Zen St-Xero
The Dark One From Deep Space
- Location
- Middle of a Blackhole in the Multiverse
Wow Oz Is jumping to conclusions really fast he gonna regret that later
Bitches Hate Canon(SI)(RWBY/So You Want to be a Vampire CYOA)
- Thread starter grubleafeater
- Start date
TimeLordLucario
The Oncoming Aura Storm
- Location
- Australia
Dude, friendly vampires are an out of context problem.
Nobody expects friendly vampires, he was just killing them all with fire.
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
I wouldn't call it murderhobo when very real reasons exist for acting in this particular manner. Notably, Ozpin doesn't know what the method of transmitting is for this particular breed of vampire--he would most likely not be this harsh if he knew that once the lord dies, the number of possible vampires is limited by the supply of his blood.
- Location
- Philippines
Very unlikely our vampire is not that aggressive nor will he be willing to cripple the Huntsmen in any meaningful fashion. Ozma will get away with this quite easily.
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
A bold assumption....tell me, what precisely is he doing in Vacuo at this very moment?
Now, how many vampires with super-speed, super-strength, and invulnerability at night would it take to match the contributions of a Huntsman?
- Location
- Hell
Sarcastic tone:A bold assumption....tell me, what precisely is he doing in Vacuo at this very moment?
Now, how many vampires with super-speed, super-strength, and invulnerability at night would it take to match the contributions of a Huntsman?
" oh I don't know ,3?"
He's going to beat ozma like a drunk abusive dad beats a redheaded step child.
×edit: Jesus,I'm so sorry for how it sounded.
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Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
Is it a wonder there are people like Hazel who think Salem is the lesser evil?
- Location
- Brazil
Is there a readable version of the cyoa? Can't make out the options.
@edit: Well, on a PC it's just barely readable if you squint.
You took a shitton of options there, huh?
@edit: Well, on a PC it's just barely readable if you squint.
You took a shitton of options there, huh?
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Try zooming? I'm not sure what the problem is, but that might help.
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
Click to zoom in on a individual image.
- Location
- Brazil
Gotta be honest, the narrative is jumping around so much that it almost stops being a narrative.
He is suddenly hugely attached to random people, and there is so little time spent on them that I really don't care for their fate.
It's just... so jittery. It's here, then it's there, then this is suddenly happening, then it immediately jumps to something completely unrelated. Little foreshadowing, almost no descriptions. We have no idea what's about to happen, what he plans, how he thinks.
At one point the MC is an emotional wreck, then he is a sober veteran, then he is an awkward teen, then he is a stone-cold killer and mastermind. The one somewhat consistent trait is his huge hero complex.
To sum it up, the story has little cohesion, so I'd advise you work on that.
But it's a cool idea, and the CYOA (when I squint through the low resolution) seems actually fairly balanced!
He is suddenly hugely attached to random people, and there is so little time spent on them that I really don't care for their fate.
It's just... so jittery. It's here, then it's there, then this is suddenly happening, then it immediately jumps to something completely unrelated. Little foreshadowing, almost no descriptions. We have no idea what's about to happen, what he plans, how he thinks.
At one point the MC is an emotional wreck, then he is a sober veteran, then he is an awkward teen, then he is a stone-cold killer and mastermind. The one somewhat consistent trait is his huge hero complex.
To sum it up, the story has little cohesion, so I'd advise you work on that.
But it's a cool idea, and the CYOA (when I squint through the low resolution) seems actually fairly balanced!
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- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
I'm going to be honest, I legitimately don't know quite how to write...like. Domestic life.
Suffice to say that he was thrown directly into a traumatic situation, bonded with the first cute-ish things not trying to kill him, and has been spending a good amount of time with them offscreen. I wouldn't call that 'random'. Insufficiently elaborated upon at best.
