A Large Amount of Trolling (CYOA V1)
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Prologue: Selections
So, one day I realized that there was a lack of a specific type of CYOA: A type centered around internet humour, memes, and pop culture. Out of the dozens of CYOAs I've read, none of them fit the criteria, and a story with that theming probably wouldn't be created anytime soon. In the words of Thanos:
"Fine. I'll do it myself."
One thought lead to another, and before long, this story was born. Some things to note before we begin:
1. Yes, I did get permission from auraofcalm for the story title, given their similarity.
2. If you have criticism, I don't want to hear it. I acknowledge that my writing may not be great at times, but this story was not meant to improve my skills, but rather give any readers who wanted a meme-themed CYOA their wish fufilled. If you don't like it, read something else.
3. I don't want to drop this story anytime soon, but updates will be infrequent.
Anyways, now that I've cleared things up, here's the story:
...Huh, it appears I'm in an infinite darkscape.
One moment I was just about to fall asleep, the next moment I'm here. Taking a quick look around, the only object in the otherwise flat landscape is a tablet on a circular table, with an unknown light from above shining at it.
Yep, I think I know where I am. Internally, I started cheering at my current situation. Especially if it was the first version, where even the so-called "hardest" difficulties were easy as long as you knew what to do.
I was sorely going to miss my parents, but unlike those CYOAs with a hero protagonist, there wasn't going to be any major sadness from me. I didn't even understand why they reacted like that. Sure, Worm may be THE crapsack world out of crapsack worlds, but if you had a CYOA (especially V1-V3), you were as good as invincible and could spend your days doing whatever you wanted. As long as you didn't fuck up, of course.
As I walked up to the tablet, and picked it off the table, a small paragraph appeared.
Based on how many fanfics you've read, I'm pretty sure you know what's happening.
I'm going to be blunt here, why did I do this? Personal Entertainment. Out of every self insert and CYOA I've read, not a single one features internet memes in a significant way, and I want to change that. You're the exact type of person who can make it happen.
So, I've done the classic act of "Here's a CYOA, now go kill a depressed space whale. Preferably with something meme-related."
However, given your personality and tendency to cheat, you'll find several options have been (slightly) nerfed in some way, so if you think you can just travel back in time to make the entities never exist, that's not going to happen. Also, any inter-dimensional travel until the space whale is killed must not involve "trolling" (primary) protagonists in any way.
Anyways, you should know the drill by now. I'll be watching, but won't interfere.
Sincerely, a Near-Omnipotent (formerly human) being sorely in need of entertainment
After dismissing the note, the familiar sight of the absolutely broken Worm CYOA V1 greeted me. With a few differences, though.
On the Difficulty Screen, "World Breaker" and "Easy" were crossed out. Didn't want me to finish the story within seconds, I suppose.
All of the Powers were still there, but they had a small NOTE, a la TV Tropes, on the bottom of the description. Opening up "Kaleidoscope" and "Eidolon", I read the following:
Cannot Interact with alternate universe versions of yourself or interfere with the entities through time travel. Cannot directly visit Earth Prime (aka your original home), and some inter-dimensional internet restrictions apply. Latter wears off with Shattered Limiter selected.
Summoned powers that are also on the CYOA must be weaker than them to function. Sorry, but no cheating points. If using a "Keep summoned powers permanent" power, the summoned power(s) must rank less than 10 on the PRT threat assessment scale. If power is greater in threat rating than the description's maximum, it will take up more than 1 slot. Cannot summon power to accelerate Limiter's effects. All but the last will wear off if Shattered Limiter is selected.
Eh, no biggie, I thought. The choices from here on were trivial. Instantly, I thought of many things related to memes: an army of Freddy Fazbear animatronics fighting the Machine Army, a glow up, and me Fortnite dancing over the corpse of the Simurgh. Time to make the selections.
SELF INSERT
Did I even need to say this? I had no aspirations of taking over someone else's body, and becoming an eldritch construct wasn't in my wishes anytime soon. Besides, even if it was massively changed, I'd still consider it my own body.
HARD
Out of all the fics I had read before, this one was often the least selected, along with Standard. Skitter mode and World Breaker were overrated, and Easy wasn't available in this modified version. The icing on the cake was getting the conflict to come to you, instead of seeking them out instead.
KALEIDOSCOPE
Obvious Choice - I wanted to base my theme on Internet memes, and a large amount of them came from fictional franchises. If I was going to access them, Kaleidoscope was a must. Plus, it was my favourite power.
EIDOLON
In my barely previous life as a baseline human, I always had thoughts of suddenly barging into a setting and doing an action, often for my own amusement. What it lacked in raw strength made up for in sheer versatility - the "Swiss Army Knife" of the CYOA, as a poster whose username I forgot once said.
Now that my powers were selected, onto the next page. Scrolling down to the Companions page, I was initially going to look over it, but then I saw an option that caught my attention. Underneath "Friends" was an additional option:
If you're more introverted, then you may choose a singular friend only. They receive 3/4s of your total points. Other than that, the normal rules still apply.
"THANKS, NOT-OMNIPOTENT ROB!" I shouted into the distance. Whether they heard it or not would be unknown, but at least I was thankful.
Selecting it, my only major friend in high school, Anthony, appeared with a crack of air. Another tablet appeared on the table.
Then, I realized what the implications of taking away someone from their family and friends were without consulting them, even if it was only temporary.
Oops.
"Hey W- Actually, is this a dream or something? You're holding a tablet in an infinitely repeating landscape."
"Uhhhh…"
This was probably the strangest dream of my life so far.
After a second or two of thinking, I replied. "No. You remember that time when I showed you something at school, called the "Worm CYOA"?
"Yeah."
"About that... I think it's better if I just show you it."
The next few minutes were spent discussing the lore and plot of Worm. Although I had once read the entire thing over the course of a month, the only things he knew were provided by me originally.
After the explanation of how I got here, and the explanation of my plan, he seemed somewhat positive on the topic, if still a little bitter about me bringing him here.
"So, to sum this up, we essentially get powers that curbstomp most comic book villains."
"I think so."
"But we have to survive or kill a multidimensional being whose only purpose is to survive the heat death of the universe who also kind of looks like a cross between Jesus and Metro man? And we're also going to have a near-invincible water Godzilla on steroids target us in about 1 month?"
"Well, uhm, if you put it like that, yeah. Basically what we have to do. You have 6 points to spend, but since the perks Blank and Shattered Limiter are pretty much mandatory, in reality it's 4. You could just take 1 power and two perks, or 2 powers."
"Alright, sounds understandable, though I'm still kinda pissed you didn't ask me about this beforehand, William," replied Anthony.
After a few minutes of deliberation, he settled on the choice of Power Manipulator, with Invictus and Cloak and Dagger as the optional perks alongside the mandatory ones. As for my own perks, I selected the following:
BLANK
If entering the setting of Worm, Blank is an absolute mandatory to have. I can see why so many previous stories had Blank: Without it, the protagonist would probably ended up abducted by Cauldron the moment they arrived in the alley, or turned into a Ziz bomb, and I did not want to end up in those fates anytime soon.
SHATTERED LIMITER
Not ABSOLUTELY necessary to survive, but still a highly-recommended perk. Unlike 99% of parahumans, whose powers could not grow over time, this allowed you to gain more. Trump Immunity was also nice. Well worth the 1 point.
INVICTUS
Let's face it: Earth Bet was a crapsack world. No doubt I would see fucked up shit that would make r/eyeblech look tame in comparison. It would also be helpful to maintain the "Sigma Male Grindset" composure, which was basically a "I DO WHAT I WANT".
Now, onto the Complications and their reasoning. I selected the following:
MARKED (ABB, E88 ABM)
Easy free 3 points right there. I don't even have to deal with them if I leave Brockton Bay, which was part of the plan.
LEVIATHAN
Those extra 2 points will definitely pay off. I still wasn't sure if I should be in Toronto or Brockton Bay when he attacks, but not for butterfly effect reasons.
Finally, I explained my plan for the first 3 days. Like almost every Worm CYOA, we were going to spend time in Brockton Bay, but with one major difference. At heart, we were still attached to our home city of Toronto, Ontario. We would alternate between time in those two cities, due to our shared home bias. A relatively simple list was brainstormed soon.
After 20-ish minutes, the mental list was finished, the contents being in no particular order, most of them being meme-related in some way.
A portion of the list:
"Hey, have we decided our cape names yet? Wait no, I have an idea. You know the Sigma Male Grindset and Gigachad memes right? What if we call ourselves Sigma and Giga for short? They're creative, and I don't think anyone will get the reference whatsoever."
"Heeeeeeey, that's actually a pretty good idea!"
Well that was easy, I thought.
"Time to do some trolling?" he then asked.
"Let the trolling begin."
With that, I pressed the "CONFIRM" button on the tablet, opening a portal through which both of us fell.
"Fine. I'll do it myself."
One thought lead to another, and before long, this story was born. Some things to note before we begin:
1. Yes, I did get permission from auraofcalm for the story title, given their similarity.
2. If you have criticism, I don't want to hear it. I acknowledge that my writing may not be great at times, but this story was not meant to improve my skills, but rather give any readers who wanted a meme-themed CYOA their wish fufilled. If you don't like it, read something else.
3. I don't want to drop this story anytime soon, but updates will be infrequent.
Anyways, now that I've cleared things up, here's the story:
...Huh, it appears I'm in an infinite darkscape.
One moment I was just about to fall asleep, the next moment I'm here. Taking a quick look around, the only object in the otherwise flat landscape is a tablet on a circular table, with an unknown light from above shining at it.
Yep, I think I know where I am. Internally, I started cheering at my current situation. Especially if it was the first version, where even the so-called "hardest" difficulties were easy as long as you knew what to do.
I was sorely going to miss my parents, but unlike those CYOAs with a hero protagonist, there wasn't going to be any major sadness from me. I didn't even understand why they reacted like that. Sure, Worm may be THE crapsack world out of crapsack worlds, but if you had a CYOA (especially V1-V3), you were as good as invincible and could spend your days doing whatever you wanted. As long as you didn't fuck up, of course.
As I walked up to the tablet, and picked it off the table, a small paragraph appeared.
Based on how many fanfics you've read, I'm pretty sure you know what's happening.
I'm going to be blunt here, why did I do this? Personal Entertainment. Out of every self insert and CYOA I've read, not a single one features internet memes in a significant way, and I want to change that. You're the exact type of person who can make it happen.
So, I've done the classic act of "Here's a CYOA, now go kill a depressed space whale. Preferably with something meme-related."
However, given your personality and tendency to cheat, you'll find several options have been (slightly) nerfed in some way, so if you think you can just travel back in time to make the entities never exist, that's not going to happen. Also, any inter-dimensional travel until the space whale is killed must not involve "trolling" (primary) protagonists in any way.
Anyways, you should know the drill by now. I'll be watching, but won't interfere.
Sincerely, a Near-Omnipotent (formerly human) being sorely in need of entertainment
After dismissing the note, the familiar sight of the absolutely broken Worm CYOA V1 greeted me. With a few differences, though.
On the Difficulty Screen, "World Breaker" and "Easy" were crossed out. Didn't want me to finish the story within seconds, I suppose.
All of the Powers were still there, but they had a small NOTE, a la TV Tropes, on the bottom of the description. Opening up "Kaleidoscope" and "Eidolon", I read the following:
Cannot Interact with alternate universe versions of yourself or interfere with the entities through time travel. Cannot directly visit Earth Prime (aka your original home), and some inter-dimensional internet restrictions apply. Latter wears off with Shattered Limiter selected.
Summoned powers that are also on the CYOA must be weaker than them to function. Sorry, but no cheating points. If using a "Keep summoned powers permanent" power, the summoned power(s) must rank less than 10 on the PRT threat assessment scale. If power is greater in threat rating than the description's maximum, it will take up more than 1 slot. Cannot summon power to accelerate Limiter's effects. All but the last will wear off if Shattered Limiter is selected.
Eh, no biggie, I thought. The choices from here on were trivial. Instantly, I thought of many things related to memes: an army of Freddy Fazbear animatronics fighting the Machine Army, a glow up, and me Fortnite dancing over the corpse of the Simurgh. Time to make the selections.
SELF INSERT
Did I even need to say this? I had no aspirations of taking over someone else's body, and becoming an eldritch construct wasn't in my wishes anytime soon. Besides, even if it was massively changed, I'd still consider it my own body.
HARD
Out of all the fics I had read before, this one was often the least selected, along with Standard. Skitter mode and World Breaker were overrated, and Easy wasn't available in this modified version. The icing on the cake was getting the conflict to come to you, instead of seeking them out instead.
KALEIDOSCOPE
Obvious Choice - I wanted to base my theme on Internet memes, and a large amount of them came from fictional franchises. If I was going to access them, Kaleidoscope was a must. Plus, it was my favourite power.
EIDOLON
In my barely previous life as a baseline human, I always had thoughts of suddenly barging into a setting and doing an action, often for my own amusement. What it lacked in raw strength made up for in sheer versatility - the "Swiss Army Knife" of the CYOA, as a poster whose username I forgot once said.
Now that my powers were selected, onto the next page. Scrolling down to the Companions page, I was initially going to look over it, but then I saw an option that caught my attention. Underneath "Friends" was an additional option:
If you're more introverted, then you may choose a singular friend only. They receive 3/4s of your total points. Other than that, the normal rules still apply.
"THANKS, NOT-OMNIPOTENT ROB!" I shouted into the distance. Whether they heard it or not would be unknown, but at least I was thankful.
Selecting it, my only major friend in high school, Anthony, appeared with a crack of air. Another tablet appeared on the table.
Then, I realized what the implications of taking away someone from their family and friends were without consulting them, even if it was only temporary.
Oops.
"Hey W- Actually, is this a dream or something? You're holding a tablet in an infinitely repeating landscape."
"Uhhhh…"
This was probably the strangest dream of my life so far.
After a second or two of thinking, I replied. "No. You remember that time when I showed you something at school, called the "Worm CYOA"?
"Yeah."
"About that... I think it's better if I just show you it."
The next few minutes were spent discussing the lore and plot of Worm. Although I had once read the entire thing over the course of a month, the only things he knew were provided by me originally.
After the explanation of how I got here, and the explanation of my plan, he seemed somewhat positive on the topic, if still a little bitter about me bringing him here.
"So, to sum this up, we essentially get powers that curbstomp most comic book villains."
"I think so."
"But we have to survive or kill a multidimensional being whose only purpose is to survive the heat death of the universe who also kind of looks like a cross between Jesus and Metro man? And we're also going to have a near-invincible water Godzilla on steroids target us in about 1 month?"
"Well, uhm, if you put it like that, yeah. Basically what we have to do. You have 6 points to spend, but since the perks Blank and Shattered Limiter are pretty much mandatory, in reality it's 4. You could just take 1 power and two perks, or 2 powers."
"Alright, sounds understandable, though I'm still kinda pissed you didn't ask me about this beforehand, William," replied Anthony.
After a few minutes of deliberation, he settled on the choice of Power Manipulator, with Invictus and Cloak and Dagger as the optional perks alongside the mandatory ones. As for my own perks, I selected the following:
BLANK
If entering the setting of Worm, Blank is an absolute mandatory to have. I can see why so many previous stories had Blank: Without it, the protagonist would probably ended up abducted by Cauldron the moment they arrived in the alley, or turned into a Ziz bomb, and I did not want to end up in those fates anytime soon.
SHATTERED LIMITER
Not ABSOLUTELY necessary to survive, but still a highly-recommended perk. Unlike 99% of parahumans, whose powers could not grow over time, this allowed you to gain more. Trump Immunity was also nice. Well worth the 1 point.
INVICTUS
Let's face it: Earth Bet was a crapsack world. No doubt I would see fucked up shit that would make r/eyeblech look tame in comparison. It would also be helpful to maintain the "Sigma Male Grindset" composure, which was basically a "I DO WHAT I WANT".
Now, onto the Complications and their reasoning. I selected the following:
MARKED (ABB, E88 ABM)
Easy free 3 points right there. I don't even have to deal with them if I leave Brockton Bay, which was part of the plan.
LEVIATHAN
Those extra 2 points will definitely pay off. I still wasn't sure if I should be in Toronto or Brockton Bay when he attacks, but not for butterfly effect reasons.
Finally, I explained my plan for the first 3 days. Like almost every Worm CYOA, we were going to spend time in Brockton Bay, but with one major difference. At heart, we were still attached to our home city of Toronto, Ontario. We would alternate between time in those two cities, due to our shared home bias. A relatively simple list was brainstormed soon.
After 20-ish minutes, the mental list was finished, the contents being in no particular order, most of them being meme-related in some way.
A portion of the list:
- Establish a base of operations in or near Toronto, Ontario (make sure to set the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated jingle as the doorbell)
- If including drink dispensers, options would be Sprite Cranberry and Mug Root Beer
- Create an upgraded army of FNAF animatronics, for combat (different animatronics could correspond to variants in their capabilities?)
- Cape Costumes: An animated trollface mask with a suit and tie for me. Still undecided for my friend.
- An upgraded Thanos Car as personal transport, including but not limited to near-invulnerability, dimensional travel, atmospheric and exoatmospheric flight, and various defensive mechanisms. Maybe a Dababy car or Toyota AE86 too?
- Shitpost memes from 10 years in the future on PHO. Create accounts with the name "Sigma_Grindset" and "Gigachad".
"Hey, have we decided our cape names yet? Wait no, I have an idea. You know the Sigma Male Grindset and Gigachad memes right? What if we call ourselves Sigma and Giga for short? They're creative, and I don't think anyone will get the reference whatsoever."
"Heeeeeeey, that's actually a pretty good idea!"
Well that was easy, I thought.
"Time to do some trolling?" he then asked.
"Let the trolling begin."
With that, I pressed the "CONFIRM" button on the tablet, opening a portal through which both of us fell.
Last edited:
I shall watch your career with great intrest.
1. Interstate Driving
With an unceremonial thump, the portal deposited the two of us in an alleyway.
Time to get to business.
"Alright, remember the list," I said to Anthony while both of us were crouched behind a dumpster. "Now, to be honest, since I'm the more knowledgeable one, for the first few days, I'll probably be slightly authoritarian, but once we got the basics set up, you can have a say in matters as well. Remember, for the first few days, keep your head down."
