Fate/Off the Rails (and onto hiatus again)

OOC: If anyone can read Greek. I'm so sorry if it makes you cringe but in my defense I used google translate.

[X] Create illusionary clones of Lancer to confuse him

I gathered prana around me as I prepared another spell. A heavy duty job needs a heavy duty spell. This one's gonna take a longer chant, about a full second. Lancer and Berserker are moving at speeds that rival jet planes. One full second is like a week long vacation to them. In a single millisecond several dozen trees have already been uprooted from the ground, in a single millisecond about 26 tons of dirt, grass and whatever organic material laid in the ground have been displaced with craters appearing in their place, in a second millisecond, a vacuum had been made by the mighty wild fists of the Berserker enough to snap a tree in half all on its own.

Even so... "Ω, μεγάλη προστάτης Κίρκη..." Lancer survived this long against Berserker. "...Σας καλώ..." She'll definitely survive another full second! "Ξεπλύνετε τα μάτια αυτού του παραβάτη!"

Lancer made a mistake. She took a back step not knowing she would find herself backed up against a tree. If she was any stronger she could've just brute force her way through the tree but she never was a servant made for strength. She was a fast servant, as she is right now she could probably run from Rin's place to a store on the edge of Shinto and back again in under 10 minutes. At this very moment it would take her a second to be surprised and another second to move away from the tree and get back to dodging. That two seconds of delay were what allowed Berserker to punch her top half off her waist along with the tree that she backed into. She fell to the ground unceremoniously, her corpse fading into purple particles.

The mad warrior having done his job turned his eyes towards the Humvee surrounded by the Dead. Gunshots and explosion flashed into the night as the stench of dead bodies started to reach even Berserker. Before he could begin his charge he saw something in the corner of his eyes. Despite his mind having been reaped of its functions, the instincts remained intact. He felt something was wrong. The madman spun around, trying to catch whatever had been in the corner of his eyes. The sight was almost comical, it was like a mutt trying to find its favorite chew toy after its owner had thrown it out a helicopter and into the Amazon forest. If an actual dog owner did that then they're an ass.

There he saw it. In the distance was the black Lancer. She looked as if she hadn't fought at all. Her pleated skirt still pristine and her long purple hair with red streaks lacking any dirt or dust as it swayed in the wind. Even her breastplate and gauntlets seemed like they've just been polished a while ago by an enthusiastic squire. With another roar he charged full force at her. In the dark of the night- no, even in daylight anyone would've simply mistook the brown blur as a trick of the mind if the loud, beast like roaring didn't somehow alert them.

Lancer simply stood there as the madman punched through her breastplate as if the metal didn't matered at all. His arm stuck out of her back, her beating heart in his hand. He crushed it, just like that. Lancer fell limply to the ground. Something was wrong.

Turning around he saw another Lancer, this one partially hidden behind a tree. Another Lancer appeared, this one peeking from out from the hollow shell of a fallen log, even the normally mindless Berserker raised an eyebrow at the sight. Another Lancer was sitting on a branch high on a tree, swinging her legs like she was a playful child. Another Lancer appeared, and another, and an another, another, another, another.

They were everywhere. Berserker didn't thought much of this, he didn't wonder why there were so many Lancers, he just did his usual thing. With a roar he charged at the closest Lancer to him. With a wide swing he decapitated the Lancer before him, with crude transition he moves on to another Lancer, gutting out her intestines. He leaped from the ground, grabbing one of that Lancers that were in the trees and smashing her into the ground as he fell. The Lancer army took that as their cue, leaping into action as they all tried to run away from him.

This was a war, a one madman war against the army of seemingly infinite Lancers. Anyone could tell it was a fool's endeavor, but fools and madman are similar people are they not? If had popcorn I'd be chowing down on them as I watched this from behind a boundary field. Too bad I didn't have any popcorn. I did however have a bounded field as well as a battered but still intact Lancer, the REAL one at that. "You feeling okay there Lancer?"

"Yeah, I'm fine... Just let me take a quick breather okay?" She was worse for wear. Her armor was almost falling apart, her pale skin covered in scratches and bruises with a large gash over her left arm. The mask had a small crack, allowing me to see the glowing purple eye underneath. "Oh... I like you Shirou but it would be so nice if your magic circuits were opened..."

