Fate/Why am I doing this?

[Nanimani]

It was a beautiful night in Fuyuki. For how long this would be, no one could say for sure. Surely there was a reason Chaldea'd come in, even before there was fire and screaming.


I... woke up? That's not quite the right way to say that. I opened my eyes, feeling like I wasn't awake a few seconds ago. In front of me... Was that Medea? Seriously? Oh, I get it. IIII get it. Sheesh, I needed to shut it with the Fate/Unknown. Kinda surprised it wasn't Jeanne Alter, honestly. Wait, I must've been summoned. Okay, who am I this dream? My tail waves behind me as I consider...

My tail just waved behind me. My tail. I'm a fucking idiot. Of course I'm Tamamo. Okay... Okay, I can do this. Be the foxgirl, Taylor. Do it.

"One vul..." Nope, I can't do it. To embarrassing. I feel a blush rise up my face in embarrassment and force myself to continue on another tack. A finger rises to my chin as I pretend to think. "Um... You don't look like a Master. More like a Caster, honestly? Mind telling me what you did with my Master?" Well, she probably was them. On the other hand, a fight would be really fun. Um... So Witchcraft means I throw hairs at people that do things... Alright, once it starts, I'll transform some hairs into my grip, enchant them, and make a firestorm! This is gonna be fun!

 

[BlackHadou]

Tap. Tap. Tap.

My eyes opened. It was dark and dreary.

Treasure Treasure Treasure

The little voice in my head wasn't helping at all.

"Oh shut up."

That wasn't my voice. That wasn't my voice at all. A quick glance down revealed a depressing black jacket.

"Oh fantastic." If this was how Gilgamesh always felt, then suddenly it was perfectly understandable that he was a complete asshole.

The question briefly became 'Where am I', before it occured to me that I had a minor issue.

I look like Gilgamesh.

Literally anyone who knows who Gilgamesh is, is going to try and kill me.

Solution...

"Where is it."

My hand enters that golden gate with nary a thought. It's like a god damned puppy, a few priceless treasures toppling out as I opened many more gates then intended.

"Ah ha."

I knew I had the right thing from the moment I laid eyes on it. Most of this stuff was of no real value. Proceless sword. Priceless spear. Priceless dragon slaying implement. The specifics eluded me. This, though, was a priceless youth giver.

"Suppose that Collector ranks useful for something."

In a word, the potion of youth tasted horrible, but at least I... Hopefully, didn't have a giant ass target on my back.

"Clothes... Clothes..."

Well, this one might take a little longer, more priceless treasures noisily clattering around me. The shear amount of crap is mindboggling.

 

[Logos]

Fuyuki City. The Fifth Holy Grail War.

I recognized this place, to an extent. My perspective was usually from reading about it though, not from looking upon the city from the eyes of one of the participants. I recognized who I was looking through, as well. Medea of Colchis, Caster, and weakest Servant in the war.

There were differences, though. The person currently anchoring me to the world was Issei, for one. And where there was one difference, there would be others. Me, for example. At this point, it was supposed to be Medea playing the role of Caster, not me. And yet, here I am, a person from another world, Medea merely a set of memories in the back of my head. Personally, I'm blaming Zelretch until further notice.

It wouldn't do to dwell on how this situation came to be, however. I can deal with that later. For now, unless something changed on that front, I'm one of the seven people who needs to die in order to summon the Holy Grail. I'm not much of a fan of dieing, and even less of a fan of dieing for the chance of a corrupted wish that, even if it went through as intended, would see the world erasing Fuyuki.

Problem: I am the weakest Servant in the war in regards to direct combat. Magic Resistance will blunt my spells, at best, or at worst let Saber walk through everything I have. Well, almost everything. Given the performance of the Dragons Teeth Warriors against Saber, conjured fighters weren't dispelled by Magic Resistance. And it was a Grail War, home of the most powerful familiars in the setting that I was aware of. Not sure if TYPES count as familiars or not, but hopefully that question would remain academic for the foreseeable future.

Regardless, another Servant would even the scale significantly, and buy time until things could be fixed. If nothing else, Sasaki had proven quite competent at keeping people out of the temple. Medea, in her war, had located and ambushed the Master of Assassin before the summoning could finish and completed it herself.

I wasn't so inclined towards killing. I could, but I suspected there were other ways available. Better ways. The ritual said that the grail would be summoned when six Servants died, but Medea had been able to subvert that. With the same set of skills and knowledge at my disposal, what was to say that I couldn't subvert the part about seven Servants being summoned.

The Grail was connected to the leylines... most of which ran right into this mountaintop. Into my Temple. A temple to Hecate, as it so happened, goddess of necromancy and ghosts amongst other things. It might not be a perfect match, and the Age of the Gods was over anyway, but it was magic. Maybe it cared about such things?

So it was beneath the gaze of the statue of the Titan that I drew my circle. I didn't remember much of the chant, but I did recall that it didn't particularly matter. I simply spoke. "Come to me, spirit of heroic nature; I have need of your service. If you assent, then step from the circle."