I had read countless CYOA's, but almost none of them featured a character who didn't immediately jump into the action. Whether it would make for more interesting writing, or because they were short-sighted into believing they were invincible, I couldn't determine. The number of SI's/CYOAs with a MC who actually took time to prepare could be counted with fingers.
Although the latter is probably true.
"Now, onto the actual plan. Step One: Make sure we're not squishy human beings."
Using Kaleidoscope, I reached out to one of the Megamind universes. I shifted through several AU's, until I found what I wanted: an upgraded version of Tighten's power. Within 3 seconds after entering Earth Bet, I had acquired an Alexandria Package, which should be enough to tank almost any threat hurled at us in the short term. Then I suddenly remembered: Tighten had the exact same powers as Metro Man. Metro Man was a near-Superman expy. Therefore, the Tighten powerset I copied had numerous secondary powers, and no weaknesses - not even copper.
Turning to Anthony, I proceed to set Eidolon slot 1 to a power that grants powers of the host to the recipient via touch. Using this, I gave him a handshake.
"Step One Complete. The number of threats capable of killing us on this planet, if we aren't careful, has dropped down to the single digits," I explained, even though the "single digits" part was made up. Sure, I could use a thinker power to verify that statement, but where was the fun in knowing that? I then elaborated on the next step of our plan.
"Step Two: Travel to Toronto."
"Teleportation?" He asked.
"Nah, we're doing things the way a regular human would. I'll tell you the specifics on the way. Now, let's go find a parking garage."
"A parking garage?" Wait, but- oh wait, you could just create one," to which I just nodded in response. "I said I'll explain it on the way there. Follow me."
Slot 1 was replaced with a thinker power that highlighted a certain building design in a glow if I focused on it, and could toggle the ability to ignore other buildings. Focusing on parking garages, I quickly deduced that it was 4 PM on a Friday, we were in the middle of Downtown, and there was a garage about half a kilometer away.
While walking to our destination, I reached out to make slot 2 a "Keep other powers permanent power." Slot 3 was filled in with a power that granted internet access to the brain, but restricted to a web browser only. I then used 2's powers to make 3 permanent, and then dismissed 3. Thinking about bringing up a webpage brought up what I wanted: the sight of the old Google logo. Damn, it's been a really long time since I've seen that. It's a reminder that 11 years ago, the Internet was a LOT different. I wasn't old enough to consider the early 2010's nostalgic - that was more of the mid 2010's, but it still sparked a sense of it nonetheless.
Once I got over it, I used Slot 4 to once again use a power-giving power, but this time via conscious thought instead of touch, with a range of 2 meters, before giving it to Anthony.
"By the way, I just gave you the ability to access the internet using your mind. Try thinking of going to Google. The page should appear in the bottom right of your vision, like a video game display."
While he was messing around, there were more important matters to do online for me. Activating my internet power once again, I created a Gmail account, using the same address as my personal one back in my previous life on Earth Prime. Following that, I created a PHO account, under the username "Sigma Grindset". Just as I finished setting it up, I realized we had reached our destination, a regular-looking 3 story garage meant to provide public parking for anyone visiting the area.
"Welp, we're here. I'll explain what happens next now." Anthony simply nodded yes, in response.
We walked in, and took a stairwell to the 2nd floor. As soon as we began to walk up the flight of stairs, I began the explanation of my plan.
"I'll kaleidoscope in a modified purple 2019 Ram 1500 with an obnoxious front bumper. You'll probably know what it's a reference to."
"...Thanos car?"
"Yep."
He let out a chuckle. "Alright, but doesn't it take like 9 hours to drive to Toronto from here? And how are we gonna cross the border without documentation?"
"That's why I placed an emphasis on the modified. Well, not as soon as I summon it, but I'll add in several features before we reach the border. For now, our priority is leaving this shithole city that makes Detroit seem safe in comparison. Well, not this Earth's Detroit, but you get the idea. Can't have shit in Brockton Bay."
Once again, using Kaleidoscope, and searching through the multiverses, I sifted through different Earths, all with PODs in the 2010s, be it major or minor.
"Hmm, Pokemon GO instant flop - Nope.. Fidget spinners didn't become popular until COVID - nope.. Russo-Ukrainian war defused - HELL NO, that's way too recent.. ROBLOX - Finally, a winner!
Eventually, I settled on an Earth similar to Earth Prime, in March 2022. The only difference was that on this Earth, Erik Cassel never passed away back in 2013, and was still kicking. Apart from almost everything on ROBLOX, there were no major deviations in history in the 9 years that followed.
I focused on the target. Before long, what was once an empty parking space was now occupied by a factory-fresh pickup truck, creating a CRACK from the displacement of air during the process. Shit, I really hope no one paid attention to that.
"Ok, get in. Wait, give me a sec to swap out a power." Anthony proceeded to climb into the front passenger seat.
Discarding slot 1's power due to it no longer being needed, I replaced it with Über's power, but with the ability to gain skills too. Then, I activated slot 2's power, and used it. Another fine addition to my power collection. Focusing on "Driving" and "Flying", I now felt like I could pull off a chase Initial D style, and would come out on top.
A realization then hit me. Crap. Cops. The Ram 1500 doesn't have plates. I pulled on slot 5 to use a power that created license plates with various effects. Two Ontario License plates with the text "THANOS CAR" then appeared in my hand. Dismissing the power, I affixed the plates to the front and back of the vehicle. They had a permanent minor stranger effect that made anyone looking at it feel that running a search on it wasn't worth the effort. Man, Eidolon is great when you need a specific power at a specific moment.
Climbing into the driver's seat, I turned the key that was already in there, starting the car. "We're ready to leave."
Anthony asked me "You know where to go?"
I smirked. "Don't worry about it. There's a power for that. Specifically, the internet access power. I'm looking for a suitable route on this Earth's equivalent of Google maps."
"Just let me know when you're finished."
"Will do."
After 5 minutes of pondering, I spoke. "I think there's a suitable location where we can modify our vehicle to make the trip past the border. Time to head out?"
"If that's what you know is the best course of action, then hell yes."
I put the stick from "Parking" to "Drive", and pulled out of the parking spot.
At 4:20 PM, on April 8th, 2011, a purple Ram 1500 pulled onto I-95, with one location in mind: Toronto.
2 HOURS LATER
"We there yet William?"
"Nope. Check the GPS yourself."
I should've gone the extra effort to make this self-driving.
5 HOURS LATER
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but there's only so much you can browse before you get bored," interjected Anthony.
It had been 5 hours since we left, but we didn't feel any fatigue, nor the need to relieve ourselves, because Tighten's secondary powers made most bodily functions and needs obsolete. Right now, the biggest issue was boredom.
The drive itself went off without a hitch - we took the 95 down to I-90. Other than a few passengers who tried to peer into the (tinted) windows, no one questioned us. I completely forgot cars from 10 years ago looked ancient, and ours stood out like a sore thumb, which wasn't helped by the purple paint job. For those few hours, I almost forgot we were on Earth Bet. Surprisingly, the interstate highway system was virtually the same as Earth Prime's. The only differences were the numerous crumbling overpasses I looked at, reminders of the funding parahumans indirectly stole, that could've gone to other projects.
Finally, the map website "pinged" me, signalling that we were nearing our stopover: an abandoned parking lot behind a warehouse in Oswego, New York.
5 hours and 23 minutes after leaving the parking garage, we reached our stopover.
"Step Two Partially Complete. Vehicle can now be modified," I announced, before offering some advice. "I hope you didn't forget about power manipulation - you can modify your powers. Try not to spend more than 2 charges unless you really HAVE to, because those might prove useful later."
I was about to draw on some powers, but to my pleasure, it had already provided two I needed. The first one was a tinker power that specialized in modifying vehicles to be what could be best described as a jailbroken version of KITT, from Knight Rider. The second one was a Trump power that boosted all tinker powers if the Home Depot theme was played. Using Kaleidoscope once again, I summoned a speaker with a small screen for playing youtube videos. It didn't take long for me to find what I wanted.
Time to get upgrading.
2 hours and 4 minutes later, when the "Home Depot theme 2 hours" video had just cut off, I finished welding the front bumper, and shut off the welder. I stood back, to admire my work: Thanos Car.
What was once an ordinary pickup truck was now anything but ordinary. Although it still retained the purple paint job, the chassis was coated in a better version of the molecular bonded shell from Knight Rider. It could definitely tank a nuke detonated right next to it, and yet still be fine. Unlike the inspiration, it had a complete immunity to chemical reactions. I wonder if I should introduce my version to Wilton Knight someday.
That was just the frame of the truck itself though. For the internals, I ripped out the internal combustion engine and replaced it with a deuterium fusion reactor. The increased power output allowed me to fit in an anti-gravity generator that gave it supersonic flight, in place of the fuel tanks.
A pickup truck (except technicals) has no weapons. Thanos Car, however, carried several thousand missiles and plasma stored in a pocket dimension. Getting the hammerspace to form and replicate plasma correctly was initially a pain, but well worth it.
I didn't skimp on defenses either: the pickup had a cloaking system that could render it invisible on all of the EM spectrum. In addition, several countermeasures were installed.
Since I planned on getting a Forerunner ancilla to serve as an assistant soon, I designed the car to accommodate one, so it could serve in a KITT-like role.
Finally, the crown jewel: the ubiquitous front bumper. I also replaced the "RAM" on the grille with "THANOS".
Now, where was my Anthony?
...
Oh, there he was. Also, Yep, we're definitely gonna have to clean this up or else the PRT arrives the moment this is discovered.
"Uh, Anthony?"
He deactivated the current eye beams being used. The ground around us was covered with multiple disturbances, from scorch marks, ice crystals, and everything in between. Any more destruction and it would fit the definition of "wasteland". I reached down to one of the marks, and picked up a sample of the material off the ground.
Hol'up, the sample was still pretty hot, and resembled glass in texture.
"Did you.. swap the eye lasers for plasma?" I asked him, with laughter.
"What? No, I didn't modify the power in any way! I wanted to test out the eye lasers by burning a crewmate into a tree, but the beam just vaporized the entire tree and set fire to the surrounding grass. So then, I partially froze the surrounding grass. I guess the definition of "weak" is very, very subjective."
"Alright. You explained what happened, so I'm not harboring any negative feelings towards you right now. You didn't mess up big time. Just remember that you can't always goof off with your power, and especially not in public. Anyways, I'll clean this up now."
I reached out to Aleph, and swapped the backdrops of the two. Once again, the area was untouched forest, ignoring the fact that what I just did had only been done once by the Simurgh. The Aleph government would probably be wondering what happened, but I did not care about the consequences.
"Well, I originally wanted to tell you that the pickup has been converted into Thanos Car now. Let's complete Step Two."
"Got it."
We walked in silence back to the car, with the occasional cricket chirp in the background.
Once we got in, I didn't turn the key - instead, a pop-out fingerprint scanner appeared. I placed my finger on it, causing it to withdraw back into the dashboard. The car started. Instead of the classic sound of an internal combustion engine, no noise arose.
"Fusion reactor. Much quieter, maybe more than an electric car."
Backing out of the lot and onto the quiet street, I applied the brakes of Thanos Car. On the end of the street lay a chain-link fence separating it from Lake Ontario, the next route we would take.
"One more thing," I said to Anthony.
"What?"
"Where we're going, we don't need roads."
I gunned the gas pedal. The modified pickup truck accelerated and crashed through the fence, on its way to its final destination.
Time to get to business.
"Alright, remember the list," I said to Anthony while both of us were crouched behind a dumpster. "Now, to be honest, since I'm the more knowledgeable one, for the first few days, I'll probably be slightly authoritarian, but once we got the basics set up, you can have a say in matters as well. Remember, for the first few days, keep your head down."
I had read countless CYOA's, but almost none of them featured a character who didn't immediately jump into the action. Whether it would make for more interesting writing, or because they were short-sighted into believing they were invincible, I couldn't determine. The number of SI's/CYOAs with a MC who actually took time to prepare could be counted with fingers.
Although the latter is probably true.
"Now, onto the actual plan. Step One: Make sure we're not squishy human beings."
Using Kaleidoscope, I reached out to one of the Megamind universes. I shifted through several AU's, until I found what I wanted: an upgraded version of Tighten's power. Within 3 seconds after entering Earth Bet, I had acquired an Alexandria Package, which should be enough to tank almost any threat hurled at us in the short term. Then I suddenly remembered: Tighten had the exact same powers as Metro Man. Metro Man was a near-Superman expy. Therefore, the Tighten powerset I copied had numerous secondary powers, and no weaknesses - not even copper.
Turning to Anthony, I proceed to set Eidolon slot 1 to a power that grants powers of the host to the recipient via touch. Using this, I gave him a handshake.
"Step One Complete. The number of threats capable of killing us on this planet, if we aren't careful, has dropped down to the single digits," I explained, even though the "single digits" part was made up. Sure, I could use a thinker power to verify that statement, but where was the fun in knowing that? I then elaborated on the next step of our plan.
"Step Two: Travel to Toronto."
"Teleportation?" He asked.
"Nah, we're doing things the way a regular human would. I'll tell you the specifics on the way. Now, let's go find a parking garage."
"A parking garage?" Wait, but- oh wait, you could just create one," to which I just nodded in response. "I said I'll explain it on the way there. Follow me."
Slot 1 was replaced with a thinker power that highlighted a certain building design in a glow if I focused on it, and could toggle the ability to ignore other buildings. Focusing on parking garages, I quickly deduced that it was 4 PM on a Friday, we were in the middle of Downtown, and there was a garage about half a kilometer away.
While walking to our destination, I reached out to make slot 2 a "Keep other powers permanent power." Slot 3 was filled in with a power that granted internet access to the brain, but restricted to a web browser only. I then used 2's powers to make 3 permanent, and then dismissed 3. Thinking about bringing up a webpage brought up what I wanted: the sight of the old Google logo. Damn, it's been a really long time since I've seen that. It's a reminder that 11 years ago, the Internet was a LOT different. I wasn't old enough to consider the early 2010's nostalgic - that was more of the mid 2010's, but it still sparked a sense of it nonetheless.
Once I got over it, I used Slot 4 to once again use a power-giving power, but this time via conscious thought instead of touch, with a range of 2 meters, before giving it to Anthony.
"By the way, I just gave you the ability to access the internet using your mind. Try thinking of going to Google. The page should appear in the bottom right of your vision, like a video game display."
While he was messing around, there were more important matters to do online for me. Activating my internet power once again, I created a Gmail account, using the same address as my personal one back in my previous life on Earth Prime. Following that, I created a PHO account, under the username "Sigma Grindset". Just as I finished setting it up, I realized we had reached our destination, a regular-looking 3 story garage meant to provide public parking for anyone visiting the area.
"Welp, we're here. I'll explain what happens next now." Anthony simply nodded yes, in response.
We walked in, and took a stairwell to the 2nd floor. As soon as we began to walk up the flight of stairs, I began the explanation of my plan.
"I'll kaleidoscope in a modified purple 2019 Ram 1500 with an obnoxious front bumper. You'll probably know what it's a reference to."
"...Thanos car?"
"Yep."
He let out a chuckle. "Alright, but doesn't it take like 9 hours to drive to Toronto from here? And how are we gonna cross the border without documentation?"
"That's why I placed an emphasis on the modified. Well, not as soon as I summon it, but I'll add in several features before we reach the border. For now, our priority is leaving this shithole city that makes Detroit seem safe in comparison. Well, not this Earth's Detroit, but you get the idea. Can't have shit in Brockton Bay."
Once again, using Kaleidoscope, and searching through the multiverses, I sifted through different Earths, all with PODs in the 2010s, be it major or minor.
"Hmm, Pokemon GO instant flop - Nope.. Fidget spinners didn't become popular until COVID - nope.. Russo-Ukrainian war defused - HELL NO, that's way too recent.. ROBLOX - Finally, a winner!
Eventually, I settled on an Earth similar to Earth Prime, in March 2022. The only difference was that on this Earth, Erik Cassel never passed away back in 2013, and was still kicking. Apart from almost everything on ROBLOX, there were no major deviations in history in the 9 years that followed.
I focused on the target. Before long, what was once an empty parking space was now occupied by a factory-fresh pickup truck, creating a CRACK from the displacement of air during the process. Shit, I really hope no one paid attention to that.
"Ok, get in. Wait, give me a sec to swap out a power." Anthony proceeded to climb into the front passenger seat.
Discarding slot 1's power due to it no longer being needed, I replaced it with Über's power, but with the ability to gain skills too. Then, I activated slot 2's power, and used it. Another fine addition to my power collection. Focusing on "Driving" and "Flying", I now felt like I could pull off a chase Initial D style, and would come out on top.
A realization then hit me. Crap. Cops. The Ram 1500 doesn't have plates. I pulled on slot 5 to use a power that created license plates with various effects. Two Ontario License plates with the text "THANOS CAR" then appeared in my hand. Dismissing the power, I affixed the plates to the front and back of the vehicle. They had a permanent minor stranger effect that made anyone looking at it feel that running a search on it wasn't worth the effort. Man, Eidolon is great when you need a specific power at a specific moment.
Climbing into the driver's seat, I turned the key that was already in there, starting the car. "We're ready to leave."
Anthony asked me "You know where to go?"
I smirked. "Don't worry about it. There's a power for that. Specifically, the internet access power. I'm looking for a suitable route on this Earth's equivalent of Google maps."
"Just let me know when you're finished."
"Will do."
After 5 minutes of pondering, I spoke. "I think there's a suitable location where we can modify our vehicle to make the trip past the border. Time to head out?"
"If that's what you know is the best course of action, then hell yes."
I put the stick from "Parking" to "Drive", and pulled out of the parking spot.
At 4:20 PM, on April 8th, 2011, a purple Ram 1500 pulled onto I-95, with one location in mind: Toronto.
2 HOURS LATER
"We there yet William?"
"Nope. Check the GPS yourself."
I should've gone the extra effort to make this self-driving.
5 HOURS LATER
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but there's only so much you can browse before you get bored," interjected Anthony.
