Throne Quest, Or It’s Not Usurping If You Usurp A Usurper (Original Story, set in the PGTE-verse)

The Kingdom of Callow. It was a land of farmers, a land of knights, a land of priests and paladins. It was a good land, and under normal circumstances, it had good rulers.

But therein lay the problem. For the past few weeks, the Kingdom of Callow had been ruled by a Villain.

"Ooh, the inbreed's got the look," says a taunting voice, cutting through the drunken laughter of your fellow patrons. Your eyes are caught by a young woman's piercing red glare. Only her smirk lets you know she's teasing, rather than trying to burn a hole into your very soul... unlike the poor sods whose eyes linger too long on her silky dark hair, who she sends packing with nothing but a glare.

You almost flinch when she looks back, that damnable half smile letting you know she caught you staring. Not that you're ashamed. Despite her... rather alarmingly shoddy red dress, she looks better than many ladies you've seen at your father's court, nevermind the halfway passed out clientele in this rowdy bar. She knows it, too.

"Now, Sorceress," growls the older woman sitting on your right, "Don't tease the royal for thinking." Your second companion, the Seasoned Mercenary, could not look more different than the first. In stark contrast with Sorceress' smooth pale skin, Mercenary's face is covered in old scars, her hair cut professionally short and grey with age. Her dark leather armour, at least, is far better maintained than Sorceress' garb, though it wouldn't get her catcalls. Not that she seemed to care, her sole remaining eye fixed on the red-eyed woman. "Do it too much, he'll stop thinking altogether, and no one wants that."

Sorceress looks away, suddenly awkward. "Um, sure. If you say so, Mercenary."

If you were in an establishment of even mediocre quality, you would be able to say that there was an awkward silence, but the rowdiness of your fellow customers makes such a description inaccurate. The buzzing of half-drunken chatter continues as Mercenary sighs, rubbing her wrinkled forehead with a gloved hand. "I was joking, wench."

Ahh, that makes sense. Even if Sorceress' recent taunt means you aren't exactly sympathizing with her, you can empathize; even you, with all your manners classes and social tutoring, aren't always able to tell if Mercenary is joking or if she's dispensing some life advice.

"Alright, cool," says Sorceress, sly smile making its way back to her face. "So that means I can still tease him?"

"No, of course not!" cries the girl sitting beside Sorceress, your third and final companion. Unlike you and Sorceress, who are nineteen and twenty-one respectively, Mary Conway, otherwise known as the Furtive Priestess, is much closer to fifteen. Yet she looks even younger than that; perhaps it's her long blonde hair and bright blue eyes, or maybe her childish dress, or even an effect of her Name, but for whatever reason you can only think of her as a young child, even though she's only a few years younger than you. "Mercenary said no!"

"But-"

"But yes, Mercenary said you couldn't tease me anymore," you raise your hands and shrug, to denote the decision is out of your hands. "And since Mercenary is incredibly wise and experienced in matters of - well, everything, I think we should all listen to her."

"Come on, Prince!" Sorceress says, leaning forward and reaching across the table to poke at your face. You lean back, raising your hands in defense. Mary, may the Gods Above bless her soul, joins your side and goes on the offensive, tickling Sorceress' sides with vigor.

Mercenary only chuckles in response. "Now," she says, once you're all done proving how mature you are. "Are we gonna sit around, get drunk, and talk shit about our oh so glorious prince Alexander, or are we gonna do some actual planning for once?"

"Well, I'm not going to carry you bunch home," Priestess says. "Also, drinking is sort of a sin and I kinda don't want you to go to hell? So, how about we plan?"

"Planning it is," says Mercenary. She opens one of the many satchels built into her outfit and pulls out an old map.


It's of incredibly poor quality, and obviously made by an amateur; you'd wager that Mercenary drew it herself. It doesn't show any borders, and it leaves out a fair chunk of Daione, but those aren't major flaws: Daione had always been rather autonomous from the rest of the Kingdom, and only a fool wouldn't know that the Wasaliti river separated Callow and Praes

"We're here," she says, using her finger to make a circle around a city labeled Southpool. "We want to get to Laure, which is here. Now, the question of the evening is: how?"

You shrug. "We can just buy a ride there, right?"

"We can," nods Mercenary. "We could buy our way onto a merchant ship and go straight through-" she traces a straight line from Southpool to Laure through the water, "or pay a wagon to bring us there, which wouldn't be as fast-" she traces the alternate route, which would necessitate dodging all around the edge of the lake sticking out in between both cities, adding days of travel to the journey, "but would make it easier to sneak in, seeing as we won't arrive right into the docks full of skeleton guards."

You nod, seeing her logic. "The Baron isn't the kind of man to leave the city's entryways unchecked. Any ships or caravans coming into the city will surely be inspected."

"And we can't exactly bribe a sack of bones," Mercenary adds, ignoring Priestess' scandalized look.

"Does it matter?" Sorceress rolls her eyes. "I mean, we've got the four of us-" She makes a wild gesture around the table, trying to motion to all four of you at once, "and he's got, well, a few sacks of bones," she sends you an amused glance as she lets her hands drop limp on the table.

A cruel smile finds its way onto Mercenary's face. "Oh right, he's just got some skeletons. You know who else just has skeletons? The Dead fucking King."

Sorceress snorts. "Yeah, but this guy isn't the Dead King. He's some random Villain, not the Hidden Horror."

"And we're not exactly the Sword of Stars or the Carrier of the Skies, now are we?" Mercenary retorts. "In order," she starts ticking off her fingers, "we're an exiled princeling, an old lady with some tricks up her sleeves, a cinnamon roll masquerading as a priestess, and an apprentice mage whose teacher's been dead for years."

