Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest
- Thread starter eaglejarl
- Start date
-
- Tags
- naruto rationalist romance armageddon is looking better and better damn you kishimoto explosions everywhere explosives solve everyone if in doubt surrender to the mercy of zabuza it seemed like a good idea at the time looks like a really bad case of being a jōnin my god. where does the lore end? precommitting is the winning plan screaming in kagome screw the rules i have explosives something bad might still happen sometimes you gotta sociopath stabby zabby subsection c of paragraph 9 should include we can weaponize this so hard open voting
- Location
- how about no
The only pertinent questions Hazou needs to be asking right now are:
- What are Orochimaru's goals?
- What is Oro apparently currently willing to do to accomplish them?
- How can we figure out the previous two questions without severe political consequences nor death/disinterest by S-ranker?
We also need to start formulating a proper response to Oro after we talk with our clan members. We'll need the information from the previous paragraph in order to make an informed decision, but ideally we want to inspire Oro to cooperate in a more ethical manner than he has probably previously done so.
Does he care about his self image in Leaf? Appeal to his reputation to convince him to not consider abducting Leaf/Fire citizens and how it would be better for him if he limited himself to only death sentenced criminals and possibly captured enemy combatants.
Does he want to expand his jutsu collection (we do have evidence of this based on his offer to adopt all of us into a clan of his making in exchange for the Pangolin stuff)? We should try to find ways to set up a quid pro quo scenario where we give a technique for a technique.
Is Leaf a convenient source of resources for him or does he actually want to live here and make it his home again? We might be able to gain some insight by talking to Tsunade or anyone else who knew him before he left the village, preferably people who know more about his younger years.
Is he even in any rush? After all, he did survive a battle amongst S-rankers so he might very well be functionally immortal now and we know that he's been developing memetic threats so he's probably innoculated against those threats too.
These later questions will have to be asked and answered in question in a later update, imo. The immediate concern is moving all of the people in the compound, ensuring their safety, and utilizing them for our own purposes. Then we can have our nice talking meeting with our family to see if they are interested in pursuing the possibility of reforming Snake Uncle or if they want nothing to do with him. If we have time for a third scene it could be Hazou asking the tower to discuss what can be legally done WRT our housing situation, whether its reimbursement in cash or an equivalent property or something else entirely.
- Location
- Yes.
Repeating my question from earlier, not sure if it was answered.
@eaglejarl @Velorien @OliWhail Where is the clan compound located next to the Forest of Death, exactly? From the first quote, it seems that the FoD is located outside the city wall, but that would mean the clan compound is also located outside the walls since it has to be right next to it and surrounded by it on both sides?
There are more than one walls?
- Location
- Yes.
I mean, you could always write a plan that has Hazou try to download the Toad Scroll as well.
Come to think of it, getting Taken Out socially means that we agree/act according to whatever Took Us Out, so we might be able to be an actual Prophet Of The Out by fully sinking ourselves into the Out's wants and desires.
Assuming Sensei is Orochimaru than T&I at least know of their relation
- Location
- Yes.
...right, but my concern was that Hazou had no idea of the relation, and couldn't argue to grab Anko for the conversation without going wonkily-OOC. My solution, therefore, was to let Mari figure out such an individual, and since Mari and Anko are close she'd grab her.
Or Tsunade, who is also a good choice for this kind of conversation. Though Tsunade might not be available on such short notice.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
No, we can't.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Uh...well...
Right! Yes! This, exactly. Obviously. Honestly, faflec, I don't know how you didn't recognize this perfectly clear and obvious fact that was completely clear and obvious from things that have previously and in a well-considered manner been deliberately said by the QMs. While speaking seriously and with no attempt at humor, since jokes don't actually count as WOG.
Oh, actually, maybe that's the source of the confusion that is absolutely and 100% on your side because we are definitely not wrong or forgetful. Yes. Clearly one of the quotes you gave was just a joke and therefore doesn't count. Clearly.
[ ] Ω/π
I know you can't give us OOC information and I never expected you to, but you should had known what you think is hard to write, seems exciting to do, etc. Constant feedback is how the hivemind will improve their planmaking.
- Location
- The Maple Syrup Mountains
[X] Plan: Duty to the Clan
After hammering out some streamlining with kiba over the discord, I prefer this plan over Jello's, despite Jello having more detail.
After hammering out some streamlining with kiba over the discord, I prefer this plan over Jello's, despite Jello having more detail.
Cariyaga
Handsome Gentleperson
- Location
- United States
I don't have the time or headspace to write such a plan myself, but I'd vote for a plan that argued that we should let Orochimaru join the clan and/or make alternative offers that leave him his agency while allowing him to be part of the clan.
Added a note about folks under us deserving protection.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
EJ-1: This planmaking thing looks like fun, but I'm a QM so I'm not allowed. :sadbird:
EJ-2: Screw that! We are mighty! We do what we want!