It had been 5 hours since we left, but we didn't feel any fatigue, nor the need to relieve ourselves, because Tighten's secondary powers made most bodily functions and needs obsolete. Right now, the biggest issue was boredom.
The drive itself went off without a hitch - we took the 95 down to I-90. Other than a few passengers who tried to peer into the (tinted) windows, no one questioned us. I completely forgot cars from 10 years ago looked ancient, and ours stood out like a sore thumb, which wasn't helped by the purple paint job. For those few hours, I almost forgot we were on Earth Bet. Surprisingly, the interstate highway system was virtually the same as Earth Prime's. The only differences were the numerous crumbling overpasses I looked at, reminders of the funding parahumans indirectly stole, that could've gone to other projects.
Finally, the map website "pinged" me, signalling that we were nearing our stopover: an abandoned parking lot behind a warehouse in Oswego, New York.
5 hours and 23 minutes after leaving the parking garage, we reached our stopover.
"Step Two Partially Complete. Vehicle can now be modified," I announced, before offering some advice. "I hope you didn't forget about power manipulation - you can modify your powers. Try not to spend more than 2 charges unless you really HAVE to, because those might prove useful later."
I was about to draw on some powers, but to my pleasure, it had already provided two I needed. The first one was a tinker power that specialized in modifying vehicles to be what could be best described as a jailbroken version of KITT, from Knight Rider. The second one was a Trump power that boosted all tinker powers if the Home Depot theme was played. Using Kaleidoscope once again, I summoned a speaker with a small screen for playing youtube videos. It didn't take long for me to find what I wanted.
Time to get upgrading.
2 hours and 4 minutes later, when the "Home Depot theme 2 hours" video had just cut off, I finished welding the front bumper, and shut off the welder. I stood back, to admire my work: Thanos Car.
What was once an ordinary pickup truck was now anything but ordinary. Although it still retained the purple paint job, the chassis was coated in a better version of the molecular bonded shell from Knight Rider. It could definitely tank a nuke detonated right next to it, and yet still be fine. Unlike the inspiration, it had a complete immunity to chemical reactions. I wonder if I should introduce my version to Wilton Knight someday.
That was just the frame of the truck itself though. For the internals, I ripped out the internal combustion engine and replaced it with a deuterium fusion reactor. The increased power output allowed me to fit in an anti-gravity generator that gave it supersonic flight, in place of the fuel tanks.
A pickup truck (except technicals) has no weapons. Thanos Car, however, carried several thousand missiles and plasma stored in a pocket dimension. Getting the hammerspace to form and replicate plasma correctly was initially a pain, but well worth it.
I didn't skimp on defenses either: the pickup had a cloaking system that could render it invisible on all of the EM spectrum. In addition, several countermeasures were installed.
Since I planned on getting a Forerunner ancilla to serve as an assistant soon, I designed the car to accommodate one, so it could serve in a KITT-like role.
Finally, the crown jewel: the ubiquitous front bumper. I also replaced the "RAM" on the grille with "THANOS".
Now, where was my Anthony?
...
Oh, there he was. Also, Yep, we're definitely gonna have to clean this up or else the PRT arrives the moment this is discovered.
"Uh, Anthony?"
He deactivated the current eye beams being used. The ground around us was covered with multiple disturbances, from scorch marks, ice crystals, and everything in between. Any more destruction and it would fit the definition of "wasteland". I reached down to one of the marks, and picked up a sample of the material off the ground.
Hol'up, the sample was still pretty hot, and resembled glass in texture.
"Did you.. swap the eye lasers for plasma?" I asked him, with laughter.
"What? No, I didn't modify the power in any way! I wanted to test out the eye lasers by burning a crewmate into a tree, but the beam just vaporized the entire tree and set fire to the surrounding grass. So then, I partially froze the surrounding grass. I guess the definition of "weak" is very, very subjective."
"Alright. You explained what happened, so I'm not harboring any negative feelings towards you right now. You didn't mess up big time. Just remember that you can't always goof off with your power, and especially not in public. Anyways, I'll clean this up now."
I reached out to Aleph, and swapped the backdrops of the two. Once again, the area was untouched forest, ignoring the fact that what I just did had only been done once by the Simurgh. The Aleph government would probably be wondering what happened, but I did not care about the consequences.
"Well, I originally wanted to tell you that the pickup has been converted into Thanos Car now. Let's complete Step Two."
"Got it."
We walked in silence back to the car, with the occasional cricket chirp in the background.
Once we got in, I didn't turn the key - instead, a pop-out fingerprint scanner appeared. I placed my finger on it, causing it to withdraw back into the dashboard. The car started. Instead of the classic sound of an internal combustion engine, no noise arose.
"Fusion reactor. Much quieter, maybe more than an electric car."
Backing out of the lot and onto the quiet street, I applied the brakes of Thanos Car. On the end of the street lay a chain-link fence separating it from Lake Ontario, the next route we would take.
"One more thing," I said to Anthony.
"What?"
"Where we're going, we don't need roads."
I gunned the gas pedal. The modified pickup truck accelerated and crashed through the fence, on its way to its final destination.
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- Pronouns
- Male
I'm glad this exists
I was saying that the "fidget spinner" trend of 2016 didn't occur until 2020.
Also, chapter 2 will be up in
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2. Arrival and Preparations
We were flying through the air.
"Wait, did you-" Anthony asked before I pointed him to a button on the centre display.
Once it looked like gravity would take its course and send us to the lake bottom, I brought up the "cloaking" and "flight" modes, and activated both of them.
"...make this thing fly?" he finished, with a grin on his face.
"Yep. TLDR, I turned this ordinary pickup truck into a different category of vehicle entirely."
We were cruising a few meters over the water, ekranoplan-style, with small waves below us. Through a photokinesis system and the molecular shell, Thanos Car was completely invisible on all of the EM spectrum. An acoustikinesis system muffled what little noise the engine was producing, as well as the displacement of air. At higher speeds, it eliminated sonic booms caused by our movement. Considering that Thanos Car was capable of travelling at near orbital velocity, I installed both systems to be on the safe side.
He asked again. "So, how long till we get to Toronto? It's like, past midnight by now."
"Less than half an hour. We're rapidly accelerating to transsonic speeds that would probably make a normal human pass out." Another perk of Tighten's powerset.
"Nicccceeeee, way faster. What do we do after we get there though?"
"Check the Geographic coordinates of our homes back on Earth Prime. I'm not sure what exactly will be there, but probably a farm field, given the state of Earth Bet. After that, we're going to start building our base." Secret Lair was a waste of perks, in my opinion. One point was a waste, when you could easily build a base on your own?
" I'll just stare out the window for now. Tell me when we get there."
"Alright, got it," I shot back.
We hit a "slow" cruising speed seconds later, which was roughly 2300km/h. 3 minutes later, we crossed Lake Ontario.
I decided on a location somewhere between Bowmanville and Port Hope to continue the flight. We followed the route of the 401 for a while, through Oshawa and Ajax, before breaking off the highway, west of Pickering.
Decelerating Thanos Car, I landed in a farmer's field where the GPS told me was near Whitchurch-Stouffville. After deactivating flight and cloaking, the car drove out of the field.
One uneventful drive later, we reached our destination. Finally, it was done.
"Step Two Fully Complete," I announced, drawing his attention.
"This is the area where our original homes were?" he asked, with an expression between shock and surprise.
"Unfortunately, yes. I know this because I memorized the coordinates of our old homes. Our elementary school location, in question, is only a few hundred meters away."
We both opened our respective car doors, walking out of where we parked Thanos Car in a clearing. Next to us was supposed to be a large street lined with housing and a fire station, but on Earth Bet it was merely a quiet 2-lane county road.
The streets our houses were on. The (elementary) school we went to. The park where we met often. The rows upon rows of cookie cutter housing. All of this never existed here on Bet. Instead, it was just forest, and a farmer's field nearby. The high school we were both attending before being ROB'ed was never built, and classes were still being held in the old building "downtown", which was built in the 1940's.
I wasn't as surprised as him, when seeing the differences between Prime and Bet. The economic state of the world caused by a myriad of factors meant this area in particular never experienced a surge in economic growth, which meant no development.
"I think I know where our elementary school's location is. Can you come with me to see what's there? It's where I'm planning our base to be," I explained to Anthony, while gesturing in the general direction.
"Our base? Sure!"
I kaleidoscope'd two flashlights with high lumen ratings, before giving one to him. I could've always just made a power to make my eyes serve as flashlights themselves, but personal choice won again.
We set off on a short walk. Trees, still yet to regain their leaves, surrounded us. Walking for more than 5 minutes, I realized we were at the exact spot of our school. The area that would've been the parking lot had a small clearing. Other than that, it was just another forest.
Anthony waved his flashlight around, examining the area. "Powers and their consequences have been a disaster for the human race. Literally nothing here, except for the forest."
The two of us wandered around the area for a few minutes, before I called out.
"This."
Then, I put one knee down on the ground, catching his attention.
"William? What'd you notice?" he asked, with a hint of concern.
"Nothing special, but since I picked Hard difficulty in the CYOA, so I wouldn't be surprised if we have to fight soon, something I'm trying to avoid for now. But that's not the main point: what is, however, is that we have 3 days before canon kicks off. WE. NEED. TO. MAKE. THEM. COUNT," I said, shifting to a harsher tone for the last sentence.
When I finished, there was only the chirping of the occasional cricket or other bug that greeted me.
"Now, let's get our base running by this morning." And playing more of the Home Depot theme, although I didn't tell Anthony the latter. "Kapeesh?"
"Uh, if that's what you know is the best plan of action, then I'm in."
"Alright. Let's get building!"
With those words, construction of our base had officially begun.
The first step was making a blueprint for our base. I kaleidoscope'd in several sheets of paper, a large clipboard, a ruler, and a few pencils for the task, which I then passed one to Anthony.
"So, we need to decide what our base's layout should be," I explained. "Kinda like when we used to make bases in Minecraft back in the day, but with a lot more at stake."
To start off, I drew a vertical view of the proposed base: a small bunker that would be the topmost level. All of the rest would be underground, connected through several elevators and stairwells, up to a depth of 2 kilometers underground.
I presented what I had so far to Anthony. "How does this look?"
"So far, acceptable in my opinion."
I then sketched some more rooms. We went back and forth on designing the base, drawings illuminated by flashlight. After more than 20 minutes, we settled on a plan both of us liked.
The main shaft would lead down the first underground level, opening into a 2-story hallway. Paintings or statues of meme figures would line the way. Doors placed at spaced intervals would provide access to several rooms. At the halfway point, there would be an enormous atrium, with a golden fountain topped with a statue of Shrek in the centre. The hallway would then continue from the atrium, with more rooms.
Underneath, there would be the more important rooms, containing what any potential guests wouldn't see at first. These included the generators and production facilities for various pieces of technology, such as the Freddy Fazbear army I was planning to assemble. Actually, why not just skip a step by installing universal replicators instead? Perfectly doable, and more convenient.
A 360-degree, 3D shield generator rated for prolonged attack from endbringers would be installed near the "core" of the base, located underground. Even though I knew killing an endbringer was easy as long as you knew what to do, it was better to be safe than sorry.
Finally, after the last preliminary drawings were finished, I focused on slot 1, which already had what I needed: a terrakinesis power. It granted the ability to move any rock or soil within a several kilometer radius. I then shared my power with Anthony. We knew what areas to excavate, and - hopefully - the base itself would be finished within an hour.
"Ready?" I asked him.
"Ready."
With those words, the two of us got to work, and a violation of the first rule of Minecraft would've been committed, if we didn't have the power of flight.
It was an hour and a half since we started, and the two of us were currently at work molding a block of gold into a statue of Shrek on top of the fountain in the atrium.
There were still a few unfurnished rooms, but the entire base now had been dug. After getting the top bunker constructed (thank you Michael McCole), we moved down and dug the rest of the underground base, before installing basic utilities. It was just a matter of furnishing after getting that done, starting with the more important rooms and finishing with the meme paintings and statues.
The piece de resistance of them all, though, were the statues on the fountain. Made of pure gold, the two figures on top: Shrek and Rick Astley, had their backs turned away from each other. We briefly debated who exactly to make the statue about at first, but it ended in a compromise that was a win-win.
Focusing back on sculpting, I realized that we had finished his right antenna/ear, I gestured to Anthony that our result was nearly identical to the reference photo, and we both took a few steps back, while admiring our handiwork.
"Heh. Imagine in the unlikely event someone gets down here and wonders why we're commemorating a random animated Aleph movie character and a singer who's been out of the spotlight for years," he remarked.
The last sentence reminded me. Was Rickrolling a thing here? And what happened to Rick Astley on Bet? Had "Never Gonna Give You Up" even been released with the same lyrics as the version on Prime? I did some Internet browsing on Bet already, but that didn't include looking at internet memes here.
That could wait after I finished setting up the production line of animatronics, though. This time, I slotted 1 with an "Anything Goes" tinker power with a specialization in Five Nights at Freddy's. Ideas for everything animatronic-related flooded my brain when I asked for them.
He noticed this, and the shit-eating grin on my face, before opening his mouth.
"Big Brain moment?"
"Freddy Fazbear." I answered, not even bothering to turn my head in his direction.
"Wait, so - you want to make an army of Freddy Fazbears, just for the Deploy Freddy Fazbear meme?"
I did my best to put on a gigachad expression.
"Yes."
A vine boom then spread throughout the base, thanks to one kinetic energy manipulation power I made permanent. Another reminder of how overpowered the CYOA was.
What he said next didn't take me by surprise a lot. "Didn't mention I was against that. Got any plans with the animatronics?"
"Endbringer battles, assassinations with the Toreador Song, et cetera."
"What're you gonna install in them?"
"Stuff that'd make a Dragonflight look like the creation of a caveman." I wasn't intending to make that statement an exaggeration.
Another shit-eating grin on my face appeared, after imagining the designs and specifications of the animatronic army. "Could you finish working on some of the paintings and statues while I set up the army of animatronics?" I suggested.
"Acknowledged. No problem, William."
Anthony and I then left to do our own thing. I was heading for the lower levels of the base, where the (currently empty) production chambers lay.
One staircase journey and a turn later, I was standing in what could be best described as a warehouse-like hall.
Then, a realization hit me like a train. Wait a second, I can fly, I didn't even need to use it! Oh well, it was too late now.
Alright, here we go. Drawing on the power of kaleidoscope again, I willed for a universal replicator that could be fed blueprints, to come into existence, just like how I got all of the parts and tools necessary to modify the Ram 1500 into Thanos Car.
As expected, what I wanted appeared, a large, futuristic-looking chamber with a small box that allowed the user to input their design. This was repeated several times, until nearly the entire room was filled with them, with conveyor belts feeding the products into a future storage room I'd dug earlier. The replicators would solve all my material problems for an extremely long time, considering the combined output of the base's fusion reactors.
Now, onto designing the animatronic endoskeletons! I teleported the clipboard I used to design the base itself next to me, summoned more sheets of paper and a pencil, and got to work sketching.
Fusion reactor for unlimited range? Check.
Thruster pack for short-duration flight? Check.
Small onboard AI for independent operation until 0420 Alexa (the Forerunner ancilla I was planning to obtain) was brought online? Check.
Molecular bonded shell frame? Also check.
Ranged and melee plasma weaponry? Check.
Music box? Check, but only for the Freddy variants.
Several features later, the paper blueprints for the animatronic army were ready. 4 variants (the originals) would be brought into production. Right now, the only differences would be their appearance (and the music box in the case of Freddy Fazbear), but I planned to specialize them and add more features when more time was available and the two of us had already made our debuts. The animatronic variants would be designated with "War" as a prefix on their original name.
When it came to defense, I spared no expense. Every redundancy I thought of - fire, EMP, etc. was installed.
Now, all I had to do was start up the fabricators to produce the animatronic army. With the press of a button, the first War Freddy was made. Then, a War Bonnie, a War Chica, and finally, a War Foxy. The conveyor belt then kicked in, moving them into a designated storage area.
My shit-eating grin reached new heights at that moment.
"Nilbog watching a purple pickup truck deploy a top-hat wearing cartoon bear," I said to no one in particular. I was going to make those words a reality in the near future.
Another reminder of the list then struck me: start shitposting memes from a decade in the future on PHO. The humour of 2011 was not equipped for the humour of 2022.
A large amount of trolling indeed.
After seeing the fabricators work for a minute or two, I walked out of the room, content to let them do their job. The next order of business was getting our cape costumes done, and for that I needed Anthony's input to make Giga's.
Walking up the stairs back to the atrium, I found Anthony hanging a large oil painting of face swapped Mike Wazowski on the wall. Both hallways and the atrium both appeared to be fully furnished.
"Last one?"
"Obviously, if you took a look at the other side. Except the NFT room, but that's not exactly our priority list right now."
Within the hallway, I glanced at several paintings and sculptures, sweeping my eyes. Big Chungus, Ugandan Knuckles, and Robbie Rotten were just a few of the pieces of art I saw. On the end of the opposite hallway, I could see a moai.
Then, I explained the original reason why I was here. "Welp, now that you've finished your stuff and I've finished setting up the animatronic army, we need to get the finer details of our costumes done. Follow me." A simple nod from Anthony was all that I needed as confirmation.
Using my memory from excavating and constructing the base, we backtracked our way to a lounge that was probably oversized, given the current base's occupancy rate. Choosing a random couch, the two of us sat down.
It was time to get to work on designing our costumes and personal weaponry.
"First of all," I said, "we know our cape names already: Sigma for myself, and Giga for you. No need to explain the origins."
"If anyone could figure out the true meanings, I'd be surprised." This time, I nodded in response.
"Now, onto our costumes…"
15 MINUTES LATER
"Coffin dancer?" he suggested.
"Coffin dancer it is," I replied. The two of us would have a common theme in our main clothing: a suit and tie for me, and a tuxedo for Anthony. "Tuxedos and suits are both formal wear."
"I guess we've found a solution, then. One more thing though," he said, which caught my attention.
"What?"
"It'd be better if I was wearing something that covers more of my eyes than sunglasses. Something along the lines of Snake eyes."
"Snake Eyes? What's- oh wait, it's the Roblox item," I realized.
"Yep."
