Onmyodo Monogatari (Japanese Heian-era fantasy)
- Thread starter Magnusth
- Start date
- Fantasy Historic
-
- Tags
- hubris somehow japan wizard
- Location
- PA
hooo...Uhh...Okay.
Waka 57577 hunh... Refer to gardens, love to girl.
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in! The format is Waka, that is, 5 syllables, then 7, then 5, then 7 and 7, or 5-7-5-7-7. It must include a reference to the gardens around you and it must be a love poem for the girl in front of you. As usual, the poems are as good as your character is, not as you are, though your theme and general sentiment does matter.
-[X]realm of the dew,
-[X]a garden of two anew
-[X]the flowers view
-[X]girl sits across from boy
-[X]with love, to make a toy
...cynical for a kid of 9 or so and something said kid in this culture probably will either laugh at or look at with a quirked eyebrow but, thankfully, this exact poem is not coming out of MC's mouth I think.
Waka 57577 hunh... Refer to gardens, love to girl.
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in! The format is Waka, that is, 5 syllables, then 7, then 5, then 7 and 7, or 5-7-5-7-7. It must include a reference to the gardens around you and it must be a love poem for the girl in front of you. As usual, the poems are as good as your character is, not as you are, though your theme and general sentiment does matter.
-[X]realm of the dew,
-[X]a garden of two anew
-[X]the flowers view
-[X]girl sits across from boy
-[X]with love, to make a toy
...cynical for a kid of 9 or so and something said kid in this culture probably will either laugh at or look at with a quirked eyebrow but, thankfully, this exact poem is not coming out of MC's mouth I think.
- Location
- USA
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in! The format is Waka, that is, 5 syllables, then 7, then 5, then 7 and 7, or 5-7-5-7-7. It must include a reference to the gardens around you and it must be a love poem for the girl in front of you. As usual, the poems are as good as your character is, not as you are, though your theme and general sentiment does matter.
A new Gardenia
It lies mirrored in the pool
Escaping the sight
Of the freshly gathered bunch
Yellow camellias just clipped
Heavy handed as heck, doesn't flow and symbolism kludged in. Ugh.
A new Gardenia
It lies mirrored in the pool
Escaping the sight
Of the freshly gathered bunch
Yellow camellias just clipped
Heavy handed as heck, doesn't flow and symbolism kludged in. Ugh.
- Location
- Leeds
I don't think it needs to rhyme.
- Location
- Germany
The smug bastard inside of me kind of wants to try to accomplish both proporsed goals by using a bit of doublespeak. Arguably somewhat of a jerk move towards the girl in front of us, but she's hopefully not going to even notice. I also just want to challenge myself to see if I can actually manage to do something fitting, so there's that.
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in, as above! Don't downplay your ability, but pick your symbolism/imagery in a way that it sounds like ordinary high quality love poetry to the crowd, but Tomiko can pick up a second meaning referring to her.
-[X] A blooming garden
Nourished by a silent lake
Beneath the surface
Remains the eternal warmth
Born of graceful amber rays
And here I am eating my words about subtlety in poetry already.
So what I figure, at face value the blooming garden is a pretty simple stand in for love (and hopefully enough to cover the garden theme, I mean, the imperial garden has to have at least a pond/lake, right? We just came from one after all. How strict are poetry themes anyway?), the pond bit can be read as being about depth of emotion and restraint in showing in accord with the current culture. The double speak comes in with the "beneath the surface" also standing for a hidden meaning in general and the lingering warmth being for lasting emotions instilled not by the current situation/girl but in this case by Tomiko.
There's also a couple of allusions to the poetry the two exchanged back at Itsukushima, like remaining warmth, the amber rays and the lake bit, to tip Tomiko off.
So hopefully that works and if not, we're basically just back to making a poem for the girl in front of us instead of anything that would backfire beyond that.
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in, as above! Don't downplay your ability, but pick your symbolism/imagery in a way that it sounds like ordinary high quality love poetry to the crowd, but Tomiko can pick up a second meaning referring to her.
