Dear reader! Whether you are new here, archive-reading and whatnot, or you are already someone who has been with us for quite a while, I would like to say a few words that I believe are best kept close to mind.
-This is an MLP quest. And more importantly, none of us are gratuitously cruel. So good things will happen on this quest, and I hope that enough good things have already happened to prove that.
-This is also a horror quest, so bad things will happen. Bad things might happen to good characters if you are not able to protect them, and you most certainly will not be able to intervene if you lack the tools to do so.
-And finally, this is a quest in which you jostle with powers greater than yourself, with all that it entails.
Please, do keep those things in mind as you go forward. But ultimately, this is also a quest in which it is hoped we all have fun! So if any of the above points is not exactly your cup of tea, or somehow make the experience as a whole "not worth it", then this quest might not be for you. Which is fine! Individual tastes are a thing, so don't think any more about it if you don't want to read anymore. And regardless, I hope you have a lovely day!
Readers should take their own mental health into consideration when voting and not subject themselves to triggering narrative elements like rape or constant mental torture of a friend just for the Greatest Good of a world that doesn't exist.
If those are fine for you or Regrettable is even more triggering, then GREAT! More power to you. But you aren't a bad or selfish person for picking the option that keeps the characters you've emotionally connected with safe. [REDACTED for spoiler warning]
This is a high intensity quest that doesn't hold back when it comes to horror and negative consequences. Take care of yourself.
Tirek, Pony of Shadows, Discord, Sombra, Ahuizotl, probably at least one or two others I'm forgetting. Did we ever get confirmation on whether the Tantabus is a thing here?
The Tantabus probably isn't a thing simply because Luna put all that dream energy into becoming Selene rather than punishing herself. She just had a far, far worse Nightmare after all.
To be honest, we already has unaccounted super force (may or may not be a single being) that ended the Hours.
Don't get wrong, I don't doubt their ability to self-destruct in correct circumstances, but we can be 99.99% sure that someone or something has suppressed ponykind's ambient knowledge of Lores as well as various occult organizations, which is a lot more cleaner that you would expect from Gods fighting free for all (and judging by the fact that there's no single ascendant Hour, one that also lacked decisive victor).
That just doesn't look like something that might happen on its own, even during the Apocalypse. Plus, we know that for whatever reason, current Names can't ascend.
That definitely looks like a deliberate action, or very least in part. Maybe things went horribly wrong (or horribly right) at some point, but it simply doesn't look like an accident.
I guess technically speaking, the Worms of a Scale fit the role? The Long group I mean, not creepy bugs from Nowhere. They are known for their opposition to the Hours (and the system of the House in general), and probably to gods in general. Likewise, it's imaginable that they abdicated from most of the power, if only barely imaginable.
Yet, the Worms of a Scale, despite their name, is not exactly allies of the Worms. Presumably, they would have dealt with, or at very least tried to deal with the danger of breach, so them staying active isn't really compatible with the current situation, unless the Worms of a Scale underwent some serious degradation in morals and/or capabilities.
Plus, by the time of CS canon they were a shadow of their former strength. Sure, quest is strongly divergent timeline even if we ignore humans->ponies swap, so it may be different in quest continuity.
Or they maybe not relevant for the quest. While one of the main CS game is one of their members and doesn't exactly hide his views, most of their lore is from Enigma 1, which sure, predates the quest, but it was an ARG that was gone for about a year by the start of Esquestria, and I am honestly not sure Bird was aware of it, and if aware would have used it for the quest.
The right Name or Long getting wormed could easily cause all these problems. Let's not forget in cultist simulator the hours did lose a war aginst the worms so badly they had to destroy the entire history.
The right Name or Long getting wormed could easily cause all these problems. Let's not forget in cultist simulator the hours did lose a war aginst the worms so badly they had to destroy the entire history.
Not destroy, only cordon. Unless I am mistaken, some of the expeditions even relate to it, so the isolation is imperfect too.
Compare and contrast with Histories #6 and #7; which canon CS protagonist isn't even aware of in most endings, but which do (or did) exist, we have multiple sources for that.