It was a beautiful night in Fuyuki. For how long this would be, no one could say for sure. Surely there was a reason Chaldea'd come in, even before there was fire and screaming.


I... woke up? That's not quite the right way to say that. I opened my eyes, feeling like I wasn't awake a few seconds ago. In front of me... Was that Medea? Seriously? Oh, I get it. IIII get it. Sheesh, I needed to shut it with the Fate/Unknown. Kinda surprised it wasn't Jeanne Alter, honestly. Wait, I must've been summoned. Okay, who am I this dream? My tail waves behind me as I consider...

My tail just waved behind me. My tail. I'm a fucking idiot. Of course I'm Tamamo. Okay... Okay, I can do this. Be the foxgirl, Taylor. Do it.

"One vul..." Nope, I can't do it. To embarrassing. I feel a blush rise up my face in embarrassment and force myself to continue on another tack. A finger rises to my chin as I pretend to think. "Um... You don't look like a Master. More like a Caster, honestly? Mind telling me what you did with my Master?" Well, she probably was them. On the other hand, a fight would be really fun. Um... So Witchcraft means I throw hairs at people that do things... Alright, once it starts, I'll transform some hairs into my grip, enchant them, and make a firestorm! This is gonna be fun!

Click to shrink...

That... was not Sasaki Kojouro. In fact, that greatly resembled Tamamo no Mae, as she appeared in Fate/Extra. I did not, however, recall her being this shy, or prone to embarrassment. "I am your Master, at least so far as the standards of a Grail War go. I have summoned you, through me you will gain the mana to fight, and I bear three command seals which can be used to enhance you in a time of need. So, if we can avoid fighting, I'd prefer it.

"That said, I rather suspect things are not as they should be. Tell me, are you Tamamo no Mae, or someone else implanted into her body?"

 

[Khawy]

".....Protector of the Balance!"

My mouth moved on its own, eyes blinking in surprise. What in the world was I saying? Actually, where am I? All these fancy, schmancy looking decors and furnitures were way too high class for anything around in my house. Looking at my stretched arm, I noticed something rather peculiar. Namely, the long, blue, ruffled sleeve and white glove that were now covering my forearm and hand.

And also, the fact that were some blond bangs just creeping into the top edge of my vision. Heck, I felt like there was something pulling on my head constantly. Something really, really heavy.

And not to mention that my body felt...weird. Like stronger, but at the same time, really out of balance. But before I could inspect my arm properly, a huge cloud of smoke blew past against my face. And of course, I moved my arms to block my face from the noxious fumes. Peeking an eye out, I see a huge silhouette in the midst of the smoke. I took a step back in response, my instinct yelling at me to run and hide.

But just as I did, I unceremoniously fell on my back side. My foot ached like hell. I grunted in pain, arms falling sideways to push myself off the floor. But I stopped. Head turned sideway, my eyes widened in surprise at what I saw. Long, curled blond hairs coming down from my scalp, probably the reason for the weight I felt earlier. Like a mass of hair drills, more like. I panicked and my eyes darted wildly to the rest of my body.

....

Scratch blond hair-drills, it's blonde hair-drills. I was dressed in some sort of very garish and fancy blue blouse, with some white lace and ruffles running down the middle. And my bottom half was covered in some blue long dress. The useless meats hanging on my chest clearly told me to add the 'e' to blond denote the state of my body. The reason why I tripped stepping backward was because of the high platform boots I was currently wearing.

What the fuck?

Such vulgarity! A beautiful daughter of the Edelfelt would never speak like a commoner.

Indeed, I, Luviagelita, would never speak in such a manner. Such tastelessness and indecency can only be expected of those Tohsaka rats!

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

That's not my name. And why do I care about some fictional family, and Luviagelita was definitely not my name. That's not me at all! My name is....uhhh. It's.....Bondo? Yeah, yeah, that sounded about right. I am Bondo, shitposter extraordinaire!

I think? No, not think. Definitely, Bondo is me, and I am Bondo. Not Luviagelita Edelfelt. Who travelled to Fuyuki City just to have a shot at the Tohsaka and reclaim my- the Edelfelt family's honor, from their lost in the Third Holy Grail War.

As I was lost in thought, the smoke was beginning to clear up, the huge silhouette's white mane becoming quite clear in my vision.

"Servant, your Master require assistance in getting up." My mouth moved on its own, in a voice foreign yet familiar to me. I stretched my arm out to the giant, musclebound Servant in front of me. The red Command Seals shining through my white glove.

@Bladestar123

 

[spiderlord4]

Wriggle.
Wriggle.
Wriggle, wriggle.
Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle.
WRIGGLE!

When would it stop, all I could hear was the sounds of what seemed to be worms crawling around, except the sound was everywhere. In my ears. Around my body. Even inside my head, it never stopped! The worms constantly moving and crawling and writhing and shaking and eating.

Wait. What could they be eating?