"So that's why you looked like someone who's running on empty." I commented, the sounds of Berserker rampaging were the least of my concerns.

"Yeah... Could've ask you or your master if either of you could open them for me but... Well..." She looked away.

"Eh, it's fine not to trust us." I waved off. "I mean, I am the Witch of Betrayal after all."

Turning her head back to me she asked. "Are you going to betray your master then?"

"No."

She tilted her head. Looking at me for a bit, the one eye that I could see looked more curious than suspicious. "I'll take your word for it... Better yet... Why don't you show me a bit of trust?" She gave a sinister giggle. Something in my spine chilled to -40 Celsius.

"And that is?" I tried to keep my cool.

She gave another giggle. "Well..." She grabbed me by the shoulders before she lifted me up to her face. "I could use a bit of blood..." She lifted up her mask just a little bit, only showing her lush pale lips. They would be attractive if I didn't see the fangs that protruded from her mouth.

"Oh... That thing... Heheh... Well... Shirou would be a better source of blood based prana revitalization, right?" She stared at me. I could feel her gazing into my soul. "Fine, fine... Just... Well just drink it from my arm, not my neck okay and well... Be gentle." This was going to suck wasn't it?

Giving a small nod, she slowly placed me back down on the ground. Gently holding my left arm, she pulled by my sleeve, revealing my bare skin to her. She stared at it for a while, poking the large blue basilic vein with her index finger. She looks almost... Nervous...

"Not to be accusing or anything but... Is this your first time?" I asked.

She gave a nod as she brought her mouth to my arm. I felt her fangs pierce my veins as she started as she started to suck out my blood. I'll be honest, it was very, very unpleasant. About as pleasant as having two needles the size of pencils stabbed in your arms before sucking out the blood the same way you slurp up soup from a plate. Way worse than getting a venipuncture.

After sucking in 2 pints of blood from my arm. She lifted her head away from me and and started to breath in as if she had held her breath underwater. She wiped away the blood from her mouth before she slid her mask down. "Thank you for youe... Uh..." She looked away, her muffled voice had an embarrassed tone that could be heard through her mask. "Thank you for you prana rich blood. Even though you're Assassin, it's more as if you're a Caster posing as an Assassin."

"Well... I can't exactly argue with that." I answered. Before my eyes I could see her body and armor restore themselves to their pristine selves. "Feeling better?"

"Yes, in fact your blood's so rich with prana that I think some of my ranks went up. I think I can give that Berserker a good fight for about a good hour or two..."


"But you didn't say win, did you?"

She looked away. "I can hold him, off. Maybe deal a few mortal wounds but..." She looked away. "I'm... Uh... How should I say this..."

"Is it something bad?" I asked her.

"Well... You see... I'm not all that good with a spear..."

"What," I stared at her. "What do you mean you're not good with a spear? Aren't you a Lancer?"

"I am but... Well... This is my Noble Phantasm." She held out her hand, a small little ball of darkness appeared there, a sinister purple border to separate it from the night. Then it started to fizzle a bit, becoming thiner and longer until it resembled something that could only be described as a long spear of shadows and power. My eyes widen, this wasn't a spear, whatever's in her hand is a spell.

"You're a magus?!" I looked at her with wide eyes.

"Well... Not exactly...." With a snap of her fingers, her 'spear' started to bend it itself, forming a nice round curve being forming a thin line of shadow connecting the two ends. "If you're a Caster posing as a Assassin, then I'm an Archer posing as a Lancer."

"..." I stared at her for a seemingly infinite amount of time, ignoring the sounds of Berserker mindlessly punching around the illusions while his master was asking why he's mindlessly destroying things. "So what you're saying is that I'm not the only one who's summoned in a less then optimal class?"

"Well, Caster is the worst class for me because I barely know much of magecraft to be competent at it. Lancer is a close second though I fair better in it by miles." She looked at her shadow bow, deep in thought. "I'm bad at fighting close quarters so I'm still having a hard time believing that I'm still alive from Berserker's charge." She looked at the Berserker, still mindlessly doing what he always does.

