You know what they say: Act like a tool, get used like a tool.
[COMPLETE] Paramount [Worm CYOA v5 Update Gimel]
- Thread starter Crazy Demon
- Start date
- Superhero
-
- Tags
- worm cyoa cyoa si self insert
Bonemaster
Bonespook
- Location
- New york
I wanted to grin and enjoy the fact that after all his actions he's feeling something and is dead, but with most of the main cast I cared about dead, with him playing the role of sacrificial hero. I just can't find any satisfaction about this end or the story. It wasn't that bad, but it had a lot of problems.
This feels just empty. Glad you finished it, but I feel like you improvised through the whole fic and didn't really have a plan, making things get worse while also making the SI do more horrible things. Right now I don't feel hope, I don't feel satisfied. Just.... Numb.
This feels just empty. Glad you finished it, but I feel like you improvised through the whole fic and didn't really have a plan, making things get worse while also making the SI do more horrible things. Right now I don't feel hope, I don't feel satisfied. Just.... Numb.
Entity 4.x(Interlude; Contessa)
Fortuna always liked the smell of fresh sea water. It reminded her of her hometown, from what seemed like a hundred years ago. Of course, her home didn't have beaches, much less one as beautiful and pristine as this one.
"God, this lemonade is incredible. Have you tried it?"
Fortuna turned to look at Doctor Mother. Her former conspirator was leaning back on a beach chair, sipping away at a beautiful glass of lemonade. Fortuna had never seen the woman looked as relaxed as she did now. Retirement had been good for her.
Fortuna shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I'm not thirsty."
Doctor Mother shrugged. "Suit yourself. You're missing out though!"
"3 steps to make a glass of lemonade better than the one you're drinking,"
At this, Doctor Mother frowned. "Fortuna. We talked about this," She said sternly.
"But-"
"Scion is dead. The world is safe. I don't want you using your power 24/7 anymore."
Fortuna sighed. Instantly, her body language changed. Whereas before she had been confident and strong, now she stood uncertain and almost slightly withdrawn. It was subtle, but no doubt obvious to Doctor Mother.
"That's better."
"Feels weird," Fortuna mumbled, not meeting Doctor Mother's eyes. "Never know what to say."
Doctor Mother laughed. "Don't worry, everyone feels that way. You'll get used to it."
They descended into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Doctor Mother spoke again.
"It's hard to believe its been 5 years already, hasn't it?"
Fortuna couldn't believe it either. The disappearance of Scion, the Endbringers, and dozens of power and visible heroes like Eidolon, Alexandria, and Dragon obviously did not go unnoticed. Of course, with the Power of Victory, it was simple enough to construct a story that explained it. As far as the world believed, all of these heroes, including Scion, lost their lives ending the Endbringer threat for good, avenging millions, and saving billions from a future of despair.
The remnants of Cauldron had disbanded shortly after that. Doctor Mother had retired, Number Man had gone off on his own, and Legend never knew the full story.
Of course, now with all of the blind spots removed from her path, Fortuna didn't rest. There were so many ways the world could be improved, and there were so many paths to do so. S-class threats had been surgically removed within the month, either directly by Contessa, or via her influence. Under her guiding hand, the disappearance of the Endbringers did not lead to the re-sparking of old conflicts, but a new world of peace and cooperation. With the death of Simurgh, space travel had come roaring back, and the initial steps for the creation of a moon colony were being put together. Disease and poverty was decreasing every year, and if she continued on this path, world hunger would be eliminated within the decade.
"The world's doing really, really good," Said Fortuna. She winced; even her speech sounded awful, like a child trying to speak for the first time. Still, she pushed on. "It's all thanks to Paramount."
At this, Doctor Mother frowned. "I still don't understand why we told the world that Paramount was key to stopping the Endbringers. Yes, he was the one who killed Scion and saved us...but only because of your manipulation. If we had done nothing, that selfish man would have ruined the world before Scion even had a chance to kill us all. He does not deserve to be venerated like he is now."
Fortuna shrugged, though it was more like a nervous twitch. "Dunno. Just followed the path to making the world better. Things are easier when you just follow the path."
Doctor Mother's face softened. "Yes, I'm sure they are. But I just want you to know that I am so proud that you're still willing to step off your paths and make your own decisions."
Fortuna froze. "Really?" Her voice was pathetically shy.
The other woman smiled warmly. "Really."
At this, Fortuna let a small smile creep on her face. It was not a pretty smile; too much teeth and too unnatural looking. It was almost a little disturbing...because that's what her power told her to do.
After all, despite what Doctor Mother believed, Contessa had not once deactivated her power in the last 5 years. It was important that Paramount be seen as a hero to the world, the one who everyone was grateful and thankful for. Sure, he was currently sharing credit for the victory with Eidolon and Scion and others...but with the steps she had taken, in a few years, only Paramount would be remembered as the ender of the Endbringer Threat, and the one who usher world peace and utopia on Earth.
Szuerain was permanent and could not be broken. And as a loyal servant, it was absolutely crucial she took every step to fulfill the most important duty of all.
Path to reviving Paramount: 57,381 steps.