-[X] A blooming garden
Nourished by a silent lake
Beneath the surface
Remains the eternal warmth
Born of graceful amber rays
And here I am eating my words about subtlety in poetry already.
So what I figure, at face value the blooming garden is a pretty simple stand in for love (and hopefully enough to cover the garden theme, I mean, the imperial garden has to have at least a pond/lake, right? We just came from one after all. How strict are poetry themes anyway?), the pond bit can be read as being about depth of emotion and restraint in showing in accord with the current culture. The double speak comes in with the "beneath the surface" also standing for a hidden meaning in general and the lingering warmth being for lasting emotions instilled not by the current situation/girl but in this case by Tomiko.
There's also a couple of allusions to the poetry the two exchanged back at Itsukushima, like remaining warmth, the amber rays and the lake bit, to tip Tomiko off.
So hopefully that works and if not, we're basically just back to making a poem for the girl in front of us instead of anything that would backfire beyond that.
- Location
- Southern Virginia
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in! The format is Waka, that is, 5 syllables, then 7, then 5, then 7 and 7, or 5-7-5-7-7. It must include a reference to the gardens around you and it must be a love poem for the girl in front of you. As usual, the poems are as good as your character is, not as you are, though your theme and general sentiment does matter.
In it to win it. Anything less would be disrespectful to everyone concerned. Anyway, how does this sound?
A vivid lily
sways gently in the pure breeze
of a summer morn;
The garden's fragrant path
draws me in as a sweet dream.
In it to win it. Anything less would be disrespectful to everyone concerned. Anyway, how does this sound?
A vivid lily
sways gently in the pure breeze
of a summer morn;
The garden's fragrant path
draws me in as a sweet dream.
- Location
- US
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in, as above! Don't downplay your ability, but pick your symbolism/imagery in a way that it sounds like ordinary high quality love poetry to the crowd, but Tomiko can pick up a second meaning referring to her.
-[X] A blooming garden
Nourished by a silent lake
Beneath the surface
Remains the eternal warmth
Born of graceful amber rays
-[X] A blooming garden
Nourished by a silent lake
Beneath the surface
Remains the eternal warmth
Born of graceful amber rays
Hard to do that without the ability to judge the presented poems!
- Location
- Leeds
[X]: Compose a poem! Write in, as above! Don't downplay your ability, but pick your symbolism/imagery in a way that it sounds like ordinary high quality love poetry to the crowd, but Tomiko can pick up a second meaning referring to her.
-[X] A blooming garden
-[X] A blooming garden
The Twentieth
- Location
- Denmark
You compose your poem on the paper before you. It's cheap paper, certainly, but paper nonetheless, and you take great care with the ink and brush to write on it, as you write your poem. I don't want to compose anything of lesser quality, this, while not life-changing, still an important social event and it can't be heard that you are a bad poet after all! you have to show people your skill. You include references to Itsukushima, however, because you don't want to come on too strongly in front of Tomiko, our... Girlfriend? is she your girlfriend?
Do you think of Tomiko as your girlfriend?
[ ]: Yes
[ ]: No
Write-ins are not possible here! I'm not asking you if you're confident that Tomiko is your girlfriend - I'm pretty sure you'd all vote 'i'm not sure' if I asked you if she was, but I want to know if you think of her like that. You're welcome to clarify your response though.
In any case, you don't want to cause her any distress, so you try to include subtle hints that only she would get. You watch the garden around you and think back to your time with her at Itsukushima, the beauty there, the amber rays, the delicate sunshine, and you put that into your writing.
A blooming garden
Nourished by a silent lake
Beneath the surface
Remains the eternal warmth
Born of graceful amber rays
You write it down, carefully, and wait; you fold your hands in your lap and smile at the girl in front of you, who smiles back sweetly back. "I'm Hana," she says. The word means 'flower'. "Looking forward to- " she stops, as the judge speaks up again.