Then I could see...
I wished I couldn't...
Bones, Human bones everywhere, layers upon layers some fresher than others, some even with strips of flesh hanging off.
Bodies; men, women, children, all were present reduced to but rotting meat for abominations of worms to digest in this pit I was trapped in.

I needed out. I needed to escape! I needed it to stop!
It did. They ceased moving. Then almost hurriedly they bonded together crawling over each other to strap together into a facsimile of bones, muscles, flesh. A thousand eyes stared at me from robes made of worms dyed blackish brown from congealed blood and mould. Robes I myself was wearing as the tsunami of arthropods became one almost human body.

The body of an old man, a monster, a Matou. Zouken Matou; now myself. I was in the body (As much as I had one now anyways) of a character from Fate Stay/ Night. I was the Spiderlord4, proud lurker of a surprising number of forum threads, not the Old Man of the Worms. I needed out of this room, see if anyone else was in this situation, not that they wouldn't kill this body on sight, but oh well, such was life. After all now I could just get back up...

Yet even as I finished reforming outside the pit filled with worms, filled with my lesser bodied I could't help shiver. Couldn't help try to brush off the centuries of bloody murder that stained these hands.
I ran from the worm pit as though this body I had formed was that of an athlete rather than worms in the form of a pensioner. I ran upstairs to check on those Zouken had abused for so long, Shinji and Sakura...

 

[Nanimani]

That... was not Sasaki Kojouro. In fact, that greatly resembled Tamamo no Mae, as she appeared in Fate/Extra. I did not, however, recall her being this shy, or prone to embarrassment. "I am your Master, at least so far as the standards of a Grail War go. I have summoned you, through me you will gain the mana to fight, and I bear three command seals which can be used to enhance you in a time of need. So, if we can avoid fighting, I'd prefer it.

Click to shrink...

Oh damn it... Why does she have to be reasonable? I can't go and attack a reasonable person?

"That said, I rather suspect things are not as they should be. Tell me, are you Tamamo no Mae, or someone else implanted into her body?"

Click to shrink...

Shit. Quick, Taylor, what would Tamamo do? Not say she was Tamamo! Hah! So I have to say the truth! But that might make Medea unhappy... Okay, say it in a bad liar manner! "Urgh..." I sigh dramatically, shoulders falling. "Would it be too much ask you to forget my lamer-than-intended entrance, wipe that name from your mind, and just think of me as a mysterious fox Caster you've summoned?"

Wait what, that didn't come out at all like I've intended. Ah well, it works. It's in character, right? Right?!

 

[God and the Snake]

The cicadas were chirping.

He'd found them interesting, once (insects had long been under his family's repertoire, after all). They lived underground for seven years then, when the time was right, they'd crawl out of the earth, let out their mating call, and die two weeks later. He'd thought it hilariously macabre back then.

Now, he despised them: They were too much like metaphors for him to trust.

But, Shinji considered as he drew the last bloody sigil into the dirt, he supposed he could relate to that.

Wiping the cow blood off from his finger, he pulled a small index card from his jacket's inner pocket and began to read it aloud.

"[Mineral] is the origin. [Nonsensical wordpile] is the cornerstone. The ancestor is [arbitrary individual who probably doesn't even exist]. The [metaphor about power] becomes [symbolism about protection]. The [nonsensical wordpile, fill time for about thirty seconds]
Shut (fill) [xCurrent Sacred Number]
Repeat every [current sacred number] times.
Simply, shatter once filled.

――――I announce.

[Rhetorically ask if they want a damn wish or not] O keeper of the balance!"

Shinji nodded to himself as the light peaked, consuming his backyard. 'Nailed it.'

@Look to the Left

 

[LaRed]

Slowly I breathed, just a moment ago I had shut my eyes as if to wince because someone had taken a picture with the flash on.

Bastards, they knew I always flinch with the flash on.

My eyes opened, and I knew something was wrong immediately, first thing I noticed was that I could feel something in my guts, I don't know, humming, emitting warmth? The second thing was that there was no camera in front of me and that I appeared to be in a basement, or a shed I suppose.

Right, first thing I should do is move over to the window and use the light from outside to get a good look at myself, I mean I had a decent idea but I had to be absolutely sure.

Stepping into the window view I notice several things, my hair, clothes, and face are that of Shirou Emiya.

Well I mean, the kid's healthy more or less, so it's an improvement over the old me. Though I doubt this is gonna hold up once Taiga realizes I can't cook for shit.

Okay, think Erik, think, it's gotta be right before the fifth war starts. I mean why else would I get put in Shirou's body? All I have to do is summon Saber and meet up with the other Masters, shouldn't be that hard right?

Well, aside from surviving contact with the other Masters, I mean I've been pretty lucky with medical complications so far, but I very much doubt that the wonders of my luck or a hospital can save me from getting pasted by Berserker.

Searching the floor until I find the edge of something done in red, I move the boxes covering the summoning circle and start to focus on Avalon as a catalyst, better not to waste time with the chant.