Sorceress leans over the table to snarl into Mercenary's unimpressed face. "So what? This apprentice mage could blow this whole fucking place to smithereens without breaking a sweat. And you bet Priestess could save everyone just as easily. Hell, Alex here can probably convince all these suckers to die for the cause with a few words and some grand gestures."

"No," you say, harsh enough Emily jolts and reflexively leans away from you. "Nobody else is dying for the cause. We solve this, the four of us."

"Right, that's what I'm saying," Sorceress nods, "We're not fucking small time. We got this."

Priestess, poor little thing, switches her gaze between the three of you, as if waiting for someone to explode.

Mercenary sighs, and you all silently agree to leave it be. "We need to be careful, and to take the Baron seriously," Mercenary says. She nods her head in your direction.

You nod right back. "The Baron is dangerous. He's smart, he's ruthless, and he's got enough undead minions to fill the entire palace."

Sorceress rolls her eyes. "Alright, fine. Let's pretend this guy isn't some chump who happened to win the Hellgods' favour. We're back at the original question: how will we get in?"

Mercenary points a black-gloved finger at the map. "Like I said, we can take a ship, hire a carriage, or walk. Ship's the fastest way there, but there's a damn good chance we get caught. That won't make a difference if we plan on going in loud, but it will probably fuck up our chances of getting in unnoticed. If we take the carriage, it's less likely we'll be caught, but it won't be as fast. We'll still have to get into the city, though. Finally, we can walk there. That will take quite a while, but there's almost no way we'll be noticed."

She looks away from the map, turning towards the rest of you. "What we do inside the city will be decided by how we get in. Now, I've got my own idea, but I want to hear all of yours."

"Umm-" Priestess raises her hand. "Shouldn't we walk? Getting caught will be bad, after all, so not getting caught is good?"

"Sure, it is," says Sorceress, "but the Baron is still consolidating power and turtling up. We need to attack fast, before Laure becomes impenetrable."

Mercenary nods her head. "First rule of Name fights, never give a mage time to cast. Right now, I'd bet he's preparing traps and rituals; the sooner we get there, the easier it will be."

Sorceress nods. "Yes, and that's why we should take a ship: we go in loud, fight our way through the city, and kill the Baron before he has time to set up any Godsforsaken rituals."

Mercenary shakes her head. "I agree with you about the necessity of fast travel, but not that we should go in loud. If we hitch a ride, we can probably sneak our way in, or disguise ourselves."

"No, no, guys," Priestess stands up, placing her hands on the map and turning her big blue eyes at each of you in turn. "We have to be careful. The Baron... no, he can't know. We can't go in loud, like Sorceress says, and there's a fair chance we'll get caught if we go with Mercenary's plan. We need to get there on foot, so we don't get caught, and then sneak our way inside the city."

Sorceress speaks up, most likely with a rebuttal, but you aren't paying attention anymore. Of the three plans presented, you see the merits in all of them: Sorceress's plan will alert the Baron as soon as you're in Laure, but it would also allow for a decapitating blow before he has time to prepare. Priestess's plan, while it would give the Baron more time to prepare, sounds like it would be the least risky on the way in, though you aren't sure how much of that will be offset by said extra preparations. Finally, Mercenary's plan is a decent compromise, though not without flaw; you may get there fast enough to take the Baron by surprise, and you may make it through the walls undetected.

It's a judgment call, then. Something to be decided by a leader.

And, well, isn't that your Role?

You are Callow's Shining Prince, and you have a quest; to get yourself, the Seasoned Mercenary, the Prodigal Sorceress, and the Furtive Priestess into the capital city of Laure, so you can kill the Baron of Bones and take your rightful place on the throne.

What will you do?

[] Sorceress' plan; hop on a merchant ship and enter the city with the force of the Heavens.

[] Mercenary's plan; hitch a ride on a carriage or caravan and make your way to the city.

[] Priestess' plan; walk to Laure, and try to sneak your way inside.

Welcome, everyone, to Throne Quest, or It's Not Usurping If You Usurp A Usurper. It is, as you can see, set in the world of Calernia. Hundreds of years before Catherine or Amadeus or Akua were born, our band of heroes are faced with a daunting task; to take back the throne from the Baron of Bones, a Villain as evil as he is Evil. Now your group, who are more good than Good, must restore Callow to its rightful ruler. That ruler happens to be you, Alexander Fairfax, the Shining Prince.

First off, some clarifications:

1. Heroes you may be, you are not slaves to Above.

Great power comes at a great price, but the opposite is just as true. You may hold many of Above's ideals, but you are no more a slave than Thief, the Hedge Wizard, or the Champion. No choir speaks to you, and no Gods control you.

2. This won't be as dark as A Practical Guide To Evil.

As many of you know, the Guide can get rather… well, dark. But fear not! PMMM fanboy I may be, I am no Urobutcher. In terms of tone, this is gonna be closer to more generic fantasy, maybe even like the Heroic Interludes in book 3. People can be saved, your efforts won't be in vain, etc. Also, the grey-on-grey morality won't be as present; there's no Practical Evil here, and our heroes are not William, GP, or SoS.

3. There will be no dice.

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of dice in quests. Especially in a narrative-heavy world like APGTE, they just feel out of place. Plus, they can do awful things to a writer's plans (see Homura finding O&K in PMAS) and even make things unrealistic (see Kyoko failing every single roll in SQ). So yeah, no dice.

Edit: I cannot fucking believe I forgot, endless thanks to the amazing @Onmur for beta-reading this. Words cannot describe how helpful he is.

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