"So... We're two long range fighters trying to take down a monstrous close range fighter... Huh, funny. Seems like almost our entire group is made of long range fighters. Except maybe Shirou he looks more like a sword guy."

"It is funny isn't it." She gave a small giggle.

"By the way, how good is your magecraft?"

"Like I said, poor. I had a lot of potential but I gotten a poor education, meaning that my growth as a magus is stunted."

"Yet you have that spear." I pointed out.

"Oh this? This one is something I have due to special circumstances." She explained.


"Huh... Never heard of a spear made of magic in any legend that can switch to a bow and back." I remarked.

"It's better if you don't." She simply said. "I think the time for talking is over now. You recovered from having your blood sucked out?"

I moved my left arm around. "Better."

"Good, because I think your illusions are starting to waver."

"Oh Hades don't tell me." Turning my head, I could see that my spell was started to lose form as a few clones disappeared from sight. Thankfully Berseker didnt notice as he continued to smash apart the place. "Damn it all to Tartarus. Looks like we'll have to get back into the fray again."

"Wait." Lancer held up a hand to me. "Can you feel it? There are other servants coming."

"Yeah, I can feel them but they're pretty far off." I cursed under my breath. "This is getting more complicated by the minute."

"Or maybe this is the break we needed all along." Lancer beamed at me. "Listen, on our own we could win. Could being the key word, but if we have one of those other servants to help us out, knowingly or unknowingly, we can put the odds further in our favor." Before she could say anything, I felt my spell fall apart as all the illusions dissipated into purple particles. "No! Not now!"

The Berserker only took a few looks around before resuming its charge at the Humvee. "Dammit! Assassin, go and get help! I'll hold him off!"

Before I could say anything, she planted her feet deep into the ground. Going into a crouch, she leaped into the air, about 120 meters by my best guess. While mid air she began to pull back her bow, a dark spectral arrow made of raging shadow manifested and already nocked on the bow string. Before she even began falling, she let go of the string as the shadow arrow roared to life. Berserker heard the sound of the shadow arrow before he quickly turned around mid charge as he punched away the arrow. A large explosion echo across the forest as the madman tumbled across the ground at mach speed, trampling a few dozen dead into pancakes before missing the Humvee by about 30 meters and crashing into the mountain. If he was any closer then the sheer force caused by the vacuum could've been enough to tip the fortified car over.

The group around the Humvee was shouting about something but I could hear what they exactly said. Too far away and all.

Before she even touched the ground, she let out a few more volleys at the spot where Beserker had crashed into. He was assaulted by a plethora of purple explosion. "Tch. This is proving more bothersome then I thought." The echoing voice called out. "Berserker! Stop fooling around and destroy them already!"

Berserker had barely got out of the crater when Lancer landed back on the ground and switched her shadow construct to spear mode. With a battle shout she charged full speed at the madman, creating a shock wave as she crashed spear first into his chest.

"Come on Assassin you can do this." I said to myself as I cast another spell. "Αφήστε τα μάτια μου, περιορισμένα όπως είναι, να κοιτάξουν τον κόσμο γύρω μου." I felt my sense expand as I sensed all the servants closest to us. Only three of them I could reasonably get to fast. "Which one? Which one?"

[] As much as I hate it, our little Einzbern rival will have to do

[] Huh, maybe another Caster would be handy...

[] I think Rider would be great help... We do know a bit about each over even with my degraded memory...

OOC: I really need to go back and fix and retcon some of the things back in my old updates. Also have an early update I guess. Maybe I should change up my update schedule a bit again.

[X] As much as I hate it, our little Einzbern rival will have to do

"This is a bad idea." I felt prana concentrate around me as I floated high into the air. My magical reserves are still holding strong, good, I can manage a transportation spell to get them to the battlefield. I can't exactly teleport to them, not only would it surprise them, but going through space and time is hard, that and very costly, especially after firing giant laser beams. "I will not be surprise if I find a sword shoved right through my head. Though I'd be too dead to know."

I flew across the skies as fast as I could possibly go. I didn't bother going invisible, I needed them to know that I was coming. After some time I sensed that they stopped moving, guess they noticed me coming; good.