I close my eyes again and feel the air moving throughout the room, and when I open them I see a woman in armor standing before me.
@Nathaniel Wolff

 

[Logos]

Oh damn it... Why does she have to be reasonable? I can't go and attack a reasonable person?

Shit. Quick, Taylor, what would Tamamo do? Not say she was Tamamo! Hah! So I have to say the truth! But that might make Medea unhappy... Okay, say it in a bad liar manner! "Urgh..." I sigh dramatically, shoulders falling. "Would it be too much ask you to forget my lamer-than-intended entrance, wipe that name from your mind, and just think of me as a mysterious fox Caster you've summoned?"

Wait what, that didn't come out at all like I've intended. Ah well, it works. It's in character, right? Right?!

Click to shrink...

Beneath the hood shadowing my face, saving me from a futile effort to moderate facial expressions from a Servant, I smiled... wait, the mouth wasn't hidden by this. Well, the only way through is forward. "Very well, Mysterious Fox Caster. I am Logos, and I'd like to work with you to survive this farce of a war."

So saying, I turned, and began to leave the temple. The ritual circle, I left untouched. There was apparently a ritual for disposing of waste materials from rituals, and I didn't particularly feel like offending the goddess said ritual was dedicated to by doing it improperly in her temple.

 

[Borrowing]

It's starting.

My eyes snapped open at a nearly breakneck pace. The words had given me a chilling feeling - almost as if something had happened to me, as if something was wrong. It was the late night, it seemed, from the low light of my room - I could see some moonlight. I sighed, something which sounded a bit lighter than normal.

"Watashi wa osoraku... matsu hitsuyo... ga arimasu..." I trailed off. I knew what I was saying - I was saying 'I should probably wait' - and I understood the words. There was just one - well, two - problems: A) This wasn't English. B) That was not my voice.

"What the hell?" I said, just to confirm what had happened - and much to my surprise, it came out more like 'nantekotta i?' And I understood it perfectly - hell, after some thought, I realised I was thinking it right now. I was speaking Japanese. What was more pressing, however, was my voice - it sounded like a young girl's voice, right out of an anime.

I sat up, feeling the long flowing hair of my body that I had apparently gained overnight brushing against my pyjamas. At least, it felt like I was wearing pyjamas.

An odd sense - or maybe not so odd, considering the way I was - of fulfillment filled my heart; a sense of belonging, like this body was mine, unlike my old body. I smiled.

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness by now, and one of two things had to be true - either this world was huge, or I was Tiny McSmallgirl, and considering Occam's Razor, the latter was probably the case.

If you think I was calm, though, don't get me wrong; I was still pretty fucking terrified. This was out of my comfort zone - I had no idea what was going on, and I had just woken up in an unfamiliar body, and was perfectly understanding Japanese. Thankfully, the adrenaline was keeping it from setting in for a bit longer.

The room, though, looked Fancy - with the capital F. It looked like one of those ancient Renaissance-era castles - that weren't actually that ancient but I digress - with walls with all fancy things on them. I don't really know what they were called.

I did, however, spot a mirror out of the corner of my eye - the light of the moon reflected off it, a bright silver light. Blinking to make sure it was there, I stood up, searching for something that provided light - anything.

After searching for a few seconds, and not finding anything, I shrugged, scooched over off the bed, and carefully hopped off.

I felt a little off-balance as I walked towards the mirror - it was a body-length mirror, and I was tiny. But when I reached it and looked into it, my eyes widened - and surprisingly, where I would have normally gotten even more terrified, an odd calm filled my body. I smiled. "So, I'm Illyasviel von Einzbern, eh? This should be interesting..

 

[notmi]

Brushing the annoyingly long hair back away from my face for what seemed the millionth time, I stared down at the haphazard circle of blood drawn on the bedroom floor. This had to work, or I was fucked. Totally, one hundred percent fucked, in more ways than one.

"Well, the chant is mostly symbolic, right? It's the thought that counts? I hope."

I held my hand out, the things in my chest twisting uncomfortably when I grasped my unfamiliar power. My hand glowed, a faint indent of symbols growing stronger.

"Whoever the strongest Servant I can manage that isn't an asshole is, I summon you. Please don't kill me."

@Sucal

 

[Nanimani]

Beneath the hood shadowing my face, saving me from a futile effort to moderate facial expressions from a Servant, I smiled... wait, the mouth wasn't hidden by this. Well, the only way through is forward. "Very well, Mysterious Fox Caster. I am Logos, and I'd like to work with you to survive this farce of a war."

So saying, I turned, and began to leave the temple. The ritual circle, I left untouched. There was apparently a ritual for disposing of waste materials from rituals, and I didn't particularly feel like offending the goddess said ritual was dedicated to by doing it improperly in her temple.

Click to shrink...

Logos? Urgh, SI? Really? This isn't like Unknown at alllll!
...He's totally the type to be Medea, though.