"Now for the shoes. Maybe those Drip sneakers?" he asked.
"As in Among Us drip?"
"Yep, again."
This time, I hummed the first few notes Among Us trap remix upon hearing those words. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding.
"Back to the point now - We've gotten the issue of our appearances sorted out, now it's just a matter of weapons and powers, especially creating one with your charges. Got any ideas?"
Unfortunately, Anthony didn't have any suggestions right now. "Uhhhh, dunno about that."
More brainstorming to do, then. Get the issue of what our (main) powers should be, do some research on the Toronto cape status quo, and soon, make our debuts.
The villains of Toronto would be in for a rude awakening soon.
AN: I finally finished this chapter after enough free time. But that's not the main point. What, is however, is that every few chapters I'll update the powerset list of Sigma and Giga, just to keep readers informed. They're right below this sentence.
"Wait, did you-" Anthony asked before I pointed him to a button on the centre display.
Once it looked like gravity would take its course and send us to the lake bottom, I brought up the "cloaking" and "flight" modes, and activated both of them.
"...make this thing fly?" he finished, with a grin on his face.
"Yep. TLDR, I turned this ordinary pickup truck into a different category of vehicle entirely."
We were cruising a few meters over the water, ekranoplan-style, with small waves below us. Through a photokinesis system and the molecular shell, Thanos Car was completely invisible on all of the EM spectrum. An acoustikinesis system muffled what little noise the engine was producing, as well as the displacement of air. At higher speeds, it eliminated sonic booms caused by our movement. Considering that Thanos Car was capable of travelling at near orbital velocity, I installed both systems to be on the safe side.
He asked again. "So, how long till we get to Toronto? It's like, past midnight by now."
"Less than half an hour. We're rapidly accelerating to transsonic speeds that would probably make a normal human pass out." Another perk of Tighten's powerset.
"Nicccceeeee, way faster. What do we do after we get there though?"
"Check the Geographic coordinates of our homes back on Earth Prime. I'm not sure what exactly will be there, but probably a farm field, given the state of Earth Bet. After that, we're going to start building our base." Secret Lair was a waste of perks, in my opinion. One point was a waste, when you could easily build a base on your own?
" I'll just stare out the window for now. Tell me when we get there."
"Alright, got it," I shot back.
We hit a "slow" cruising speed seconds later, which was roughly 2300km/h. 3 minutes later, we crossed Lake Ontario.
I decided on a location somewhere between Bowmanville and Port Hope to continue the flight. We followed the route of the 401 for a while, through Oshawa and Ajax, before breaking off the highway, west of Pickering.
Decelerating Thanos Car, I landed in a farmer's field where the GPS told me was near Whitchurch-Stouffville. After deactivating flight and cloaking, the car drove out of the field.
One uneventful drive later, we reached our destination. Finally, it was done.
"Step Two Fully Complete," I announced, drawing his attention.
"This is the area where our original homes were?" he asked, with an expression between shock and surprise.
"Unfortunately, yes. I know this because I memorized the coordinates of our old homes. Our elementary school location, in question, is only a few hundred meters away."
We both opened our respective car doors, walking out of where we parked Thanos Car in a clearing. Next to us was supposed to be a large street lined with housing and a fire station, but on Earth Bet it was merely a quiet 2-lane county road.
The streets our houses were on. The (elementary) school we went to. The park where we met often. The rows upon rows of cookie cutter housing. All of this never existed here on Bet. Instead, it was just forest, and a farmer's field nearby. The high school we were both attending before being ROB'ed was never built, and classes were still being held in the old building "downtown", which was built in the 1940's.
I wasn't as surprised as him, when seeing the differences between Prime and Bet. The economic state of the world caused by a myriad of factors meant this area in particular never experienced a surge in economic growth, which meant no development.
"I think I know where our elementary school's location is. Can you come with me to see what's there? It's where I'm planning our base to be," I explained to Anthony, while gesturing in the general direction.
"Our base? Sure!"
I kaleidoscope'd two flashlights with high lumen ratings, before giving one to him. I could've always just made a power to make my eyes serve as flashlights themselves, but personal choice won again.
We set off on a short walk. Trees, still yet to regain their leaves, surrounded us. Walking for more than 5 minutes, I realized we were at the exact spot of our school. The area that would've been the parking lot had a small clearing. Other than that, it was just another forest.
Anthony waved his flashlight around, examining the area. "Powers and their consequences have been a disaster for the human race. Literally nothing here, except for the forest."
The two of us wandered around the area for a few minutes, before I called out.
"This."
Then, I put one knee down on the ground, catching his attention.
"William? What'd you notice?" he asked, with a hint of concern.
"Nothing special, but since I picked Hard difficulty in the CYOA, so I wouldn't be surprised if we have to fight soon, something I'm trying to avoid for now. But that's not the main point: what is, however, is that we have 3 days before canon kicks off. WE. NEED. TO. MAKE. THEM. COUNT," I said, shifting to a harsher tone for the last sentence.
When I finished, there was only the chirping of the occasional cricket or other bug that greeted me.
"Now, let's get our base running by this morning." And playing more of the Home Depot theme, although I didn't tell Anthony the latter. "Kapeesh?"
"Uh, if that's what you know is the best plan of action, then I'm in."
"Alright. Let's get building!"
With those words, construction of our base had officially begun.
The first step was making a blueprint for our base. I kaleidoscope'd in several sheets of paper, a large clipboard, a ruler, and a few pencils for the task, which I then passed one to Anthony.
"So, we need to decide what our base's layout should be," I explained. "Kinda like when we used to make bases in Minecraft back in the day, but with a lot more at stake."
To start off, I drew a vertical view of the proposed base: a small bunker that would be the topmost level. All of the rest would be underground, connected through several elevators and stairwells, up to a depth of 2 kilometers underground.
I presented what I had so far to Anthony. "How does this look?"
"So far, acceptable in my opinion."
I then sketched some more rooms. We went back and forth on designing the base, drawings illuminated by flashlight. After more than 20 minutes, we settled on a plan both of us liked.
The main shaft would lead down the first underground level, opening into a 2-story hallway. Paintings or statues of meme figures would line the way. Doors placed at spaced intervals would provide access to several rooms. At the halfway point, there would be an enormous atrium, with a golden fountain topped with a statue of Shrek in the centre. The hallway would then continue from the atrium, with more rooms.
Underneath, there would be the more important rooms, containing what any potential guests wouldn't see at first. These included the generators and production facilities for various pieces of technology, such as the Freddy Fazbear army I was planning to assemble. Actually, why not just skip a step by installing universal replicators instead? Perfectly doable, and more convenient.
A 360-degree, 3D shield generator rated for prolonged attack from endbringers would be installed near the "core" of the base, located underground. Even though I knew killing an endbringer was easy as long as you knew what to do, it was better to be safe than sorry.
Finally, after the last preliminary drawings were finished, I focused on slot 1, which already had what I needed: a terrakinesis power. It granted the ability to move any rock or soil within a several kilometer radius. I then shared my power with Anthony. We knew what areas to excavate, and - hopefully - the base itself would be finished within an hour.
"Ready?" I asked him.
"Ready."
With those words, the two of us got to work, and a violation of the first rule of Minecraft would've been committed, if we didn't have the power of flight.
It was an hour and a half since we started, and the two of us were currently at work molding a block of gold into a statue of Shrek on top of the fountain in the atrium.
There were still a few unfurnished rooms, but the entire base now had been dug. After getting the top bunker constructed (thank you Michael McCole), we moved down and dug the rest of the underground base, before installing basic utilities. It was just a matter of furnishing after getting that done, starting with the more important rooms and finishing with the meme paintings and statues.
The piece de resistance of them all, though, were the statues on the fountain. Made of pure gold, the two figures on top: Shrek and Rick Astley, had their backs turned away from each other. We briefly debated who exactly to make the statue about at first, but it ended in a compromise that was a win-win.
Focusing back on sculpting, I realized that we had finished his right antenna/ear, I gestured to Anthony that our result was nearly identical to the reference photo, and we both took a few steps back, while admiring our handiwork.
"Heh. Imagine in the unlikely event someone gets down here and wonders why we're commemorating a random animated Aleph movie character and a singer who's been out of the spotlight for years," he remarked.
The last sentence reminded me. Was Rickrolling a thing here? And what happened to Rick Astley on Bet? Had "Never Gonna Give You Up" even been released with the same lyrics as the version on Prime? I did some Internet browsing on Bet already, but that didn't include looking at internet memes here.
That could wait after I finished setting up the production line of animatronics, though. This time, I slotted 1 with an "Anything Goes" tinker power with a specialization in Five Nights at Freddy's. Ideas for everything animatronic-related flooded my brain when I asked for them.
He noticed this, and the shit-eating grin on my face, before opening his mouth.
"Big Brain moment?"
"Freddy Fazbear." I answered, not even bothering to turn my head in his direction.
"Wait, so - you want to make an army of Freddy Fazbears, just for the Deploy Freddy Fazbear meme?"
I did my best to put on a gigachad expression.
"Yes."
A vine boom then spread throughout the base, thanks to one kinetic energy manipulation power I made permanent. Another reminder of how overpowered the CYOA was.
What he said next didn't take me by surprise a lot. "Didn't mention I was against that. Got any plans with the animatronics?"
"Endbringer battles, assassinations with the Toreador Song, et cetera."
"What're you gonna install in them?"
"Stuff that'd make a Dragonflight look like the creation of a caveman." I wasn't intending to make that statement an exaggeration.
Another shit-eating grin on my face appeared, after imagining the designs and specifications of the animatronic army. "Could you finish working on some of the paintings and statues while I set up the army of animatronics?" I suggested.
"Acknowledged. No problem, William."
Anthony and I then left to do our own thing. I was heading for the lower levels of the base, where the (currently empty) production chambers lay.
One staircase journey and a turn later, I was standing in what could be best described as a warehouse-like hall.
Then, a realization hit me like a train. Wait a second, I can fly, I didn't even need to use it! Oh well, it was too late now.
Alright, here we go. Drawing on the power of kaleidoscope again, I willed for a universal replicator that could be fed blueprints, to come into existence, just like how I got all of the parts and tools necessary to modify the Ram 1500 into Thanos Car.
As expected, what I wanted appeared, a large, futuristic-looking chamber with a small box that allowed the user to input their design. This was repeated several times, until nearly the entire room was filled with them, with conveyor belts feeding the products into a future storage room I'd dug earlier. The replicators would solve all my material problems for an extremely long time, considering the combined output of the base's fusion reactors.
Now, onto designing the animatronic endoskeletons! I teleported the clipboard I used to design the base itself next to me, summoned more sheets of paper and a pencil, and got to work sketching.
Fusion reactor for unlimited range? Check.
Thruster pack for short-duration flight? Check.
Small onboard AI for independent operation until 0420 Alexa (the Forerunner ancilla I was planning to obtain) was brought online? Check.
Molecular bonded shell frame? Also check.
Ranged and melee plasma weaponry? Check.
Music box? Check, but only for the Freddy variants.
Several features later, the paper blueprints for the animatronic army were ready. 4 variants (the originals) would be brought into production. Right now, the only differences would be their appearance (and the music box in the case of Freddy Fazbear), but I planned to specialize them and add more features when more time was available and the two of us had already made our debuts. The animatronic variants would be designated with "War" as a prefix on their original name.
When it came to defense, I spared no expense. Every redundancy I thought of - fire, EMP, etc. was installed.
Now, all I had to do was start up the fabricators to produce the animatronic army. With the press of a button, the first War Freddy was made. Then, a War Bonnie, a War Chica, and finally, a War Foxy. The conveyor belt then kicked in, moving them into a designated storage area.
My shit-eating grin reached new heights at that moment.
"Nilbog watching a purple pickup truck deploy a top-hat wearing cartoon bear," I said to no one in particular. I was going to make those words a reality in the near future.
Another reminder of the list then struck me: start shitposting memes from a decade in the future on PHO. The humour of 2011 was not equipped for the humour of 2022.
A large amount of trolling indeed.
After seeing the fabricators work for a minute or two, I walked out of the room, content to let them do their job. The next order of business was getting our cape costumes done, and for that I needed Anthony's input to make Giga's.
Walking up the stairs back to the atrium, I found Anthony hanging a large oil painting of face swapped Mike Wazowski on the wall. Both hallways and the atrium both appeared to be fully furnished.
"Last one?"
"Obviously, if you took a look at the other side. Except the NFT room, but that's not exactly our priority list right now."
Within the hallway, I glanced at several paintings and sculptures, sweeping my eyes. Big Chungus, Ugandan Knuckles, and Robbie Rotten were just a few of the pieces of art I saw. On the end of the opposite hallway, I could see a moai.
Then, I explained the original reason why I was here. "Welp, now that you've finished your stuff and I've finished setting up the animatronic army, we need to get the finer details of our costumes done. Follow me." A simple nod from Anthony was all that I needed as confirmation.
Using my memory from excavating and constructing the base, we backtracked our way to a lounge that was probably oversized, given the current base's occupancy rate. Choosing a random couch, the two of us sat down.
It was time to get to work on designing our costumes and personal weaponry.
"First of all," I said, "we know our cape names already: Sigma for myself, and Giga for you. No need to explain the origins."
"If anyone could figure out the true meanings, I'd be surprised." This time, I nodded in response.
"Now, onto our costumes…"
15 MINUTES LATER
"Coffin dancer?" he suggested.
"Coffin dancer it is," I replied. The two of us would have a common theme in our main clothing: a suit and tie for me, and a tuxedo for Anthony. "Tuxedos and suits are both formal wear."
"I guess we've found a solution, then. One more thing though," he said, which caught my attention.
"What?"
"It'd be better if I was wearing something that covers more of my eyes than sunglasses. Something along the lines of Snake eyes."
"Snake Eyes? What's- oh wait, it's the Roblox item," I realized.
"Yep."
"Now for the shoes. Maybe those Drip sneakers?" he asked.
"As in Among Us drip?"
"Yep, again."
This time, I hummed the first few notes Among Us trap remix upon hearing those words. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding.
"Back to the point now - We've gotten the issue of our appearances sorted out, now it's just a matter of weapons and powers, especially creating one with your charges. Got any ideas?"
Unfortunately, Anthony didn't have any suggestions right now. "Uhhhh, dunno about that."
More brainstorming to do, then. Get the issue of what our (main) powers should be, do some research on the Toronto cape status quo, and soon, make our debuts.
The villains of Toronto would be in for a rude awakening soon.
AN: I finally finished this chapter after enough free time. But that's not the main point. What, is however, is that every few chapters I'll update the powerset list of Sigma and Giga, just to keep readers informed. They're right below this sentence.
Current permanent powerset of Sigma:
- Tighten (Alexandria package + secondary powers)
- Bet Internet Access using brain (displayed as a HUD, limited to web browser
- "Tinker" Specialties: "Anything Goes" Meme vehicles, "Anything Goes" FNAF animatronics
- Über: Driving, Flying
- Terrakinesis
- Aero/kinesis
Current powerset of Giga:
- Tighten
- Bet Internet Access
- Terrakinesis
- Ferrokinesis (yes I know it technically means iron)
- Über: Painting
- Tinker Specialty: Energy shields (Equivalent to 4-5 charges Inspired Inventor, given by Sigma)
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I love this
I just thought of something as a gag. Someone on PHO insults one of the two, then "Nice argument, unfortunatley 124.132.39.273" Dox Clockblocker, no balls.
3. Preparations (II)
It might have been more than 2 months, but here's a new chapter! Less action for now.
Eventually, we reached a consensus to limit our visible powers, and mostly rely on our equipment, disguising us as tinkers at first. We'd reveal our true powers eventually, but that time was definitely not now.
With that issue out of the way, we moved onto the equipment itself. Currently, the two of us were debating what our primary weapons should be.
"-and I was about to say the Infinity Gauntlet, but I feel like it's too overpowered for the moment. To be honest, entertainment is a greater priority for us than survival."
"Killer Bean's M1911s? Great movie, great design," suggested Anthony.
I made a counter-suggestion in response. "What about Megamind's dehydration gun? I hate to admit it, but we need a non-lethal option if we don't want to get heavily scrutinized by the PRT."
"Why not take both and combine the appearance of one with the function of the other then? Kinda obvious there."
It was a facepalm moment for me. Of course! The CYOA powers are Bullshit with a capital B! Nothing to do with the long-running Clockblocker meme, though. Actually, wasn't it discredited? Tv Tropes said so. I briefly considered further thought, but decided against it as there were more pressing matters at hand.
"Didn't think of that, but now that you've said it, it seems like the best solution. Jailbroken Chevalier power go brrrrrr," I then said.
Without much effort, I consciously dismissed all of the temporary powers I had, and reassigned the "Keep summoned powers permanent power" to slot 1. Was it unnecessary? Probably, but I always preferred organization even as a young child. Then, I brought up a power similar to Chevalier's. Instead of combining attributes, it instead combined the appearance of one object with the function of another, if they were vaguely similar in function, and the technology to make it work would be shifted to fit the frame.
"So, that's one weapon ticked off. What about you, William?" asked Anthony. "Are there any other meme weapons out there?"
I tried to run a mental search for anything resembling a gun that was in or part of a meme.
Hmmm, anything? Wait a second - Airpod shotty!
"Airpod shotty!" I exclaimed with glee. "Double Barrel Apple shotgun!" "I could make different airpods serve different functions, and swapping the ammo would change the weapon's function!"
Well, that solved the matter of weapons for now. We just have to find a way to maintain our tinker power disguise, such as flying.
"Oh yeah, and one final addition to our outfits: jetpacks. Specifically, the Club Penguin Jetpack," I then said.
"Aren't there better options?" said Anthony.
The thought then brought the conversation (somewhat) off-topic. "Speaking of Club Penguin, it actually should be still around on Aleph. I really want to go on a nostalgia trip in the future."
Anthony contributed his two cents to the conversation. "Wait, doesn't that mean 2011 ROBLOX is still around too? I didn't play it in that era, but given what veterans say I want to now."
"Agreed."
Then, another minor bruh moment happened.
"I did NOT think this through as much as I should've," I then said.
"What?" he questioned, with a puzzled look on his face.