Slowing down to a halt, I lowered myself until I could barely touch the ground with my tiny little toes. Before me stood the knight in red and the young mistress that he served sitting on the back of his shoulder. "State your business," the knight said coldly. "I would have slain you where you stand but my lady has asked me to stay my blade in parley. Make good use of that mercy." He gripped his sword harder.

"Well I guess you don't recognize your old friend Pretty Sailor Soldier Servant Assassin now do you?" I said with a sing song tone.

I could've sworn that I heard a restrained snicker but that line of thought got cut off when the young girl smacked the helmet of the knight. Soon afterwards she started sucking on her had as it became a shade of pinkish red. "Stupid metal armor... Stupid dumb magical girls... Stupid dumb Saber..." She had gotten her composure back a few moments later before directly addressing me. "So... Assassin... What are you doing here so far from the battlefield? Leaving your master to die before pledging your loyalty to me?"

"Nonsense." I waved it off. "I'm merely here to ask for your assistance."

"My assistance?... Wait... Why does that voice sound familiar?"

"Oh that?" I took my hood off. "I just think you looked cute, that's all."

Her eyes widen while Saber began to gather prana around himself before the young girl halted him. "Tell me, you took my form because it was cute?"

I gave her a playful smile. "What? Are you saying that you have painfully low self esteem and thus consider yourself a horrid looking damsel? Sorry but that cliche has been done to death."

"Hey! Don't dodge my question!" She pouted.

"Fine, fine. Maybe I sort of took it so I could mess with you a bit." I shrugged. "I but frankly, I did it because in my own stupid sense of logic I reasoned to myself that it was the best way to chat with you."

She gave me a good long stare while her knight scratched his head (helmet) in confusion. "So let me get this straight. You made yourself look like me because you'd think it make it easier to converse with me..." She wasn't amused. "There is something seriously wrong with your thought processes..."

"My lady, I think it best that I go and gut her here and now in this spot. It's obvious that she has little to no marbles in that skull of hers."

I raised a hand to protest but after some thinking I lowered it. "Well I can't exactly argue against that, even I have a hard time following my own line of logic."

She stared at me again for a while before shrugging. "She's probably just a defective servant." She said in a mockingly cheerful tone. "Maybe she bumped her head as she was summoned? These unstable leylines were messing with quite a few master's summoning. If you ask me they're complete amateurs if they can't work around it."

So she's aware of the unstable leylines and how to work around it (or at least implying to)? I could ask her but the time for chat chit has ended. "While I would love to chat more with you, we really need to get down to business." I pulled the hood over my head again as I took on a more flatter tone of voice. "As I stated before. I would like to ask for your assistance."

She gave a sigh as she rested her chin of her hand. "Why exactly are you asking me this?"

"I'll be brief. We're currently overwhelmed, outnumbered and possibly out gunned. Well, it's less we're outgunned and more we have guns and they have a tank with fists manhandling our Lancer while fire ants crawl up our pants... actually most of us are wearing skirts but you get the point." I explained. "In short, we're pretty desperate and well... You're Saber is the only other servant that I know of who's great in close range combat."

There was silence, then the sound of a little white fairy yawning. "Really? Is that all?"

"..." This was NOT going to be easy. "Fine, how about this? You help us and we can give you a bit of compensation, how about that?"

"Hmmm..." She was tapping her chin, taking her sweet time as my allies were fighting for their lives. "How about the head of my dear big brother?" She demanded in the tone of a child asking her parents for an expensive new toy for Christmas.

"Lancer will hate my guts if I did that." I responded.

"Ah yes... Lancer... You know there's something REALLY off about her. She's one of the few people who can scare me you know." She looked very annoyed. "You know, I tried to kill him when he went back home. Almost did too, if he didn't summon her by accident." She started rubbing her neck. "She was quite weak but she was also a crafty little hag. Took me hostage as she held a spear made of pure shadow to my neck."

The prana around the knight seemed to violently fizzle for a brief second. "She will pay dearly for that."

