There are few reasons to not be on an emperors good side, ESPECIALLY if you want a lasting peace.

The emperor is a fool and a drunk, getting on his good side is the only requirement for running circles around him in the political arena
And even if the Germanian emperor is savyy (when not incredibly drunk), establishing a backchannel of communications between him and Isabella would be an excellent idea, what with Tristain messing about with elves as part of multinational politics.
 
The emperor is a fool and a drunk
To clarify isn't this the same Emperor that tricked all the kings of the once disunified Germainia into one place so he could have them all killed? And then secured his crown by killing everyone who opposed him and creating a system in which all of his new nobility is solely created through his good graces, ensuring their loyalty and fealty? That fool and a drunk? I think you might be forgetting Old (former)King Joe, who despite being a drunk and a lazy bum managed to collapse all of Albion into itself without letting known or even implying he ever had anything to do with anything there until Henry put it all together after the final curtain call.

Yeah... I can't even begin to guess why Henry would want to cement a friendship between himself and the Emperor. Seriously guys, you're gonna make me start quoting Naruto with all this underneath the underneath stuff that's going on. Every time Henry has done something silly or nonsensical it's almost always resulted in a boon for him later on down the line in the form of friends, contacts, support, and in one case a whole country ripe for the conquering, yet I keep seeing the same questions pop up concerning his lack of common sense or long-term planning or whatever. I think it's worth mentioning that despite the fact that this is being told from Henry's perspective, we don't know every thought going through his head, and we don't know everything that's happening offscreen in the interim.

Have some faith, he knows what he's doing, at least in broad strokes.
 
Eh. I just read this as Henry making friends/allies. It's a lot easier to like someone once you've had a friendly eating/drinking contest and Albrecht is definitely an ally worth having.
 
Eh...why is he doing this?
Have some faith, he knows what he's doing, at least in broad strokes.
Exactly. This right here is both the highest and the most simple form of diplomacy: that of making the other person like you. What good would standing on the sidelines like the perfect noble do? Oh sure the Tristainians and the Gallians would approve but they already like him, he's here to woo the Germainians. When in Rome you do as the Romans do, because the Romans are powerful and you want them to like you so you can make favourable deals and not have assassins after you.

Oh sure some of the crowds might tut, but in a very real sense the man who he just challenged to an eating contest is the only one with an opinion that matters. He's got the crown, he has the majority of the power, and he's the one that the future ability to give a knowing nod to followed by reminiscing over a beer or five will help smooth over any future deals or plans that need making.
 
Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-One

When I woke up the next morning, my stomach revolted. My innards were screaming for the revolution to take place, and I could barely move a finger. My head was killing me, or at least wishing for my death fervently. On the plus side, I was reasonably sure the Emperor hadn't been able of moving a finger last night on Henrietta, and my charms must have worked on some Germanians at least.

It wasn't difficult to understand that they were still sore and kind of butt-hurt over the losses incurred financially for the failed invasion of Albion. There were tensions about the failed endeavor, annoyance over the easy Gallian victory, and jealous sentiments. I felt a cold patch of something on my forehead, and bleakly realized it came from a cold as ice hand. My eyes focused on a blurred image, which thankfully didn't have light blue hair, or I'd be deader than dead.

It didn't even have the semblance of one of my escorts. The hair was dark, and reached shoulder-length. There was a strong breeze coming in from the open windows, and I could see a few more blobs sitting or sprawled all over the room, snoring a symphony of sorts.

"Three weeks from now, in Lutece," the blob spoke. "You drank too much, Henry," the blob with dark hair continued, the tone disapproving.

"I think...I'm about to meet my dinner...again," I groaned softly.

The blob-figure moved a hand to the nearby bed desk, and then neared a goblet filled with water to my lips, as I drank avidly, the form sighed and shook its head. "The things I do for you."

"Uh...uh..." I grumbled, "love you too..." I closed my eyes and sighed. What wouldn't I give for a headache remedy right about then...

A few minutes later and I could feel the weight by the side of the bed shift, and the windows rattle slightly as there was a flapping of wings and Raven took flight into the morning sky. It took half an hour before one of the escort guards actually woke up, or better yet, groaned loudly enough to signal that he had both woken up, and yet desired never to have woken up.