Well, not much I can do but follow behind. Hum, Logos is Medea and summoned me instead of Kojiro... Hum... Maleficium can at least partially get past MR, being EX and all, but... Urgh, Herc. Hopefully he's different. I don't wanna know what dying feels like, even in a dream. I mean, I could just make myself omnipotent. This is my dream after all. Still, that'd break the rules of the setting. Maybe if I'm about to die. No, definitely if I'm about to die. I don't want 'You die in the dream, you die in real life' to come up, if that's real.

Hum... I could play dumb and ask about such an obvious pseudonym as 'an appeal to reason', but... Eh, she's letting me go on without challenging Tamamo's fake identity, and that's even flimsier. She wouldn't poke that, not when the barrier's so fragile. Instead... "So, does my new Master know who any of the enemies are?"

 

[The Fourth Monado]

Slowly I breathed, just a moment ago I had shut my eyes as if to wince because someone had taken a picture with the flash on.

Bastards, they knew I always flinch with the flash on.

My eyes opened, and I knew something was wrong immediately, first thing I noticed was that I could feel something in my guts, I don't know, humming, emitting warmth? The second thing was that there was no camera in front of me and that I appeared to be in a basement, or a shed I suppose.

Right, first thing I should do is move over to the window and use the light from outside to get a good look at myself, I mean I had a decent idea but I had to be absolutely sure.

Stepping into the window view I notice several things, my hair, clothes, and face are that of Shirou Emiya.

Well I mean, the kid's healthy more or less, so it's an improvement over the old me. Though I doubt this is gonna hold up once Taiga realizes I can't cook for shit.

Okay, think Erik, think, it's gotta be right before the fifth war starts. I mean why else would I get put in Shirou's body? All I have to do is summon Saber and meet up with the other Masters, shouldn't be that hard right?

Well, aside from surviving contact with the other Masters, I mean I've been pretty lucky with medical complications so far, but I very much doubt that the wonders of my luck or a hospital can save me from getting pasted by Berserker.

Searching the floor until I find the edge of something done in red, I move the boxes covering the summoning circle and start to focus on Avalon as a catalyst, better not to waste time with the chant.

I close my eyes again and feel the air moving throughout the room, and when I open them I see a woman in armor standing before me.
@Nathaniel Wolff

Click to shrink...

For a moment, the circle lay unresponsive. Then, light began to glimmer from its center, before erupting soundlessly into a pillar of light. As it died down, a feminine figure was suddenly standing there, eyes closed. Then, they slowly opened...

-{-0-}-

...Huh.

Why am I standing up? I went to bed after one last shitpost on the chatroom, then...

Weird. Okay, Nathaniel, take stock.

I'm not wearing shorts at the moment; Instead, if I had to guess, I'm wearing a... dress? Didn't think Will was that sort of guy.

I'm also holding something. Feels like a handle.

Odd. Better open my eyes and take stock of the situation.

Blinking, I opened my eyes to see a shed of some sort, filled with tools and objects of some sorts. Before me, Shirou Emiya stood, taking in the sight.

I look down at myself, to see a blue dress with armor plates on it. Quick glances at my hands reveal armored gloves, one of which cluched a shimmering ripple in the air.

Huh. Not even Proto Saber. What an odd dream.

Something tugs at the back of my mind. I ignore it, instead looking to the boy standing in front of me.

"Shirou Emiya, I presume?"

 

[LaRed]

For a moment, the circle lay unresponsive. Then, light began to glimmer from its center, before erupting soundlessly into a pillar of light. As it died down, a feminine figure was suddenly standing there, eyes closed. Then, they slowly opened...

-{-0-}-

...Huh.

Why am I standing up? I went to bed after one last shitpost on the chatroom, then...

Weird. Okay, Nathaniel, take stock.

I'm not wearing shorts at the moment; Instead, if I had to guess, I'm wearing a... dress? Didn't think Will was that sort of guy.

I'm also holding something. Feels like a handle.

Odd. Better open my eyes and take stock of the situation.

Blinking, I opened my eyes to see a shed of some sort, filled with tools and objects of some sorts. Before me, Shirou Emiya stood, taking in the sight.

I look down at myself, to see a blue dress with armor plates on it. Quick glances at my hands reveal armored gloves, one of which cluched a shimmering ripple in the air.

Huh. Not even Proto Saber. What an odd dream.

Something tugs at the back of my mind. I ignore it, instead looking to the boy standing in front of me.

"Shirou Emiya, I presume?"

Click to shrink...

"Uh, yes?" Weird, not even doing the whole "Are you my Master?" thing, is Saber like Shir-er, me? And is everyone like this?

Oh god please tell me Taiga didn't get replaced with someone lewd or annoying, I think I'd be praying for a bad end at that point.

Getting back on track, I decide to test the 'King of Knights', "Yes I am, though I find it odd you didn't ask if I was your Master 'Saber', or should I call you 'Sader'? Are you like me or did I somehow a different Artoria?"

 

[Logos]

Logos? Urgh, SI? Really? This isn't like Unknown at alllll!
...He's totally the type to be Medea, though.