"An eye for an eye they say." She giggled. "Though she didn't hurt me. My dear big brother wasted a command seal to stop her..." Her childlike facade fell as she went into deep thought. "Tell me Assassin? Why did you think he did that? To confuse me? To manipulate me? To put me in a state of self doubt?" She asked me in a honest tone, or at least as honest as I can tell.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" I asked her.

"Huh?"

"Well, here's my proposition," I gave her a sinister smile.

There were too many. Dead after Dead after Dead after Dead. No matter how many Dead she shot down with her Gandr, there was always more. "I'm down to two gem, one pendant and a lapis lazuli. Lancer's currently distracting Berserker, Archer is the only source of limitless ammunition, Luvia's down to eight gems, the maid's almost out of bullets, I have no fucking clue where the hell Assassin went to and a certain IDIOT's trying to fend off the Dead himself."

"I'm sorry Tohsaka but I can't leave you all like this." The young man said, bloodied and holding a white blade in his good hand. "I can't look at myself in the mirror if anything were to happen happened to you guys."

"It's nice and all but please TRY not to get yourself killed." She hissed out as she shot down a few more dead. "Should've just stayed asleep," she grumbled.

"Oh let the poor guy fight." The maid called out as she got out of the Humvee, a rifle in hand. "We're all most likely going to die here anyway. Might as well let him go out with a roar than a snore."

"Geez. Thanks for the morale support there." The raven haired witch responded as she punched away one of the dead.

She cocked her gun. "You're welcomed." She opened fired into the crowd of Dead, she knew it wasn't going to do them any good. She was after all just delaying the inevitable.

"Well, you can't argue with her Miss Tohsaka." The Finnish girl interjected. "In our line of work this is to be expected. At least in MY family's line of work at least. You can't take any jobs without knowing the risks; plots to kill you disguised as jobs, betrayal by your own partner, the occasional vampire." She tried to maintain a noble deposition despite how tattered her dress was as well as the amount of blood she was losing. "I consider this a fitting end, not one that I would prefer but nothing that I didn't prepared myself for."

"Well at least this is a more dignified death for me if at least messy." Archer joined in as she kept pulling out musket after musket. "Back when I first walked amongst mortals I got caught off guard as one of my own allies betrays me. At least here I can die fighting." She had a remorseful tone.

"So... this is the end huh." Shirou said to himself. "Well... I've always wanted to be a hero of justice, I just didn't think it would end before it even started and against vampire zombies of all things." He gave a pained laugh. "I just wished we could survive this so I can learn to become a proper hero of justice.

"WISH GRANTED!" All heads turned to a bright light in the sky as a knight in red armor fell to the Earth. A large crater formed beneath his feet as a dust cloud formed around him. The dead stopped their assault as they watched this new strange factor that came out of nowhere. Slowly the dust dissipated showing a fairy as white as snow on one shoulder and a possibly mad, definitely memory confused, miniature hooded sorceress on the other. "Don't worry guys! The cavalry's here!"


Man, traveling across space and time is exhausting, I can feel myself weaken as I used up more of my power. In some ways, I hate being Assassin, this smaller magical reserve is gonna be the death of me someday. "Assassin! What's going on, why's Saber here? What's even happening right now! What's-"

"Please master, one thing at the time." I called out to her. "I know you have no idea what's even happening anymore and so do I in some places but please just bare the pain a little longer and I'll explain things in all due time!"

"Have you finished your squabbling?" The knight in red asked. "If so then I shall begin a small demonstration, a small display to show you all my power."

"Sorry but I already saw it." Archer called out from behind the Humvee.

"Assholes don't count." The knight retorted.

"You know uh... Miss Einzbern. This knight doesn't seem at all like a... Well a knight."

"I don't know Assassin, I find it's part of his charm." The albino said with a giggle. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you my name. Illyasviel von Einzbern at your service."

"Assassin is fine." I replied. "Though one of my cover names is Natsui Kinoko."

"Nice to meet you then Natsui." Illya scanned the area, looking at the Dead that watch us with pale blank faces. Turning her face away from them disgust she later spotted the sight of Lancer fending off Berserker's attacks.

I'll be very honest. When she was using the bow she used it like a pro. Using the spear? Well... It was decent.