The funny thing is that, like... this is a SI. I'm absolutely winging it, bipolar as fuck(hence the swinging between 'emotional wreck', 'awkward teen' and 'sober'), and think in extremely pragmatic terms that I have some difficulty carrying out. With Genius, I'm able to remember and act more effectively upon my wild-ass plans. On the other hand, I lack some of the practical skills, which is why some of my actions are....a little heavy handed, to say the least.
Also, when in doubt, repress.
I'd be curious to hear which pieces give you what impression, though.
verycoolname
Not actually cool
Same here. I mean, it's not a flawless piece by any stretch of the imagination and the MC does kind of jump around a bit. But that is hardly unique and it isn't extreme enough to bother me at least.
Could always attribute the bipolar to his shapeshifting. It's not just the soul affecting the body, but the body affecting the mind as well.
Of course I forget if he's the living or dead kind of vampire.
I knew there was some background stuff being skipped. I assumed you were just trying to speed through childhood stuff to start of the school year.
I bought the part about attaching himself to those kids especially as he recognized a couple of MCs.
You could always try some family game night scenes and see what happens?
Of course I forget if he's the living or dead kind of vampire.
I knew there was some background stuff being skipped. I assumed you were just trying to speed through childhood stuff to start of the school year.
I bought the part about attaching himself to those kids especially as he recognized a couple of MCs.
You could always try some family game night scenes and see what happens?
- Location
- Brazil
It's the general feeling I get. Crazed bloodlust, then despairing for not saving everyone, then a breakdown, then dragging all the bodies in the entire village for a funeral pyre, then worrying about raising these kids and teens (and one young adult), then working for the mafia, then a trip to Vacuo and a wildly OOC thing in searching out bandits to make enslaved spawn out of in a calculating and deeply cold manner.
One can sort of string the logic together, such that the worst part aren't the actions themselves but how sudden everything is. We jump from point A to point D without going through B or C.
I feel there's way too much stuff crammed into 12k words, such that characterization suffers too much. From the sheer amount of stuff that has happened, we know almost nothing about the characters involved.
One can sort of string the logic together, such that the worst part aren't the actions themselves but how sudden everything is. We jump from point A to point D without going through B or C.
I feel there's way too much stuff crammed into 12k words, such that characterization suffers too much. From the sheer amount of stuff that has happened, we know almost nothing about the characters involved.
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- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
I mean, knowing what the nuckelavee looked like, that it was attacking a village and not being trained enough to come to actual priorities.... i wouldn't call it CRAZED bloodlust....
I can also put a bit of that down to vampire hormones not being the same as human hormones.
You say that like these are somehow mutually exclusive, there were multiple motives for the mafia thing, one of which was to make the money needed to sustain raising a family.
To give perspective on his/my viewpoint:
Pragmatism plus recognizing that canon doesn't matter and people are dying now, combined with impatience(partly because of people dying now) equals being forced to make the choice between using abilities to the absolute utmost, regardless of qualms, or allowing people to die for the sake of some sort of ethical boundary.
The fact is that barring, like...gorillas, when equalizing physical capabilities humans are basically the most useful kind of vampire thanks to body shape. Beyond that, they're also the most capable mentally, and readily available.
That said, he EXPLICITLY sought out the absolute worst people he could find. After all, he needs to do a...test run. Figure out where the boundaries are before he considers making any WILLING vampires, lest he accidentally give a GOOD person a lethal order rather than a piece of worthless human chaff.
And, why, yes. This is rationalizing. Rationalizing is a part of the human condition. Rationalizing fits perfectly when someone is justifying their actions.
It's also worth pointing out that in this regard, Dolittle is actually a double edged sword, as while it allows communicating with vampire animals, it also leads to a certain level of....anthropomorphization? Whatever. Seeing them as people. At which point you can vampire thrall animals, which at least in your presence are sentient-ish beings, vampire thrall humans, or vampire thrall nothing and see how much of a difference you, one single person, can make in the world.
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
His particular brand of transmission doesn't lend very well to that, considering how much blood he'd have to cram down their throats in order to turn them.
That said, he doesn't HAVE to give people orders, in theory.