EJ-1: Be quiet! You're the dumb one who always wants to get us in trouble. "Go skydiving," you said. "It's an adventure," you said. Pah!
EJ-3: Guys, guys, relax. We can all win here if we work together.
EJ-2: I'm not working with him! He called me dumb...wait, hang on, we can win?
EJ-3: Yeah. See, all we have to do is get Prime to write a meta-ish intro that makes it look like a joke, and then he can write a plan--
EJ-2: Or several!
EJ-3: Write a plan, except it will actually be a terrible idea. Something that might well get them killed.
EJ-1: Ooooh! Can it contain commentary that's full of lies and red herrings?
EJ-3: Sure, why not?
EJ-1: Sweet!
EJ-1+2+3: HEY, PRIME! THIS IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS CALLING! YOU NEED TO WRITE A PLAN!
EJ-2: Or several!
EJ-1+3: Hush!
[x] Snakes are flammable
EJ-2: Another plan! Yayyyy!
[x] Screw it, we're out
EJ-2: Screw that! We are mighty! We do what we want!
EJ-1: Be quiet! You're the dumb one who always wants to get us in trouble. "Go skydiving," you said. "It's an adventure," you said. Pah!
EJ-3: Guys, guys, relax. We can all win here if we work together.
EJ-2: I'm not working with him! He called me dumb...wait, hang on, we can win?
EJ-3: Yeah. See, all we have to do is get Prime to write a meta-ish intro that makes it look like a joke, and then he can write a plan--
EJ-2: Or several!
EJ-3: Write a plan, except it will actually be a terrible idea. Something that might well get them killed.
EJ-1: Ooooh! Can it contain commentary that's full of lies and red herrings?
EJ-3: Sure, why not?
EJ-1: Sweet!
EJ-1+2+3: HEY, PRIME! THIS IS YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS CALLING! YOU NEED TO WRITE A PLAN!
EJ-2: Or several!
EJ-1+3: Hush!
[x] Snakes are flammable
- Thoughts:
- Teammates rub off on each other. Jiraiya and Tsunade both respect(ed) strength, both strength of character and martial strength.
- Orochimaru does not respect us and he needs to see that as a mistake
- Hiashi cannot afford to let Orochimaru kill us
- Kagome and Hazō are two of a handful of Leaf sealmasters than can make skywalkers
- He's on the brink of war; he cannot allow Leaf ninja to be killing each other
- Immediate actions:
- We are not asking for or accepting input. Everyone can do as they're told or GTFO
- Keiko, you should head back to the Nara estate. You don't want to be here right now. (If she argues, explain that it wasn't a request.)
- Choose 2 of the senior "branch-family" ninja ("Alice" and "Fred") who live on the grounds. Delegate:
- Alice, get all the games-night guests off the property ASAP
- Fred, here's a stack of storage seals. I want everyone off the grounds in 30 minutes, civilians and ninja. Have everyone's stuff in a storage seal within 15 minutes; do it fast, we'll sort it out later.
- Once everyone is packed up, move them to a designated spot that is not in sight of the Nara estate grounds but is ~5 minutes walk from it
- Tell the team that they've got 10 minutes to put all their stuff in a storage seal, along with every high-value item they can grab from the house.
- Write a note, stab a kunai through it to pin it to the inside of the front gate: "Don't ever do that again. --H"
- Once everyone is off the grounds, break out the Youthenizers and burn the house to the fucking ground. Use massive overkill and don't bother warning Oro. Surviving is his whole schtick.
- Meet up with our peeps, inform the Nara that they'll be putting us up for the night.
- In the morning:
- Send Mari to the Tower to collect the money that the Tower owes us for the illegal sale. They can pay in cash or they can get us title to one of the two other properties that we looked at when we were house hunting before.
- Contact Naruto and ask if he'll help us prep the new property.
- Get in a room with Shikamaru, Keiko, and hopefully some other people. Explain the circumstances of our dispossession and formally petition Shikamaru, as our brother-in-law, to help us get back on our feet.
- Go get the house set up and have Kagome start installing defenses
For tonight, Shikamaru is in the position of having to tie himself closer to us by sheltering us and protecting us if/when a pissed-off Orochimaru shows up, or betraying the bonds of family and violating the Will of Fire by literally kicking us out in the cold. Oh, and we have no idea what you're talking about with regards to a house fire. Did you knock over a lamp, Snuncle?
Tomorrow, Shikamaru has to formally respond, in a public setting, to our request for help in recovering from a major disaster that is not our fault. Failing to do so has social cost. Doing so means that there will be Nara ninja publicly helping us, meaning he can't distance himself anymore. His best course of action is to go all-in by allying himself tightly with the Gōketsu and getting the most benefit possible from the forced move of assisting us.
Tomorrow, Shikamaru has to formally respond, in a public setting, to our request for help in recovering from a major disaster that is not our fault. Failing to do so has social cost. Doing so means that there will be Nara ninja publicly helping us, meaning he can't distance himself anymore. His best course of action is to go all-in by allying himself tightly with the Gōketsu and getting the most benefit possible from the forced move of assisting us.