"Durability. I thought of using the Club Penguin jetpack to disguise our powers of flight - Great, nevermind." Another realization. "We can just use our costumes as the reason. Pretend they're reinforced or something. Again, the PRT may be having a headache trying to figure out what our specialties are, but we can hopefully stall for long enough before revealing our actual powers."
"Sounds doable. Anything else or we good to go?"
Anthony then came up with something I missed. "Uh, - we still have to figure out a name for our base. Other than that though, we should be fine."
An idea instantly formed in my head upon hearing the first words. Welp, here goes. "Dumb idea, but what about Area 69?"
"What are we referencing he- oh wait, the Storm Area 51 meme that happened back in September 2019," he finished.
"That's all?" I confirmed.
"Think so. Alright, let's begin."
Now, it was time to actually create our cape appearances. Reaching out to Kaleidoscope, I wished for every item part of our costumes.
One second and a CRACK of air later (I really needed to see if I could disable that effect later), a large pile of clothing and other accessories appeared on the coffee table in front of us. I grabbed the Trollface mask, suit and tie, and drip sneakers that read "DEAD BODY REPORTED". Anthony picked up the sneakers that read "EMERGENCY MEETING", the Snake Eyes visor, and the tuxedo.
"Well, head to one of the guest rooms and get changed. Meet back here as soon as you can," I instructed, before heading to one of the rooms.
After less than 3 minutes, me, now wearing a respectable suit, walked out. It took me about 2 minutes to head back to the lounge. Coincidentally, the moment I entered, so did Anthony.
"Oh, hey there. Kinda a coincidence with the timing. Anyways, I'll summon a mirror and some other stuff like a camera and a backdrop, so we can do Gigachad-esque images for our PHO profile pics," I greeted.
"Got it. By the way, nice drip."
"You too," I replied, before lifting on the trollface mask. Now, time to do some testing. What do I need?
First, a mirror.
Second, a backdrop.
Third, a tripod-mounted professional camera.
Fourth, some photography lighting.
Huh, less than I thought I needed. A (completely unnecessary) sweeping motion of the arm made the items appear.
"No crack of air this time," Anthony commented. "I'd probably start to get annoyed if it went on for longer."
"Well, you won't anymore, since I've figured out how to muffle the displacement of air." Literally just a subconscious thought was all that I needed, but he probably already knew that.
The first thing to test was the trollface mask. I set up the mirror, and changed my expression to "sad", which was interpreted as the "sad troll" expression by the mirror.
A facial expression which was the closest I could get to the "Sus Jerma" face produced the "trollge" expression.
A few more faces, and I was done with goofing off. Time to make those Gigachad pictures of us. Set up the backdrop, adjust the camera settings, and position the lighting, I reminded myself.
It was relatively simple setting things up with a general purpose telekinesis power, and before long, I timed the camera to take photos with a black-and-white filter and in intervals.
I hit the button on the camera, quickly rushed to the backdrop, and struck a Gigachad pose.
SNAP
I struck another pose, and waited for the timer to count down.
SNAP
Yet another Gigachad pose.
SNAP
And another pose - this one being the close-up facial one I would use as my PHO profile pic.
SNAP
...
SNAP
...
SNAP
...
I walked back to the camera and shut it off, before lifting up my mask. Hopefully that's all the pictures I need to make an "Average Enjoyer" meme.
"DONE!" I shouted to Anthony. "Are you gonna do the same?"
"The Gigachad posing? Nah, I'd rather make my profile pic something like a random cursed image," which I simply shrugged in response.
"Fair enough, everybody has their own tastes," was my verbal reply.
"Well, now that we got that out of the way, I think it's time to make our weapons," Anthony suggested.
"To the armory we go then!" I yelled before leading the way.
Many corridors later, we were in the armory, which was currently empty. Racks and shelves stood, awaiting weapons to be stored. The two of us were standing next to a long table.
"Welp, here goes." Focusing with the kaleidoscope, I reached out to the locations of the items and opened portals so they would fall onto the table.
NINJAGO WORLD
The golden weapons were currently hidden, waiting to be claimed one day.
However, that would no longer be the case, as four portals suddenly opened. Each one was next to the location of a weapon. The force of the portals pulled each one into them. Then, they closed.
The Sword of Fire, the Nunchucks of Lightning, the Shurikens of Ice, and the Scythe of Quakes were now in places unknown, and their fates uncertain.
AREA 69, EARTH BET
I was currently maintaining the concentration needed to bring the Golden Weapons to Earth Bet. As soon as I saw the Shurikens of Ice clattering on the table, I knew I was successful.
The other weapons exited the portal a few seconds later, which I then shut off once all of them arrived.
"Which ones are you gonna use?" asked Anthony.
"All of them at once."
"But wouldn't that be-" he questioned, before coming to a realization. "Lemme guess: the Mega Weapon used by Lord Garmadon?"
"Correct," I replied with a smirk. "But unlike him, I can Create AND Destroy. Kaleidoscope is more broad and practical, but this looks cooler."
"Understandable I guess. Now that you've summoned the Golden Weapons, could you make the Dehydration M1911's for me?"
Obviously, I obliged. "I'd be a dumbass if I said no. Two Dehydration Guns and M1911's, coming right up!"
MEGAMIND'S LAIR, METRO CITY
The lair was empty, as Megamind and Minion were conducting one of their takeover plans.
If they were present, they would have noticed a portal suddenly opened beneath a crate containing two spare dehydration guns.
The portal sucked in the crate, and then closed. It would take a few hours before the two returned, and even longer to notice the discrepancy.
When they checked the last known position, they found a note:
Dear Megamind and Minion,
You have probably noticed the missing Dehydration guns.
Yes, we did take them. How? Interdimensional portals. Why? Long story, but it involves a Golden Space Whale we have to kill. As compensation, here's a large sum of neatly-wrapped cash. I'm sure you'll find a use for it.
Sincerely, Sigma and Giga
In the end, they decided to store the bundle of cash as part of their souvenirs.
KILLER BEAN WORLD
While Killer Bean was asleep, a portal silently opened beneath the M1911s, which were under his pillow.
They fell in, before the portal closed. The entire interaction had taken less than 3 seconds.
Needless to say, when he woke up, he was pissed, but at least he had a note as consolation, however small it may be.
BACK IN AREA 69, EARTH BET
"Alright, and that's the Dehydration M1911s done. Now, we just need the Club Penguin jetpacks and we can make our debut. We'll need cream soda and hot sauce to power them," I explained. "Which I'm gonna summon all 3 right now."
And just like that, several bottles of cream soda and hot sauce appeared on the table. For the jetpacks, they made a slight clatter before coming to rest.
Upon inspection, though, it was clear they were penguin-sized, not human-sized. An Eidolon slot fixed that problem. Earlier, this scenario also happened with the M1911's: they were literally coffee bean scale, but scaling them up did not cause any problems.
"That's all, William?" queried Anthony, to which I nodded a yes.
"Equipment prep may be done, but we still need to do some research on the villains of Toronto before we make our debuts." I had no idea what to expect, since Wildbow never went into detail on the capes of Toronto. Except for Saint, Narwhal, and Dragon, but those 3 were the major exceptions.
This time, the walk was shorter, since the armory and command centre were in the same region of the base.
Once Anthony and I were there, the two of us sat down. I booted up an internet access console, bringing the holographic screen to life.
"Runs on Windows 10. To any resident of Bet, they'll have no idea what this is," I stated.
The first step in information gathering was simply googling "Toronto" on the PHO wiki. After that, it was simply a matter of reading each wiki page.
Time to get read'in.
1 HOUR LATER
After finishing reading the entire PHO wiki section on Toronto's parahumans, we moved to other sources, from forum posts to news articles.
Right now, we were deciding where to strike first.
"So our first target is gonna be the Family Compact?"
"Don't want to go after Saint first, and they're essentially the British aristocrat version of the E88. And as we both know, racism bad."
"Family Compact it is. Now it's just a matter of where."
"It stated they probably operate out of the Financial District in downtown Toronto, so that's where we should look. Something along the lines of a private rally or something," suggested me.
"Well, that settles it. We'll grab our gear and take Thanos Car downtown the normal way. I kinda want to see how Bet differentiates from our world in terms of infrastructure."
"Alright then, let's get going."
"Alright."
Both of us headed back to the armory, to arm ourselves.
When we got there, we fueled the jetpacks. Then, we walked to the garage, got into Thanos Car, took an elevator ride to the surface and armed the security system (you can never be too safe, especially on Earth Bet). Finally, we exited onto the regional road, with a burnout.
Destination? Financial District.
Purpose? A little bit of trolling.
Eventually, we reached a consensus to limit our visible powers, and mostly rely on our equipment, disguising us as tinkers at first. We'd reveal our true powers eventually, but that time was definitely not now.
With that issue out of the way, we moved onto the equipment itself. Currently, the two of us were debating what our primary weapons should be.
"-and I was about to say the Infinity Gauntlet, but I feel like it's too overpowered for the moment. To be honest, entertainment is a greater priority for us than survival."
"Killer Bean's M1911s? Great movie, great design," suggested Anthony.
I made a counter-suggestion in response. "What about Megamind's dehydration gun? I hate to admit it, but we need a non-lethal option if we don't want to get heavily scrutinized by the PRT."
"Why not take both and combine the appearance of one with the function of the other then? Kinda obvious there."
It was a facepalm moment for me. Of course! The CYOA powers are Bullshit with a capital B! Nothing to do with the long-running Clockblocker meme, though. Actually, wasn't it discredited? Tv Tropes said so. I briefly considered further thought, but decided against it as there were more pressing matters at hand.
"Didn't think of that, but now that you've said it, it seems like the best solution. Jailbroken Chevalier power go brrrrrr," I then said.
Without much effort, I consciously dismissed all of the temporary powers I had, and reassigned the "Keep summoned powers permanent power" to slot 1. Was it unnecessary? Probably, but I always preferred organization even as a young child. Then, I brought up a power similar to Chevalier's. Instead of combining attributes, it instead combined the appearance of one object with the function of another, if they were vaguely similar in function, and the technology to make it work would be shifted to fit the frame.
"So, that's one weapon ticked off. What about you, William?" asked Anthony. "Are there any other meme weapons out there?"
I tried to run a mental search for anything resembling a gun that was in or part of a meme.
Hmmm, anything? Wait a second - Airpod shotty!
"Airpod shotty!" I exclaimed with glee. "Double Barrel Apple shotgun!" "I could make different airpods serve different functions, and swapping the ammo would change the weapon's function!"
Well, that solved the matter of weapons for now. We just have to find a way to maintain our tinker power disguise, such as flying.
"Oh yeah, and one final addition to our outfits: jetpacks. Specifically, the Club Penguin Jetpack," I then said.
"Aren't there better options?" said Anthony.
The thought then brought the conversation (somewhat) off-topic. "Speaking of Club Penguin, it actually should be still around on Aleph. I really want to go on a nostalgia trip in the future."
Anthony contributed his two cents to the conversation. "Wait, doesn't that mean 2011 ROBLOX is still around too? I didn't play it in that era, but given what veterans say I want to now."
"Agreed."
Then, another minor bruh moment happened.
"I did NOT think this through as much as I should've," I then said.
"What?" he questioned, with a puzzled look on his face.
"Durability. I thought of using the Club Penguin jetpack to disguise our powers of flight - Great, nevermind." Another realization. "We can just use our costumes as the reason. Pretend they're reinforced or something. Again, the PRT may be having a headache trying to figure out what our specialties are, but we can hopefully stall for long enough before revealing our actual powers."
"Sounds doable. Anything else or we good to go?"
Anthony then came up with something I missed. "Uh, - we still have to figure out a name for our base. Other than that though, we should be fine."
An idea instantly formed in my head upon hearing the first words. Welp, here goes. "Dumb idea, but what about Area 69?"
"What are we referencing he- oh wait, the Storm Area 51 meme that happened back in September 2019," he finished.
"That's all?" I confirmed.
"Think so. Alright, let's begin."
Now, it was time to actually create our cape appearances. Reaching out to Kaleidoscope, I wished for every item part of our costumes.
One second and a CRACK of air later (I really needed to see if I could disable that effect later), a large pile of clothing and other accessories appeared on the coffee table in front of us. I grabbed the Trollface mask, suit and tie, and drip sneakers that read "DEAD BODY REPORTED". Anthony picked up the sneakers that read "EMERGENCY MEETING", the Snake Eyes visor, and the tuxedo.
"Well, head to one of the guest rooms and get changed. Meet back here as soon as you can," I instructed, before heading to one of the rooms.
After less than 3 minutes, me, now wearing a respectable suit, walked out. It took me about 2 minutes to head back to the lounge. Coincidentally, the moment I entered, so did Anthony.
"Oh, hey there. Kinda a coincidence with the timing. Anyways, I'll summon a mirror and some other stuff like a camera and a backdrop, so we can do Gigachad-esque images for our PHO profile pics," I greeted.
"Got it. By the way, nice drip."
"You too," I replied, before lifting on the trollface mask. Now, time to do some testing. What do I need?
First, a mirror.
Second, a backdrop.
Third, a tripod-mounted professional camera.
Fourth, some photography lighting.
Huh, less than I thought I needed. A (completely unnecessary) sweeping motion of the arm made the items appear.
"No crack of air this time," Anthony commented. "I'd probably start to get annoyed if it went on for longer."
"Well, you won't anymore, since I've figured out how to muffle the displacement of air." Literally just a subconscious thought was all that I needed, but he probably already knew that.
The first thing to test was the trollface mask. I set up the mirror, and changed my expression to "sad", which was interpreted as the "sad troll" expression by the mirror.
A facial expression which was the closest I could get to the "Sus Jerma" face produced the "trollge" expression.
A few more faces, and I was done with goofing off. Time to make those Gigachad pictures of us. Set up the backdrop, adjust the camera settings, and position the lighting, I reminded myself.
It was relatively simple setting things up with a general purpose telekinesis power, and before long, I timed the camera to take photos with a black-and-white filter and in intervals.
I hit the button on the camera, quickly rushed to the backdrop, and struck a Gigachad pose.
SNAP
I struck another pose, and waited for the timer to count down.
SNAP
Yet another Gigachad pose.
SNAP
And another pose - this one being the close-up facial one I would use as my PHO profile pic.
SNAP
...
SNAP
...
SNAP
...
I walked back to the camera and shut it off, before lifting up my mask. Hopefully that's all the pictures I need to make an "Average Enjoyer" meme.
"DONE!" I shouted to Anthony. "Are you gonna do the same?"
"The Gigachad posing? Nah, I'd rather make my profile pic something like a random cursed image," which I simply shrugged in response.
"Fair enough, everybody has their own tastes," was my verbal reply.
"Well, now that we got that out of the way, I think it's time to make our weapons," Anthony suggested.
"To the armory we go then!" I yelled before leading the way.
Many corridors later, we were in the armory, which was currently empty. Racks and shelves stood, awaiting weapons to be stored. The two of us were standing next to a long table.
"Welp, here goes." Focusing with the kaleidoscope, I reached out to the locations of the items and opened portals so they would fall onto the table.
NINJAGO WORLD
The golden weapons were currently hidden, waiting to be claimed one day.
However, that would no longer be the case, as four portals suddenly opened. Each one was next to the location of a weapon. The force of the portals pulled each one into them. Then, they closed.
The Sword of Fire, the Nunchucks of Lightning, the Shurikens of Ice, and the Scythe of Quakes were now in places unknown, and their fates uncertain.
AREA 69, EARTH BET
I was currently maintaining the concentration needed to bring the Golden Weapons to Earth Bet. As soon as I saw the Shurikens of Ice clattering on the table, I knew I was successful.
The other weapons exited the portal a few seconds later, which I then shut off once all of them arrived.
"Which ones are you gonna use?" asked Anthony.
"All of them at once."
"But wouldn't that be-" he questioned, before coming to a realization. "Lemme guess: the Mega Weapon used by Lord Garmadon?"
"Correct," I replied with a smirk. "But unlike him, I can Create AND Destroy. Kaleidoscope is more broad and practical, but this looks cooler."
"Understandable I guess. Now that you've summoned the Golden Weapons, could you make the Dehydration M1911's for me?"
Obviously, I obliged. "I'd be a dumbass if I said no. Two Dehydration Guns and M1911's, coming right up!"
MEGAMIND'S LAIR, METRO CITY
The lair was empty, as Megamind and Minion were conducting one of their takeover plans.
If they were present, they would have noticed a portal suddenly opened beneath a crate containing two spare dehydration guns.
The portal sucked in the crate, and then closed. It would take a few hours before the two returned, and even longer to notice the discrepancy.
When they checked the last known position, they found a note:
Dear Megamind and Minion,
You have probably noticed the missing Dehydration guns.
Yes, we did take them. How? Interdimensional portals. Why? Long story, but it involves a Golden Space Whale we have to kill. As compensation, here's a large sum of neatly-wrapped cash. I'm sure you'll find a use for it.
Sincerely, Sigma and Giga
In the end, they decided to store the bundle of cash as part of their souvenirs.
KILLER BEAN WORLD
While Killer Bean was asleep, a portal silently opened beneath the M1911s, which were under his pillow.
They fell in, before the portal closed. The entire interaction had taken less than 3 seconds.
Needless to say, when he woke up, he was pissed, but at least he had a note as consolation, however small it may be.
BACK IN AREA 69, EARTH BET
"Alright, and that's the Dehydration M1911s done. Now, we just need the Club Penguin jetpacks and we can make our debut. We'll need cream soda and hot sauce to power them," I explained. "Which I'm gonna summon all 3 right now."
And just like that, several bottles of cream soda and hot sauce appeared on the table. For the jetpacks, they made a slight clatter before coming to rest.
Upon inspection, though, it was clear they were penguin-sized, not human-sized. An Eidolon slot fixed that problem. Earlier, this scenario also happened with the M1911's: they were literally coffee bean scale, but scaling them up did not cause any problems.
"That's all, William?" queried Anthony, to which I nodded a yes.
"Equipment prep may be done, but we still need to do some research on the villains of Toronto before we make our debuts." I had no idea what to expect, since Wildbow never went into detail on the capes of Toronto. Except for Saint, Narwhal, and Dragon, but those 3 were the major exceptions.