But that assumes the enslave meant comes in the 'obey all my orders to the letter' variety not the 'I want to serve you' variety.
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
It does though, that's what Servitude does.
Chapter 11:Cruento Rasa II
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
"Give me a place to stand and with a lever I will move the whole world."
Three days later, all of them had turned. But before they had all turned, I separated one out, asking the woman to point me at one of the worst among them.
After all, I needed to test how far my orders would take me.
The man in front of me was strong looking, and scowled viciously, but I could see a glint of fear in his eyes. ...Can I really do this...? Can I forgive myself if I do?
...
Can I forgive myself if I don't?
"Tell me the worst things you've ever done. In detail." I order him brusquely.
I let the man go on for twenty minutes, describing everything from rape to brutal murder, to both, to both but in the opposite order...
"Shut up." His mouth snaps shut in a instant. I've heard all I've the stomach for, and I no longer feel remotely as sympathetic towards him.
I close my eyes.
"When I snap my fingers, you are to forget all of your memories, but retain all of your skills." I order him. I hear a sharp intake of breath. "Your orders shall be to wipe out every last dreg of your personality. What you are now, who you are now, shall no longer be; you are to be as a dead man, and a new being to be born from his flesh. All of these are your orders." My hand shakes slightly, and I can hear a whimper from the pathetic pretense of a man before me. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter in preparation....
I raise my hand to snap.
I snap. Silently.
...
I open my eyes and see the man looking at me, confused but still very much terrified. I blink. I try to snap a few more times.
On the fifth try I get it, and the man's expression goes blank.
...Okay then. Still feeling pretty nasty, but now there's a dash of added humiliation. Wonderful.
"What is your name?" I ask testingly.
"I...don't know." The man murmurs.
"I ORDER you to tell me your name." I thunder. I want to know if there's even a trace of memory left.
"I don't know it." The man answers, a tone of true sorrow in his voice. "I don't know my name i don't know my--" He starts to panic.
...Note to self: Don't issue a order that's impossible to complete. "I order you to stop trying to tell me your name." I cut him off and a look of mild relief crosses his face before he slips back into a sort of....passivity.
I pause, and reflect.
"You are henceforth to be known as Serf A001." I command simply. "Or, in long form, Serf Group A, Designation 001."
And so I organized my new army into 3 subgroups, each of of 61, and wiped most of their minds. 4 of them had apparently joined only out of fear and never once taken pleasure in their actions. I named two of them as lieutenants and two as sergeants. I did, however, wipe the so-called new chieftess's mind, too.
And, of course, with a mindwiped army, I would have to be quite careful.
In fact, as Asimov had his Laws of Robotics, so too would I need my own laws.
Drake's Laws of Vampirism.
I assembled my army. I took a sip of what was left of the ale; sure it was tainted with my blood, but that hardly mattered.
"I sit here before you to issue laws unto you. Laws which you Serfs will obey, to the best of your ability; and laws which those few Citizens among you shall weigh in their actions moving forward." I begin.
I raise my index finger.
"Firstly:You shall forevermore and foremost be protectors of the innocent! You shall not, if circumstances allow, permit any harm to come to a innocent person, unless that harm be to prevent a greater harm, or that harm be because a third party seeks to use this command force you to act as they will. Harm does not mean merely physical; you are not to meddle in emotional affairs except to provide a comforting ear or words without consulting a Lieutenant. Theft is harm, but theft born of need does not make someone not innocent!"
I raise my middle finger to join it.
"Secondly:The Grimm, destroyers of everything, the innocent and guilty alike, are not to be tolerated! In any case where killing a Grimm does not cause or allow harm to be caused to a innocent, you shall kill that Grimm; the sole exception is if a Grimm is to be used as a training tool, in which case at least one serf shall stand guard to make sure that that Grimm does not become a danger to the innocent."
I pause, then lift my ring finger to the sky.
