to me. Figure out what she needs—together. Figure out how to get it—together. And for the love of cherry-flavoured chocolate, make sure it goes both ways. Neither of you is perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and when it comes to interpersonal relationships, Akane is the most mature girl her age I've ever known. If I'd been anything like her at that age, I would probably be ruling the Elemental Nations by now. Or rather, enjoying the world's largest, least dysfunctional harem while my minions of choice ruled the Elemental Nations for me.

"Actually," she reflected, "that's still an option. Hazō, conquer and rule the Elemental Nations for me. I'll start working on the harem."

"I'll get right on it," Hazō muttered.

"Mari," he said, "do I even have the option of marrying Akane and making her my consort? Or do we—does the clan need me to marry politically? In your honest opinion."

"Gōketsu Mari Teaching Number Sixty-One," Mari said immediately.

"All power is interchangeable," Hazō recited. "Certain forms are just more efficient for certain purposes."

"Right," Mari said. "I'm sure there are some really good matches out there somewhere whom it would be great for the clan if you married. I'm also sure that there are lots of other ways our up-and-coming clan can get power without it. We're not in the kind of dire straits where we need the immediate power boost from a political marriage, and in practice, no one would want to marry you if we were.

"Realistically, the best thing we would get out of you marrying politically is reputability. That's the main resource we lack. We're not poor, and we're not weak, at least proportionally. But we're traitorous foreigners who have claimed parity with the loyal champions of Leaf using the authority of a man now dead, and have spent our less-than-a-year in existence promoting radical ideas that threaten the establishment, while having our clan head nearly executed for treason. I don't think even marrying Hinata, heir to the Hyūga tradition of village pride and blind conservatism, would put enough of a dent in that."

Hazō should have felt relieved at that. In fact, part of him did. But the idea that it was fine for him to marry Akane because the Gōketsu's reputation was that unsalvageable was a heavy one. Even though he knew it was all an inevitable consequence of how the clan was founded, and who they were, and the demands of Uplift which he would not for a second consider leaving unfulfilled because of public opinion, some part of him felt that he was letting Jiraiya down in his management of the clan the patriarch had left in his care.

Something to angst over another time. Was there anything else he wanted to talk to Mari about?

"There was something else I'd been meaning to ask," he recalled. "When did Akane start training with Tsunade? Was it something that happened when we were away for the Chūnin Exam Finals?"

"Oh, yes," Mari said, completely seriously. "She challenged Tsunade to a battle to the death, and won."

"She what."

"Apparently, they had a disagreement over my treatment, back when I was… after I talked with your mother. Tsunade told Akane to back off. Akane refused. Tsunade had to stop her through force, but I guess Akane impressed her enough that she pulled her punches. Once Akane recovered, they started training together, on and off. You'd have to ask her for the full story."

Hazō was lost for words.

"She challenged Tsunade to a fight."

"Pretty much."

"Tsunade, who has absolutely no mercy for people who cross her."

"Yup."

"Tsunade, who is legendary for what she does to people who get between her and her patients."

"That's the one."

"Was she insane?!" Hazō exploded.

"She was Akane," Mari said resignedly. "You said it yourself. To her, her life is worth less than other people's."

"This is unacceptable," Hazō growled. "Thanks for all the advice, Mari. You're absolutely right. Akane and I need to have words."

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