The Heartless Demonologist: A Grimbright Fantasy Quest [Complete]
- Thread starter JaggedQM
- Start date
- Original Fantasy
Vote closed
TimEd
Meteor maker
The battle rolls were too short eventwise, along with having too short of a voting window considering the variability of voter availability.
Suggestions:
Maybe make the Battle rolls contain a set bit of events (5 or so maybe, with any exess being repurposed or just cancelled outright depending on narrative). So when battles happen, you announce how many rolls you think it'd need, wait for the commenters to do their rolls, then maybe do the opposing roll publicly editted into chapter end (or in a new unthreadmarked post depending on preference) to feed commenter engagement along with transparency.
Obviously, even if the rolls go one way or another, don't be afraid to do "narrative interrupts" (within reason). After all, we only control 1 person and there are a myrad factors that could interfere with what was "supposed" to happen both good and bad.
Suggestions:
Maybe make the Battle rolls contain a set bit of events (5 or so maybe, with any exess being repurposed or just cancelled outright depending on narrative). So when battles happen, you announce how many rolls you think it'd need, wait for the commenters to do their rolls, then maybe do the opposing roll publicly editted into chapter end (or in a new unthreadmarked post depending on preference) to feed commenter engagement along with transparency.
Obviously, even if the rolls go one way or another, don't be afraid to do "narrative interrupts" (within reason). After all, we only control 1 person and there are a myrad factors that could interfere with what was "supposed" to happen both good and bad.
Chapter 1.9: Secrets
Chapter 1.9: Secrets
Vote Tally : The Heartless Demonologist: A Grimbright Fantasy Quest Original - Fantasy | Page 9 | Sufficient Velocity [Posts: 218-227]
##### NetTally 3.1.4
[X] You asked Xochitl to heal you.
No. of Votes: 8
[X] Jack727
[X] Altom
[x] benji15years ago
[X] Ghost in the sun
[x] LordEdric
[X] Mirage
[x] POTDL
[x] TimEd
[X] You drew a summoning circle, and conjured a demon.
No. of Votes: 2
[X] SleepyCaterpilar
[x] Nevill
Total No. of Voters: 10
##### NetTally 3.1.4
[X] You asked Xochitl to heal you.
No. of Votes: 8
[X] Jack727
[X] Altom
[x] benji15years ago
[X] Ghost in the sun
[x] LordEdric
[X] Mirage
[x] POTDL
[x] TimEd
[X] You drew a summoning circle, and conjured a demon.
No. of Votes: 2
[X] SleepyCaterpilar
[x] Nevill
Total No. of Voters: 10
Xochitl healed your wounds with her magic, and you felt grateful to her. You could tell that the girl was attracted to you, but unfortunately, you felt nothing romantic towards her. Your heart belonged to the Archdemon of Sloth, which meant that you could never fall in love with another, or lead a normal life.
"There is something missing inside you," Xochitl murmured in a soft voice, as she delved into your wounds with her magic. You thought about telling her the truth about your missing heart and your lost sister, but you decided against it in the end. That fight was your own. Your personal quest. You should not drag others into it.
"I am all right, Xochitl." You let out a wistful sigh. "You need not worry about me."
"If you say so." The Healer could tell that you were lying, but she did not press the issue. You and Xochitl had known each other for only a few weeks, but you had grown to enjoy each other's company. Even then, there were unseen barriers separating the two of you. Secrets that both of you were hesitant to divulge. Hidden walls that neither of you had the strength to tear down.
"I think I found something," Lian interrupted your thoughts, pointing at the stone floor behind the Golden Serpent's statue. Come to think of it, you knew even less about her than Xochitl. The silver-haired, red-eyed witch claimed that she came from the far eastern land of Fusang, but she never told you or Xochitl what she was doing in the Western Continent, nor what she wanted to find in the dead city of Cibola.
"A hidden door, most likely leading to the Sacred Temple." Xochitl examined the strange markings on the stone floor. She looked rather excited, which was unsurprising, as she always felt intrigued by the legends of the Serpent's Cult and their shadowy rituals. "If the legends are true, this is where the High Priests of Cibola hid the treasures gifted to them by the Golden Serpent."
"Treasures bought with blood and human sacrifice," you whispered in a low voice. The markings depicted past events. The terrible rituals that had taken place in this cursed city. Paintings of men, women, and even children lying on altars. High Priests with ceremonial flint knives cutting open their chests and removing the beating hearts, then offering the hearts to dark nameless deities.
"Only someone who has made the greatest sacrifice may find the treasures of the Golden Serpent." Xochitl translated the markings on the stone floor. "It also says that the Golden Serpent represents hope. Hope for rain. Hope for a good harvest. Hope for wealth and prosperity. The Lady of Despair is his greatest enemy, as she wants humanity to give up on their dreams and stop progressing."
"Is that so bad?" Lian asked lazily. "Humans lie, steal, and kill one another for their dreams. Hope… is merely a nicer name for Greed. This world would be a much better place, if humans stopped struggling and accepted the inevitable."
"That is a very pessimistic way to look at the world." Xochitl disagreed with her.
"Well, I am a very pessimistic person." Lian gave a shrug. "So, how do we get inside the temple?"
"The High Priests of Cibola left warnings." Xochitl resumed translating the markings. "They wrote that Lady of Despair must never be allowed to enter the Sacred Temple or take possession of its treasures, because there are certain magical artifacts hidden inside that could greatly increase her power over humanity. However, they also wrote that the entrance to the Sacred Temple is warded with blood magic. Magic that the Lady of Despair can never overcome, because she would never sacrifice herself in order to touch the Sun."
"What does that mean?" You felt uneasy, wondering if the Archdemon of Sloth was using you as a tool.