"Thirdly:The guilty are not yours to judge! In any case where it does not cause or allow harm to a innocent, you shall disable any of the guilty pose a threat to the innocent and deliver them to the local purveyors of justice. In cases where the guilty may not be captured for proper justice to be served, you shall take the appropriate measures, up to lethal, but under no circumstances will you allow collateral damage you inflict to threaten the life of a person who may be innocent unless their life is already in greater danger than that collateral damage poses!"
Just because I was aware of the Laws of Robotics, doesn't mean that I wasn't aware of how much the Laws of Robotics sucked.
I pause. Then, I raise my pinky firmly.
"And fourthly:As Serfs, you are neither Innocent nor Guilty. Your slate is blank. You shall not sacrifice your existence for a mere one innocent, but rather seek to save the innocent life without losing your own life. You may choose to sacrifice your self for ten, but it shall not be required of you."
I pause, rack my head for a moment, then lift my thumb.
"And finally: in cases where my direct orders stand in contradiction to these Laws, you shall not consider these Laws to be negated; rather you shall inform me of the contradiction, and, if I override your objection, you shall only temporarily consider the contradicted law to be negated, until such time as the order that conflicted with these Laws is fulfilled!"
I gulp down the last of the blooded ale.
"This, I command!" I shout before standing. "We head to Vale. Spread out and make sure to be thorough slaying any Grimm in the area; I want this section of the desert to be safe, at least for a few days yet."
It was honestly kind of cool, having my own army, ignoring the fact that....well, i was going to be responsible for whether or not people died.... i just brainwashed a bunch of people into being my slaves....stuff along those lines.
Still! They were absolute monsters...
...
...This time...
A/N:Cruento Rasa means, roughly, "Bloody Slate"...
Three days later, all of them had turned. But before they had all turned, I separated one out, asking the woman to point me at one of the worst among them.
After all, I needed to test how far my orders would take me.
The man in front of me was strong looking, and scowled viciously, but I could see a glint of fear in his eyes. ...Can I really do this...? Can I forgive myself if I do?
...
Can I forgive myself if I don't?
"Tell me the worst things you've ever done. In detail." I order him brusquely.
I let the man go on for twenty minutes, describing everything from rape to brutal murder, to both, to both but in the opposite order...
"Shut up." His mouth snaps shut in a instant. I've heard all I've the stomach for, and I no longer feel remotely as sympathetic towards him.
I close my eyes.
"When I snap my fingers, you are to forget all of your memories, but retain all of your skills." I order him. I hear a sharp intake of breath. "Your orders shall be to wipe out every last dreg of your personality. What you are now, who you are now, shall no longer be; you are to be as a dead man, and a new being to be born from his flesh. All of these are your orders." My hand shakes slightly, and I can hear a whimper from the pathetic pretense of a man before me. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter in preparation....
I raise my hand to snap.
I snap. Silently.
...
I open my eyes and see the man looking at me, confused but still very much terrified. I blink. I try to snap a few more times.
On the fifth try I get it, and the man's expression goes blank.
...Okay then. Still feeling pretty nasty, but now there's a dash of added humiliation. Wonderful.
"What is your name?" I ask testingly.
"I...don't know." The man murmurs.
"I ORDER you to tell me your name." I thunder. I want to know if there's even a trace of memory left.
"I don't know it." The man answers, a tone of true sorrow in his voice. "I don't know my name i don't know my--" He starts to panic.
...Note to self: Don't issue a order that's impossible to complete. "I order you to stop trying to tell me your name." I cut him off and a look of mild relief crosses his face before he slips back into a sort of....passivity.
I pause, and reflect.
"You are henceforth to be known as Serf A001." I command simply. "Or, in long form, Serf Group A, Designation 001."
And so I organized my new army into 3 subgroups, each of of 61, and wiped most of their minds. 4 of them had apparently joined only out of fear and never once taken pleasure in their actions. I named two of them as lieutenants and two as sergeants. I did, however, wipe the so-called new chieftess's mind, too.
And, of course, with a mindwiped army, I would have to be quite careful.
In fact, as Asimov had his Laws of Robotics, so too would I need my own laws.