Well, not much I can do but follow behind. Hum, Logos is Medea and summoned me instead of Kojiro... Hum... Maleficium can at least partially get past MR, being EX and all, but... Urgh, Herc. Hopefully he's different. I don't wanna know what dying feels like, even in a dream. I mean, I could just make myself omnipotent. This is my dream after all. Still, that'd break the rules of the setting. Maybe if I'm about to die. No, definitely if I'm about to die. I don't want 'You die in the dream, you die in real life' to come up, if that's real.

Hum... I could play dumb and ask about such an obvious pseudonym as 'an appeal to reason', but... Eh, she's letting me go on without challenging Tamamo's fake identity, and that's even flimsier. She wouldn't poke that, not when the barrier's so fragile. Instead... "So, does my new Master know who any of the enemies are?"

Click to shrink...

And here was where limited information would be a pain. "There are two scenarios I find plausible, depending on whether a certain event for which I am blaming Zelretch until further notice is limited in scope or widespread. If the changes are limited, then our opponents are likely to be Arturia Pendragon as Saber, a counter guardian by the name of EMIYA as Archer, Cu Chulain as Lancer, Medusa as Rider, Herakles as Berserker, and Hassan i Sabbah as Assassin.

"If the changes are widespread, or if I broke something unexpected by summoning you, then that roster may be inaccurate. Whether you were effected or not would be a decent indicator, Mysterious Fox Caster." If she wanted to be evasive, fine. I'd just keep drawing attention to it until it became too awkward to keep up. For now, there were bigger things to worry about, like making sure no-one barreled through here and killed us before things could be fixed.

 

[Borrowing]

I grunted, trying to concentrate. I 'Hnggg'ed, I 'Grrr'ed, and onomatopoeia'd for hours - but still, it didn't matter. I couldn't activate my magic circuits.

"Dammit, why isn't this working?" I said, opening my scrunched up hands and eyes. My new had were dainty and soft. A bit weird for someone who'd lived their whole life with rougher hands, but I liked it. Still, I needed to find a way to activate my magic circuits. And what better place to find something like that than a library? And considering thr size of this place, it probably had a library.

There was just one problem: I didn't know where it was. I had also forgotten the names of Illya's maids - I thought they were Sella and Leysritt, but I wasn't sure, and that meant that I wasn't going to shout.

That meant that there was one option to help me look for the library. I gulped. Hopefully this was going to work out better than how I saw it would.

"Berserker!" I shouted, my voice still surprisingly light even with how loud it was. "I need you!"

@IKnowNothing

 

[Nanimani]

And here was where limited information would be a pain. "There are two scenarios I find plausible, depending on whether a certain event for which I am blaming Zelretch until further notice is limited in scope or widespread. If the changes are limited, then our opponents are likely to be Arturia Pendragon as Saber, a counter guardian by the name of EMIYA as Archer, Cu Chulain as Lancer, Medusa as Rider, Herakles as Berserker, and Hassan i Sabbah as Assassin.

"If the changes are widespread, or if I broke something unexpected by summoning you, then that roster may be inaccurate. Whether you were effected or not would be a decent indicator, Mysterious Fox Caster." If she wanted to be evasive, fine. I'd just keep drawing attention to it until it became too awkward to keep up. For now, there were bigger things to worry about, like making sure no-one barreled through here and killed us before things could be fixed.

Click to shrink...

"Zelretch?" Not like Tamamo'd know who that was, after all.
More importantly, gaaaaah, she's persistent. Can't tell her I'm Tamamo, can't tell her I'm me. So I guess this is just going to keep up, then. For a little, at least. When I'm sure she's going to, then... Ah, that's for later. Hum... Well, obviously, I know what the changes are. Would Tamamo? "Hum..." I shift a fingernail, growing it to look as a claw. No, it doesn't feel right, but it's something I can do. I shift it back. "No, I don't think I am."
As for the Servants... I lean in a bit closer to my Master, tail swishing anxiously.

"Wow, that's a lot more detailed than I thought you'd say. I have such a talented Master!" It's something to be thankful for, me-wait, no, that's metaknowledge, stop convincing yourself. "With you supporting me, I'm sure I can handle them!" True love conquers a-stop that!

"Um..." Okay, Arturia and EMIYA are problems, but the worst... "Maybe not Herakles." Gah, if I had all nine tails, I could tie him in a knot! "I'm not exactly weak, but Herakles..." I have to give a shudder, thinking of that fight. "Well, it's fine! We can just kill his Master, right?"

Distantly, a voice asks me if I really want to kill his Master. Illya, whoever's replaced with Illya, neither are those I actually want to kill. I shut it up with a reminder that this is my dream, and I'll be treating it the way I want to, thank you very much!

 

[LostDeviljho]

My balance was off. Swaying slightly, I tightened my grip on my shield to steady myself as I adjusted my center of gravity.