"Who here regrets last night?" I asked with a gurgle.

"E-Everyone, your highness," one of the nobles of my guard groaned from the corner of the room. His pants were on his head, and he had his feet in the washbasin apparently. His feet with his shoes still on too.

"How did we get back here?" another mumbled, "Alive, I must add?" he massaged his forehead.

"I think the servants brought us back," a man spoke, and I actually had to move my head to the side to gaze at the figure of my escort laid on top of the cupboard. "Has anyone seen my breeches?"

"Reginald, you can't always lose your breeches," another man said with a chuckle, "Gods all mighty...how did I get all these scars on my chest?"

"A wild Zerbst appeared," I said as I furrowed my brows, trying to recall. "I think it was a certain...Chriselda?"

"Why is it always Robert that gets all the girls?" the man on the floor rolled to the side, before wobbling his way to his feet, clutching his forehead with his right hand. "Clovis...get your trousers off your head. You're making a fool out of yourself in front of his highness."

Clovis was already untying his shoes and letting them drip on the floor, but calmly complied, revealing that his hair had been subjected to a set of hair dye spells poorly made, and some...exotic and bizarre hair-styling attempts. On one side, tentacles of hair twitched and fluttered in the wind, on the other nice curls of pink and dazzling green hair were brightly shining at intervals.

The fact there was a chant for that sort of thing told me that the Gramonts weren't the only ones capable of bullshitting the Church in order to get certain beautifying chants approved.

"Someone get the servants inside," I sighed. "I actually need help getting dressed this morning..." I brought a hand to my mouth, "And...a basin...on the double."

It took two hours before any of us were presentable enough to show up for breakfast. The majority of Germanian nobility had already gone through the troubles of alcohol and were looking fine and dandy as if nothing had happened the night before. Needless to say, I had come with a hefty dose of reagents for Water Magic meant specifically to fight off alcohol poisoning.

"We should have the carriages prepared to return home, your highness," Clovis said, his brows furrowed lightly as he bit into what looked like a hefty side of ham. "And-"

The doors to the room where we were eating opened up calmly. Yet, they opened up with the cold, glacial calculative movements that only a pair of arms terrifyingly familiar to me could ever manage to achieve. I froze. I froze on the spot as I emitted a very manly whimper the likes of which made every single man of my escort stiffen and turn as one towards the source of the fear of their liege.

Eleonore Albertine Le Blanc de la Blois de la Valliere stood at the door's entrance with a look that promised not just simple murder, but outright torture, murder, resurrection, and then a bit more of murder.

"Big brother," Little Lulu stood behind her, her eyes filled with fear, "Run!"

I steeled myself and propped my chin up, "Gentlemen, it has been a honor," and with that said, I smoothly stood up from my spot at the table, and opened my arms as I walked towards my doom. "My beloved older sister Eleonore!"

"Little Henry!" the snappish tone was accompanied by the terrifying twin-pronged assault of cheeks through fingers, which made me inwardly hiss, as outwardly I kept my smile firmly planted on my face. "That. Sort. Of. Barbaric. Acting. Is. Unacceptable!" as she began to knead my cheeks right and left, up and down, I withstood it.

I withstood it, and initiated the Counter-Attack.

My arms came swooping down, grabbing hold of Eleonore's sides as I lifted her off the ground, making her spin as she gawked, letting go of my cheeks to hold on to my shoulders. I simply laughed as I made her do a few turns before letting her down and hugging her gently.

"Ah! I missed you lots dear sister!" I rubbed the side of my cheek against hers, much to her half-scandalized choking. I then patted both of her shoulders and snaked an arm around her back, gesturing with my other to the rest of my assembled men, staring at me as if I had gone near a dragon and pacified it with a belly rub of all things. "This here is my sister! Isn't she just the best older sister in the whole world?"

"W-Well, if your highness says so," some of the men coughed.

Louise, on the other hand, looked up at me with something akin to awe.

The unspoken words in her eyes were clearly understandable however.

Please, teach me, master!

And my reply too, was equally easy to understand.

With pleasure, my apprentice.
 
Louise has been lost to the dark side by this point, surely.