EJ-2: Another plan! Yayyyy!
[x] Screw it, we're out
- Thoughts:
- Jiraiya's dead
- Tsunade is untrustworthy and/or not around
- Orochimaru is psychotic
- All of our stuff just got ganked
- Screw it, we're out. This isn't worth it
- Actions:
- These are orders, not suggestions. We are not asking for or accepting input.
- Send Kagome and Akane to break into a paper shop and clean them out of every scrap of seal-quality paper they have. Leave enough money to generously overpay. After you've got it, meet us at the Nara estate
- Noburi and one of the older and more charismatic civilians go to the Tower. The civilian posts a mission: "Me and a bunch of my friends are homesteading to this location near River. We want to hire ninja for a month to escort / protect us. Here's the money." Noburi 'just happens to be there' and snags the mission for us and our "branch-family" ninja
- Meet our peeps, escort them up to the gates of the Nara estate. Explain to the guards that we've just been dispossessed of our home by Orochimaru and we're playing the "my sister is your clan head's wife" card in order to get housing and supplies for all of us for the evening.
- Once everyone has a hot and a cot, explain the plan to the gathered peeps: We're leaving Leaf and starting a new settlement on that land we bought around the iron mine. It'll be uncomfortable for a few weeks, especially for the civilians, but they'll have dozens of ninja protecting them and working alongside them to build new homes. The Merchant Council can go fuck themselves and we'll be using jutsu and seals to make a crapton of money, using some of the civilians as a front to launder the goods back into Leaf and/or other locations. Within a few months we'll all be fabulously wealthy and we intend to spread the joy to everyone, civilian and ninja alike
- The Gōketsu can stay indefinitely; it's our land and we're able to base our clan estate anywhere we want
- The KEI ninja will need to return to Leaf after the 1 month duration of the 'mission' is up. If they want us to, we can send someone back to post another 'mission' and immediately hire them again.
- Everyone is free to come and go from the settlement at any time and they aren't obligated to stay
- Anyone who doesn't want to be part of this doesn't have to. You'll need to stay here on the Nara estate until after we're gone in the morning but we'll give you enough cash for a couple days at an inn
- Ask around among the crowd for what goods we should acquire to pull this off. Acquire them. Break into places, take what we need, leave money to cover it plus generous extra.
- In the morning, as soon as the gates open, GTFO and head down to our River-adjacent land.
- Location
- The Void
- Pronouns
- She/Her
[x] Snakes are flammable
- Thoughts:
- Teammates rub off on each other. Jiraiya and Tsunade both respect(ed) strength, both strength of character and martial strength.
- Orochimaru does not respect us and he needs to see that as a mistake
- Hiashi cannot afford to let Orochimaru kill us
- Kagome and Hazō are two of a handful of Leaf sealmasters than can make skywalkers
- He's on the brink of war; he cannot allow Leaf ninja to be killing each other
- Immediate actions:
- We are not asking for or accepting input. Everyone can do as they're told or GTFO
- Keiko, you should head back to the Nara estate. You don't want to be here right now. (If she argues, explain that it wasn't a request.)
- Choose 2 of the senior "branch-family" ninja ("Alice" and "Fred") who live on the grounds. Delegate:
- Alice, get all the games-night guests off the property ASAP
- Fred, here's a stack of storage seals. I want everyone off the grounds in 30 minutes, civilians and ninja. Have everyone's stuff in a storage seal within 15 minutes; do it fast, we'll sort it out later.
- Once everyone is packed up, move them to a designated spot that is not in sight of the Nara estate grounds but is ~5 minutes walk from it
- Tell the team that they've got 10 minutes to put all their stuff in a storage seal, along with every high-value item they can grab from the house.
- Write a note, stab a kunai through it to pin it to the inside of the front gate: "Don't ever do that again. --H"
- Once everyone is off the grounds, break out the Youthenizers and burn the house to the fucking ground. Use massive overkill and don't bother warning Oro. Surviving is his whole schtick.
- Meet up with our peeps, inform the Nara that they'll be putting us up for the night.
- In the morning:
- Send Mari to the Tower to collect the money that the Tower owes us for the illegal sale. They can pay in cash or they can get us title to one of the two other properties that we looked at when we were house hunting before.
- Contact Naruto and ask if he'll help us prep the new property.
- Get in a room with Shikamaru, Keiko, and hopefully some other people. Explain the circumstances of our dispossession and formally petition Shikamaru, as our brother-in-law, to help us get back on our feet.
- Go get the house set up and have Kagome start installing defenses
Last edited:
Dissonance
Luna's Luna
- Location
- Ginnungagap.
- Pronouns
- S/H/T
Pluralposting is appreciated. <3
[x] Snakes are flammable
[x] Snakes are flammable