She fought with the spear as if it was the first time she ever used it. All she did was use thrusting attacks at Berserker, always constantly trying to keep her distance but you could tell that a simple thrust technique was all that she knew of. It's almost akin to a child trying to ward off a rabid dog with a floor mop.

In this case however, Berserker being so lost in his insanity is working to her advantage. He's so mad and insane that he can't use anything other than haymakers and the occasional wild hooks. If he had his wits about him he could've just gabbed the shadow spear and pull in her in for the kill. The only reason why she can't just get away and snipe him from afar was because in all cases he was always faster than her. A stalemate is what it was.

"So that's the other Berserker? Saber, see what he's made of."

"With pleasure." Prana erupted around the red knight. Red fire of power cascaded around him as he charge full speed towards Berserker. I had to reinforce my arms just to keep my grip on the knight.

He smashed into him, sword first and into his side. Upon closer look it was easy to tell that he at least took some hefty damage from his fight with Lancer. He had a deep wound in his right shoulder, the left side of his jaw had lost it skin showing muscles that had no business being that grotesquely bulging, a part of his leg had lost a bunch of its mass, muscle fibers dangled as he forced his legs to move. All those injuries had slowed him down considerably, the only reason he was still moving was because none of the injuries were fatal to him, except maybe blood loss. Doesn't stop him from retaliating with a wild backhand.

Saber tanked it, holding up an arm to block the blow. In retaliation he brought back his head before headbutting the madman in the face. Lancer, looking once again worse for wear took that as her cue to retreat. "If you want him, be my guest. I'm at my limits anyways."

"I don't even want your help demon." Saber hissed under his breath. Lancer said nothing as she retreated to the Humvee.

Berserker wildly clawed at Saber. Trying to get him off his side as the sword in his side refuse to leave. The grotesques sounds of a blade slashing around his guts almost made me want to puke. Illya seems to be taking it all in strides. "Yes! More! More! Finally someone who's fun with play with!" She was laughing with pure glee. "Haha! Tear him apart Saber! Turn him into a bloody mess! Show no mercy!"

"Glad to know you're having fun!" Saber laughed out loud as he punched at the bottom of the hilt, driving it further into the madman's side until it the flesh of his skin met the guard of his sword. "Up you go!"

Fiery red prana cackled around Saber as he lifted up Berserker. His wild screams permeate the forest as he wildly lashes at everything. Lifting him high above his head, he smashed him down into the ground, creating a massive crater that only got bigger and deeper with as Saber kept repeating the same brutal tactic.

"Bullshit!" I heard the voice of Rin shouting just out of my sight. So much for being the cool, composed magus. "He's supposed to be a Saber?! I know he has A++ Strength and all but this is just ridiculous!"

"Pfft, she's just jealous." The knight laughed off as he kept smashing Berserker into the ground. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, but I can almost hear the sounds of pained screaming, a helpless plea to stop with the assault. I almost feel bad for the guy.

Guessing that he had gotten bored with him, he lifted his sword behind his head. Planting his feet firmly into the ground the knight swung his blade at the air like a baseball bat. The madman slipped off his sword with a sickening, slushy sound as I could see entrails all chopped up fall from his side. He flew through the air blood and flesh trailing behind him before he crashed into a bunch of trees. He's still alive, but his body's broken thoroughly. It's a miracle that he can even still breath.

"Is that it Berserker? What a disappointment, my last Berserker lasted longer than you." Illya mockingly shouted at the fallen madman. "You're not fun anymore. Saber, kill him."

"Yeah, I guess so." He sighed. "I really wished you were a better foe, more fun that way... Oh well, time to end your misery." He casually walked over to his fallen foe.

"Berserker, by the power of this command seal. Return to my side." The echoing voice said. In an instant, the body disappeared in a flash of light. As if on reaction, the Dead begin to retreat from the forest as they all disappear into the air themselves. "This was a disappointment, but at least I got a better grasp of all your latent abilities. That Saber though, he's an enigma, can't gleam anything off of him." The voice sounded more like he missed a special limited time deal at the sandwich shop than losing a fight to the death battle. "Oh well. Fare you all well. I'll be seeing you in the future."