[A/N: Now that I'm finally finished my first story, let me explain how this came about.
I've tried writing stories before and my biggest problem has ALWAYS been trying to make things "perfect". I wrote 60,000 words into a Fallout 3 fanfic and a 50,000 words into a Walking Dead fanfic...and never finished or posted either of them because I kept going back and "fixing" chapters I had already written until I finally just gave up.
I knew I wanted to finish a story. And I knew I wanted to write a Worm CYOA SI fanfic that I wanted to read. So I set a deadline; 4 weeks to plan and write a CYOA story, and as soon as the 4 weeks were up, I had to immediately start posting one chapter a day. After I started posting, I gave myself only 30 minutes a day to edit/proofread each chapter before posting; this was to stop myself from going back and re-writing entire plot points because I got a "new good idea".
As you can see, it worked! Yes, it wasn't my best work, but I think it actually turned out much better than I expected. There were some weak parts that I wasn't surprised to see people complain about; re-using the Komnenos 30 day limit "twist" and killing off a ton of main characters in basically one paragraph with no fanfare are the ones that come to mind, and trust me, I hated those parts too.
Yet no one complained about how I handled the Travellers, which was the part I actually agonized the most over. I'm a firm believer that things should be hard for the MC, to make it all the more satisfying when he actually succeeds. I couldn't think of a good way to make things hard for SI that was fun for me to read, and basically just went with "he used Suzerain and won" because I about to hit my 4 week time limit.
It was eye-opening for me to see the lack of criticism on that part; if anything, people actually enjoyed that part because apparently I went overboard in crippling the SI (never expected people to have a problem with that!). I know based on my other failed stories that if I didn't have my time limit, I would have spent months trying to think of a better way to write that part, and probably would have eventually given up without posting this story. I'm so glad now I didn't let that hold me back.
Thanks everyone for reading!
And no, I don't actually plan to make a sequel. I just like ending stories in sequel hooks.]
"God, this lemonade is incredible. Have you tried it?"
Fortuna turned to look at Doctor Mother. Her former conspirator was leaning back on a beach chair, sipping away at a beautiful glass of lemonade. Fortuna had never seen the woman looked as relaxed as she did now. Retirement had been good for her.
Fortuna shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I'm not thirsty."
Doctor Mother shrugged. "Suit yourself. You're missing out though!"
"3 steps to make a glass of lemonade better than the one you're drinking,"
At this, Doctor Mother frowned. "Fortuna. We talked about this," She said sternly.
"But-"
"Scion is dead. The world is safe. I don't want you using your power 24/7 anymore."
Fortuna sighed. Instantly, her body language changed. Whereas before she had been confident and strong, now she stood uncertain and almost slightly withdrawn. It was subtle, but no doubt obvious to Doctor Mother.
"That's better."
"Feels weird," Fortuna mumbled, not meeting Doctor Mother's eyes. "Never know what to say."
Doctor Mother laughed. "Don't worry, everyone feels that way. You'll get used to it."
They descended into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Doctor Mother spoke again.
"It's hard to believe its been 5 years already, hasn't it?"
Fortuna couldn't believe it either. The disappearance of Scion, the Endbringers, and dozens of power and visible heroes like Eidolon, Alexandria, and Dragon obviously did not go unnoticed. Of course, with the Power of Victory, it was simple enough to construct a story that explained it. As far as the world believed, all of these heroes, including Scion, lost their lives ending the Endbringer threat for good, avenging millions, and saving billions from a future of despair.
The remnants of Cauldron had disbanded shortly after that. Doctor Mother had retired, Number Man had gone off on his own, and Legend never knew the full story.
Of course, now with all of the blind spots removed from her path, Fortuna didn't rest. There were so many ways the world could be improved, and there were so many paths to do so. S-class threats had been surgically removed within the month, either directly by Contessa, or via her influence. Under her guiding hand, the disappearance of the Endbringers did not lead to the re-sparking of old conflicts, but a new world of peace and cooperation. With the death of Simurgh, space travel had come roaring back, and the initial steps for the creation of a moon colony were being put together. Disease and poverty was decreasing every year, and if she continued on this path, world hunger would be eliminated within the decade.
"The world's doing really, really good," Said Fortuna. She winced; even her speech sounded awful, like a child trying to speak for the first time. Still, she pushed on. "It's all thanks to Paramount."
At this, Doctor Mother frowned. "I still don't understand why we told the world that Paramount was key to stopping the Endbringers. Yes, he was the one who killed Scion and saved us...but only because of your manipulation. If we had done nothing, that selfish man would have ruined the world before Scion even had a chance to kill us all. He does not deserve to be venerated like he is now."
Fortuna shrugged, though it was more like a nervous twitch. "Dunno. Just followed the path to making the world better. Things are easier when you just follow the path."
Doctor Mother's face softened. "Yes, I'm sure they are. But I just want you to know that I am so proud that you're still willing to step off your paths and make your own decisions."
Fortuna froze. "Really?" Her voice was pathetically shy.
The other woman smiled warmly. "Really."
At this, Fortuna let a small smile creep on her face. It was not a pretty smile; too much teeth and too unnatural looking. It was almost a little disturbing...because that's what her power told her to do.