Wait. Shield? Opening my eyes, I was confronted by a giant cross-shaped shield larger than I was. My eyes focused on the dainty feminine hand gripping the handle set in the center of the shield, before trailing up the arm to the elbow, then to the shoulder, and then to the cheeeest... Are those...?

I raised a hand and poked my chest, and a second dainty hand rose into view and prodded one of the breasts in response. Sensory feedback indicated that yes, those were boobs, and yes, they were attached to me.

Okay. That was... not normal for my dreams, last I checked (nor was lucid dreaming, come to think of it). Still, I could deal with this. Just, uhhh, focus on something else. Ascertain situation now, experience body dysphoria later. Or never, never was good too.

Looking around, everything felt slightly off. The scale of everything was different, not what I was used to... I supposed that made sense. I'm pretty tall normally, and girls are generally shorter than guys, so I guess I'm short now? Whatever. Just... look around see if there's anyone nearby-

My eyes lit on a girl standing nearby, easily recognizable, what with the uniform and the red hair in the iconic side-ponytail. The word spilled out before I realized I had spoken.

"Senpai?"

 

[Sucal]

@notmi

The blond woman didn't even begin to finish manifesting before she frantically started looking around. First at her own clothing, then at the room she was summoned into, and finally into space, as if she was currently considering what to say.

"Huh, so that's what that feels like, kind of tingly really"

Scrunching up her face for a second, the blond armoured figure rippled slightly and then wasn't armoured any more. At least for a few seconds anyway, until she realised what she'd been wearing underneath the armour. Then it quickly came back at high speed, and her face was tinged with pink. There was an awkward silence, for a few minutes, as if she was hoping it was all a dream.

"Hi, I'm Servant Berserker, and can I raid your wardrobe? Apparently whoever is in charge of costume design is a massive pervert, and if I have to go about like this I'll slip into Mad Enhancement. Grrr"

 

[ApocalypticFish]

I heard a loud crash, my eyes opening for a brief moment, before slamming shut as the urge to throw up hit me like a train.

The latter wasn't particularly odd in and of itself; after all, I had problems with acid reflux (admittedly, my own fault), and tended to wake up in a state of moderate discomfort in the morning because of it.

However, rather than said moderate discomfort, I instead felt like my stomach was trying to jump out of my mouth.

Nevertheless, I got my bearings in order, and tried to get up--wait, since when was I standing up?

I opened my eyes back up again, and...red carpet? Since when did we have that?

My head swiveled around, and indeed, nothing about it looked like my house.

I started running about the place, moving as quietly as I could, panic flooding my thoughts and nerves. Where was I, why was I here, where was my family, wh--

Something in the corner of my eye caught my attention. My skin seemed different, somehow...

Slowing to a stop, I lifted my hand up and examined it. And then, I looked down at myself.

Red shirt, black skirt...pantyhose...shoes.

"...Oh, this is a dream. Thank goodness."

There was no way that I had actually turned into Rin Tohsaka. That would be stupid and dumb.

...but then again, my dreams were never this real. The most realistic one I had was a lucid dream, and I still felt floaty and weird in that way you did in dreams. There was no such feeling here.

I decided to test the theory that this was a dream, by trying to make myself turn back into how I normally look.

...

Nope, nothing.

But there was no way this couldn't be a dream, but it had to be reality, but it couldn't--

As I internally battled over whether it was a dream or not, I absentmindedly started moving again, moving what I thought was randomly, until I arrived in a room that I absentmindedly noted as absolutely trashed.

--that broke me out of my stupor. I looked around the room, and my eyes landed on...

...well, as much despair as it would probably bring me, I finally decided that it was not a dream.

Because if it was, then my Servant would not be EMIYA.

@Lichte

 

[The Fourth Monado]

"Uh, yes?" Weird, not even doing the whole "Are you my Master?" thing, is Saber like Shir-er, me? And is everyone like this?

Oh god please tell me Taiga didn't get replaced with someone lewd or annoying, I think I'd be praying for a bad end at that point.

Getting back on track, I decide to test the 'King of Knights', "Yes I am, though I find it odd you didn't ask if I was your Master 'Saber', or should I call you 'Sader'? Are you like me or did I somehow a different Artoria?"

Click to shrink...

Sader? Oh boy....

Wait. Like me. Don't tell me.... DAMMIT BEN!

The ghost of a smile touches my lips as I meet Shirou's gaze. "I don't know. It depends... does the words 'Sufficient Velocity' and 'The Outer Chatroom' mean anything to you?"

 

[IKnowNothing]

My eyes snapped open and I found myself standing in.... a really nice room all things considered.

It looked like something straight out of a castle, fancy ceiling, bed, door, window, everything really.

It was a nice, calm bedroom on a nice night.

That being said, it wasn't my room.

So, food for thought, how the ever living hell did I end up in a- OH GOD WHERE IS MY BODY!?!

I'm transparent right now wtf!?

My body is supposed to be visible right now! I'm freaking out man!

Stop screaming.​

Oh shit and now I have another voice in my head! Are you going to tell me to shit-post better too? Because I already have Takoe telling me that and I can't find memes for shit!.