"Hey! Wait! Come back here!" Saber ran around, looking around for the source of the voice but came up empty handed. "Come back coward!... Fine! Run like the pathetic excuse you are..." He grumbled under his voice before looking over to the Humvee. "Now then, to parley with my foe..." He seems hesitant.

"Don't worry Saber." Illya said calmly to her servant. "You're a knight aren't you? Parleying should come naturally to you."

"You're right. I am a knight, the greatest in fact. This should be no problem." Dismissing his sword from reality. He walked over the the Humvee with a jolly air. "Greetings my fellow contenders, might I-"

He stopped when a musket was pointed at his face. "Fuck off tin man."

"Well you can fuck off too you delusional excuse for a king." Wow, this is such wonderful displays of diplomatic exchange. So much so that I might need to intervene.

"Come on guys." I said as I slipped off Saber's back before walking in between them. "We don't need another fight, not when we're all tired and battered from battle."

"Not me." Saber nonchalantly.

"Neither am I." Archer challenged.

"...Wow... Such maturity..." I responded with a tired voice.

"Come now, Archer." Luvia said as she walked by to Archer's side. "The knight before us has come to parley with us. As much as I hate the little pixie's guts I refuse to turn away a gesture of friendly intent."

"I don't know Luvia." Archer said as she kept her gun trained on Saber's head. "This is an awfully good opportunity to kill us all in one fell swoop. I know, I'm an expert on these kinds of things."

"Unlike you I'm not so dishonorable." The knight huffed.

"Enough, enough just... augh..." Rin walked over to Archer's side as well with Lancer holding up an injured Shirou by the arm following suite. "Just tell us what you want."

"What I want? Oh I thought we had came to an agreement?" Illya said with a mischievous smile.

"A what now?" Rin tilted her head at Illyabefore her before slowing looking at me. "Assassin..."

"Well..." I tugged my hood further down.

"Well. First things first, an exchange of names that I have all so rudely forgot." She bowed down in curtsy. "My name is Illyasviel von Einzbern."

"Luviagelita Edelfelt, likewise."

"Rin Tohsaka."

"Um... Shirou Emiya, but just call me Shirou."

She gave a small smile. "Now that we got that out of the way. Assassin here had sought me out for help against Berserker and perhaps, even a little alliance between the four of us. In exchange, she offered a form of compensation."

All eyes turned to me. "Assassin." Rin asked in a low, cold voice. The kind that promised pain if I gave an answer that she likes. "What did you offer?"

I gave a sigh. "Yup, I can see the other side already." I weakly walked in front of Shirou. Looking at him from below, I gave him a bow of apology. "I'm sorry Shirou." A sharp spear made of shadows was trained on my head almost immediately as the stares and glares at me got more intense.

"Assassin, what did you fucking do?" She must've instinctively turned on her Fear Inducement as everyone started to take steps away from her. Most of them anyway. I could've back off if she wasn't threatening me to not move an inch with those glowing purple eyes of hers. The poor guy was sweating as he looked around in confusion. He didn't give me a response, guess he's too bewildered to speak.

I gave another sigh. "Shirou, get your best suit. You're going off to a date."

Her Fear Inducement shut off entirely as her shadow spear fell from her hands. "What." Out of the corner of my eyes I could see both Luvia and Rin choking on their own saliva. The others just gave me a confused stare.

"In return for her help I agreed to let her have a date with Shirou for one day." I simply stated. "Granted the arrangements will be all up to us so we'll have to make it all worth while to properly compensate for her help."

"What."

"He's going on a date with Illya."

"What."

"A date is the modern practice of-"

"I know what a date is!" Lancer shouted at me as she picked me off the ground, inadvertently letting Shirou to fall to the ground. "This is even MORE terrible!"

"Wait, it is?"

"It. Is. The. Absolute worse thing you can do!" She started to vigorously shake me. "That little harpy's going to get her claws into Shirou I tell you! She'll steal his heart and play him like a damn fiddle!" I don't know whether I should be laughing or puking my guts out. 'Hey! Pay attention! I'm serious!"

"Than's not nice you know." Illya said as she pouted at Lancer. "I'm right here and I can hear everything you just said about me."