Drake's Laws of Vampirism.
I assembled my army. I took a sip of what was left of the ale; sure it was tainted with my blood, but that hardly mattered.
"I sit here before you to issue laws unto you. Laws which you Serfs will obey, to the best of your ability; and laws which those few Citizens among you shall weigh in their actions moving forward." I begin.
I raise my index finger.
"Firstly:You shall forevermore and foremost be protectors of the innocent! You shall not, if circumstances allow, permit any harm to come to a innocent person, unless that harm be to prevent a greater harm, or that harm be because a third party seeks to use this command force you to act as they will. Harm does not mean merely physical; you are not to meddle in emotional affairs except to provide a comforting ear or words without consulting a Lieutenant. Theft is harm, but theft born of need does not make someone not innocent!"
I raise my middle finger to join it.
"Secondly:The Grimm, destroyers of everything, the innocent and guilty alike, are not to be tolerated! In any case where killing a Grimm does not cause or allow harm to be caused to a innocent, you shall kill that Grimm; the sole exception is if a Grimm is to be used as a training tool, in which case at least one serf shall stand guard to make sure that that Grimm does not become a danger to the innocent."
I pause, then lift my ring finger to the sky.
"Thirdly:The guilty are not yours to judge! In any case where it does not cause or allow harm to a innocent, you shall disable any of the guilty pose a threat to the innocent and deliver them to the local purveyors of justice. In cases where the guilty may not be captured for proper justice to be served, you shall take the appropriate measures, up to lethal, but under no circumstances will you allow collateral damage you inflict to threaten the life of a person who may be innocent unless their life is already in greater danger than that collateral damage poses!"
Just because I was aware of the Laws of Robotics, doesn't mean that I wasn't aware of how much the Laws of Robotics sucked.
I pause. Then, I raise my pinky firmly.
"And fourthly:As Serfs, you are neither Innocent nor Guilty. Your slate is blank. You shall not sacrifice your existence for a mere one innocent, but rather seek to save the innocent life without losing your own life. You may choose to sacrifice your self for ten, but it shall not be required of you."
I pause, rack my head for a moment, then lift my thumb.
"And finally: in cases where my direct orders stand in contradiction to these Laws, you shall not consider these Laws to be negated; rather you shall inform me of the contradiction, and, if I override your objection, you shall only temporarily consider the contradicted law to be negated, until such time as the order that conflicted with these Laws is fulfilled!"
I gulp down the last of the blooded ale.
"This, I command!" I shout before standing. "We head to Vale. Spread out and make sure to be thorough slaying any Grimm in the area; I want this section of the desert to be safe, at least for a few days yet."
It was honestly kind of cool, having my own army, ignoring the fact that....well, i was going to be responsible for whether or not people died.... i just brainwashed a bunch of people into being my slaves....stuff along those lines.
Still! They were absolute monsters...
...
...This time...
A/N:Cruento Rasa means, roughly, "Bloody Slate"...
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verycoolname
Not actually cool
Hmm...
Yeah no, he ain't a protagonist anymore.
Yeah no, he ain't a protagonist anymore.
- Location
- In The Shadowbear Slave Camp
Everyone's the hero of their own story.
And it is very easy to justify things to yourself.
And hey, when your options are either 1:try to mind wipe people so you don't have slaves so much as meat automata or 2:don't mind wipe people so you instead have slaves who internally scream at their literal inability to disobey you as you order them to do things that go against their wishes(even when those wishes are inherently VERY BAD THINGS)....
Honestly, which is worse to do?
I am emphatically not saying this is a good thing to do, but...well...
I'd peg this sort of thing as a anti-villainous thing to do.
No matter what, protagonist is yes; hero not so much.
Functionally speaking, as far as he's concerned, this would be roughly equivalent to killing all of them, then creating and controlling intelligent undead from their corpses. And notably he did go to some effort to try to make sure that he didn't get anyone who wasn't willing to go along with this in the first place--hence the unwiped lieutenants and sergeants.