A thought I had: we could have Jade scry for Neighnia. Unlike both the Memory of Light and the Frangiclave expedition, it's time sensitive (Copper is presumably still planning to summon her, if she hasn't already), and probably a relatively easy expedition.
Of course both us and DoA are Wounded for turn 16, and on turn 17 Jade's action is locked for Selene research, and on turn 18 we won't have DoA. So I think this opportunity has slipped us by, unless we're willing to take some serious risks right now.
Your Master seems amused by that, if you could call the sound of the wind rustling through dry leaves amusement. "Abandoning your duty so soon? Do not forget that your priority is to further the cult's reach in Manehattan."
Your composure, so carefully tended to, shatters in an instant. "No, of course not, Master! I would never dream of defying…"
The voice is sudden now, the sharp crack of a breaking branch. "Then why have you asked?"
"Oh, you'd never dream of defying me? You don't have any plans of your own? You're just going to be perfectly predictable? Why can't you be more like Velvet? She's always doing something new."
"Perhaps I have been lax in teaching you the proper order of things, little Copper, if you think that trying to command me with your pitiful grasp of GRAIL is acceptable." Your Master's voice buzzes like a disturbed beehive. "You wish for a lesson in MOTH, little Copper? Here's a lesson for you: If you leave a hole in the Wood, a mouth open in astonishment or grief or pain, something will come to fill it; blood or splinters or perhaps soft earth, if you are very lucky."
The suddenly massive presence of your Master that fills the air behind you like a swarm of chittering beetles leans in, the gentle footsteps of a centipede caressing your ear. "When you go speaking with things you do not understand, you'd best keep your tongue between your teeth."
"Oh, you'd never dream of defying me? You don't have any plans of your own? You're just going to be perfectly predictable? Why can't you be more like Velvet? She's always doing something new."
Honestly i don't know if this would be the master inner thoughts or copper interpretation of said thoughts.
Because of course she always comparing herself with velvet. Like any fuck up she do with her cult she would think velvet would not make it.
Wich would be right since velvet do not need a cult.
Well a lantern cult would have the merciless truth shoved at us from the start and it would be pretty much impossible to betray given how Baldomare would know our every thought.
Considering Baldomare's expectations of how a cabal of occultists should ideally act, she might actually be perfectly fine with a betrayal so long as it is with the aim of reaching the glory rather than something else. Eh, depends on what happens that makes her Master Material rather than sticking around in the blank plains with illopony.
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None of the above subjects are condoned, glorified or encouraged by the author, and their presence in this story is purely for narrative purposes.
If you do not wish to be exposed to any of the subjects cited above, you should STOP READING IMMEDIATELY.
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You are Selene…
…
…
… and you are not proud of it.
It is night. It is night, and it is also cold.
You feel cold. You can't sleep. And you hate this. You hate all of this.
But the thing about this hate is that… it's not the fiery kind of hate. It's not a short-tempered kind of anger that you can yell about, or that you can stomp on the ground to make you feel better. You don't feel the kind of anger that makes you want to break something.
In fact, this isn't even the kind of anger that your friends can notice, or that you can talk about… or that you even know how to put into words.
This… this thing that you are feeling… you don't even know what it is.
And maybe that is the worst part. You don't feel angry. You hate this, and you don't want this anymore, and you feel cold and miserable. But somehow, you don't feel angry.
Or at least, you don't feel angry at anypony else.
…
The whole world feels cold. For a while now, everyday has somehow been colder than the last, even when there were no clouds in the sky and you stood in the sun. These last few days, you felt as if a block of ice had been put inside of you. And it only grew larger and larger with each passing day.
It kept growing until it reached the underside of your coat. It kept growing until you could feel crisps of ice breaking inside your leg whenever you moved. It grew until you felt a painful chill in your lungs every time you breathed, and until you felt frost being pumped through your veins in time with your heartbeat.
Until tonight, that is.
Because tonight, something happened.