This time, the walk was shorter, since the armory and command centre were in the same region of the base.
Once Anthony and I were there, the two of us sat down. I booted up an internet access console, bringing the holographic screen to life.
"Runs on Windows 10. To any resident of Bet, they'll have no idea what this is," I stated.
The first step in information gathering was simply googling "Toronto" on the PHO wiki. After that, it was simply a matter of reading each wiki page.
Time to get read'in.
1 HOUR LATER
After finishing reading the entire PHO wiki section on Toronto's parahumans, we moved to other sources, from forum posts to news articles.
Right now, we were deciding where to strike first.
"So our first target is gonna be the Family Compact?"
"Don't want to go after Saint first, and they're essentially the British aristocrat version of the E88. And as we both know, racism bad."
"Family Compact it is. Now it's just a matter of where."
"It stated they probably operate out of the Financial District in downtown Toronto, so that's where we should look. Something along the lines of a private rally or something," suggested me.
"Well, that settles it. We'll grab our gear and take Thanos Car downtown the normal way. I kinda want to see how Bet differentiates from our world in terms of infrastructure."
"Alright then, let's get going."
"Alright."
Both of us headed back to the armory, to arm ourselves.
When we got there, we fueled the jetpacks. Then, we walked to the garage, got into Thanos Car, took an elevator ride to the surface and armed the security system (you can never be too safe, especially on Earth Bet). Finally, we exited onto the regional road, with a burnout.
Destination? Financial District.
Purpose? A little bit of trolling.
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You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to the PHO interludes.
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
So when are they going to go full Revengeance on Jack Slash and quote Monsoon's speech? That would be epic.
Eventually. Expect a few more MGR memes in the story at certain points, too.
CubicAppalac
Why hello there, sit by the fire and join me.
- Location
- United States, Appalachia
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Nice, can't wait for more.
pingas plight
-Most cunning scientific fuck-up in all of Mobius
A suggestion for potential meme inspiration?
When the graveyard is just right, allowing the King of Skull Servants to become big numbers.
When the graveyard is just right, allowing the King of Skull Servants to become big numbers.
pingas plight
-Most cunning scientific fuck-up in all of Mobius
Oh fuck you I just got back from a vacation where I forgor to bring my computer chargers and, on rereading, am curious about the fates of the worlds they yoinked shit from.
Please OP let us have omakes describing them.
Please OP let us have omakes describing them.
4. A Downtown Trip
It may have been months after the previous one, but I finally bothered finishing the next chapter. This fic isn't dead by any means yet.
I turned on the truck's internal speaker system and set it to the meme playlist, more than half of which was filled with music from the future. To my delight, the first song was the Better Call Saul theme, which I hummed in tandem with the beat.
The moment we started driving, we noticed a few differences. For example (and obviously), the nearby subdivisions were also untouched forest and farmland.
The first new difference we noticed was what would've been a Costco on Earth Prime. Here, it was still undeveloped farmland.
The second difference was the infrastructure along the 400. No widening had occurred in this timeline, leaving the state of the road similar to the one in Prime about 30 years ago.
Along the way, both Anthony and I pointed out differences to each other. The lack of a certain building there, a structural difference here. This went on for most of the drive.
However, when we were driving on the Don Valley parkway (which hadn't changed much) and nearing downtown, the biggest difference became clear:
THE SKYLINE.
Back on Earth Prime, Toronto's skyline was dominated with condos and other skyscrapers. Here? Barely a residential high-rise in sight. The CN Tower dominated the skyline even more, and the difference was jarring.
I made a comment about this to Anthony. "Bruh. No condos whatsoever."
He remarked in kind. "Yeah, REALLY noticeable. I do wonder what the housing situation is here, though."
"Dunno. But there's a lack of suburbs compared to Earth Prime."
"That part's true. So where are we heading? You got a mental GPS running right now?"
An answer formed quickly. "Nope. But you know where City Hall is, correct?"
"Yeah, roughly."
"Well, that's where we're parking this truck... and we're approaching the Gardiner. Gotta take the Eastern Avenue offramp," I explained.
Sure enough, the exit was where I expected it to be: the same location as on Earth Prime. The rest of the route was easy to follow: take a right turn as soon as the exit ends, left turn onto Queen street, and follow the road until City Hall appears.
Driving through the neighbourhood of Moss Park, I saw a building that would've been Kim's Convenience, the store featured in the sitcom of the same name, on Earth Prime.
On Earth Bet, though, it was different, drawing a sneer from me. I pointed out this detail to Anthony.
"Hey. See that building ahead? You've heard of Kim's Convenience, right?"
"Sitcom about a Korean family and a store, right? Last time I watched it was something like 3 years ago, though."
"Yeah, that sums it up," I acknowledged. "Still remember the nights sitting in front of the TV when I had nothing else to do and finding out it was airing. But nostalgia isn't the main point," I spoke, quickly shifting the topic.
I pointed out the dingy building as we drove past it. "It's a payday loan office on this Earth. A fucking payday loan office." Considering the crime world of Earth Bet's Toronto, the loan shop being a front business for one of the gangs was not unlikely, which I explained to Anthony.
He noted it, and I returned to focusing on the road. The rest of the short drive was uneventful, apart from the differences in the urban landscape, like the pedestrian bridge from the Hudson's Bay store to the Eaton Centre.
And sure enough, the parking garage entrance was in the same place as on Earth Prime, which made me thankful we didn't have to do some extra searching. We paid the parking fee at the gate, found a vacant parking spot, and dismounted Thanos Car. The jetpacks were left behind in the car, as Anthony and I decided today's mission for now wouldn't require them.
Walking up the stairwell, we emerged into the Nathan Phillips Square of Earth Bet's Toronto. I (and Anthony as well) immediately noticed the lack of the "TORONTO" sign.
"Hey William, I know this is an alternate Earth, but why is the big sign with the medicine wheel and stuff missing?" my partner questioned.
"It's still 2011."
"Huh?"
"The original sign was installed in 2015 for the Pan Am Games and was supposed to be temporary. The leaf and medicine wheel came later, and the entire sign was replaced in 2020. I'm really knowledgeable about certain obscure topics," I explained to him. "Anyway, let's start walking to the financial district."
Being on an April morning, none of the other pedestrians would think two teenagers were up to questionable purposes, nor would they know they were in the presence of two of the most powerful beings on the entire planet.
As we exited the square, a CLRV streetcar passed us, bells chiming. I still remembered their retirement back on Prime, and retained a sense of nostalgia for them, which was why I stared at the streetcar until it left my sight. An earlier internet search back at Area 69 revealed a replacement for them had only just begun discussion. Once again, why parahumans have been a disaster for society.
Anthony and I walked at a moderately fast pace west along Queen street, until University Avenue, when we crossed the intersection. The street scene was similar to Earth Prime's Toronto, which included lines of food trucks along the street selling their grub, a homeless person panhandling, and pedestrians going about their day. Some things never change.
As the two of us continued walking south, I decided to look at where exactly our destination would be. I opened a map tab mentally, and began searching for a potential location connected to the Compact in some way.
There was just one problem, though: apart from the rough location (which we already were at), I had no idea where to even begin.
Obviously, the financial district had A LOT of corporate buildings. Finding out which ones were tied to the Family Compact was going to be a tedious task.
But there was no crying over spilled milk - if we were going to get anywhere in taking down the organized crime of Toronto, it was going to start with that. So, I took a left turn upon reaching King Street, headed straight towards First Canadian Place, the first place I thought of, much like the name, with Anthony following in tow.
"..And here we are," I said after noticing the shadow looming over us two.
In my mind, when asked about any building that fit the definition of "Generic Skyscraper," First Canadian Place was the first thing that came to mind. A white, rectangular skyscraper with absolutely no features that enhanced its appearance.
Well, time to see if this yields us any information. But before we could attempt an interrogation, we needed to change our appearances.
I whispered to Anthony. "Alright, so before we can ruin someone's day, we need to change into our cape appearances. Just follow me." In reply, he gave a nod.
We confidently walked through one of the revolving doors and into the lobby, bound for a place no one would notice our change.
A minute later, Anthony and William were now Giga and Sigma.
The two of us walked out of the washroom.
Giga sighted the front desk and was about to make a beeline, but I put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from doing so.
"I'll disable the security cameras. Give me one of the pistols," which he did. Once he had handed one to me, I adjusted the dial to "DISABLE", and took aim at the cameras.
A EMP in beam form shot out, putting the camera offline. Thankfully, there were no sparks or anything else that would have drawn the attention of someone. I shot again at the other camera.
"All clear. Let's go." Giga resumed walking, and I followed, while giving the pistol back.
Once we got there, the receptionist noticed us.
"What can I help you with… are you two capes?"
I smiled, which turned the trollface mask's expression into the classic troll, and initiated an attempt at interrogation.
"Good day, sir. We are looking for locations and events connected to the Family Compact, such as safehouses or rallies. Would you happen to have information regarding those subjects? And yes, we are capes. Sigma and Giga," I said, pointing at myself then Anthony.
I foresaw this already, and had planned for it, but the answer was a no.
Obviously, I escalated. "You're bullshitting and you know it. The Financial District is Compact territory, and it has connections to several of the banks here. We WILL get information. Whether you want to make it easier for both you and me is up to you. So, how bout you tell us now?"
Unfortunately, the receptionist was still being stubborn. "You think you two unknowns can just waltz in here and demand information?" he borderline shouted. Very poor choice of words. "I'm-"
"YES." said Giga and I sternly at the same time. We seemed to be thinking the same, as both of us drew our concealed weapons: Killer Bean's M1911s and the Airpod Shotty. With a whipping motion, the two halves of the shotgun snapped in place.
I wasn't gonna go as far as killing him, but the threat would hopefully be enough.
"What about now? Got any info?"
Luckily for us, being held at gunpoint got him to start talking. Turns out he was a member, but whether we had gotten lucky or not was uncertain.
"Alright, Alright! I don't know a lot about it, but there's a party in the Port Lands that's happening this afternoon. All I know is that it's at 5, and at least two of the Compact's capes will be attending. That's all I know, now please lower the weapons!"
It was enough information to start planning the party crash, so I obliged and lowered my gun. Giga did the same.
"Fine." said Giga slightly angrily. "But if you bring up this incident with the PRT or attempt to in any way or form, you WILL go mysteriously missing."
"We'll be going now," I interrupted. "But keep what you just heard in mind." We walked back to the washroom, to change back into civilian wear.
The two of us exited First Canadian Place through the revolving doors. With that, our first appearances as capes was completed. "Formally dressed teenagers" would be the first thing someone would think of if they saw us now, not "Cape".
Now that we had enough information to do our first major op, we decided to spend the rest of the day gathering what other info we could. So, we agreed the next location we should visit would be the combined Protectorate/PRT North-East HQ, which was located south of the Rogers Centre.
Or the SkyDome, as they still call it in this timeline. I'm probably gonna get confused looks if I ever said "Rogers Centre."
We set off on a walk, on Bay Street.
Going above the Union Station rail corridor..
Strolling by what would've been Scotiabank Arena on Earth Prime, but a mail handling facility here..
Passing underneath the Gardiner..
And turning right onto Queens Quay.
A 15 minute walk later, we could clearly see the combined HQ of the PRT and Protectorate.
While the Rig in Brockton Bay would've taken the award for looking the most aesthetically pleasing, the combined HQ in Toronto had its own feel, in a neo-futurism style. It basically was a stereotypical science fiction building.
Also, it was another structure that didn't exist on Earth Prime.
I briefly considered what to do next: Walk in and register as a cape, or head somewhere else and wait until we disrupted a villain's plans before registering?
"Hey. Should we walk in or hold off until our first act of trolling is complete?" After being at an impasse, I decided to ask Giga for advice.
"Wait until complete. More shock and awe if we do that," he replied. "So, what now? Head back to Thanos Car?"
"Yep."
"Walk- wait no I keep forgetting we have powers now, so teleportation?"
"Yes. We just gotta find an alley or somewhere no one's gonna see. Two teenagers disappearing into thin air just screams cape, obviously."
Backtracking our way to City Hall, we found a relatively unassuming one and ducked in from the street. This time though, I decided a generic portal design was too bland-looking. So, I decided what form they should take. Minecraft Nether portal? ROBLOX spawn pads? Or something else?
Then, I had a definite idea, inspired by the "ENGINEER GAMING" meme: the teleporters from Team Fortress 2!
With a simple thought, a blue one appeared on the ground in front of us two. They started assembling themselves, but much faster than in-game. 5 seconds later, the bar started spinning and producing an aura, meaning they were ready.
"Decided to add a cosmetic effect to them. Our theme is internet memes, so they're a reference to Engineer Gaming. Now, uhh, we head back."
Stepping onto the teleporter, I experienced its distinctive flash. Now, I was back in the parking garage. As a safety measure against telefragging, a second exit opened next to mine, and Anthony stepped out.
The teleporter exits then disassembled themselves, before disappearing into thin air with a poof.
"Any ideas to kill some time?" I asked Anthony, while we climbed into the truck seats. "We got a while before the party we crash is supposed to begin."
We then slammed the doors shut. "Movies?" he said.
"Sure, the center console in Thanos Car has that capability. Which one tho?"
"Morbius?" Anthony suggested. "I mean, according to the reviews from Earth Prime it's trash, but I'd like to see just how much. It was the first movie to make over a morbillion, though."
"It's Morbin' Time." "Hopefully he doesn't says the line in the film itself. Take the car via teleporting back to base, pirate it, then watch it?"
"Sounds like a plan to me."
Welp, here goes, I said to myself.
2 HOURS AND 10 MINUTES LATER
After confirming the security cameras were disabled and no one was present, I drove the car towards a more dimly lit location, before commanding a teleporter to appear beneath us, taking us back to Area 69.
From there, we headed back to the command centre of the base, and in just a few minutes, Morbius was ready for us to view. We had seen the memes about it, but wanted to see just how bad (or good) it actually was.
...
...Turns out the memes were ironic, Morbius was ass, and they didn't even say "It's Morbin time". Oh well, at least it's about time for tonight's highlight: The Family Compact party crashing!
Based on the information given to us earlier, the plan for this would not be complicated. Wait a while for the party to start. Announce our presence by ramming Thanos Car into the warehouse. Overpower and incapacitate the villains and other thugs present. Report it to the PRT. Overall, a boring, but practical plan. Now, it was time to figure out the specifics of such a mission.
"What memes should we reference?" I asked Anthony. "Free Bird solo or the John Cena intro when we make our entrance?"
"I would say the Free Bird solo, since if someone manages to get footage, we'll have a badass background track over us fighting, but the John Cena theme is more surprising. So, the latter."
"Welp, now we're gonna need to figure out how to hijack their speaker system or something so it plays the moment we enter," I elaborated. "But I think for the rest of our op, we're able to risk going in blind on the planning side due to our power levels. Also, we should probably get some of the war animatronics on standby, in case we face greater resistance than expected."
"Nothing wrong with that. Well then, we good to go now?"
"Yep, good to go. We'll drive to a hiding spot, then crash through one of the warehouse walls soon after it starts. The Family Compact is going to have a badddd evening."
We headed back to the garage, and Thanos Car, once again, and got in. An engine start and teleporter later, we were in a decrepit industrial parking lot, barren of vehicles.
The only thing left to do now? Mask up, and wait for the optimal time.
Right now, the party was going like the many others held before it. Flashing, multi-coloured lights contrasting with the rusting walls of the warehouse, obnoxiously loud music, and the like.
However, everyone in the warehouse became surprised when the background song cut out, leaving Dominion to head to the speaker and DJ stand to see what was the issue.
They were in for a rude awakening, because at that moment, at max volume, a single line was played.
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENAAAAAA
A purple pickup truck crashed through a wall. Its weapon bays opened and started firing, and the rave descended into chaos.
AN: I'd like to give a thanks to Tiersias and their long-abandoned fic High Walls and Vessels of War for providing the information regarding the capes of Toronto, including heroes and villains. It saved me a lot of brainstorming and pain, since I am terrible at coming up with original ideas.
I turned on the truck's internal speaker system and set it to the meme playlist, more than half of which was filled with music from the future. To my delight, the first song was the Better Call Saul theme, which I hummed in tandem with the beat.
The moment we started driving, we noticed a few differences. For example (and obviously), the nearby subdivisions were also untouched forest and farmland.
The first new difference we noticed was what would've been a Costco on Earth Prime. Here, it was still undeveloped farmland.
The second difference was the infrastructure along the 400. No widening had occurred in this timeline, leaving the state of the road similar to the one in Prime about 30 years ago.
Along the way, both Anthony and I pointed out differences to each other. The lack of a certain building there, a structural difference here. This went on for most of the drive.
However, when we were driving on the Don Valley parkway (which hadn't changed much) and nearing downtown, the biggest difference became clear:
THE SKYLINE.
Back on Earth Prime, Toronto's skyline was dominated with condos and other skyscrapers. Here? Barely a residential high-rise in sight. The CN Tower dominated the skyline even more, and the difference was jarring.
I made a comment about this to Anthony. "Bruh. No condos whatsoever."
He remarked in kind. "Yeah, REALLY noticeable. I do wonder what the housing situation is here, though."
"Dunno. But there's a lack of suburbs compared to Earth Prime."
"That part's true. So where are we heading? You got a mental GPS running right now?"
An answer formed quickly. "Nope. But you know where City Hall is, correct?"
"Yeah, roughly."
"Well, that's where we're parking this truck... and we're approaching the Gardiner. Gotta take the Eastern Avenue offramp," I explained.
Sure enough, the exit was where I expected it to be: the same location as on Earth Prime. The rest of the route was easy to follow: take a right turn as soon as the exit ends, left turn onto Queen street, and follow the road until City Hall appears.
Driving through the neighbourhood of Moss Park, I saw a building that would've been Kim's Convenience, the store featured in the sitcom of the same name, on Earth Prime.
On Earth Bet, though, it was different, drawing a sneer from me. I pointed out this detail to Anthony.
"Hey. See that building ahead? You've heard of Kim's Convenience, right?"
"Sitcom about a Korean family and a store, right? Last time I watched it was something like 3 years ago, though."
