Ralof I
Ralof was tired. It had been a long hard war to come to such an ignominious end. Still, it wouldn't do to show cowardice in the face of Talos, nor the stoic Nord who had also been captured soon after the Imperial ambush. No, he could shore up the strangers courage with camaraderie before they faced their ends. No, not long now before they reached Helgen.
The horse-thief did not seem to have a warriors spirit, willing to go to Talos with his head held high- but even he had an honour of a sort, arguing on behalf of the stranger to live as well. As if the connection would not further damn him.
Not that Lokir was apparently willing to lump the unconscious naked giant of a man lying on the floor of the cart with the two non-stormcloaks, in with his fellow non-stormcloaks. The stranger was at least wearing clothes when he was apparently caught sneaking across the border from Riften into Falkreath Hold.
"Oww. Fuckerations, that fucking lying cunting cunt of a bastard shithead fucknugget-"
Well. Ralof certainly couldn't fault the man for the sentiments. Nor his vocabulary. As the man continued on Ralof considered that the giant was either a Sailor, or of the Bards College, for his gifted tongue and wide vocabulary of vulgarities.
"- the fuck am I?"
"In an Imperial prison wagon friend, a few miles from Helgen if I remember these roads rightly."
"Helgen? Fuck. Well, I'd say good morning Ralof, and that it's a pleasure to see you again, but I'm thinking you wouldn't remember me, and I'm not sure it's going to be a good morning."
Remember him? Ralof would certainly remember a giant mad enough to run around Skyrim in the nude.
"No, I can't say it will."
"So, I guess if he's Ralof, that'd make you High King Ulfric, and you would be Shor Himself, Talos, the Almighty Ysmir, and Shezzarine of Lorkhan. God of Mankind, and the currrent Dragonborn. I'm sorry for how these traitorous scum bastards have betrayed your Empire, sire."
What? Ralof was certain he called Ulfric the High King, those who do generally side with the Stormcloaks and Skyrim over the Elves and their Empire lackeys.
What? Wait, what did that madman say? The stranger- no, Ralof realised he shouldn't think like that. It's as he said, they're all Brothers now. He said that the quiet Nord is Shor himself? Wandering naked through the mountains must have left him delusional. The poor madman, the gods are cruel sometimes.
"Traitors?" His quiet brother in binds asked.
"Aye. These Thalmors' cum guzzling retards who dare to continue wearing your emblem, the sigil of the Dragonborn. They're all fucking traitors. You hear me wagon driver, you're a Thalmor-fucking traitor to your emperor. You khajiit raping, donkey cum guzzling, thundercunt!"
His new brother looked bemused, even Lokir was starting to to lose the tension his fear was building.
"I said 'shut up back there', or would you like me to shove this thick cudgel in your mouth so you can't talk?"
"
I'm not your mother last night!"
And of course, the wagoneer stopped the cart. Oh, well, madman or not, the giant is going to the gods with his spirit ablaze, even if his body will be battered and broken.
Looking up Ralof could see Ulfric sending him a questioning gaze. Even the Stupefied looking stranger was looking curious and amused. What could Jarl Ulfric want- Oh, right, the madman said he knew him.
"Madman, you said you knew me? I don't recall meeting anyone like you before"
"Aye, it's been years. I still remember you, and little Hadvar running around Riverwood playing Legionary. Does your sister still run the Mill?"
"Uhh, yes, yes she does. I'm sorry madman, I don't remember you."
The Wagoneer and a few guards dragged the madman out of the cart by his feet. "Alright you big stupid fucking cunt, you're going to get a beating that you'll hope will take you to Sovngarde."
Ralof considered this a pity, but if nothing else, the Madman had definitely earned this beating.
"Come then you vomit felching, elf fiddling, pissant. -"
Smack
The Imperial wagoneer drove his cudgel straight into the madmans gut. It didn't even seem to budge him.
"-Let's see if you're even half as strong as your wife was when I rode her-"
Crack
His next hit apparently went straight to his jaw. That's going to shut him up.
"- from Bruma to the Pale Pass with only half my dick in her ass. -"
Or, not apparently. Could anything actually shut this man up? The divines truly must love a madman.
Thump
In Talos name, the Madman may have been getting a bit personal, but there's no need to hit a man there.
"-Hit me in the nuts one more time shit licker, and I'll kick your head off into the trees," The madman growled.
Thump
As suddenly as the Imperial sadist moved to strike the madman in his balls again, the Giant moved, somehow knocking the wagoneer to the ground, and stomping on him with a sick squelch. While the guards moved from annoyed and watching, to grasping for their weapons, Madman hopped back onto the wagon and called out, "Hurry it up, we've got an execution to get to. Don't want to be all day."
Ralof looked at him surprised as the Madman looked back at him and asked "So, who wants to learn a song? Just sing along as you start to pick up the words.
"
♫You've got a friend in me. ♫
♫You've got a friend in me. ♫
♫When the road looks, rough ahead... ♫"
That'll be addressed in story, in a throwaway line that no-one pays attention to. But, in essence, the ROB wasn't just a random ROB.