Something happened, and this… this thing inside of you? It broke out. As if a dam had broken somewhere in your body, this miserable frost that you have in you flooded out of your body as if you were a broken glass.
And somehow, this is far worse.
You thought it was bad when you could only feel it inside of you. You thought it was bad when it was only giving you shivers, or making you feel cold, or giving you the impression that you were sick.
But now, it is way worse.
Because now you can feel it all around you.
And you hate it.
You hate it because you don't have the energy to do anything about it.
You don't even have the energy to shiver.
It is just too cold.
You are lying on your bed. Huddled under the crocheted blankets that you like so much, and then also under however many blankets you could find.
But none of those seem to be working.
The crocheted blanked that usually feels like somepony is hugging you is… it feels like it is scraping at you. As if the slightly worn threads on its surface have turned into splinters, that scratch and bite at you even though you are lying perfectly still.
The pillows that you have around you, as well as the bed itself, feel hard. As if you are lying on cold stone or on a block of ice or maybe on a grave.
And even though you know it is the middle of the night, you also have the impression that the sun just won't rise anymore. Or maybe that it just won't matter if it does. After all, not even the sun will be able to thaw this thing inside of you.
Still, you can't take this anymore. You can't take being here anymore. This bed… your body… your life, it is just too cold. And you feel that if you stay here like this, nothing will ever move again. Your body, your mind, the hands of the nearby clock, you feel like they will all stay frozen and still if you don't move.
So, you get out of bed.
Each movement is a journey.
This is not your home.
That certainty hits you, dragging at your hoofs like a metal ball cuffed to a chain, the moment you leave your room.
This is not your home.
This is not the place you are meant to be.
This is not the life you are meant to be living.
Nothing around you feels real. Everything feels imagined. As if you are sleep-walking while dreaming, or perhaps reliving a memory.
Even if that memory… doesn't belong to you. Or at least, not in a way that you can explain.
However, you can also tell that this isn't something good. Or rather, you can immediately tell that this is bad.
Because the chill that you had inside of you, you can almost see it. You can almost see how it flowed towards the entire house. Coating the walls with half-forgotten colors. Blurring the very air like a mirage.
And as soon as you leave your room, as soon as you step hoof in the corridor, the first thing you feel is…
Regret.
You regret it.
You regret leaving your bed.
You regret leaving your room.
You regret being here.
It surrounds you like a cloak. It weights you down like an anchor.
Although you realize that… that you have no idea why. You regret something, that is for sure. Something deep, that you had inside you all along. Something that flooded out of you together with other, harsher things that you can't remember.
You can't remember what you regret.
But you regret it all the same.
However, you also feel like… for some reason, you also feel that you deserve it?
Because… because you did something wrong. You did something wrong, and you are to blame. You know it is your fault. But it also feels like somepony else did something wrong, and you are taking the blame for her. Somepony else did something wrong, you are being blamed for it, and for some reason you still deserve it.
For some reason, laying the blame on you still feels right.
And maybe that is why… that is why you feel so miserable.
Because even though you can't remember what you did, you still remember this… feeling.
This weight you have on your back.
This cold, harsh bitterness, that is as much of a part of you as the fur on your coat.
You regret leaving your room.
But you also couldn't stand being in your room either.
So, you take another step down the corridor.
…
You remember this place.
You have been walking down this corridor for a very long time. In fact, you know that you have been walking down this corridor for what must have been hours.
You are sure of it. Even though the sun has not yet risen to account for that. Even though you have not taken more than five steps.
You are sure of it.
And thanks to that, you had more than enough time to think.
You had more than enough time to remember.
And you remember this place.
This corridor, this mansion, this… castle? You live here, you know this.
Even though this is not your home, you live here.
Or perhaps, you lived here in the past, but you live somewhere else nowadays.
Because even though you remember, this is still so… confusing. Everywhere you look around you, every though you feel, it's just so… strange.
The things that flowed out of you, they blur your vision too much. They twist your very thoughts.
Are you in a mansion? Are you in a castle?
You can't tell. You really can't be sure.
Because this corridor is too large for you to be able to tell. The ceiling is too high, and the walls are too wide, for you to be sure.