Zues' beard will you stop rambling and make sense!
​

Too scared!

DAMNIT!
​

I grunted, trying to concentrate. I 'Hnggg'ed, I 'Grrr'ed, and onomatopoeia'd for hours - but still, it didn't matter. I couldn't activate my magic circuits.

"Dammit, why isn't this working?" I said, opening my scrunched up hands and eyes. My new had were dainty and soft. A bit weird for someone who'd lived their whole life with rougher hands, but I liked it. Still, I needed to find a way to activate my magic circuits. And what better place to find something like that than a library? And considering thr size of this place, it probably had a library.

There was just one problem: I didn't know where it was. I had also forgotten the names of Illya's maids - I thought they were Sella and Leysritt, but I wasn't sure, and that meant that I wasn't going to shout.

That meant that there was one option to help me look for the library. I gulped. Hopefully this was going to work out better than how I saw it would.

"Berserker!" I shouted, my voice still surprisingly light even with how loud it was. "I need you!"

@IKnowNothing

Click to shrink...

...

...

Waitwaitwait.

That's Illya's voice.

Does that mean...

Stop hesitating and reveal yourself! Our master requires our service.​

Before I could stop myself, something clicks in my head. It feels like I'm forcing my way into a room that I'm already in. My body shimmers, and I find myself leaning down at Illya's bedside.

And holy shit, I, am, Ripped.

I'm at least ten feet tall with more muscles than any man had the right to have. I only had on a kilt so I could glance down and see just how monstrous I am. I'm also super tan and feel like I could lift a mountain and bench press that bitch.

... I'm Berserker Hercules right now aren't I?

You're a slow one aren't you?
​

OI! Of the two of us, which one spilled Hydra blood all over himself!

We need not talk about that.
​

Oh we're going to talk about that.

Will you at least acknowledge our master so she knows we can help?
​

Yeah fine, I'll talk to the loli.

... What?
​

Don't google that.


I look down at Illya and hesitate for a second. Should I just grunt? That's what Berserker would do in this situation. But there's also the possibility that she's the same as me. And I can't act for shit.

...

...

Ah fuck it.

"So are you on a big of a acid trip as I am? Because if you're not oh boy do I have some shit to tell you."

​

 

[Look to the Left]

The cicadas were chirping.

He'd found them interesting, once (insects had long been under his family's repertoire, after all). They lived underground for seven years then, when the time was right, they'd crawl out of the earth, let out their mating call, and die two weeks later. He'd thought it hilariously macabre back then.

Now, he despised them: They were too much like metaphors for him to trust.

But, Shinji considered as he drew the last bloody sigil into the dirt, he supposed he could relate to that.

Wiping the cow blood off from his finger, he pulled a small index card from his jacket's inner pocket and began to read it aloud.

"[Mineral] is the origin. [Nonsensical wordpile] is the cornerstone. The ancestor is [arbitrary individual who probably doesn't even exist]. The [metaphor about power] becomes [symbolism about protection]. The [nonsensical wordpile, fill time for about thirty seconds]
Shut (fill) [xCurrent Sacred Number]
Repeat every [current sacred number] times.
Simply, shatter once filled.

――――I announce.

[Rhetorically ask if they want a damn wish or not] O keeper of the balance!"

Shinji nodded to himself as the light peaked, consuming his backyard. 'Nailed it.'

@Look to the Left

Click to shrink...

Okay... just need to finish this update then... wait, what's this bright flash? No, no, no wait I need to finish this and... no... nope. Their goes 7 hours of laziness and hard work wasted... now my HomuHomu's Bizarre adventure will never be finished...

Also why am I in the middle of forest, half naked and surrounded by cow blood? I looked at myself and took awhile to absorb all this information. Huh, i'm Jack the Ripper now... Guess there's only one reasonable and logical course of action now. I looked around to find my master and low and behold it's Shinji the great.

Then, I jump on top of him and pounced him to the ground as I press my face to his as I shouted, "ARE YOU MY MASTER? IF SO THEN GET ME THE MOST FRILLIEST PINK MAID OUTFIT YOU CAN FIND!" Yes, a smart course of action.

 

[LaRed]

Sader? Oh boy....

Wait. Like me. Don't tell me.... DAMMIT BEN!

The ghost of a smile touches my lips as I meet Shirou's gaze. "I don't know. It depends... does the words 'Sufficient Velocity' and 'The Outer Chatroom' mean anything to you?"

Click to shrink...

"Yeah it does. Oh god, don't tell me you're Bondo, I'd rather not deal with his glittery bullshit."

 

[The Fourth Monado]

"Yeah it does. Oh god, don't tell me you're Bondo, I'd rather not deal with his glittery bullshit."

Click to shrink...

"Nah..."

Here, I strike a rather iconic pose, one hand pointing at Shirou and dress flaring around me. A huge, cheerful smile blossomed on my face.

"Just a simple Mondo. Or Wolff, if you want a bit of accuracy."