Their damnable lure of cookies, pizza, head-rubs, and porn has won Henry a powerful convert!

Now Louise is ready to learn the truly powerful Dark Arts, such as Spell of Ass-Covering.
 
Three weeks from now, in Lutece," the blob spoke. "You drank too much, Henry," the blob with dark hair continued, the tone disapproving.

"I think...I'm about to meet my dinner...again," I groaned softly.

The blob-figure moved a hand to the nearby bed desk, and then neared a goblet filled with water to my lips, as I drank avidly, the form sighed and shook its head. "The things I do for you."
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This sort of teasing is unfair! Unfair! I want to know! What does the Raven look like?! I can only despair.
 
Too bad, I actually like being in despair so I'm actually being pleasured by this, being left to guess!

.... That came out wrong. But still!

There is a delicious quantity of schadenfreude in this thread.

Oh so this is where the promised angst is! Not in the story, but in the collective butt clenching of the thread in regards to unanswered questions.

I had thought this was obvious…
 
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You know, I wonder if anyone is actually going to guess why he did what he did?

I mean, we, the audience know, but all the Tristanians and Gallians will be in shock! That he behaved so badly!

Then, when the truth comes out......
 
I mean, we, the audience know, but all the Tristanians and Gallians will be in shock! That he behaved so badly!
Do we - it's a Shadefic. I'd assume it's to spare Henrietta a drunken spouse on wedding night, a means to ingratiate himself to the Emperor (while later on it's revealed that the Emperor realized that from the moment it happened), a way to discover some more spies from his beloved better half, and stuff I miss because I'm not Shade.
 
Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-Two
Chapter One Hundred and Sixty-Two

I linked arms with Eleonore as we went for a walk across the gardens of Vindobona's imperial palace. The men of my guard followed us a short distance away. Louise had gone to spend time with Henrietta after her first night had gone by -and were nothing had hopefully happened. As we walked, Eleonore said nothing at first. She seemed content to admire the gardens. Though clearly they could not compare to the beauty of Tristain's royal ones, or to the richness and variety of Gallia, they still were pretty to watch and walk through.

"How's the Academy work, big sister?" I asked gently, receiving a slight huff in reply.

"It has been going well," Eleonore said, "my work is indeed mostly veered on the crafting of beautiful stone statues through the most holy research on the chants of past-" she exhaled, "but speaking about my work would take away most of the morning, and since you plan to leave before lunch, I'd rather we speak of other things, little Henry," as she said that, she used her free hand to pinch my cheek slightly, before letting go of it. "You'll be a father soon enough, and I dread to think what sort of parent you'll be. Seriously, such a scandalous behavior!" she scoffed.

"What he or she won't know can't influence them," I said with a wise nod. "Also, I'm sure I wasn't the only one having fun last night," I continued. "Did you have fun?"

Eleonore looked primly up, her chin raised. "A proper lady does not have fun during parties, Henry. She enjoys them the right amount, nothing more."

"You need to let your hair down sometimes, big sister," I said with a sigh. "You're pretty, so if you'd just let yourself go a tiny bit perhaps you'd be more approachable."

Eleonore's arm squeezed mine tightly, making me inwardly realize I had stepped on the landmine. "Oh?" Eleonore said offhandedly. "And why would you say that? Surely, the Count of Burgundy has decided to take a pause to think about things, but he would never go back on his engagement, would he?"

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"Love is a strong word, Henry," Eleonore exhaled, eyes unfocused as she looked up at the sky with a small smile. "But he has such a dashing smile..." she sighed in pleasant reminiscence, making me shudder.

"Well, perhaps I could have a word with him if he makes you worry so much," I suggested with a bright smile of my own, my free hand somewhat clenching the handle of my swordwand something really fierce. "I'm sure that he won't be able to run away properly without legs," I nodded.

"Henry! You're impossible," Eleonore said with a huff, tapping my forehead gently with the tip of her fingers, before proceeding to ruffle my hair with the sense of triumphant pleasant vindictiveness that was common to her. I grumbled, and huffed in turn, glancing away.

"I do not like seeing you sad, big sister."