"Yeah, that sums it up," I acknowledged. "Still remember the nights sitting in front of the TV when I had nothing else to do and finding out it was airing. But nostalgia isn't the main point," I spoke, quickly shifting the topic.
I pointed out the dingy building as we drove past it. "It's a payday loan office on this Earth. A fucking payday loan office." Considering the crime world of Earth Bet's Toronto, the loan shop being a front business for one of the gangs was not unlikely, which I explained to Anthony.
He noted it, and I returned to focusing on the road. The rest of the short drive was uneventful, apart from the differences in the urban landscape, like the pedestrian bridge from the Hudson's Bay store to the Eaton Centre.
And sure enough, the parking garage entrance was in the same place as on Earth Prime, which made me thankful we didn't have to do some extra searching. We paid the parking fee at the gate, found a vacant parking spot, and dismounted Thanos Car. The jetpacks were left behind in the car, as Anthony and I decided today's mission for now wouldn't require them.
Walking up the stairwell, we emerged into the Nathan Phillips Square of Earth Bet's Toronto. I (and Anthony as well) immediately noticed the lack of the "TORONTO" sign.
"Hey William, I know this is an alternate Earth, but why is the big sign with the medicine wheel and stuff missing?" my partner questioned.
"It's still 2011."
"Huh?"
"The original sign was installed in 2015 for the Pan Am Games and was supposed to be temporary. The leaf and medicine wheel came later, and the entire sign was replaced in 2020. I'm really knowledgeable about certain obscure topics," I explained to him. "Anyway, let's start walking to the financial district."
Being on an April morning, none of the other pedestrians would think two teenagers were up to questionable purposes, nor would they know they were in the presence of two of the most powerful beings on the entire planet.
As we exited the square, a CLRV streetcar passed us, bells chiming. I still remembered their retirement back on Prime, and retained a sense of nostalgia for them, which was why I stared at the streetcar until it left my sight. An earlier internet search back at Area 69 revealed a replacement for them had only just begun discussion. Once again, why parahumans have been a disaster for society.
Anthony and I walked at a moderately fast pace west along Queen street, until University Avenue, when we crossed the intersection. The street scene was similar to Earth Prime's Toronto, which included lines of food trucks along the street selling their grub, a homeless person panhandling, and pedestrians going about their day. Some things never change.
As the two of us continued walking south, I decided to look at where exactly our destination would be. I opened a map tab mentally, and began searching for a potential location connected to the Compact in some way.
There was just one problem, though: apart from the rough location (which we already were at), I had no idea where to even begin.
Obviously, the financial district had A LOT of corporate buildings. Finding out which ones were tied to the Family Compact was going to be a tedious task.
But there was no crying over spilled milk - if we were going to get anywhere in taking down the organized crime of Toronto, it was going to start with that. So, I took a left turn upon reaching King Street, headed straight towards First Canadian Place, the first place I thought of, much like the name, with Anthony following in tow.
"..And here we are," I said after noticing the shadow looming over us two.
In my mind, when asked about any building that fit the definition of "Generic Skyscraper," First Canadian Place was the first thing that came to mind. A white, rectangular skyscraper with absolutely no features that enhanced its appearance.
Well, time to see if this yields us any information. But before we could attempt an interrogation, we needed to change our appearances.
I whispered to Anthony. "Alright, so before we can ruin someone's day, we need to change into our cape appearances. Just follow me." In reply, he gave a nod.
We confidently walked through one of the revolving doors and into the lobby, bound for a place no one would notice our change.
A minute later, Anthony and William were now Giga and Sigma.
The two of us walked out of the washroom.
Giga sighted the front desk and was about to make a beeline, but I put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from doing so.
"I'll disable the security cameras. Give me one of the pistols," which he did. Once he had handed one to me, I adjusted the dial to "DISABLE", and took aim at the cameras.
A EMP in beam form shot out, putting the camera offline. Thankfully, there were no sparks or anything else that would have drawn the attention of someone. I shot again at the other camera.
"All clear. Let's go." Giga resumed walking, and I followed, while giving the pistol back.
Once we got there, the receptionist noticed us.
"What can I help you with… are you two capes?"
I smiled, which turned the trollface mask's expression into the classic troll, and initiated an attempt at interrogation.
"Good day, sir. We are looking for locations and events connected to the Family Compact, such as safehouses or rallies. Would you happen to have information regarding those subjects? And yes, we are capes. Sigma and Giga," I said, pointing at myself then Anthony.
I foresaw this already, and had planned for it, but the answer was a no.
Obviously, I escalated. "You're bullshitting and you know it. The Financial District is Compact territory, and it has connections to several of the banks here. We WILL get information. Whether you want to make it easier for both you and me is up to you. So, how bout you tell us now?"
Unfortunately, the receptionist was still being stubborn. "You think you two unknowns can just waltz in here and demand information?" he borderline shouted. Very poor choice of words. "I'm-"
"YES." said Giga and I sternly at the same time. We seemed to be thinking the same, as both of us drew our concealed weapons: Killer Bean's M1911s and the Airpod Shotty. With a whipping motion, the two halves of the shotgun snapped in place.
I wasn't gonna go as far as killing him, but the threat would hopefully be enough.
"What about now? Got any info?"
Luckily for us, being held at gunpoint got him to start talking. Turns out he was a member, but whether we had gotten lucky or not was uncertain.
"Alright, Alright! I don't know a lot about it, but there's a party in the Port Lands that's happening this afternoon. All I know is that it's at 5, and at least two of the Compact's capes will be attending. That's all I know, now please lower the weapons!"
It was enough information to start planning the party crash, so I obliged and lowered my gun. Giga did the same.
"Fine." said Giga slightly angrily. "But if you bring up this incident with the PRT or attempt to in any way or form, you WILL go mysteriously missing."
"We'll be going now," I interrupted. "But keep what you just heard in mind." We walked back to the washroom, to change back into civilian wear.
The two of us exited First Canadian Place through the revolving doors. With that, our first appearances as capes was completed. "Formally dressed teenagers" would be the first thing someone would think of if they saw us now, not "Cape".
Now that we had enough information to do our first major op, we decided to spend the rest of the day gathering what other info we could. So, we agreed the next location we should visit would be the combined Protectorate/PRT North-East HQ, which was located south of the Rogers Centre.
Or the SkyDome, as they still call it in this timeline. I'm probably gonna get confused looks if I ever said "Rogers Centre."
We set off on a walk, on Bay Street.
Going above the Union Station rail corridor..
Strolling by what would've been Scotiabank Arena on Earth Prime, but a mail handling facility here..
Passing underneath the Gardiner..
And turning right onto Queens Quay.
A 15 minute walk later, we could clearly see the combined HQ of the PRT and Protectorate.
While the Rig in Brockton Bay would've taken the award for looking the most aesthetically pleasing, the combined HQ in Toronto had its own feel, in a neo-futurism style. It basically was a stereotypical science fiction building.
Also, it was another structure that didn't exist on Earth Prime.
I briefly considered what to do next: Walk in and register as a cape, or head somewhere else and wait until we disrupted a villain's plans before registering?
"Hey. Should we walk in or hold off until our first act of trolling is complete?" After being at an impasse, I decided to ask Giga for advice.
"Wait until complete. More shock and awe if we do that," he replied. "So, what now? Head back to Thanos Car?"
"Yep."
"Walk- wait no I keep forgetting we have powers now, so teleportation?"
"Yes. We just gotta find an alley or somewhere no one's gonna see. Two teenagers disappearing into thin air just screams cape, obviously."
Backtracking our way to City Hall, we found a relatively unassuming one and ducked in from the street. This time though, I decided a generic portal design was too bland-looking. So, I decided what form they should take. Minecraft Nether portal? ROBLOX spawn pads? Or something else?
Then, I had a definite idea, inspired by the "ENGINEER GAMING" meme: the teleporters from Team Fortress 2!
With a simple thought, a blue one appeared on the ground in front of us two. They started assembling themselves, but much faster than in-game. 5 seconds later, the bar started spinning and producing an aura, meaning they were ready.
"Decided to add a cosmetic effect to them. Our theme is internet memes, so they're a reference to Engineer Gaming. Now, uhh, we head back."
Stepping onto the teleporter, I experienced its distinctive flash. Now, I was back in the parking garage. As a safety measure against telefragging, a second exit opened next to mine, and Anthony stepped out.
The teleporter exits then disassembled themselves, before disappearing into thin air with a poof.
"Any ideas to kill some time?" I asked Anthony, while we climbed into the truck seats. "We got a while before the party we crash is supposed to begin."
We then slammed the doors shut. "Movies?" he said.
"Sure, the center console in Thanos Car has that capability. Which one tho?"
"Morbius?" Anthony suggested. "I mean, according to the reviews from Earth Prime it's trash, but I'd like to see just how much. It was the first movie to make over a morbillion, though."
"It's Morbin' Time." "Hopefully he doesn't says the line in the film itself. Take the car via teleporting back to base, pirate it, then watch it?"
"Sounds like a plan to me."
Welp, here goes, I said to myself.
2 HOURS AND 10 MINUTES LATER
After confirming the security cameras were disabled and no one was present, I drove the car towards a more dimly lit location, before commanding a teleporter to appear beneath us, taking us back to Area 69.
From there, we headed back to the command centre of the base, and in just a few minutes, Morbius was ready for us to view. We had seen the memes about it, but wanted to see just how bad (or good) it actually was.
...
...Turns out the memes were ironic, Morbius was ass, and they didn't even say "It's Morbin time". Oh well, at least it's about time for tonight's highlight: The Family Compact party crashing!
Based on the information given to us earlier, the plan for this would not be complicated. Wait a while for the party to start. Announce our presence by ramming Thanos Car into the warehouse. Overpower and incapacitate the villains and other thugs present. Report it to the PRT. Overall, a boring, but practical plan. Now, it was time to figure out the specifics of such a mission.
"What memes should we reference?" I asked Anthony. "Free Bird solo or the John Cena intro when we make our entrance?"
"I would say the Free Bird solo, since if someone manages to get footage, we'll have a badass background track over us fighting, but the John Cena theme is more surprising. So, the latter."
"Welp, now we're gonna need to figure out how to hijack their speaker system or something so it plays the moment we enter," I elaborated. "But I think for the rest of our op, we're able to risk going in blind on the planning side due to our power levels. Also, we should probably get some of the war animatronics on standby, in case we face greater resistance than expected."
"Nothing wrong with that. Well then, we good to go now?"
"Yep, good to go. We'll drive to a hiding spot, then crash through one of the warehouse walls soon after it starts. The Family Compact is going to have a badddd evening."
We headed back to the garage, and Thanos Car, once again, and got in. An engine start and teleporter later, we were in a decrepit industrial parking lot, barren of vehicles.
The only thing left to do now? Mask up, and wait for the optimal time.
Right now, the party was going like the many others held before it. Flashing, multi-coloured lights contrasting with the rusting walls of the warehouse, obnoxiously loud music, and the like.
However, everyone in the warehouse became surprised when the background song cut out, leaving Dominion to head to the speaker and DJ stand to see what was the issue.
They were in for a rude awakening, because at that moment, at max volume, a single line was played.
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENAAAAAA
A purple pickup truck crashed through a wall. Its weapon bays opened and started firing, and the rave descended into chaos.
AN: I'd like to give a thanks to Tiersias and their long-abandoned fic High Walls and Vessels of War for providing the information regarding the capes of Toronto, including heroes and villains. It saved me a lot of brainstorming and pain, since I am terrible at coming up with original ideas.
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pingas plight
-Most cunning scientific fuck-up in all of Mobius
I mean hey whatever incites the brainmeats in a positive way. I can't wait for people to just question sanity when someone's facemask suddenly curls into a crude approximation of the human face like a skinwalker.
Additionally, I come bearing potential memes to be used in the form of Yugipoops:
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
Some images are not loading properly.
pingas plight
-Most cunning scientific fuck-up in all of Mobius
ah shit, which ones can you see?
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
These ones are invisible to me.
pingas plight
-Most cunning scientific fuck-up in all of Mobius
5. Party Crashing
AN: So it turns out whenever I try to write an action scene, some form of writer's block mysteriously arises. I did manage to get it finished, but since it's a curbstomp, it's not very long.
Anyways, enjoy another update.
"NOW!"
As soon as Thanos Car came to a stop, I activated the missile launchers. Four dehydration grenades shot out, turning several partygoers into blue cubes.
After the 4 second process was complete, Giga and I swiftly exited the vehicle and I teleported the modified Ram 1500 back to base, using Eidolon slot 2. We started firing our guns, cubing many more. The crowd seemed to have gotten what was going on, and many started fleeing away from our vicinity, screams and shouts of "CAPES!" filling the air.
By now, this seemed to catch the attention of a cape who, judging by the costume, I recognized as Dominion, a standard Alexandria package. Next to him was Conqueror, a brute whose power worked on the same principle as Lung's: ramping up over time in combat. Unlike Lung though, it did not result in major body transformations, as the research earlier reminded me.
Giga and I briefly stopped shooting, and stood in place, staring at them with smirks on our faces. Their expressions, though, were one of confusion and anger.
"Just who do you think you two are? Are you aware at all who we work for AT ALL?"
If they were expecting us to be intimidated, that hope was snuffed out when we replied, with defiance.
"In fact, we do."
"But did we ask?"
"...No, we didn't." Giga added. I interpreted this as my cue to start firing again, forcing the two capes to rapidly move to the side to dodge our shots. I was utterly, completely confident we would win the fight, and in the highly unlikely situation they might gain the advantage, the power selecting autopilot of Eidolon and a 4 or 5-charge PM power would definitely be more than enough to handle that, let alone 10.
By now, almost all the partygoers had evacuated, leaving only those foolish enough thinking they could watch a cape fight. A few well-placed shots snuffed out their hopes. Dominion took to the air, weaving through the stream of bullets the airpod shotty was rapidly firing, while also trying to charge at me. Conqueror was sprinting towards Giga, intent on knocking him out.
In response, I activated the Club Penguin jetpack, and took to the air. Giga did the same just when it looked like Conqueror would tackle him, forcing the brute to crash onto the floor. I caught a whiff of him saying "MOTHERFUCKER" to Giga.
Now, it was time to do the battle plan: one that would (obviously) be a curbstomp, but avoid exposing more than one or two of our cards. It was best that we execute an alpha strike as soon as possible, in order to prevent the capes from being more than a general annoyance.
Over the commotion of bullets and the battle, I shouted to Giga. "TIME FOR THE PLAN!"
Dominion tried to rush me again , as he thought I would be briefly distracted, but another spread of dehydration bullets erupted from the shotgun, forcing him to dodge by descending.
Giga responded with "WHAT KIND OF PLAN?" Even though we already went through it beforehand in our briefing, asking it right now would hopefully distract our adversaries for a moment.
"PULLING A HOMELANDER!" A smirk as acknowledgement was all that I needed as confirmation. I grinned as hard as I could, shifting my mask's expression to "trollge".
The two Family Compact capes seemed to be confused at our verbal exchange, but continued their attempt at another attack run. Conqueror shouted while zig-zagging at us.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOMELAN-"
He never got to finish the question, because at that moment, lasers erupted from my trollface mask, and Giga's visor. The green and blue beams struck their respective targets without fail, sending them staggering back, and burning flesh. Man, laser eyes are more fun than I thought.
Theoretically, we could've adjusted the beam intensity to just kill them on the spot like that, but given the factors involved, the costs and negative effects outweighed any possible gains and benefits. Better to just let the PRT deal with them.
The two capes were still on the floor, groaning in pain.
Giga walked over, next to the writhing bodies, before delivering the coup de grace to Conqueror and Dominion.
PEW. PEW.
Two blue cubes clattered to the ground, joining the many already present. My partner picked up the cube containing Conqueror. I walked over, bending down on one knee, and picked up the one that used to be Dominion. After inspecting it and making sure there weren't any signs of his power fighting against the containment, I jokingly taunted the cube in my hand.
"Get clapped, lmao."
The thought of doing the Fortnite default dance emerged in my head, but I decided to save it for when we would defeat someone/something more important, like Leviathan. The two of us then burst out into laughter for a few seconds. Some testing back at Area 69 earlier revealed that they wouldn't be conscious while in cube form. If they were, I'd be deeply concerned about the morals of the Megamind we stole the De-guns from.
I glanced around the warehouse, surveying the scene in the aftermath of the battle. The entire dance floor was empty, and the results of our battle were in full display. Burned bullet marks lined the walls, and the DJ booth was a wreck. Of course, there was also the gaping hole in the wall that we created.
Our first victory of many that will follow. I guess it's time to head to Brockton after we explain what happened to the PRT. I then thought about the FNAF animatronics back at Area 69, and how useful they would've been tonight. The reason they were still back at the base, though, was that they'd be better off making their first public appearances for when I needed them. Like killing Coil or Saint, for example.
Judging by the intensifying volume of the sirens, it seemed like the PRT was nearly here. Welp, it's time to make our introductions. I moved towards the streetside warehouse entrance, with Giga in tow, cubes in hand. Less than a minute later, we had covered the distance.
Just as we exited out onto the street, the first PRT vehicles began to pull up.
Several troopers began dismounting from the armoured vans, but I focused my attention on a scale-clad woman with a large horn on her forehead. Ah yes, Narwhal. The only canon Toronto cape aside from Dragon. Oh wow, fanart doesn't do her appearance justice. If it weren't for the mental reinforcement powers of the CYOA or Tighten, I'd be pretty sure a part of my brain would've gone "ZAMN".
Narwhal noticed us, and began approaching. Just as it seemed she was about to start questioning us, I spoke first.
"Narwhal, I presume?"
"That would be correct. I've never seen you two before, so I'd assume you're newcomers- and heroes too, given your target. Your cape names?"
"Sigma-
-and Giga," my partner finished.
I took over the talking. "And yes, this is indeed our first public appearance." Well, technically, our interrogation of the receptionist was, but that's better off not being mentioned. "We're willing to head to the PRT building and give our statement of events."
"That'll be good," Narwhal said, before shifting to a puzzled expression. "But what's with the glowing blue cubes in your hands?"