Is everything around you so big because you are a foal, walking inside a mansion?
Is everything around you so big because you are something much larger, walking inside a castle?
You don't know.
But with each step you take, you don't feel more confused.
You just feel more miserable.
Because the place you are in right now?
You don't deserve to be here.
But why?
Why?
Because you don't deserve a happy life? You don't deserve this new home, surrounded by ponies that love you?
Because you failed to protect this place? You don't deserve to walk in this castle, or even in a memory of it, because it is your fault that it is no more?
You don't know.
The only thing you know is that this is your fault. And that your pace is growing even slower. And that you are losing strength.
You can't do this anymore.
You want to stop.
You need to stop.
It is too cold.
And too miserable.
And you don't even know why yet, but it can't be for a good reason.
And moving on will be even more painful than this.
But still, you take the next step.
…
You pass by a door.
Is this door real or imagined? Is this a dream or reality?
You don't know anymore.
But you know there is a pegasus behind that door.
A brave pegasus, who is one of your best friends.
Is she a filly?
Is he a hero?
You can't tell.
You know Scootalooo is right behind that door, sleeping peacefully in the guest room.
So why… why is it that aren't really thinking about her? Why is it that you also remember somepony else? A pegasus of brilliant amber coat with a crested helmet?
A pegasus who was once your friend, and who you also forgot?
And why…
… why…
… why?
Why do you feel like…. Like one day you will also forget Scootaloo as well?
Why do you feel like, one day, she will also be gone? Like the other, heroic pegasus that you were so close to?
Why do you feel like she will be gone, the same way he is gone right now, and that you will stay?
Why do you feel like that will keep happening, to everypony around you, until you are alone?
And as you ask yourself that, you can't help but feel betrayed.
Because why did he have to leave? Why does she have to leave?
But most of all, why do you have to stay?
…
You don't know. Or at least, you don't know why.
All that you know is that it will happen.
…
You don't want to be near this door anymore.
So, you take another slow, ice-frozen step.
…
You pass by another door.
This door, you know, is real. As real as the floor you are standing on, at least. As real as everything else that has ever happened inside your head.
This door is also terribly familiar, and that somehow makes it worse.
Because behind this door… is your sister.
Your sister, who loves you so much despite your differences.
Your sister, with whom you made a promise that you would always take care of each other.
Your sister, who has wings upon her back, as well as…
As well as…
…
The pony behind this door…
She is not your sister.
You don't deserve to call her sister.
You don't deserve to call anypony sister.
Ever again.
And how could you?
How could you possibly deserve to have a sister? How could you possibly deserve to be loved?
Because as you look at the door… as you look at the wide, sun-crested door of the royal chamber, you remember it.
You remember how you abandoned your sister. How you left her all alone to suffer for so long.
And given how you already abandoned one sister, how could you possibly deserve another?
How can the filly sleeping behind this door be anything, but yet another pony you will one day betray?
Your promise you made to each other doesn't matter. The idea that you two are one doesn't matter.
Because one day, she will die… or you will leave her.
One way or the other, you will end up all alone.
…
You turn around and walk away, making your way further down the corridor.
You can't stand this anymore. You can't stand this feeling anymore.
You can't stand this… this utter certainty that… that somehow... you will always be alone.
You walk away from that door, even if it means you are walking away from your own sister again.
…
You make your way down the stairs, and the steps don't creak under your weight. Instead, the thin ice on their surface snaps.
You walk by the several pictures that line the walls, of a smiling family of smiling ponies. Some of those pictures also live as memories inside your mind, vividly remembered moments of happiness in a life you don't deserve.
But you can't feel any joy from them.
Because one day, those pictures will be all that you have to remember them by.
You can't even stand to look at them as you walk down the stairs.
…
You finally arrive at the entrance hall.
You almost can't see. Everything around you, everywhere you look, is pitch dark.
And for all that you can tell that the main doors are wide open, you still can't see anything outside.
There are no stars in the night sky. There is no moonlight, shining in through the open door.