"I know."

"You hate me that much do you?"

"I do."

"Guys." Everyone turned their eyes to Shirou who was trying to get up from the ground. "Guys, I have absolutely zero idea what's even happening. Everything's going so fast that my mind is still even processing the fact that I'm injured."

"Shirou! Oh I'm so sorry!" Lancer walked over to him, taking his arm and holding it over her neck. Meanwhile I was on the ground, recovering from having my neck nearly wrung off my body.

"Eh, that's okay Lancer. You're just worried about me..."

"The idiot's right." Rin interjected as she collapsed to her knees. "I think I've spent most of my magical reserves in that fight. We need to recuperate and sort things out first."

"Indeed." Luvia looked around the area as she shook her head. "So many bodies here, it'll take a while to clear this up. I'll have to contact the overseer about this."

"Would you like me to contact him?" Maid asked.

"That would be nice dear. If you could do that a thousand thanks would never suffice."

"I need no compensation. The work is reward enough." She gave a polite bow.

"I'm very lucky to have a devoted servant like you Margaret."

Archer however seemed to still be on edge. "Hmmm... Seems like there are others around us. Hiding in the bushes and trees." She informed us.

"Must be the other parties." I responded. "Must've been drawn here by the battle. I think I can put up a few more spells."

I focused on reinforcing my throat, a simple spell known by most magi. Mine was more advanced than theirs but it was simple all the same. "Hello all of you drawn to this place by the sounds of battle." My voice echoed across the forest in a ghostly tone. "I'm sorry to regret that the battle has long been fought already. All you will find here is monument of destruction and mounds of people who have died long ago and have been reanimated as Dead. I suggest you all leave here, can't risk drawing any of the normal folk to our side of the world, we'll follow suit. Before that however I will place a boundary here to dissuade anyone from coming here, the bodies? Well, we'll give that burden to the overseer. That is all."

For a while we didn't felt any of them move yet, it was tense for a while but slowly over time one presence after another left us in peace. "Well that went over well."

"Surprisingly well." Rin agreed. "I really want a bed right now."

"Well, you guys can rest over at my place." Shirou offered. He was currently being tended to by Lancer who took out a first aid kit. "My place is big and it's the closest to this area. We can get there quick."

We all looked at each other. "Well, guess no one is going to argue then." I said.

It was very grueling. Me and the servants did most of the heavy duty work, packing up everything that wasn't destroyed in the ensuing battle which not surprisingly wasn't many. The rest we piled into one of the craters (the one that Saber made specifically) and set it all on fire. I left a boundary field there just in case the fire tried to spread. Like I promised I made another one to dissuade other form coming here. Illya piggy backed on Saber while the rest of the masters got in the Humvee.

The trip to Shirou's house was quiet. The maid dropped us off at the front entrance as we all grabbed our stuff from the back trunk before she left to inform the overseer of the battle. The servants minus me took their place in the garden and dojo. Rin and Luvia got their own separate guest rooms while I called dibs on the attic. Illya stayed in the dinner room while Shirou went straight to his bedroom.

I set up what remains of my own equipment. Something that looks like (and by all means was) a simple chemistry set and a box holding all the samples I've gained. "Huh, well most of my research really just consisted of me trying to figure out my own magic so whatever."

I sat on the floor in this mostly empty room. If I had Territory Creation I could make this into a great makeshift lab. Except I can't, I'm stuck in this Assassin class container being only able to provide espionage and battle support, not that there's anything wrong with it but it was still frustrating. "I guess I know how Shirou feels then... You know what... Sitting here isn't going to do anything. Might as well chat with someone while I wait for my reserves to refuel, but who should I start with?"

[] Talk to Shirou and Lancer. The guy's trying to be as helpful as he can be, time to cut him some slack. Hey maybe I can even open his Magic Circuits for him. Also Lancer, she seemed pissed.

[] Speak with Rin. She's sure to be needing some support after all those Dead tried to attack us.

[] Check on Luvia, I wonder what's her thoughts on Illya.

[] Slumber party with Illya... Or something like that.

[] Check with the servants, see how they're doing.

[] Write in