"No More talking," the judge says. "I see you have all finished your poetry! very well! Now, from the top, please!" she says, and gestures to the boy nearest her, who clears his throat and nervously begins reciting.
Unfurling flowers
Dancing in the...
He finishes his poem, then gets bright red as the next person begins reading his, then the next, until you get to you. You smile, sit up straight, and read your poem aloud. You see Tomiko looking nervous, with trepidation, but she perks up and smiles once you reach 'remains the eternal warmth,' and the people around you cheer politely once you finish. Once every boy has finished, the girls compose their response. You sit and wait, as you see the girl before you bite her lip and chew her tongue slightly, clearly trying hard as she writes. Eventually, she puts down her brush, the last of the girls to do so, and the process starts again, with the girls.
From beneath the lake
A lotus-stalk rises High
dew-dropped and perfect
Glimmering like streaking tears
Rolling down my happy face
That poem gets her a round of polite applause as well, and Tomiko goes next. She winks at you before reciting her poem, responding to one about sunlight.
Sunlight shines brightly
Illuminating the heart
Rising like a river
Overflowing with True Joy
From the heart revealed to it.
This also gets her a round of polite applause, and the round continues. The next thing, the girls make a poem again, this time for you to answer. The girl before you, Hana, takes her time again, but her next poem is no less bold, describing a flower blooming with love at the sight of the moon; and you make one in response, about the moon rising to meet a flower. Eventually, after much poetry and much reciting, your side, the boys, are declared the winners, and you get to run and get some candy, which was the prize here. As you stuff your face with dried fruit, a boy comes up to you, about your age.
"Hi," he says. "I'm Akahito. I'm Hana's brother?"
"Hi" you respond. "I'm Kogitsunemaru! pleased to meet you." you respond, and bow.
"Listen, my sister really liked your poem, and I did too! We plan on going to the river tomorrow and watch a show on the barges there. Do you want to come?"
What do you respond?
[ ]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
[ ]: "Unfortunately, I am very busy tomorrow. Please ask me later?," which essentially means 'no'
[ ]: Unfortunately, I can't. Come up with a plausible excuse that doesn't carry the implication that you're just being polite in turning him down. Write-in the excuse!
[ ]: Something else? Write in!
Do you think of Tomiko as your girlfriend?
[ ]: Yes
[ ]: No
Write-ins are not possible here! I'm not asking you if you're confident that Tomiko is your girlfriend - I'm pretty sure you'd all vote 'i'm not sure' if I asked you if she was, but I want to know if you think of her like that. You're welcome to clarify your response though.
In any case, you don't want to cause her any distress, so you try to include subtle hints that only she would get. You watch the garden around you and think back to your time with her at Itsukushima, the beauty there, the amber rays, the delicate sunshine, and you put that into your writing.
A blooming garden
Nourished by a silent lake
Beneath the surface
Remains the eternal warmth
Born of graceful amber rays
You write it down, carefully, and wait; you fold your hands in your lap and smile at the girl in front of you, who smiles back sweetly back. "I'm Hana," she says. The word means 'flower'. "Looking forward to- " she stops, as the judge speaks up again.
"No More talking," the judge says. "I see you have all finished your poetry! very well! Now, from the top, please!" she says, and gestures to the boy nearest her, who clears his throat and nervously begins reciting.
Unfurling flowers
Dancing in the...
He finishes his poem, then gets bright red as the next person begins reading his, then the next, until you get to you. You smile, sit up straight, and read your poem aloud. You see Tomiko looking nervous, with trepidation, but she perks up and smiles once you reach 'remains the eternal warmth,' and the people around you cheer politely once you finish. Once every boy has finished, the girls compose their response. You sit and wait, as you see the girl before you bite her lip and chew her tongue slightly, clearly trying hard as she writes. Eventually, she puts down her brush, the last of the girls to do so, and the process starts again, with the girls.