"My people believe that the Tona, or the human heart, contains a fragment of Istli, or the Sun's heat." Xochitl explained the sacred beliefs of her people. "A mortal human can touch the Sun, or reach the divine, by sacrificing their heart. However, the sacrifice must be made voluntarily, or it would not work."
"I don't understand why anyone would ever volunteer to sacrifice their own heart." Lian muttered, while examining the markings and drawings on the stone floor behind the Golden Serpent's statue.
"Every year, a number of sacrifices were randomly chosen for the heart-extraction ritual," Xochitl replied. "Sometimes, people would volunteer as tribute to spare the lives of their loved ones. Parents offering their heart, so that their children may live. Older siblings giving up everything… for the sake of their younger brother or sister. The High Priests considered this to be the greatest sacrifice."
So that is the game you were playing. You were filled with a dark rage, when you finally realized why Acedia had accepted your heart in exchange for the life of your sister. It was never about you or your sister, was it? No, you were always pawns in a greater game. A power struggle between the Archdemon of Sloth and the Archdemon of Greed.
What are your thoughts?
[] The only thing that matters is your sister's life and freedom. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win.[] You wanted to hurt Acedia for how she had manipulated you and your sister.
[] Write In.
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[X] The only thing that matters is your sister's life and freedom. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win
[X] The only thing that matters is your sister's life and freedom. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win
Yes. When are you continueing the Lord of Darkwood?
[X] The only thing that matters is your sister's life and freedom. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win.
You seem to have confused me with someone else, my dude.
Could be. But if two different questing sites happend to have a QM with very similar name, similar writing style, similar themes, similar dice rolling mechanics and similar way of presenting choices, it is a easy assumption to make.
Vote closed
Chapter 1.10: Lost Treasure
Chapter 1.10: Lost Treasure
Vote Tally : The Heartless Demonologist: A Grimbright Fantasy Quest Original - Fantasy | Page 10 | Sufficient Velocity [Posts: 232-246]
##### NetTally 3.1.4
[X] The only thing that matters is your sister's life and freedom. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win
No. of Votes: 6
[X] Witherbrine26
[X] Altom
[X] Ghost in the sun
[X] LLuL
[X] POTDL
[X] Varder
[X] You wanted to hurt Acedia for how she had manipulated you and your sister.
No. of Votes: 4
[x] TimEd
[X] Jack727
[X] LordEdric
[X] Mirage
[X] You question whether escaping the grasp of the Archdemon of Sloth just to play into the hands of the Archdemon of Greed is worth it. You refuse to participate in the game any longer.
No. of Votes: 2
[X] sportoner
[X] Anglers
Total No. of Voters: 12
##### NetTally 3.1.4
[X] The only thing that matters is your sister's life and freedom. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win
No. of Votes: 6
[X] Witherbrine26
[X] Altom
[X] Ghost in the sun
[X] LLuL
[X] POTDL
[X] Varder
[X] You wanted to hurt Acedia for how she had manipulated you and your sister.
No. of Votes: 4
[x] TimEd
[X] Jack727
[X] LordEdric
[X] Mirage
[X] You question whether escaping the grasp of the Archdemon of Sloth just to play into the hands of the Archdemon of Greed is worth it. You refuse to participate in the game any longer.
No. of Votes: 2
[X] sportoner
[X] Anglers
Total No. of Voters: 12
You decided that the only things that mattered were the life and freedom of your little sister. You would save her, even if it meant letting Acedia win, and sacrificing what little you had left.
You knew that you were not strong enough to win against an Archdemon, whose power could bend the world to her will. Your individual actions and choices would never be enough to change the world. The best you could hope for were personal victories. Preserving your own happiness and saving those you loved.
"Let me try to open it." You said in a calm voice, gesturing towards the hidden door to the Sacred Temple.
"Are you sure?" Xochitl asked in a hesitant voice. "It says that to open it, one must make a blood sacrifice–"
"I already have." You said in a calm voice, without going into any more details.
You took a deep breath and touched the door. It creaked open for the first time in centuries, revealing an open path to the room within.
That was when Lian placed a hand on your shoulder, and whispered, "I am sorry."
The world faded with her words.
When you regained consciousness, you found yourself alone with Xochitl.
A third person was supposed to be with you, but you could not recall their name or who they were.
"Are you all right?" Xochitl asked, her voice touched with genuine concern.
"I am… whole." You whispered softly, as you felt your heart beating in your chest.
The door to the the Sacred Temple was still open. You entered with hesitant steps. There was no gold inside, nor any otherworldly magical relics left behind by the Old Ones.
Instead, you found a little girl, innocent and unassuming.
"Big brother?" she called out, looking up at you with wide eyes full of wonder.
The End
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Oh it ended already?
After Credits
This was always planned as a short, fast-paced quest. I thought about doing multiple battles, but the JRPG inspired turn based battle system takes too long on a forum.
I also considered doing puzzles and riddles, but again it would probably take too long.
Cibola was based on the Seven Cities of Gold.
The heart extraction ritual was inspired by actual Aztec human sacrifice.
It fit pretty nicely with the already established "Heartless Demonologist" theme.
The legend of the Golden Serpent was primarily based on the K'uk'ulkan (Plumed Serpent) from Mayan Mythology.
The Archdemon of Greed, Avaritia, was already established as being born human and having turned into a demon because of their endless greed.
It made sense to connect them to the legend of the Golden Serpent, and introduce them as a rival to the Archdemon of Sloth.
I also connected other evil serpents from mythology (the Níðhöggr and Apep) to the legend.
The Nagual was also taken from Mesoamerican mythology.
This was Grimbright, so Daemon was never going to take down a Lord of Hell. Rescuing his sister and getting his heart back was the best he could hope for.
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