It's a cold morning, the day after Rill dies. The leaves have long since fallen off the trees, twisting, turning till they -
You close your eyes, and take a deep breath. The air stings your throat, your lungs. Yes. Good.
You have a class in the morning. You have a class in the morning that you have to TA for or you will be fired and you will be out of the Academicus on your ass. Rill -
You stop yourself before you can tell yourself what Rill would want. Let her bones speak for her if they can. You're not going to - start using her as a gourd to whip yourself with. She - you don't deserve that.
Gods that thought feels selfish. But she said something once, and - trying to hold the shape of her in your head, you can't do it. Even though it feels like letting her die again, you have to leave her behind. Let what she's left behind speak for her.
... shit, you've just been staring at the damn branches and brooding and at this rate you're going to be late. No time for breakfast, just grab your damn institutional suitcase throw on a baggy T-shirt jeans parka scarf boots go.
Not for the first time, you find yourself cursing the damn campus layout. All the grey stone buildings look the same, blending in with the natural rock and the cloudy sky, and all of them are way too damn large and there aren't any decent footpaths and Rill is dead. And instead of having any time to grieve you have to pretend you didn't know her so you don't get fired from your godscursed job and have to move back in with your family. So much for December Morning-Glory.
You stomp into your classroom only five minutes late, your temper even fouler than usual for eight in the morning. Marching through your slides with military efficiency, you make damn sure not to make eye contact with Valerie in the back row. There are dark circles under her reddened eyes, and you know that if you meet her gaze for too long you'll both break down in tears, so you can't. You can't, you can't, you can't.
You stab the board with the chalk, and it snaps: you just adjust the leftover half and keep going.
After an eternity, you finally growl out "Any questions?": your hour's lecture seems to have somehow become thirty minutes long.
Nobody dares ask for help. Great. That'll look good on your next student review.
... nobody except Valerie, who raises her hand with hardly a tremble. You know better than to take her brave act at face value, though: she's forgotten to wear her class ring today, and one of her overstarched uniform cuffs has come undone.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," you grunt.
-----
It's not until five in the evening that you all manage to all get together in the same room. Ishmerai's office hours, as usual, all f- all four of you crammed into her room.
Ishmerai's calm and composed and her skin looks just the right color and her hair looks just like hair. Valerie is spooky-quiet. Kira... is in full idol-witch costume, and appears to be trying to disassemble her battleaxe's handle.
Nobody is looking at the empty chair.
"So," Valerie finally says. "Plane crash."
"Yeah."
"And did they - "
"It was over the Atlantic," you cut her off. "They think it was a midair breakup. So no. They haven't found her body. But she's dead. It's been over thirty-six hours. If she somehow survived the landing, she's died of hypothermia by now."
Hexxy's fingers tighten on the handle of her axe. "But she's Love, she could ward through it -"
"Off-campus," says your traitorous mouth. "If she'd had her magic, she'd have just... kept on flying. Held the plane together. Called for help. Something. She'd be here by now."
Despite yourselves, both you and Valerie look at the door.
It doesn't open.
"I hate to say it, " ventures Ishmerai, "but December's probably right."
"Fuck," Kira swears. "Why'd it have to be one of us that actually had a half-decent family?"
"My family's not that bad -"
"Nobody wants to hear it, Valentine!"
"Valerie!"
"FUCK YOU TOO!"
Ishmerai slaps the table, and everyone jumps. "Both of you. Out of my office. Now."
You raise a warding hand. "Professor, they just -"
"Don't 'Professor' me. You too, get out. I need space."
You leave. Kira looks like she wants to argue, but Valerie takes her hand and she shrugs and sighs and nods and follows.
You go find your own corner. Nobody likes a third wheel.
------
There's a memorial service, for her and two other students you didn't know. You don't go. Anything you could say would only sound trite, and - and you don't want to read her eulogy, not with the voice you have now. She deserves better.
Valerie tells you later that Kira read it.
You should've gone.
-----
You all end up gathered in the campus bar about a week later, early on a Tuesday morning when nobody else is around and Kira can be your bartender without her manager breathing down her neck. By unspoken agreement, you sit along the bar rather than getting your usual table.
You knew she wasn't coming back, but... it's been a week.
It's been a week and it's like she's just, still off somewhere having Thanksgiving with her parents.
Kira looks at the three of you, and raises her glass. There's only one toast on everyone's lips.
"To Rill."
Everyone takes a slug of their drinks, and Kira doubles over, coughing. Straight whiskey might've been a bit much for her.