From beneath the lake
A lotus-stalk rises High
dew-dropped and perfect
Glimmering like streaking tears
Rolling down my happy face
That poem gets her a round of polite applause as well, and Tomiko goes next. She winks at you before reciting her poem, responding to one about sunlight.
Sunlight shines brightly
Illuminating the heart
Rising like a river
Overflowing with True Joy
From the heart revealed to it.
This also gets her a round of polite applause, and the round continues. The next thing, the girls make a poem again, this time for you to answer. The girl before you, Hana, takes her time again, but her next poem is no less bold, describing a flower blooming with love at the sight of the moon; and you make one in response, about the moon rising to meet a flower. Eventually, after much poetry and much reciting, your side, the boys, are declared the winners, and you get to run and get some candy, which was the prize here. As you stuff your face with dried fruit, a boy comes up to you, about your age.
"Hi," he says. "I'm Akahito. I'm Hana's brother?"
"Hi" you respond. "I'm Kogitsunemaru! pleased to meet you." you respond, and bow.
"Listen, my sister really liked your poem, and I did too! We plan on going to the river tomorrow and watch a show on the barges there. Do you want to come?"
What do you respond?
[ ]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
[ ]: "Unfortunately, I am very busy tomorrow. Please ask me later?," which essentially means 'no'
[ ]: Unfortunately, I can't. Come up with a plausible excuse that doesn't carry the implication that you're just being polite in turning him down. Write-in the excuse!
[ ]: Something else? Write in!
Astra Myst
Do you want a wish?
- Location
- Milky Way Galaxy
[X] Yes
[X]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
Remember, bros are important
E: I require more reading comprehension
[X]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
Remember, bros are important
E: I require more reading comprehension
Last edited:
- Location
- Germany
[X]: Yes
Given that we're supposed to put our foot down here, yeah. With "saving my most emotional poetry for Tomiko" presented as a valid concern last update, I'd actually be more surprised if Kogitsunemaru doesn't consider her like that at this point.
Given that we're supposed to put our foot down here, yeah. With "saving my most emotional poetry for Tomiko" presented as a valid concern last update, I'd actually be more surprised if Kogitsunemaru doesn't consider her like that at this point.
Oh yeah, if we're going by interaction with the dude, there isn't really much of a question. I think the "problem" is more that he seems to be indirectly asking us out on behalf of his sister, which is just a tad awkward after what just happened.
- Location
- St. Petersburg
Slipped into 1st person there... although the 2nd one could be just a mistype.
[x]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
- Location
- Denmark
To be clear, society does not expect monogamy from you or Tomiko, or at least they won't when you're adults.
But, I mean, Tomiko still has feelings and might not appreciate you flirting with other girls, and you've both read endless amounts of poetry about men and women pining for a lover who has other lovers or who has set them aside, etc.
- Location
- Germany
Oh yeah, I'm not worried about us commiting any great social taboo or anything like that. Just considering that the situation might turn out somewhat more awkward than hanging out with a bro.
Which reminds me, questions: Is anyone else coming or would it just be the three of us?
[X] Yes
[X]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
[X]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
- Location
- Denmark
You ask him!
"We were planning to go alone, but you're welcome to bring a friend," he replies, and winks.
- Location
- Southern Virginia
[X] Yes
[X]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
A broader circle of friends and more varied interactions would be welcome. As it is we've mostly just honed in on Tomiko, so giving an opportunity to some others is a needed change of pace. Also while Tomiko is in the waifu stakes so to speak, it's still very early and the expectations of Heian society are, as noted, very different; since so much of the appeal of the quest is the setting we should definitely keep that in mind too.
[X]: Yeah, sure! I'd be happy to!
A broader circle of friends and more varied interactions would be welcome. As it is we've mostly just honed in on Tomiko, so giving an opportunity to some others is a needed change of pace. Also while Tomiko is in the waifu stakes so to speak, it's still very early and the expectations of Heian society are, as noted, very different; since so much of the appeal of the quest is the setting we should definitely keep that in mind too.