So, you can only see the vague silhouette of the pony who is waiting for you.
You can only see the faintest shape… of the unicorn that is standing in the middle of the entrance hall.
But even though it is so dark, you recognize that pony. You immediately know who that unicorn is.
Guide.
Caretaker.
Mentor.
The well-dressed mare who has always acted as if she was your mother. The noble who took you in when you had nopony else.
The bearded stallion who always acted as if he was your father. The greatest wizard in an entire Era, who taught you when you knew nothing.
You look up at Star Swirl the Bearded.
And Lady Velvet Covers looks down at you.
…
……
………
And you can't take this anymore.
You just can't.
Because this feeling that you have… this cold, heavy misery that is weighting you down.
You realize now that…
That you have been feeling it the whole time.
Throughout all these months, ever since you woke up in that abandoned house. This mixture of bitterness and regret has always been with you.
The only difference was that you didn't pay attention to it before. But now, for some reason, it is at the forefront of your mind. Something happened,and it grew so much that it spilled out of you.
However, now that you can see it properly… now that you can feel it so clearly, you also realize that…
That you have been carrying it on your back and...
No, not just that. You realize that you are choosing to carry it on your back.
These images that you can't recognize, but that are madly familiar.
These names that you don't remember, but somehow almost roll out of your tongue.
This life that feels both like yesterday and like it happened a thousand years ago.
You know there is something wrong with you. You know there is something more about you. Although you also know you can't remember it. Not in a way that you can put into words, at least.
It is as if you have this… this luggage that you are carrying on your back. This large and heavy saddle that you have strapped on your back. That you have been carrying this whole time, but that for some reason you never noticed.
This thing that you are carrying… it is locked. It is locked, and it has all the memories you can't remember.
But most importantly, you can tell that it is almost crushing you. Because even though you can't remember anything, the feelings that surround these memories have been dragging you down this whole time.
They still drag you down even now. Heavy and bitter and sad, overflowing with all the things that you lost.
Like your home.
And your friends.
And your sister.
As well as everything else that you will never have back. Because they only exist in your past now. They only exist in these memories that you can't even remember.
And even though you have a home, and friends, and a sister, you still feel like every day of your life a part of you has been crying over their graves. Because this unnamable part of you knows that already lost all of those things before.
Even though you have no idea why.
But you can't live with this pain anymore. You can't stand it.
You know that feeling sad is normal. Feeling sad is important, even.
But so is…
… so is moving on.
And you know that unless you move on, your life will always be… like this.
This place will never be the home you remember.
Your friends will always dead.
And you will always have abandoned your sister.
But you have to move on.
So, as you look up at the unicorn in front of you, your eyes are drawn to the wide-open doors behind her.
And you understand what you have to do.
You have no idea why.
You have no idea how.
But this cold misery that you are carrying inside of you… this heavy weight that you have been carrying all along…
It might be stronger than ever, tonight.
It might be radiating out of you like a cold sun.
It might be painting everything around you with the colors of bitterness and regret.
But it is contained within this house.
It stretched out of you like a winter breeze, and it created roots in the very walls. It shaped itself like a prison of your own memory.
But it is contained within this house, somehow.
And the unicorn is keeping the doors behind her wide open.
You know what you have to do.
You just have to leave.
You just have to move on.
Even if it feels like a betrayal. Even if it feels like you are leaving them behind one last time. Even if it feels like you are walking away from a pain that you deserve.
You just have to walk out through those doors.
Because your feelings are manifesting themselves so vividly around you… this house and this body and this whole night are so coated with the ghosts that you have been suppressing for so long, that if you just leave…
… they won't be able to follow you.
But…
But you…
You don't want to do it alone.
You can't.
It is too scary.
Too hard.
Too painful.
Because if you leave this guilt behind, then what do you have? If you let go of this, who are you? After all, if you have nothing but regrets, then leaving your regrets behind also means leaving everything behind.
Your home. Your friends. Your sister. It hurts because you still love them.
So, if you leave this pain behind, will you also stop loving them as well?
You don't know.