She catches your smiles, and glares at the round of straight Coke she's dealt you all. "Bunch of lightweights. Rill's dead, you're allowed to have a fucking drink."
Ishmerai covers her glass with one hand. "I'm quite uninhibited enough already, thank you."
"December?"
You shake your head. "No, thanks."
"Valerie?" Her voice is almost pleading, now.
"- you know, what the hell. Make me a girly drink. Something with strawberries in it."
Kira smiles, and ducks down behind the bar. "Coming right up!"
"So," you say. "I guess this is the wake, huh?"
"Not enough drinking for a proper wake yet!", calls Kira from behind the bar. "Isn't a real wake until someone throws up and or cries on somebody else."
"I'll drink to that," you say, and take another gulp of your coke. "But it's not going to be me."
"Spoilsport," Valerie huffs. "Now it's me or Kira, and you know I'm a cheap drunk."
"Yeah," you counter, "But Kira doesn't know how to pace herself. She's already had a shot of whiskey and it's, what, n-"
The whine of the bar blender cuts you off, Kira grinning pointedly at you as she holds down the lid. You roll your eyes, but nod: score one for the Idol girl.
A few moments later, she slides a strawberry daiquiri across the bar to Valerie. "On the house," she says. "I haven't used my gift drinks for this month yet."
Valerie just stares at it. You know exactly what she's thinking: Kira got the pink of Rill's hair just right.
With an air of finality, she takes the glass, and raises it. "To Rill," she says. "The best and brightest of us. May she be Licensed in heaven."
Ishmerai clinks her glass against Val's. "To Rill," she says. "The best student and kindest girl I've known."
Hexxy adds her own. "Rill," she says. "May all things be made whole."
"Rill," you manage. "And everything she's left undone."
You all drain your glasses, even Val.
In the silence that follows, you stare into the ice at the bottom of your coke.
"...it's stupid," Val says. "I keep thinking about - how she died. Falling, surrounded by people she couldn't help -"
"Flying girl dies in plane crash," Ishmerai jokes. "Film at eleven."
Valerie stares at her.
"Sorry," she says. "I'm too old. Coping mechanism. I'll just shut up."
Despite her youthful features, she really does look old right now. It's something about how she slumps, the way she sets her jaw. You don't think you've ever seen her looking so tired before.
"It's wrong," you say. "And yeah, it is stupid. You know Rill, she would've kept trying to fly until she hit the water."
Kira passes you another Coke. "Yeah, that was her."
"I remember once she asked me if I needed her to shop for anything for me, you know, because of the - " you gesture down at yourself. "I hadn't even told her, but - just all on her own, she clocked me and decided to help. That was her."
Valerie plays with her straw. "Yeah. She kept asking me questions, so I got annoyed with her sometimes, but - then she went and baked me fucking cookies. Who does that?"
"Rill," Kira says, and takes another drink.
"A damn fine girl," you say, and drink as well.
Everyone stares at you.
"- I told you all I came from Texas, I don't know what you're looking at me for - "
Kira giggles. "It's just - that was pure, grade-A cowboy there. Sometimes I still forget you were raised as a guy."
"Ugh, don't remind me."
Ishmerai raises a finger. "- mind if I break in?"
You shake your head. "Not at all."
She nods. "Rill was - truly a remarkable girl. Aside from her natural talent, she always threw herself into everything she did. Not stupidly, not recklessly - she just saw that a job needed to be done, and did it. She was kind, compassionate, and even though she could be idealistic at times she was never stupid about it. She was the kind of person who gives you hope for the world, because there are still people in it who genuinely care."
She takes a sip of her refill.
"- yeah, she - "
"I'm not done yet. She was strong. Really, genuinely strong, and less naive than I think any of you saw. She would talk to me sometimes about all the things she thought were broken in the world, from the grey drabness of the university campus to the way that Licensing is done to the fact that people need to sleep. She wanted to fix it all. Everything, every last thing in the entire world. That's impossible, of course, but - she meant it when she said 'all things will be made whole.' You can't take a Magical Girl oath you don't believe in wholeheartedly."
"Could she have?", you ask.
Ishmerai meets your gaze levelly. "She was smart, she was strong, she was wise enough to pick her battles, and she was going to be immortal. As much as anyone can take on the world and win - she had better odds than most. Still low. The world's huge, and even she didn't really see how broken it is. But - better than most. Definitely better than most."
You nod into your Coke.
"She had the drive and the passion too. That's rare: most students don't really care about magic for magic's sake, they just want to know what they can do with it, but - she really wanted to learn. She wasn't afraid of mishaps or backlash, she wanted to know everything there was to know. Did you know I was giving her flying lessons?"
