Thunder roared as rain poured down from the heavens.
In the middle of a grassy field 'something' appeared.
This 'thing' woke up wondering where it was. Only to be quite confused at its strange sight. It could see all around it.
Yet what confused it the most was something that appeared in front of it.
(Level 1)
Race: SWORD
Name: UNNAMED
HP : 100/100
MP : 100/100
CP : 100/100
ATK: 10
DUR: 10
MAG: 10
Rarity - Godly
Type - Noble Phantasm
Skills:
Gamer's Mind (Lvl Max) Cost Free - Keep a calm mind at all times.
Telekinesis (Level 1) Cost 2 MP per Second. Range - 10 Meters.
Skill Points - 0
Attribute points - 0
QP - 0
Current Form: Iron short sword.
Yes. It was a sword a short sword that looked so plain. Short sword. But on the inside was the soul of a human that was internally screaming to the heavens.
Yes. It was a sword a a short sword that looked so plain. Short sword. But on the inside was a soul of a human that was internally screaming to the heavens.
You put over a half dozen tags for settings that aren't currently in the story. You have a stat sheet for a story that isn't a quest. You don't have enough content to fill a chapter, or even a scene. And you start the non-quest by introducing a mechanic that will do away with all my favorite scenes - you know, the scenes where the protagonist is panicking as they run around like a chicken with their head cut off. Can't have the protagonist confused and terrified with gamer's mind!
-_-
While I don't think it's against the rules, please don't post stories with 10 different tags that are really just character sheets. At least post a story when you post a story. -_-
You put over a half dozen tags for settings that aren't currently in the story. You have a stat sheet for a story that isn't a quest. You don't have enough content to fill a chapter, or even a scene. And you start the non-quest by introducing a mechanic that will do away with all my favorite scenes - you know, the scenes where the protagonist is panicking as they run around like a chicken with their head cut off. Can't have the protagonist confused and terrified with gamer's mind!
-_-
While I don't think it's against the rules, please don't post stories with 10 different tags that are really just character sheets. At least post a story when you post a story. -_-
Telekinesis huh. Alright, then let's see. I concentrate on trying to activate telekinesis mentally. a few moments later I could feel myself lifting out of my anvil. Finally free from it.
The boar ran Around trying to get rid me. But I was lodged in. I sliced him open from the inside casing a lot of bleeding and damage as the boar fell down.
I put all 10 points to MAG. May as well be a magic sword even if I look ordinary.
Now then Skill points are used to Buy skillz from the shop. The cost of a skill may vary depending on multiple factors. You can search for different skills using the search bar. Just think your Criteria after opening the Shop. Why don't you try thinking shop?
Hmmm. I mentally CLosed it and checked the Others One by one.
Self Repairing (Passive) - 1 point Continuously repairs the blade. As long as the Blade is not completely vapourised it will still work. Do you wish to buy this skill?
Reinforcement (Active) (Nasuverse) -2 points. This skill allows you or your wielder to reinforce yourself. MP-Cost Varied. Unlocks Charge Meter. THe higher this skill is the more charge you can hold. The Amount of charge is added to all your base stats. Would you like to buy this skill?
Chakra Blade (Passive)- 2 Points Allows The Wielder to channel Charka to flow through you and adding damage depending on the type of chakra the amount and the enemy type
Skill Share [Locked] (Active) - 2 Points. Allows the wielder to use any of your skills while they wield you. They mana cost paid by the wielder unless you decide to lend them a helping hand. Would you like to buy this skill?
Good Job. Now that you have completed your first Skill Purchase. We have QP to spend. You can use QP to buy everyday Items to legendary crazy stuff. However You cant Buy other blades. Anything other than that is available in the shop. Even Skins.
Right Skins allow you to change your form into any other blade. Sure you could buy the most legendary sword skin that you know of but it would just change your looks. It won't affect your damage output too much. That's what the skills are for. You are just a blade made of magic after all. You can Take the shape of Any blade that has existed past present or future From all across the Multiverse. Why don't you Try It out.
The moment I said that I got a list. But even the Cheapest laptop here costs 200 QP.
Alright, Let's see for skins?... Oh I Know. Search for Monohoshizao. There we go.
Monohoshizao Skin. Cost 50QP
Optional Skill: HIken Tsubame Gaeshi. Cost 10,000 QP
Would you like to purchase this skin? Y/N.
Would you like to Purchase this skill as well? Y/N?
The moment I said that I was enveloped in a golden light and I felt myself being stretched. Strangely enough, it felt completely natural to me as if it wasn't something strange.
Within moments I was no longer an ordinary Iron Sword. I was now the REGENDARY MONOHISHIZAO!
And so I headed to slay more monsters till I ran out of MP. Waited for it to recharge before I kept Slicing and Dicing Level one and two monsters.
1. Your use of Gamer's mind to nullify the character's legitimate nervous breakdown dehumanizes the sword and makes him less of a character.
2. Your fight with the boar was poorly handled. You turned one-on-one combat to the death into a simple numbers game, with very little focus at all on the action.
3. The vast majority of this chapter is about the statistics behind the skills you can learn or the skills you do learn, and at least half the chapter was spent in the point shop.
4. This is the literary equivalent to wanking off to all your friends about how awesome your level 10 dwarf barbarian is by having the dwarf barbarian look at all the things he can buy in the shop and the mathematical gains those items can give your dwarf barbarian. Like if the Dungeon Master's entire quest was spent in the point shop rather then actually playing a D&D campaign. Except this is a story and not a D&D campaign, so the audience has higher storytelling standards and is bored by RPG mechanics.
You need your story to have a plot that isn't about how awesome the Gamer power is, and the math has no context for the reader. Actual physical injury and the main character's reactions are how the audience gauges how much trouble the main character is in, because the numbers don't mean anything by themselves. Like, if you tell me the sword is at 10 HP, I think "so what", but if you tell me the sword's blade was sliced in half, I think "Oh wow that's bad".
1. Your use of Gamer's mind to nullify the character's legitimate nervous breakdown dehumanizes the sword and makes him less of a character.
2. Your fight with the boar was poorly handled. You turned one-on-one combat to the death into a simple numbers game, with very little focus at all on the action.
3. The vast majority of this chapter is about the statistics behind the skills you can learn or the skills you do learn, and at least half the chapter was spent in the point shop.
4. This is the literary equivalent to wanking off to all your friends about how awesome your level 10 dwarf barbarian is by having the dwarf barbarian look at all the things he can buy in the shop and the mathematical gains those items can give your dwarf barbarian. Like if the Dungeon Master's entire quest was spent in the point shop rather then actually playing a D&D campaign. Except this is a story and not a D&D campaign, so the audience has higher storytelling standards and is bored by RPG mechanics.
You need your story to have a plot that isn't about how awesome the Gamer power is, and the math has no context for the reader. Actual physical injury and the main character's reactions are how the audience gauges how much trouble the main character is in, because the numbers don't mean anything by themselves. Like, if you tell me the sword is at 10 HP, I think "so what", but if you tell me the sword's blade was sliced in half, I think "Oh wow that's bad".