When I said they were currently containing Conqueror and Dominion and that there were many more in the warehouse itself, Narwhal slightly recoiled back. After explaining that it was temporary and could easily be reverted by submerging in water for a few seconds, she relaxed, but still looked concerned.
I drew in a breath. "Well then, I guess the PRT will know how to handle all the cubes?" And probably try to analyze them to see how they work.
The Protectorate leader addressed one of the nearby PRT officers, before turning to me. "I informed the cleanup crews. They will, although your non-lethal method of containment is an unorthodox choice. Follow me, we'll be heading to the PRT HQ."
The two of us, following Narwhal, got into the back of one of the armored vans. We were soon on the road. Most of the drive was spent in silence between us and Narwhal. I took the time to think over our first appearances to the heroic capes: while our first impressions probably weren't that positive, and would've gone way better had one of us chosen the perk of the same name, at least we didn't completely blunder the act. Making ourselves look like villains attacking other villains was something that would've been a major pain to resolve.
As the van passed through another traffic light, I thought of an idea.
First, I whispered to Giga to go on PHO and log in.
I did the same. Opening the PHO website mentally, I went to the account page of "Gigachad" and started a DM.
Welcome to the Parahumans Online Message Boards
You are currently logged in, SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
You are viewing:
• Threads you have replied to
• AND Threads that have new replies
• OR private message conversations with new replies
• Thread OP is displayed
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• Last ten messages in private message history
• Threads and private messages are ordered by user custom preference.
♦ Topic: generic conversation stuff
In: Private Messages
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
yo we can communicate mentally with this method now
probably can't say anything too sensitive here though even if they're DMs. after all, this entire website is a product of Dragon
He replied to my initial DM.
Gigachad (Unverified Cape) (Bottom Text)
got it
so uhh
what do you want to say
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
nothing for now
but I think we'll need to talk like this later
when we need to give statements or something like that
Giga nodded physically, and I cut the connection.
After a short drive, the van pulled into the parking garage of the combined PRT-Protectorate headquarters. We dismounted the vehicle and were led up in an elevator, and through several hallways from there. Judging from what I saw on the way, this part was all business, no tourists.
Finally, we arrived in a generic interview room. The two of us removed our jetpacks, placing them on the floor. I picked one of the chairs on the side, sitting down, with Giga choosing the seat right next to me.
Narwhal spoke first. "I'd like to begin this off by asking the question of what your powers are, exactly, Sigma and Giga."
As expected. I dropped the smile and the trollface mask shifted into a neutral face, letting her know my mood on that question. "We're tinkers. But Giga and I would prefer to not disclose our specialty, for now, nor try power testing. I'd like to keep a lot of information about our cape identities unknown." Glad it's not Armsmaster with his lie detector asking me.
The Toronto Protectorate leader slightly raised an eyebrow at the comment, but otherwise didn't say anything.
Giga spoke after me. "If you're going to try the standard PRT recruitment pitch featuring blah blah Independent tinker death rates blah blah blah lack of resources, we'd prefer to not hear it. We're capable of supporting ourselves. But it doesn't mean we're against the possibility of working with the Protectorate or PRT in the future."
I was pretty sure the first part of what Giga said made Narwhal annoyed, but any visible signs of that didn't show.
A reply came from Narwhal. "Unfortunate, but I hope you'll reconsider in the future. I'll get the necessary forms and other paperwork required. As for your... party crashing on the Family Compact, would you mind explaining what exactly happened, and your motivations? Witness reports help, but they still don't provide the full story."
I looked at Giga, who shared my expression.
Oh boy. "Gimme a moment, I need to think of how to answer this," I said to Narwhal, to stall for time.
Luckily, I had an idea involving the PHO DMs. I booted up the website again and continued the online conversation.
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
youre online rn right
if you are ill answer what happened
but could you cover the motivations part
Gigachad (Unverified Cape) (Bottom Text)
sure ig
should I just say that we wanted to make a name for ourselves
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
yeah that works but i'd recommend saying that we're aware of the toronto cape scene and what our consequences of attacking the family compact were
just so she doesnt assume we're from out of town since we definitely dont have any paper trails in this world
guess ill start talking now
"We breached one of the warehouse walls. So anyway, I started blasting - along with Giga, trying to find out which two capes were present. As it turns out, they were Dominion and Conqueror..."
A minute later, I had finished giving a (modified) recap of tonight's events to Narwhal, and she turned to Giga. He gave a backstory filled with half-truths.
"... Since you already know it's our first time, we decided it was the Family Compact that were going to be our target, because fuck racism. They're no better than the Empire in Brockton Bay. We are fully aware of the risks such an attack would cause in terms of retaliation, and we are capable of eliminating those risks." I nodded in agreement with the last sentence.
Just then, some random PRT clerk came into the room, handed some forms to Narwhal, and then left.
"Fill in these registration forms and you'll be free to go," Narwhal said to both of us.
As for the forms themselves, they weren't much. Just some contact information such as phone number (which I put a burner number in), and miscellaneous stuff. Once we were done, we picked up our jetpacks, and a different PRT agent came by and led us through a different route, this time to the front entrance of the PRT headquarters. We said some parting words, before exiting the futuristic building onto the waterfront.
The aftermath of our first victory was over, and now it was time to plan for the next curbstomp. But first, there were some things we needed to do. I informed Giga of what we were going to do now, while the two of us were looking for somewhere to safely teleport back to base. Once we found one and were back in Area 69, we unmasked, before briefly parting to change into civilian clothes. After that, we met back in the atrium, and I elaborated the first part of our current plans.
"This calls for a small celebration. I don't think we've eaten anything at all since we were dumped here, actually, so we're gonna go out to eat."
"So which restaurant specifically, William?" he curiously asked.
"Prefer to keep it a secret." "Now close your eyes. I really hope you won't open them early, but if you want to, sure I guess."
"I won't."
"Alright." Grabbing his hand, I summoned a teleporter to our destination, which was nowhere on Earth Bet. No no no. Thanks to the powers of Kaleidoscope, I had a different destination planned.
Once we arrived behind a certain restaurant building next to a dumpster, I led Anthony towards the parking lot facing the front.
"Ok, you can open your eyes now," I informed him.
When he did, the sight of the restaurant's appearance surprised him, and his eyes darted towards the sign, reading it.
"Los Pollos Hermanos!?"
Anyways, enjoy another update.
"NOW!"
As soon as Thanos Car came to a stop, I activated the missile launchers. Four dehydration grenades shot out, turning several partygoers into blue cubes.
After the 4 second process was complete, Giga and I swiftly exited the vehicle and I teleported the modified Ram 1500 back to base, using Eidolon slot 2. We started firing our guns, cubing many more. The crowd seemed to have gotten what was going on, and many started fleeing away from our vicinity, screams and shouts of "CAPES!" filling the air.
By now, this seemed to catch the attention of a cape who, judging by the costume, I recognized as Dominion, a standard Alexandria package. Next to him was Conqueror, a brute whose power worked on the same principle as Lung's: ramping up over time in combat. Unlike Lung though, it did not result in major body transformations, as the research earlier reminded me.
Giga and I briefly stopped shooting, and stood in place, staring at them with smirks on our faces. Their expressions, though, were one of confusion and anger.
"Just who do you think you two are? Are you aware at all who we work for AT ALL?"
If they were expecting us to be intimidated, that hope was snuffed out when we replied, with defiance.
"In fact, we do."
"But did we ask?"
"...No, we didn't." Giga added. I interpreted this as my cue to start firing again, forcing the two capes to rapidly move to the side to dodge our shots. I was utterly, completely confident we would win the fight, and in the highly unlikely situation they might gain the advantage, the power selecting autopilot of Eidolon and a 4 or 5-charge PM power would definitely be more than enough to handle that, let alone 10.
By now, almost all the partygoers had evacuated, leaving only those foolish enough thinking they could watch a cape fight. A few well-placed shots snuffed out their hopes. Dominion took to the air, weaving through the stream of bullets the airpod shotty was rapidly firing, while also trying to charge at me. Conqueror was sprinting towards Giga, intent on knocking him out.
In response, I activated the Club Penguin jetpack, and took to the air. Giga did the same just when it looked like Conqueror would tackle him, forcing the brute to crash onto the floor. I caught a whiff of him saying "MOTHERFUCKER" to Giga.
Now, it was time to do the battle plan: one that would (obviously) be a curbstomp, but avoid exposing more than one or two of our cards. It was best that we execute an alpha strike as soon as possible, in order to prevent the capes from being more than a general annoyance.
Over the commotion of bullets and the battle, I shouted to Giga. "TIME FOR THE PLAN!"
Dominion tried to rush me again , as he thought I would be briefly distracted, but another spread of dehydration bullets erupted from the shotgun, forcing him to dodge by descending.
Giga responded with "WHAT KIND OF PLAN?" Even though we already went through it beforehand in our briefing, asking it right now would hopefully distract our adversaries for a moment.
"PULLING A HOMELANDER!" A smirk as acknowledgement was all that I needed as confirmation. I grinned as hard as I could, shifting my mask's expression to "trollge".
The two Family Compact capes seemed to be confused at our verbal exchange, but continued their attempt at another attack run. Conqueror shouted while zig-zagging at us.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOMELAN-"
He never got to finish the question, because at that moment, lasers erupted from my trollface mask, and Giga's visor. The green and blue beams struck their respective targets without fail, sending them staggering back, and burning flesh. Man, laser eyes are more fun than I thought.
Theoretically, we could've adjusted the beam intensity to just kill them on the spot like that, but given the factors involved, the costs and negative effects outweighed any possible gains and benefits. Better to just let the PRT deal with them.
The two capes were still on the floor, groaning in pain.
Giga walked over, next to the writhing bodies, before delivering the coup de grace to Conqueror and Dominion.
PEW. PEW.
Two blue cubes clattered to the ground, joining the many already present. My partner picked up the cube containing Conqueror. I walked over, bending down on one knee, and picked up the one that used to be Dominion. After inspecting it and making sure there weren't any signs of his power fighting against the containment, I jokingly taunted the cube in my hand.
"Get clapped, lmao."
The thought of doing the Fortnite default dance emerged in my head, but I decided to save it for when we would defeat someone/something more important, like Leviathan. The two of us then burst out into laughter for a few seconds. Some testing back at Area 69 earlier revealed that they wouldn't be conscious while in cube form. If they were, I'd be deeply concerned about the morals of the Megamind we stole the De-guns from.
I glanced around the warehouse, surveying the scene in the aftermath of the battle. The entire dance floor was empty, and the results of our battle were in full display. Burned bullet marks lined the walls, and the DJ booth was a wreck. Of course, there was also the gaping hole in the wall that we created.
Our first victory of many that will follow. I guess it's time to head to Brockton after we explain what happened to the PRT. I then thought about the FNAF animatronics back at Area 69, and how useful they would've been tonight. The reason they were still back at the base, though, was that they'd be better off making their first public appearances for when I needed them. Like killing Coil or Saint, for example.
Judging by the intensifying volume of the sirens, it seemed like the PRT was nearly here. Welp, it's time to make our introductions. I moved towards the streetside warehouse entrance, with Giga in tow, cubes in hand. Less than a minute later, we had covered the distance.
Just as we exited out onto the street, the first PRT vehicles began to pull up.
Several troopers began dismounting from the armoured vans, but I focused my attention on a scale-clad woman with a large horn on her forehead. Ah yes, Narwhal. The only canon Toronto cape aside from Dragon. Oh wow, fanart doesn't do her appearance justice. If it weren't for the mental reinforcement powers of the CYOA or Tighten, I'd be pretty sure a part of my brain would've gone "ZAMN".
Narwhal noticed us, and began approaching. Just as it seemed she was about to start questioning us, I spoke first.
"Narwhal, I presume?"
"That would be correct. I've never seen you two before, so I'd assume you're newcomers- and heroes too, given your target. Your cape names?"
"Sigma-
-and Giga," my partner finished.
I took over the talking. "And yes, this is indeed our first public appearance." Well, technically, our interrogation of the receptionist was, but that's better off not being mentioned. "We're willing to head to the PRT building and give our statement of events."
"That'll be good," Narwhal said, before shifting to a puzzled expression. "But what's with the glowing blue cubes in your hands?"
When I said they were currently containing Conqueror and Dominion and that there were many more in the warehouse itself, Narwhal slightly recoiled back. After explaining that it was temporary and could easily be reverted by submerging in water for a few seconds, she relaxed, but still looked concerned.
I drew in a breath. "Well then, I guess the PRT will know how to handle all the cubes?" And probably try to analyze them to see how they work.
The Protectorate leader addressed one of the nearby PRT officers, before turning to me. "I informed the cleanup crews. They will, although your non-lethal method of containment is an unorthodox choice. Follow me, we'll be heading to the PRT HQ."
The two of us, following Narwhal, got into the back of one of the armored vans. We were soon on the road. Most of the drive was spent in silence between us and Narwhal. I took the time to think over our first appearances to the heroic capes: while our first impressions probably weren't that positive, and would've gone way better had one of us chosen the perk of the same name, at least we didn't completely blunder the act. Making ourselves look like villains attacking other villains was something that would've been a major pain to resolve.
As the van passed through another traffic light, I thought of an idea.
First, I whispered to Giga to go on PHO and log in.
I did the same. Opening the PHO website mentally, I went to the account page of "Gigachad" and started a DM.
Welcome to the Parahumans Online Message Boards
You are currently logged in, SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
You are viewing:
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♦ Topic: generic conversation stuff
In: Private Messages
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
yo we can communicate mentally with this method now
probably can't say anything too sensitive here though even if they're DMs. after all, this entire website is a product of Dragon
He replied to my initial DM.
Gigachad (Unverified Cape) (Bottom Text)
got it
so uhh
what do you want to say
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
nothing for now
but I think we'll need to talk like this later
when we need to give statements or something like that
Giga nodded physically, and I cut the connection.
After a short drive, the van pulled into the parking garage of the combined PRT-Protectorate headquarters. We dismounted the vehicle and were led up in an elevator, and through several hallways from there. Judging from what I saw on the way, this part was all business, no tourists.
Finally, we arrived in a generic interview room. The two of us removed our jetpacks, placing them on the floor. I picked one of the chairs on the side, sitting down, with Giga choosing the seat right next to me.
Narwhal spoke first. "I'd like to begin this off by asking the question of what your powers are, exactly, Sigma and Giga."
As expected. I dropped the smile and the trollface mask shifted into a neutral face, letting her know my mood on that question. "We're tinkers. But Giga and I would prefer to not disclose our specialty, for now, nor try power testing. I'd like to keep a lot of information about our cape identities unknown." Glad it's not Armsmaster with his lie detector asking me.
The Toronto Protectorate leader slightly raised an eyebrow at the comment, but otherwise didn't say anything.
Giga spoke after me. "If you're going to try the standard PRT recruitment pitch featuring blah blah Independent tinker death rates blah blah blah lack of resources, we'd prefer to not hear it. We're capable of supporting ourselves. But it doesn't mean we're against the possibility of working with the Protectorate or PRT in the future."
I was pretty sure the first part of what Giga said made Narwhal annoyed, but any visible signs of that didn't show.
A reply came from Narwhal. "Unfortunate, but I hope you'll reconsider in the future. I'll get the necessary forms and other paperwork required. As for your... party crashing on the Family Compact, would you mind explaining what exactly happened, and your motivations? Witness reports help, but they still don't provide the full story."
I looked at Giga, who shared my expression.
Oh boy. "Gimme a moment, I need to think of how to answer this," I said to Narwhal, to stall for time.
Luckily, I had an idea involving the PHO DMs. I booted up the website again and continued the online conversation.
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
youre online rn right
if you are ill answer what happened
but could you cover the motivations part
Gigachad (Unverified Cape) (Bottom Text)
sure ig
should I just say that we wanted to make a name for ourselves
SigmaMaleGrindset (Unverified Cape) (We Live In A Society)
yeah that works but i'd recommend saying that we're aware of the toronto cape scene and what our consequences of attacking the family compact were
just so she doesnt assume we're from out of town since we definitely dont have any paper trails in this world
guess ill start talking now
"We breached one of the warehouse walls. So anyway, I started blasting - along with Giga, trying to find out which two capes were present. As it turns out, they were Dominion and Conqueror..."
A minute later, I had finished giving a (modified) recap of tonight's events to Narwhal, and she turned to Giga. He gave a backstory filled with half-truths.
"... Since you already know it's our first time, we decided it was the Family Compact that were going to be our target, because fuck racism. They're no better than the Empire in Brockton Bay. We are fully aware of the risks such an attack would cause in terms of retaliation, and we are capable of eliminating those risks." I nodded in agreement with the last sentence.
Just then, some random PRT clerk came into the room, handed some forms to Narwhal, and then left.
"Fill in these registration forms and you'll be free to go," Narwhal said to both of us.
As for the forms themselves, they weren't much. Just some contact information such as phone number (which I put a burner number in), and miscellaneous stuff. Once we were done, we picked up our jetpacks, and a different PRT agent came by and led us through a different route, this time to the front entrance of the PRT headquarters. We said some parting words, before exiting the futuristic building onto the waterfront.
The aftermath of our first victory was over, and now it was time to plan for the next curbstomp. But first, there were some things we needed to do. I informed Giga of what we were going to do now, while the two of us were looking for somewhere to safely teleport back to base. Once we found one and were back in Area 69, we unmasked, before briefly parting to change into civilian clothes. After that, we met back in the atrium, and I elaborated the first part of our current plans.
"This calls for a small celebration. I don't think we've eaten anything at all since we were dumped here, actually, so we're gonna go out to eat."
"So which restaurant specifically, William?" he curiously asked.
"Prefer to keep it a secret." "Now close your eyes. I really hope you won't open them early, but if you want to, sure I guess."
"I won't."
"Alright." Grabbing his hand, I summoned a teleporter to our destination, which was nowhere on Earth Bet. No no no. Thanks to the powers of Kaleidoscope, I had a different destination planned.
Once we arrived behind a certain restaurant building next to a dumpster, I led Anthony towards the parking lot facing the front.
"Ok, you can open your eyes now," I informed him.
When he did, the sight of the restaurant's appearance surprised him, and his eyes darted towards the sign, reading it.
"Los Pollos Hermanos!?"