Everyone blinks. "Wait," Val says. "Are you telling me she could actually fly?"
"Yes," says Ishmerai. "I thought I already said that?"
"I thought you were just being an ass like always!"
Kira rubs the bridge of her nose. "So what you're telling me is that Rill literally died of a plane crash she could have flown away from."
"Yes."
"As far as land?"
"Yes. I meant it when I said she was very strong."
"So," you say, as something goes clunk in your brain. "The Veil killed her."
Valerie scowls. "Isn't there an exception for self-preservation?"
Ishmerai shakes her head. "Not in front of an entire airplane there isn't."
"She could've - jumped out, kept flying - "
"Do you really think she got that lucky."
"...No. No, I don't. She'd be here by now."
"Yes."
"Correct me if I'm wrong," you say, "but fuck the Asterium."
Everyone raises their glass.
"Fuck the Veil too."
Everyone takes another drink.
"We're fixing this."
Everyone nods.
-----
The plan you sketch out on a napkin is stupid and reckless and takes far longer than it should, but it's the best one you can think of. You'll swear an oath together on Rill, not a magic one that could be detected but a real one, and then you'll go your separate ways. You'll erase the associations between the four of you in the campus database, and all of you will work to find the highest places you can in the Asterium. If you have to communicate, Ishmerai will handle it, but you can't right now. Not for the next few years at least.
There are only two real ways to take down the Veil. One is the slow, political way, through horse trading and cultural prodding. It's how Rill would want you to do it. But - it's just not a topic that's up for debate. You'd be seen as revolutionaries, which is fair, because you are. Nobody hires a revolutionary or entrusts them with titles.
The other way is fast and violent. A coup, or a Veil break so big it's impossible to cover up, even with all the Asterium's resources. Ishmerai has contacts: you don't ask where from. But it might be possible. Of course, you'd be executed for treason or terrorism if you failed, so you had best succeed on your first attempt.
Either way, what you need to do now is clear: get more resources. Two college students, a TA and a professor does not a revolution make, no matter how scarily competent the professor. ("Even the Weather Underground got a few hundred recruits," says Ishmerai. "Even if they were mostly college students.")
The exact wording of the oath takes a few days more to work out, but between Kira and you, you find the words. You swear it over a broken pentagram in a disused classroom over lunch, and that's that. Now you just have one simple task left over.
-----
Just like their morals, the Academicum's computer security is still stuck somewhere in the sixties. You almost can't believe it when an incredibly basic SQL injection works first try. Aren't Computers supposed to be Duty's domain? Sure doesn't seem like it, given how easily you just promoted yourself to a full Professor.
You stare at your own file. This is what you are to them. Name: Frederick Silversmith. Alias: December Morning-Glory. Magic: N/A, with the helpful note that it's because you're male.
Just like Rill's file. "Undergraduate. (Deceased.)" No note, no explanation, no fucks given.
They don't deserve to even know her fucking name.
Your fingers dance across the keyboard.
Add Alias: Your records suck and your code is shoddy.'); DROP TABLE students;--
You hit enter.
There. Now Rill is gone and you are gone and the other two students who died are gone and Val is gone and Hexxy is gone and every single god damn student that they don't give a fucking shit about is gone.
You look for Rill's record again, just to be sure.
Zero hits.
Good.
Now then, to clean up after yourself.
A slight smirk jumps to your lips as you type the command.
Add Alias: I fixed them for you. No need to thank me.'); DROP TABLE staff;--
And just like that, the staff database is gone as well. So your permissions ought to be gone, since the database that gave you them has been wiped -
Yeah, trying to access your own file just gives you a permissions error, since you now have no permissions to view anything whatsoever.
You log out.
Only then does it hit you that you've deleted the entire Academicus staff and student database. Everyone's grades, everyone's salaries, everyone's everything - gone, poof. Oh, it'll be restored from backup eventually, but this is going to be a shitshow.
A shitshow that you used your own account for.
Fuck.
[ ] Walk away slowly and pretend this never happened. You can claim someone else stole your password.
[ ] Try and get access to an admin account so that you can delete the logs of your misdeeds.
[ ] Try and trash the backup server as well, so that they can't figure out who has user ID 11009735.
[ ] Computers are in your domain, and Truth ought to be good at restoring lost records. Try and fix the problem yourself before anyone notices anything more than a temporary glitch.
[ ] Go to Ishmerai for help. She'll know how to fix this.