And that thought terrifies you.
But most of all you just… you just don't want to be alone.
So, even though the words almost shatter the careful silence that allowed this night to happen, you still ask... you still beg for the one thing you need the most right now.
"Can… can you come with me… please?"
You ask her. Even though it almost ruins everything. Even though by listening to your own voice you almost, almost remember… that you are a filly and that it is night and that none of the memories you had make sense.
Your voice almost shatters this delicate night.
But the night holds.
And the unicorn gives you the only possible answer.
No.
The answer comes not in the form of words, but as the slow shake of a head.
Because the unicorn has to stay here.
The unicorn has to close the door behind you, or else the cold will follow your hoofsteps.
And you have to leave your mentor behind.
…
You have never felt so lonely in your entire life.
As you step hoof out through the door, you realize it is raining. The clouds, you realize, are the reason you can see neither stars not the moon.
You have never felt so lonely, so cold, so abandoned in your entire life. You have never felt so lost, or so horribly empty.
But, as the rain begins to soak your shivering body, you also realize you feel empty. As you walk forward, further and further away from the house, you realize the stinging bitterness and the heavy regret that had been with you for so long… you realize they stayed behind you.
And the raindrops themselves feel… warm. The rain feels warm. Even the soaked grass under your hoofs feels warm. In fact, this might be the first bit of warmth you have felt against your coat in a long, long while.
You think your tears would also have felt warm, as they streamed down your cheeks. But you couldn't really feel them with everything else.
Selene has learned to move on. Selene also has a cold now. Because why in the TARTARUS did she sleep outside in the rain?! Selene has reached Level 3 of WINTER.
It seems that Selene's abandonment issues seem to be melding with Luna's regrets about her actions and immortality. Hopefully this Winter lesson will help dull the worst of the Knock next turn.
By the way, was the ending metaphorical, or did she literally leave the house?
So, even though the words almost shatter the careful silence that allowed this night to happen, you still ask... you still beg for the one thing you need the most right now.
"Can… can you come with me… please?"
You ask her. Even though it almost ruins everything. Even though by listening to your own voice you almost, almost remember… that you are a filly and that it is night and that none of the memories you had make sense.
Your voice almost shatters this delicate night.
But the night holds.
And the unicorn gives you the only possible answer.
No.
The answer comes not in the form of words, but as the slow shake of a head.
Because the unicorn has to stay here.
The unicorn has to close the door behind you, or else the cold will follow your hoofsteps.
…God, that's actually agonizing. Especially because, well, it's not actually abandonment. Not in the usual way. Velvet makes her walk alone not because she doesn't care, or because she doesn't want it be there, but because she does care. Because if she doesn't, it won't matter.
Velvet loves Selene, and that love is why she too must be left behind. Winter is a fucking bitch of a Lore.
It seems that Selene's abandonment issues seem to be melding with Luna's regrets about her actions and immortality. Hopefully this Winter lesson will help dull the worst of the Knock next turn.
By the way, was the ending metaphorical, or did she literally leave the house?
She'll probably come back, but Velvet is doing some sort of Eldritch Unga Bunga bullshit to kill all the regrets and memories she left behind first so it doesn't undo the symbolism. That's why the whole "she has to close the door behind you" line exists.
After all, part of properly moving on from somewhere means you can come back to that physical locations and not be affected by your old attachments there. Or something philosophical like that.
Also, can I just say, this entire chapter gave me very similar vibes to Azazel in the fanfic "Beyond the Outer Gates Lies…". It's always interesting to see immortal regrets and how they live with them in fiction.
But, as the rain begins to soak your shivering body, you also realize you feel empty. As you walk forward, further and further away from the house, you realize the stinging bitterness and the heavy regret that had been with you for so long… you realize they stayed behind you.
And the raindrops themselves feel… warm. The rain feels warm. Even the soaked grass under your hoofs feels warm. In fact, this might be the first bit of warmth you have felt against your coat in a long, long while.
You think your tears would also have felt warm, as they streamed down your cheeks. But you couldn't really feel them with everything else.