After all, despite what Doctor Mother believed, Contessa had not once deactivated her power in the last 5 years. It was important that Paramount be seen as a hero to the world, the one who everyone was grateful and thankful for. Sure, he was currently sharing credit for the victory with Eidolon and Scion and others...but with the steps she had taken, in a few years, only Paramount would be remembered as the ender of the Endbringer Threat, and the one who usher world peace and utopia on Earth.
Szuerain was permanent and could not be broken. And as a loyal servant, it was absolutely crucial she took every step to fulfill the most important duty of all.
Path to reviving Paramount: 57,381 steps.
[A/N: Now that I'm finally finished my first story, let me explain how this came about.
I've tried writing stories before and my biggest problem has ALWAYS been trying to make things "perfect". I wrote 60,000 words into a Fallout 3 fanfic and a 50,000 words into a Walking Dead fanfic...and never finished or posted either of them because I kept going back and "fixing" chapters I had already written until I finally just gave up.
I knew I wanted to finish a story. And I knew I wanted to write a Worm CYOA SI fanfic that I wanted to read. So I set a deadline; 4 weeks to plan and write a CYOA story, and as soon as the 4 weeks were up, I had to immediately start posting one chapter a day. After I started posting, I gave myself only 30 minutes a day to edit/proofread each chapter before posting; this was to stop myself from going back and re-writing entire plot points because I got a "new good idea".
As you can see, it worked! Yes, it wasn't my best work, but I think it actually turned out much better than I expected. There were some weak parts that I wasn't surprised to see people complain about; re-using the Komnenos 30 day limit "twist" and killing off a ton of main characters in basically one paragraph with no fanfare are the ones that come to mind, and trust me, I hated those parts too.
Yet no one complained about how I handled the Travellers, which was the part I actually agonized the most over. I'm a firm believer that things should be hard for the MC, to make it all the more satisfying when he actually succeeds. I couldn't think of a good way to make things hard for SI that was fun for me to read, and basically just went with "he used Suzerain and won" because I about to hit my 4 week time limit.
It was eye-opening for me to see the lack of criticism on that part; if anything, people actually enjoyed that part because apparently I went overboard in crippling the SI (never expected people to have a problem with that!). I know based on my other failed stories that if I didn't have my time limit, I would have spent months trying to think of a better way to write that part, and probably would have eventually given up without posting this story. I'm so glad now I didn't let that hold me back.
Thanks everyone for reading!
And no, I don't actually plan to make a sequel. I just like ending stories in sequel hooks.]
Bonemaster
Bonespook
- Location
- New york
Thanks for making this. I had complaints, issues with the story, but all and all I enjoyed the ride.
- Location
- norway
Aw frick, that's a good ending.
TwistedJester
Tired Lurker King
- Location
- Hell
This was a short fast paced ride but I wouldn't have it any other way.
The thing you do with the time limit is great. As a fanfic reader, I dont need the perfect story. what I personally think of as a must is an okay grammar, fast updates(better than being complete some times), no great plotholes and using diffrent paths to challange me and you hit all the high notes. Hope to see you post another story because I am definetly a fan. And if you do give a link in this thread with an update that would be perfect.
Fast paced and finished is intrinsically superior to long, ponderous, and unfinished. Too many fanfic writers mistake a fuckton of words for quality and end up writing massive piles of text that end up being abandoned unfinished or just too damn long to bother reading as they aren't done and may never be. I'd rather read sixteen 30k word fics that actually conclude their story than a single meandering 500k word fic that doesn't have a decent conclusion.
Also, I've come to hate spending years reading one story.
- Location
- Tri-State Area
Love the ending.
Y Ddraig Goch
Previously Unknown Solder 1
- Location
- Terra
I like it, it wasn't the best, but it was still good
Will do! Though it'll be at least 9 months before I start writing again
Sonifri
Is this the face of a villain?
- Location
- Texas
Will do! Though it'll be at least 9 months before I start writing again
I know some people say their fics are like their children but this is taking it to the next level.
- Location
- Arizona
This was a fun little jaunt. Thanks so much for sharing!
RighelloDi'Tutti
Ruler of All
- Location
- The speed force
Awesome read
I feel the need to point out that Paramount (the CYOA Power) requires that you wait fifteen minutes until after you've DELETED the power, not fifteen minutes between swapping which one you're currently using, but this was a good fic nonetheless, if a little... FULL-ON at times.
Damn...I think you're right. I was interpreting "previous" power as the power before your last one: so if I had "Fake Death" and I switched to "Bluff", I would need to wait 15 minutes after deleting "Fake Death" before I could switch it again. It literally never occurred to me you have NO power selected with Paramount.
Man, I'm surprised no ones pointed that out until now, that's a pretty big misinterpretation on my part!
As for being full-on, I assume you mean that there's no "downtime" or "fluff" in the story. That reflects my own preference as a reader; I love stories that just escalate nonstop, and usually skim over "character building" parts.
- Location
- Tri-State Area
The CYOA works as guidelines, a lot of people just consider deviations of it as part of the plot, me included. I just thought that is how your version of Paramount works.