Eleonore giggled at that, ceasing to rub my head. "I know that. It is nice to know Gallia's court hasn't changed you. You have always been prone to recklessly doing things for others at the expense of yourself," there were a few mutters of agreement among my escort. Oi, you lot, on whose side are you on?

"You know, big sister," I said with a thoughtful expression, "The royal Academie in Lutece could use your intelligence-" Eleonore tussled my hair, much to my ever-growing embarrassment. "Big sister, will you please stop doing that?"

"No," Eleonore replied after a slow, careful deliberation. "You are adorable when your cheeks turn red."

I blinked. My-My weapons, used against me?! This-This sort of thing wasn't allowed! It wasn't allowed! I-It wasn't like I liked this or anything, but-but truly, seriously, there were other things to discuss of, more important and serious things-

"About my offer," I said, trying to recover myself, "I'd really love it if you thought about it. Whatever Tristain's Academie can offer, Lutece's can easily double, or even triple it."

"I'll have to say no to that," Eleonore said with a sigh and a small smile. "It would be quite the scandal if the heiress to the la Valliere lands went to work for a foreign power," she thumped the side of her head against mine, and then hummed pleasantly. "I might come by to see my cute niece or nephew though, so be prepared for my arrival. Perhaps with your wife in the room I will get to see you act properly?"

There was a set of collective snorts from the guards behind us.

"I will try to be on my best behavior," I most seriously nodded. It was all that Eleonore expected me to say, because she simply grinned, and then began a talk about how her life had been. One thing though, remained firmly in my to-do list.

Count Burgundy would receive word of my displeasure. He would receive far more than a simple word.

Perhaps his favorite's animal dead head by the side of his pillow in the morning? With a crow upon it to caw at him think no more, marry Eleonore?

"Oh gods it rhymed," Raven cawed, sharing his vision with me. "I'll get the concrete shoes if he says no, Henry."

He was flying in lazy circles over Vindobona, casting furtive glances at the crows that had been neatly put in their places after the main problems had been dealt with. The pigeon population had suffered a drastic reduction, and the native crows and beasts of prey had come to wiser decisions after Raven had a few words with them. The...Murder Network was expanding. Now, all that remained was Romalia.

"That's going to be a tough cookie to crack," Raven cawed. "Can't use my adoraburbles for that."

I did not remark on the term adoraburbles. Just like I had come to accept the naming of the Murder Network, I could survive even if Raven had a really poor sense of naming conventions.

"Adoraburbles is not a bad choice for nicknaming my little bundles!" Raven cawed, somewhat indignantly. "Still beats Fluffle-Wuffles."

I gasped, much to Eleonore's surprised expression. I smiled at my elder sister and shook my head. "Nothing, my familiar just shared the vision of himself hitting against a wall because clearly, his head was in the gutter."

"My head is not in the gutter, Henry!" Raven huffed. "Your artistic sense needs to be fixed!"

I have written more art in a single month than you will ever write in a thousand years!

Yeah? Fite me bro!

I belatedly realized Raven was doing this on purpose, but even so, I still pinched the bridge of my nose and began to growl softly. Oh, I'd fight him all right. The moment he got within my grasp I'd give him such a heavy assault of head rubbing that by the time I was done, he'd be considered a bald eagle rather than a crow.

Raven replied by stating how he'd in turn pluck my hair off and make me go bald.

Seriously, was he going through his adolescent rebellious phase right now?

In all seriousness, there wasn't much else to say. I had received orders to return home within a day, and so I had to do just that. The trip back would still take days rather than weeks by dissing the servants and going on Freedom's back, but it was still going to take its time.

Unfortunately, I had made a terrible, terrible mistake.

For when the time came for me to depart, a maid had discovered a most horrifying truth.

Lord Richmon, the chief of the high court of justice, had been found dead and quartered like a pig in a slaughterhouse within his chambers. Such a gruesome murder -the day after the wedding- could not go by unchallenged, and to leave would be to inspire rumors, and have no chance to defend from them.

"We stay," I said quite calmly to the knights nearby, who all instead seemed eager to leave.

They swallowed, nodded, and then saluted before taking up a far more attentive and secure defensive formation around my person from that moment onward.

Hopefully, this wasn't going to be like the tale of And then there were none.

Agnes, we need to talk, you and I.
 
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